Fragile Bonds
by Cookiecat
Summary: A matter of trust. That's all it was, plain and simple. The only problem was that Genesis never trusted anyone. Maybe not even the one person he had fallen in love with...
1. Preface

**~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~**

_**"**__**You hold the answers deep within your own mind.  
Consciously, you've forgotten it.  
That's the way the human mind works.  
Whenever something is too unpleasant, too shameful for us  
to entertain, we reject it.  
We erase it from our memories.  
But the imprint is always there. Nothing is ever really forgotten."**_

(quoted from "Understanding" by Evanescence)

**~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~**

* * *

**Preface**

Don't worry; I'll try to keep it short :)

A lot of things about my pairing and characterization have already been written in the preface/intro to some of my other stories. And if you are interested in discussing any theories in the background or if you want to know exactly why I chose to write certain things the way I did, please contact me and I'm happy to talk to you any time…

_The idea_

Finally, here it is, the long awaited and often demanded 'somehow sequel' to "Ties of Fate". You don't necessarily need to know this story (all important facts/events are briefly mentioned in the upcoming chapters, too), it might make things easier to understand, though.

However, at the end of "Ties of Fate", Angeal and Genesis finally decided – after a lot of ups and downs - to try and take their relationship beyond friendship level.

For me, that was also point where the things got interesting, and more questions came up: Have they finally made it? Will things work out between them? And how do you combine a love relationship with everyday live at the Shinra Company?

I wanted to explore all those questions, and somewhere in the back of my mind, there had been another plot-line-idea for quite some time… I always argued that I see Genesis as a person with two sides. At the beginning of 'Crisis Core', he already turned over to what you might call his 'dark side', yet there are a few 'between-the-line' hints that he hasn't always been that way. So what made him change?

As I have always loved the subtle psychological mechanisms that shape and influence the human mind, the themes of traumas, memories and their 'consequences' was definitely something that got me started. I guess the possibility to get more into those characters played a certain, undeniable role, too; as did the demands of some of my dear readers.

_The story_

What else can I say about this upcoming multi-chapter? Well, it combines a lot of facets and aspects: It has a certain red thread running through it, but also quite a few sidelines. It is about everyday life just as much as it is about the extraordinary; it shows the destructiveness of negative emotions and memories as well as the healing influence of positive experiences. As funny as it might be at certain points, this is not an entirely happy story; and as tragic and depressing as it gets, it's not a completely sad or dark one. If you call it an emotional rollercoaster ride at times, I reached my purpose.

A final note about the relationship between my writing and the original game(s): Sad but true, I never played any FF game; so my writing is based on cut scenes, scripts, internet pages and discussions with other people/writers. Nevertheless, I guess might have made some 'mistakes' once in a while; and some of those mistakes where also made on purpose (timeline, age of certain characters, uniform colours, to name just a few). This has nothing to do with me wanting to 'correct' or 'criticize' the original (I would never dare to do that). Please bear with those little hints of artistic freedom. In addition, I 'novel-ized' a lot of things (as the way they are featured in the game is sometimes not suitable for story telling), and occasionally made up my own theories (especially concerning Mako, Materia and other aspects of FF VII science). Last but not least, the story contains lots of elements, events and minor characters that where taken straight from my own imagination.

_(__The title)_

Just in case anybody is interested… I usually struggle a lot with titles (just as much as I do with names), because even though it's just a minor detail, it's something so crucial… With this story, it was extremely difficult. I had virtually no idea, and still discarded several options.

I'm not really satisfied with the current title, but I had to settle for something eventually in order to start publishing

As simple as it sounds, it's a combination of three things: First, an allusion to "Ties of Fate", the previous story; second, a hint to an inspirational 'background song' that somehow stayed with me through most of the story without being an exact match, as most of my other 'soundtrack songs' are, namely "Fragile" by Delta Goodrem; and third, just like in "Ties of Fate", it refers to a certain line within the story (I'll point it out once we get there).

_The usual ;)_

Now it's time for the usual list:

**Setting:** A few weeks past the main events of "Ties of Fate", which also means some years prior to 'Crisis Core', making the protagonists about 18 to 19 years old (for the purpose of illustration: roughly Zack's age during the main events of 'Crisis Core').

* * *

**Dedication:**_ First and foremost, this is d__edicated to the fragile bonds in our lives; especially those formed by love, trust and friendship._

In addition, it is true for every single piece of my writing that without the constant support, advice and encouragement of certain people, not a single word would have been written in the first place. There are many names I could enumerate here…

Still, I would like to thank especially three extra special, awesome friends for countless supportive emails, interesting discussions, tons of inspiration and virtually endless patience.

_**This is to the lovely people behind the pennames:**_

**S****phinxofthenile**

**Amarissia**

**Silverwingeddragon**

_**It's an honour and a blessing to know you! Thank you for just being there and just being you!**_

_**

* * *

**_

**Disclaimer:**(just wondering… is anybody still reading this?)

Anyway, characters and background are not mine, they belong to Square Enix; I just took the liberty to play around with them. My writing is purely fan-made; I get no material profit out of it whatsoever (sad but true).

Or to put it in the well-known shape: They own the neighbourhood; I'm just playing in the backyard.

No copyright infringement intended; all rights for quoted song parts and lyrics are with their rightful owners.

* * *

**Warning:** I don't think I still have to point out that I'm writing about a male/male pairing here, and if you are offended by that, you better stop reading right now… Most of this story could also be rated T, but occasional bits might have to be rated higher for 'possibly disturbing content', i.e. pretty dark thoughts and implications (including themes like death, suicide and child abuse). There could also be sexual content as the story continues, most likely of the 'not too explicit' kind; but I want to be on the safe side and to keep my options open (*grin*). Don't worry, I will especially mark those really, really bad chapters (of either content).

**More little rants, occasional dedications ****and – in case of necessity – additional warnings can be found at the beginning of each chapter. For the moment, I'm done :)**


	2. Intro I

**A/N:** This is going to be my longest multi-chapter by far, one of several reasons why I'm having two Intros this time.

If you have read any of my writing before, you know about the habit to 'tie' my stories to the original game events at some point. This is basically what the short bit here is all about. And given the fact that the past will play an important role throughout the upcoming chapters, the future deserved at least a brief mentioning, although it's quite a bleak one…

So caution, slightly depressing lines ahead.

(Lyric quote: "What if" by Kate Winslet)

* * *

**Intro I**

**The Future: **_**Hindsight?**_

**~oOo~**

_**What if I had never let you go?  
Would you be the man I used to know?  
What if I had never walked away?  
'Cause I still love you more than I can say…  
If I'd stayed,  
If you'd tried,  
If we could only turn back time…**_

**~oOo~**

_There are times in life, when you just unexpectedly fall for someone. It's not what you intended, it just happens… at first, you might be confused, frightened, or even angry; but then, suddenly, you don't want that feeling to stop ever again... This is exactly what happened to me, at the most unexpected time, with the most unexpected person._

_Genesis and I, we used to be so close, long before he started to dress in red leather, adopted the nerve breaking habit of quoting "Loveless" all the time and became so torn by his pride. We used to be close, although that word is already an understatement. We used to be one. Our hearts were beating in different, yet perfectly harmonic rhythms. He was my best friend, my soul mate and the love of my life. _

_I always considered Genesis to be a strong person, which he usually denied, claiming__ that I was the only reason for his strength. If it was true indeed and he depended on me in order to be strong, then in return, I depended on him to feel alive. He always carried a kind of inner fire that never ceased to mesmerize me, for it was something I seemed to lack most of the time. Our closeness always came at a price, but usually, we were both more than willing to pay it. Looking back now, I wonder where we went wrong. After all those problems we solved in the beginning, was our love not strong enough in the end?_

**~oOo~**

…_**But I guess we'll never know.**_


	3. Intro II

**A/N:** This part was published as a preview under the title "Memories" before. It is virtually unchanged (except some minor corrections).

Basically, these are some memory episodes that will play a certain role in the upcoming story. As it is not explicitly stated who the narrator of each episode is (although it could be concluded from the situation/the use of names at some point), I just wanted to mention that it starts with Angeal (alphabetical order, so to say…;) and changes back and forth – meaning part 1, 3 and 5 belong to Angeal; 2, 4 and 6 to Genesis. (The last two shorter bits are more mixed, though.)

Before I forget – no lyric quote this time (incredible, isn't it?), but episode 4 was heavily and obviously inspired by an all-time favourite of mine: Nickelback's "Savin' Me".

* * *

**Intro I****I**

**The Past: **_**Remember?**_

**~oOo~**_**  
**_

_**Memories… **_

_**What exactly are memories? **_

_**And what is it they do to us? **_

_**Is it a blessing or a curse to have them? **_

_**For me, sharing memories was just one of the games we played… **_

_**Until I learned that it was so much more.**_

**~oOo~**

**

* * *

**

**1**

I can't really recall every tough situation we went through together over the years. If you want to nail me down on a number, I might remember about eight or ten special incidents, and of course not in detail, as you can. Maybe that photographic memory for situations and events came as part of the artistic talent you were blessed with. Although sometimes, I guess, being able to remember in great detail is a curse rather than a blessing.

For some reason, however, I recently had to think of that day when we were nothing but rookies in the Shinra infantry; the fateful day when I learned that I could trust you with my life if necessary. It's not like I hadn't known that before, but I just never imagined how far you were prepared to go.

As far as I remember, it was one of our first days in the field, when suddenly your rifle blocked. I guess that you were cursing inwardly, but you knew the drill. An infantryman in the first line has a 30 second survival average when his rifle is malfunctioning. We were not in the first line that day, but still you went down on your knees and started with the manipulations, as we had learned it and trained it countless times before.

Meanwhile, I was a few steps ahead, looking back at you, aware of the fact that you hated this weapon with all your soul. Just like me, you were already quite a skilled sword fighter, but an infantry man's primary weapon is the rifle, so we were both stuck with that.

Right in the next moment, we got the order to move; an attack of the troops ahead, I suppose. I only knew that I could not leave you behind. So I hurried over to try and help.

I clearly remember telling you to hand me your rifle, which you finally did, hesitatingly, and I handed you my own in return.

Of course we had been told countless times to watch out for snipers, but they normally target officers only, if they even bother to target the Infantry at all. As far as out enemy was concerned, there were far more dangerous units within the Shinra Army.

Just when I managed to find the reason for the blocking and was about to fix it, you basically ran into me and shoved me to the ground.

Totally confused, I called out: "Gen, have you lost it completely? What's the matter with you?"

No answer.

When I got up and turned around, you were on your knees, the hand pressed to your shoulder, with an expression of surprise and pain on your face. Blood was seeping through your fingers. That's what finally made me understand.

I remember both of us making our way back to the base camp. Halfway there, I was really worried about you. You were falling behind more and more, and the bandage I had wrapped around your shoulder was completely soaked, causing a steady trail of blood drops along our way.

Anxiously, I asked if I should carry you. As I said, I don't recall a lot, but I will never forget the surprised and annoyed expression on your face when you told me: "For the love of the Goddess, Angeal, I have a shot through the shoulder, not a broken leg. I'm able to walk, and as long as can, I will. Everything's fine, thank you."

Even years later, you just never accepted when I tried to thank you. You saved my life, yet you never saw that as anything brave or heroic. For you, it was just normal, and you somehow expected me to take that for granted.

However, there was something else that day made me understand. For some reason, you despised showing any signs of weakness. Life had taught you to appear strong on the outside, no matter if you were breaking on the inside. I thought I knew that. What I couldn't grasp yet was how hard you were trying to keep that facade, even with me… But I was about to learn, and about to get a glimpse behind it.

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

**2**

Undoubtedly, a lot of strange things happened on the day I had that accident during the examination for first class. One of the strangest, in my opinion, was that eerie feeling of déjà vu I had while I was unconscious. I remember floating, weightlessly, feeling like drifting under water.

And suddenly, I heard some inner voice telling me: _Not again. Why do you always have to be so weak?_

Where did that voice come from? And all those others I kept hearing?

Wasn't that my mother? "So you are telling me my son has lost his mind?"

"That's not what I said," an unknown male voice answered. "I simply told you your son has a nervous fever. We normally know fever as the body's way to fight an infection, a physical condition, but at the same time, it can occur as a reaction to traumatic experiences. That's not to be taken lightly at all. If the temperature does not drop within the next 24 hours and if he does not regain consciousness soon, there is a high chance that he will not survive it."

"He might die because of something that is purely imaginary?"

"Definitely not the way I would put it, but in a very basic sense, you are right."

Dying. Somehow this thought did not scare me at all; and there was neither pain nor regret on my mind in that moment. Quite the opposite: I never felt so content in my whole life, so prepared to let go and leave everything behind.

But suddenly, there was another voice, calling, pleading, begging me to come back; the voice of a ten year old boy, who happened to be my best friend, my only friend. Your voice.

I could feel tears running down my cheeks. Was I really crying?

"_Please, let me stay. Don't make me come back. I can't. I won't… I have no strength left to fight."_

Did I really say those words? Or were they only on my mind?

There I was, still floating, like swimming under water. I could feel the current drawing me deeper and deeper, into the darkness. Yet I did not mind. All I wanted was to stop holding on, to sink into that comforting black nothingness.

Still, there were you. And somehow I felt that I could not leave you. Not like this…

So there I was, nine years old, faced with the most difficult decision of my life. It would have been so easy just to give in to the dark undertow I was already caught in. But there was your voice again. And suddenly, I changed my mind. Fighting against the current, I struggled towards to surface.

On the other side of that surface would be fear, guilt and worst of all, more pain. I knew that as precisely as I knew my own name. In this very moment, however, I did not care, as long as you would be there, too.

I never did anything so incredibly difficult before. With every inch that brought me closer to consciousness, more pain came back. It made me want to give up so many times, but finally, I succeeded. I broke through the surface.

And when I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw made it all worthwhile: I was looking at you.

That was one of the most intense moments in my life, about eight years ago by now. Strangely enough, it had been completely erased from my memory, until I woke up in the infirmary, after my accident. Right then, I believed for a second that I had never grown up at all. For a unique moment isolated in time, I was nine years again.

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

**3**

There is yet another situation I remembered recently.

It must have been during one of our first weeks in the Shinra Army base camp; I have no idea when exactly. You would know, wouldn't you? Somehow I just don't dare to ask…

However, I recall the fact that you were asleep already, somewhere in the background, while I was sitting at the fire with Greg. You remember Greg, don't you? Of course you do. A designated officer in the Shinra Army, who had lost his only son in the Wutai war about two years ago. For some reason, he had bothered to take us two rookies under his wing.

After watching the flames for some time, I turned my head to look at you, one of my standard occasional glances to check if you were all right. Greg was used to see me like this, and so his only comment was: "Remember my words, son: That friendship you two share is something special. It's like having two bodies, but just one heart; which is a blessing and a curse at the same time."

I nodded, but back then, I did not understand completely.

Meanwhile, Greg continued talking. He was trying to give me some advice, as from that day on, the new recruits, including me and you, would be integrated into the normal army after spending the first weeks isolated and with basic training. That step meant we were now proper members of the Infantry.

Somewhere at the end of his speech, Greg moved closer to me and lowered his voice: "There is one final piece of advice I would like to give you. From now on, you will have to claim your place amongst the other Infantry soldiers. I have told you everything you need to know, but I want to add something concerning your friend", he nodded in your direction. "I know that you are always on guard to keep him out of every possible danger. However, there is something you might not know about. You are surrounded by soldiers here, and as disciplined as they normally are, they can quickly turn from human beings into something else, especially when alcohol is involved. Not all of these men know their limits. I'm not sure if you are aware of it, probably not, but Genesis has a pretty face. Nothing negative, but innocent looks can be dangerous around here. Keep that in mind, will you?"

Looking into his eyes, I understood. Wherever you went during the next weeks, I kept my eyes focused on you. Doing so, I became painfully aware of all those meaningful looks and barely veiled implications that seemed to follow you. Truth be told, that's the case until the present day, and I'm still not used to it.

Greg had been right, I knew that much. What I did not know, however, was that I was trying to prevent a damage that had already been done, long ago.

Back then, I was unable to see that beauty in your face. Delicacy, yes. Innocence, ok. But beauty?

Virtually, I was blind until one certain day, when I had to admit to myself that I had suddenly discovered the truth. I was thunderstruck.

Once again, I could not take my eyes off you, but this time for an entirely different reason. That was the day when I finally realized I was falling in love with you.

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

**4**

Unlike most other people, I can designate the most desperate moment in my entire life with absolute certainty, although I tried my best to forget it, to repress it, to keep it somewhere safely stored away, in order not to revive it again and again. But it was no good. Those pictures came back anyway.

It was our first ever so-called holiday, a few days off duty from the Shinra Infantry. We both had decided to return to Banora, to pay a visit to the people we left behind almost half a year ago. So you went to see you mother, and I went to see my parents.

It started as usual and turned into an argument. I was so used to that by then, used to all those things they would throw at me: that I was ungrateful, a spoiled brat, a terrible child. These words still felt like knives, but not as sharp as they did years ago. I was accustomed to everything they could possible say, or so I thought.

Suddenly, there was a change of topic I had not expected. My father referred to an event that was five years past, an incident I had tried my hardest to forget and succeeded surprisingly well in doing so.

Even today, I still remember every single word he used to point out to me that my parents had not acted like they did to protect me, as I had told myself times and times again.

"All I was protecting was our reputation, the honour of our family's name, after you tainted it. The gods only know what we did to deserve a child like you! Such a disgrace."

I did not entirely understand why these few sentences hurt so much more than I had expected. For the first time in years, I could not hold back my tears in front of my parents.

"And now you start crying again. Is that all you can do? Let me tell you one thing, Genesis: you are pathetic, you are embarrassing! Do you know what would have been best for our family? If you had died from that fever you got back then. But you could not even go through with that properly, could you?"

Those words hit me so terribly hard, and there was nothing I could do. I hurried out of the room, trying to get away from all those reproaches. When I closed the door behind me, I realized that I could escape the eyes of my parents, but I could neither run from their words that kept resounding in my mind, nor from the pictures that started to come up. Those pictures were the worst part of all. They flashed before my eyes, one after the other, without any sense or connection. Were those memories? Were they… mine?

The world around me turned darker, colder; and I started to shiver, not even realizing that I had sunken to the ground. It felt like being caught in impenetrable blackness, just broken by those terrible images, like flashes of lightening, and all those voices in my head that made me feel like I had lost my mind completely. In the end, however, just a single voice remained that kept repeating the same sentences over and over again: _"It's your fault entirely. You are so unworthy. It would be best if you were dead."_

I hardly felt anything, neither the tears running down my face, nor that I was shaking, or that my heart was beating as if it wanted to break free from my chest. The only thought on my mind was: _"I have to end it. Now."_

This time, I could not rely on the dark current to drag me under. I had to do it on my own. My hand moved as if it did not belong to my body at all. Despite the fact that I was still shaking, it closed firmly around the knife I carried with me. When I finally lifted it up and stared at my own reflection in the blade, my hand trembled so bad that I almost dropped the weapon.

"_That's just another thing you can't do properly. You can't even end it like a real man would. Pathetic."_

Somehow I managed to steady my hand and to raise the blade to the level of my throat. A single, swift movement and it would be done. Why was I hesitating? Was I aware of the fact that I had been subconsciously calling your name almost all the time? I'm pretty sure I wasn't, those other voices were far to deafening for me to hear my own.

My mind was as blank as a cleaned slate. I drew a deep breath. And I closed my eyes. The only thing I was aware of was that my hand had stopped to tremble. Finally.

I know without the slightest doubt that in this very moment, I was prepared to die. I would have done it, if it hadn't been for this other hand that suddenly stopped mine.

Confused, I opened my eyes and looked straight into your face. Time seemed like frozen. Only when I heard the sound of metal hitting the ground, I became aware of the fact that I had dropped the knife. And suddenly, I felt so tired. Your gaze was the only thing that held me upright. It was neither reproach nor anger that filled your eyes; it was fear, and a hint of relief that you had managed to be there just in time, as you always did.

Neither of us said a word. It was not necessary. You just wrapped your arms around me and held me tight. All I felt was the frantic beating of your heart, and I'm pretty sure that I started crying again. It did not matter. Nothing mattered.

Later you told me that you had been at your mother's house, when you suddenly got the eerie feeling that something was terribly wrong. The emotion grew stronger by the minute. "It was as if you were desperately calling for me", you said. You were running all the way over to my parents' house, and you didn't even stop to say anything to my father when he opened the door. Instead, you kept searching for me, in constant fear of being too late and totally unable to explain what you felt and why. You just felt it, and that was reason enough for you. Strange, as I was always the one to trust my emotions, and you were the one with the calm, rational mind…

The first words I managed to stutter that day were: "I'm so sorry… but I just… couldn't…"

You just looked at me for a second, before you stroke the strands of hair out of my face and wiped away the last traces of tears from my cheeks.

Finally, you said those words I will never forget as long as I live: "No need to apologize. I just want you to remember one thing, Gennie: You can always die. It's living that takes real courage."

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

**5**

"Do you remember my mom's favourite embarrassing story?"

- "Of course I do. How could I ever forget? I must have heard it over a hundred times by now…"

_I still don't understand why parents have to make a fool of their children every once in a while by telling stories of 'oh so cute' events that happened somewhere back in time, preferably when the little ones were still playing in a sandbox. _

_My own mother, Gillian Hewley, said one of her favourite memories was when I asked her what 'marriage' was supposed to mean. Of course she explained it to me, in easy words a seven-year-old could understand. Once she had finished, I allegedly claimed that if it was like this, I would marry my best friend when I was grown up._

_My mother could hardly hide her amusement, but she still told me that this was not going to work, because "as a boy, you can only marry a girl". I remained unimpressed: "I'm sure Gennie counts as half a girl"._

_Whenever my mother told us that story, she was laughing, and finally we were, too, although you always had to add: "I might have to accept that you had weird ideas back then, but I will never forgive you for calling me a girl."_

"I just recently wondered… Do you believe in premonitions?"

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

**6**

_Strange, how during all the time of our friendship, I usually was the one to ask questions and you were the one to reply. And you always had an answer for everything, except one time… Maybe I should try asking again?_

"Angeal?"

- "Yes, precious?"

"How long exactly is 'forever' supposed to last?"


	4. Perfection?, 1

**A/N:** Finally. I wanted to upload this ages ago… But the first chapter is always such a crucial point. As usual, I'm still not really satisfied (and no, I don't want to know how many mistakes I made. Sometimes I felt like I never wrote in English before…)

Actually, all my writing is never finished, but given up at some point (when I decide to call it quits because things aren't improving anymore…).

Anyway, here it is. It's… fluffy :) (but hey, everybody familiar with the notion of 'newly found love' will understand…)

(Before I forget, the opening quote is taken from a song by Laura Pausini and James Blunt, called "Primavera in Anticipo")

* * *

**The ****Present**

**I. ****Perfection?**

**~oOo~**

**_All my hopes and my fear__s  
In this moment are clear:  
You are the one;  
My moon, my stars, my sun…_**

**~oOo~**

Midgar. The most technologically advanced location ever constructed on the Planet. Nine sectors, two layers, eight Mako reactors, home to the most powerful men in the world. From a distance, the large circular structure, with the Shinra Headquarter as its dominating feature, looked like the techno-version of snail-shell, somehow artistic, almost delicate. From close up, it looked mainly grey, cold and lifeless. No birds, no butterflies, no flowers, not even the tiniest hint of green, apart from the artificial white-green Mako glow that lit the streets at night and still seemed to hover above everything during the day. Multiple steel constructions and tower cranes visible at the horizon suggested that the building process had not finished yet, and the metropolis was still growing. Living here was heaven to some, and hell to most others.

Without any intention to hurry, Angeal Hewley, newly promoted SOLDIER first class and still in the process of getting used to it, closed the office door behind him. _Finally_, he though, followed by an audible sigh, a behaviour he allowed himself only due to the empty hallway and the lack of witnesses.

For half of the morning and two hours of the afternoon, he had been trying to evaluate several written witness reports about a recent incident in sector four; and in exactly 28 minutes, he was supposed to take part in a meeting concerning said incident, though even after sitting over those papers for such a considerable amount of time, he still hadn't got the slightest idea why the executive board was making such a fuss about it.

The afternoon sun was shining through the large hallway windows with an unusual intensity, and his eyes needed a few minutes to adapt to this brightness after being confined to the almost clinical light of those omnipresent neon tubes, which seemed to be essential parts of every standard Shinra office complex. Still, Angeal knew precisely how lucky he was to see the sun at all, as only a minority of Midgar's immense population had that privilege.

A sudden discovery interrupted his thoughts. As deserted as the hallway had appeared on the first glance, Angeal now realized that this impression had been wrong. There was someone else, sitting casually on the window sill of one of those huge hallway windows. Angeal hadn't expected to see this particular person around here, but he still couldn't have thought of a more pleasant surprise.

Although Genesis had to be waiting for him (and knowing that made Angeal's heart beat faster almost immediately), he was not yet aware of the other's presence. His attention was completely focused on the papers he held in his lap, and Angeal could tell he was pondering about something by the way his legs gently dangled back and forth.

Angeal could not help but literally stare at that sight for a while in complete awe. The rays emitted by the intense afternoon sun seemed to play in those silky strands of hair, highlighting certain parts in shades that reminded of an artist's pallet.

_Do you even know how beautiful you look when__ever you are completely lost in your thoughts? Or how much I like to watch you in moments like this, when you don't even notice I'm there? _

Like always in such moments, he felt strangely weak inside, a warm, fuzzy sensation he was not really used to, being a member of a special unit that was the symbol of strength within the Shinra Company. This confusing weakness was created by the knowledge that everything eradiating such an ethereal beauty was not meant to belong to anyone. Who could legitimately claim to posses the array of stars or the display of colours a dawning sun created in the morning sky? Yet… _Do I really dare to think it? Dare to think that he could be mine…?_

It took an almost inhuman strength to break free from this hypnotic fascination, but Angeal finally won that inner battle.

"Hey, beautiful. Have you been waiting for me?" With these words, he casually leaned against the same window sill, resting his arm lightly against Genesis' leg, in a way that made the touch look completely coincidental.

Instantly, Genesis turned his head to look at him. The smile that appeared on his lips just seconds later lit up his face even more than the rays of sun dancing on it, and Angeal was unable to tell which one of both influences created that intense gleaming in his opposite's eyes.

_You are so beautiful when you are smiling. Really smiling, that is, when your face lights up and your eyes have that special sparkle… You should smile like that much more than you do. The only disadvantage is that it is so addictive. Knowing what your real smile looks like, I can't bear to see all those half-smiles, sad smiles and barely-there microscopic smiles that never really reach your eyes… _

"Who else could I be waiting for?" Genesis finally returned with a subtle velvety undertone in his voice that instantly reminded Angeal of a purring cat. "I don't think anyone else here would appreciate my presence half as much as you do."

If they hadn't been standing right in the middle of an office hallway, which was as bad as any other public space within the Shinra Headquarters, Angeal could have thought of quite a few things he would have liked to do in this very moment to show Genesis exactly how much he appreciated his presence. Yet the knowledge that this was neither the right time nor the right place for any of those options made him decide to lean just a little bit closer and to reach out for those papers Genesis was holding, not because he was interested in their content (in fact, he could not have cared less) but because that gave him the chance to touch, almost to hold his beloved's hand for at least a few precious seconds.

"Materia class notes," Genesis broke the silence to explain, "Stevenson wants me to help out in some of his lessons as long as I can't do anything useful."

The last part of that statement sounded clearly frustrated. Genesis still had difficulties to accept the fact that despite his recent promotion, he still hadn't been given the permission to perform full first class duty. After his rather grave accident during one of the practical exams a few weeks ago, he had been told repeatedly to take things slowly and to wait for the full recovery of his strength, an advice he had tried to ignore as far as possible. Basically on the very first day Genesis had been allowed to leave the hospital section, he had thrown himself back into the usual work and training schedule, and only the orders of their superiors, Angeal's worried comments and last but not least the obvious limits of his own body had slowed him down at least a little bit.

"I feel your pain, precious," Angeal reassured him. "But you are doing so well. Don't risk that by pushing yourself too hard, unless you are keen on another hospital holiday."

"I try to keep that in mind, Sir," Genesis answered in a mock-obedience tone. He still playfully dangled his legs, in a way that one of them kept touching Angeal's arm. Impossible to tell if he was doing it on purpose, but there was an actual chance…

"Anyway, how was your day so far?" Angeal asked in a serious effort to get his thoughts back on the right track.

"Ordinary. You don't want to hear all the boring details, do you?"

"If it's about you, there are no boring details." For Angeal, paying such an obvious compliment was a clear sign of affection and commitment, and aware of it, Genesis reacted with a chuckle that sounded both amused and flattered, before he stated: "You have been warned, so don't complain afterwards. Well, I got up, I went to Advanced Materia Class – at least that's something they allow me to do - and…"

"You skipped breakfast again?" Angeal couldn't help but to interrupted with a slight frown.

"Yes, mom, I skipped breakfast. I wasn't hungry, and I was running late anyway," Genesis returned, and added in a mischievous tone: "Which was your fault, by the way. You shouldn't have made me stay that long last night."

Well, this statement surely sounded more meaningful than it was… True, Genesis had been at Angeal's room for half of the night, but they had not actually done anything… indecent. _Not even close to that_, Angeal thought. _Too bad actually…_

Meanwhile, Genesis continued his list of activities: "After that, Stevenson ordered me to his office to inform me about these here", he pointed at the papers Angeal was still holding, "before I had to listen to him ranting about the science department and their many deficiencies – and that's a polite way of putting it – for almost an hour. After lunch break, I joined this training you missed because of your office duty… total waste of time and utterly boring, 'cause I'm still not allowed to participate properly."

"That's all?"

"Pretty much. Oh, Marlowe told me after said training that in his very personal opinion, whoever signed my promotion to first class must have been either a raging lunatic or a complete idiot. And Harvey called me a nuisance, plus something else I didn't quite get."

The usual quarrels. Although they were part of every employee's life, especially at the Shinra Company, difficulties like that were virtually unknown to Angeal. Thanks to his calm and agreeable personality, he got along well with almost everybody, and if he wasn't liked, he was at least respected. Ever since their childhood, it had always been Genesis who had to struggle more for acceptance. Due to his rather unique and sometimes unpredictable behaviour, the number of people actually trying to keep up some sort of positive contact was quite limited, a fact that Genesis did not seem to mind. 'I'm not here to win a popularity award,' he used to say, but Angeal suspected that somewhere deep down, his friend was bothered more than he chose to admit.

Marlowe, one of the senior instructors, had the bad habit to pick on Genesis on a regular basis and insisted ever since third class that 'certain people' (underlined by a meaningful glance, of course) should not have been allowed to join the SOLDIER unit in the first place, which had made Genesis even more eager to prove him wrong. Quarrels like this between superiors and subordinates were a daily occurrence, and the usually harsh tone just came as part of army life.

SOLDIER first class Phil Harvey was an entirely different chapter. He and Genesis had also decided from day one that they fiercely hated each other, but while Marlowe at least tried to keep his critique on an appropriate level, Harvey was just plain rude, constantly. Unfortunately, he also knew quite well which buttons to push in order to make Genesis go completely berserk. So far, Angeal had always tried to anticipate the worst whenever possible, but sometimes he wasn't sure how much longer he could prevent a serious clash. Strangely enough, on this very day Genesis seemed to be in a rather balanced mood that not even his favourite enemy had been able to disrupt.

"Sounds like a normal day to me."

"Perfectly normal," Genesis confirmed. Though right in the next moment, he seemed to remember something, and his smile showed a painful edge for a few seconds. It was only a hint, something everybody else would have missed, but Angeal knew his best friend just too well.

"So what else is on your schedule for today?" he inquired, careful to make it sound like small talk, not like an investigation.

"Well…" Genesis looked down to the ground for a moment, then up again. "You know, I have this appointment…"

Angeal silently scolded himself. Of course, how could he have forgotten? One of those medical check-ups Genesis had basically been sentenced to, another result of the infamous accident. Being so aware of his childhood friend's dislikes and preferences, Angeal was in on the fact that Genesis loathed anything having to do with people in white coats and clinical surroundings, but was this reason enough for that hint of uneasiness, almost a first onset of panic?

"When exactly is that appointment?" Angeal asked, still in a rather casual tone. Genesis always reacted quite hurt to any allusions on weaknesses or fears, so that was something Angeal usually tried to avoid.

"Sixteen hundred fifteen," Genesis replied, using the military time specification. "Which is quite soon. I better get going."

Concealing his darkened mood by playful behaviour, he jumped off the window sill with a light, effortless movement. Although Angeal was used to the way his friend moved, and frequently stated that Genesis belonged to that rare breed of people still looking graceful when they tripped over their own feet, he could not help but being mesmerized once again. Another inner battle was necessary to break that spell.

Even though he had noticed the suddenly hardened expression on his friend's face, Angeal decided not to broach the issue any further, but to try and be supportive nonetheless. "If you want, I can walk you over to the science department. I have just enough time until that meeting I'm supposed to attend."

His pride was definitely the last thing Genesis would ever give up on. So betraying the glimmer of hope in his eyes, he returned in a rather brisk tone: "Thanks, but I don't need a babysitter."

"My offer only included escorting, not babysitting. And besides, it's not as generous as you might think. I'm being completely selfish."

A spark of interest returned into Genesis' gaze. "Why that?"

"Because if I stay, there is an actual chance that one of our superiors will come up with some important task, which I won't finish in that short amount of time anyway. So I just happen to be in bad need for an excuse to get away from here for a few minutes."

Satisfied that the situation now looked as if he was doing Angeal a favour and not vice versa, Genesis finally agreed and they made there way over to another wing of the huge building, the infamous Shinra Science Department.

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

"Level 52," Genesis briefly announced after they had entered the elevator.

Angeal hardly suppressed a frown. Anything above level 30 meant not medical, but 'ordinary' science, a rather uncomfortable thought. Leaning to the cold metal surface of the elevator cabin's back panel, he said: "You know, that meeting is in fact just another pointless discussion of the recent incident in sector four. As I wasn't even there when things happened, I guess they can do without me…" he did not continue, knowing that Genesis could tell what he wanted to imply.

To his surprise, Genesis reacted less fiercely than before. He moved over to Angeal's side, leaning likewise to the back wall, and eyes fixed on the display over the door that had just started to count the floors, he said in a low voice: "Thanks; but no, thanks. I can handle that on my own."

While Genesis still spoke those words, Angeal felt an almost inconsiderable movement against his back, and virtually in the same second, his hand reached there to entwine with the other, smaller one.

Like every other elevator in an official Shinra building, this one was issued with a camera, located right above the door, next to the level display. Recently, they had found out that the only not-too-obvious way to hold hands in an elevator was to do so behind their backs, making it look as if they were just leaning to the wall. It was not like someone was watching all of that footage from the elevators constantly, but working for Shinra, you learned pretty fast that you just never knew anything for sure…

Angeal gently ran his thumb over the slender fingers that held on to his hand. Another one of these rare little moments, so pure and intense it almost hurt.

Accompanied by a merciless low 'pling' sound, the doors slit open, and with a sigh that was more sensible than audible, Genesis let go of Angeal's hand and walked ahead. After a few steps he turned around and waited for his friend to catch up.

"Well, would you say I look… acceptable?" Genesis asked out of the blue, suddenly appearing nervous again.

The situation somehow reminded Angeal of their promotion to first class, the day they had first been allowed to switch their dark blue second class uniforms for the first class black.

Just like now, Genesis had looked a bit pale and nervous, something Angeal had not necessarily wanted to tell him, not any more than he did now. So in order to avoid the truth without being dishonest, he simply focussed on a different aspect: "I still think blue suited you better than black. Nicer match to your eyes, that's why."

Genesis gave him a grateful smile. "Well, I'm off then…" he announced, followed by an almost shy: "See you later?"

"You bet," Angeal returned as firmly as he could, resisting the urge to reach out and pull the other closer for a final embrace. A ridiculous urge, given the fact that they would see each other again in two hours, tops. "I'll come and pick you up right after that meeting. I'm not on duty tonight, just stuck with paperwork."

"Same for me, as usual," Genesis returned. "Don't bother coming over, I have no idea how long this is going to take. As soon as I'm done, I'll come and find you." His eyes suddenly seemed to eradiate an almost incredible warmth. "See you," he whispered before he turned to leave, but not without resting his hand on Angeal's arm for a second, a touch so lightly that it was almost imperceptible, if it hadn't been for the sensation of heat it created.

Angeal watched Genesis walk over to one of those doors, and waited until he had disappeared behind it, before turning back to the elevator. A famous person, some kind of artist, if Angeal remembered correctly, had once said: _Don't be afraid of perfection. You can never reach it._ True, doubtlessly, though sometimes, even an ordinary day seemed to contain moments that came eerily close to that ideal.


	5. Perfection?, 2

**A/N: **The second chapter. It's one of those chapters that contain almost boringly much information (I hope not too boringly much), but are still necessary to drop certain hints to my dear readers (to you, that is). So a lot of those details here will be necessary at some point in the future, not (only) the obvious ones, though…

Last but not least:

This chapter is dedicated to a very special person, honorary plot-bunny-hunter and steady source of inspiration; the one and only _**Silver Winged Dragon**_.

Why this chapter? Because it revolves around the very subject that started our first conversation, the issue that sparked our friendship: medical knowledge (my lack of it, to be precise). Even though I have quite a lot of passive experience, a medical advisor always comes in handy… Thanks for being mine, sweetheart, and thanks for being such a great friend! (*hugs*)

* * *

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

As soon as he had stepped through the door, Genesis focussed on putting on an expression of indifference and relative coolness. It was only a matter of seconds, like pushing some sort of mental switch; and although that process took a lot of concentration and energy to maintain, he succeeded quite well. So neither the middle aged woman who asked him for his ID card nor the man in a white lab coat meeting him just minutes later would have realized any sign of nervousness.

Still, Genesis felt extremely anxious when he followed the man in white through the hallways and into a smaller room. During his last visit to the medical department, one of the doctors there had confronted him with the news that the scientists involved in his 'case' insisted on a 'minor Mako-update-treatment', something Genesis had found quite strange and somehow upsetting, especially since his immediate questions in this regard had not been answered satisfyingly.

That was at the same time one of several reasons why he hadn't mentioned the true purpose of this appointment to Angeal. Although Genesis felt quite bad already for keeping that information from the only person he trusted with virtually everything else, he just did not want the other to get worried. Not again. Angeal had been through enough trouble recently, ever since that stupid accident, to be precise, and Genesis still felt guilty for causing him so many sleepless nights.

In addition, he had not wanted to talk about any details in order not to remind himself, because he knew that this kind of treatment was usually done by injections, a thought he had tried to exclude from his mind as long as possible. Hating anything having to do with medical treatment or clinical surroundings with a fierceness of heart since his childhood, injections were yet another level, as evidently as the difference between hate or dislike and sheer panic. For as long as he could remember, he had been genuinely frightened by the thought of needles alone, something he had kept well hidden over the years and never admitted openly to anyone, except Angeal of course. Being friends for such a long time, there were hardly any secrets the two of them hadn't shared. And during the last weeks, they had started to share even more. Genesis sighed silently, recalling the situation just minutes ago. At least this was something to hold on to.

Trying to keep his thoughts on the right track, he lay down as told, removed his right sleeve and fought the feeling of nausea that instantly started down in his stomach. Contrary to him, the scientist seemed to be the personification of calmness and routine. With only a few fast movements, underlining the fact that he was not doing this for the first time, he fastened the two leather straps to keep his patient's arm in place. Noticing Genesis slightly disapproving look, he added: "Don't worry; this is not a measure of restraint. It's for safety reasons only."

With a polite smile, and the queasy feeling that this was the verbal equivalent to singing in a dark cellar in order to keep upcoming panic at bay, Genesis returned: "Is that necessary if I promise not to beat you up for hitting me with a needle?"

"I'm talking about your safety, not mine," the man in white returned in a standard no-nonsense tone that made him sound years older than he actually was. "The injection has to be done intravenously and rather slowly, over approximately 30 minutes. One involuntary movement or something like that, and you might hurt yourself."

After a few minutes of silence, he bothered to explain: "And in case you wonder why we are not doing this via infusion, but actually 'by hand': it is a lot more complicated than it seems, the whole process has to be adapted to the individual person and of course to be monitored constantly."

Following these words, he placed a tourniquet around his patient's arm, "Not really necessary, as your veins are rather well visible, but I'll stick to the standard procedure", before he reached for the needle. Trying to conceal the panic that the sight of those objects always caused, Genesis turned his head away immediately. Although he felt that his behaviour might be evaluated as somehow impolite, it was still better than risking an anxiety fit or actually passing out.

Strangely enough, this squeamishness only seemed to concern syringes and related instruments; it was not about the sight of blood that often followed, not at all. For a SOLDIER, this would have been ridiculous, if not impossible anyway. Genesis had proven on enough missions that he actually had very little problems with blood, less than most others, even if that blood was his own. After all, that was a sight he had been used to ever since his childhood. _And not only due to skinned knees and paper cuts_, a voice inside his head reminded him, before he managed to turn that thought down.

"I'll now have to puncture that vein in order to aspirate some blood, to verify thus that the needle is where it should be. This might hurt a little," the scientist announced.

_Don't tell me anything about pain_, another thought surfaced involuntarily. _I guess I have been through enough varieties of that theme before…_

As time passed, Genesis felt increasingly tired. He tried to concentrate on a small crack running through the otherwise immaculate white ceiling, but that small task turned out to be extremely difficult, as it at took an enormous effort to keep his eyes open at all. The only thing that kept him from actually dozing off was that annoying, painful burning sensation that started in his right arm and slowly extended from there, and the fact that the still present scientist had continued with some sort of lecture. Although he insisted that the dose was actually quite low and contained only certain components of Mako, wherefore an unfavourable reaction was highly unlikely, he stressed that it was his duty to point out certain facts out anyway.

Had Genesis been in any fitter state, he would have shown that he was able to enumerate all these points perfectly well, too, as he knew them all by hard now. To keep his mind focussed on something, he mentally joined in unison:

_Within the next 12 hours, refrain from the following activities: handling of materia, __straining physical work including running and lifting of any weights, operating any complicated programs or devices… Try to avoid any kind of excitement, whenever possible. _

_Pay attention to possible side effects and adverse reactions, which include apathy, fever, headaches, nausea, dizziness, fainting, hallucinations, temporal hypersensitivity or complete loss of perception, sweating, vomiting, muscle cramps, cardiac arrhythmia and severe bleeding. If any of those indications does not wear off or becomes threatening, you are obliged to contact the science department immediately…_

Genesis closed his eyes for a moment. The reason why he knew all of those symptoms so well was not only because he had heard this enumeration at least a dozen times, but also because he had suffered from every single one of those conditions before, more or less severely. As a newly promoted cadet of the SOLDIER unit, his spells of morning sickness alone would have put any pregnant woman to shame – this was also the kind of comment he used to get whenever someone noticed, which just confirmed his determination to hide even the tiniest signs of feeling unwell as long as anyhow possible; a behaviour that still formed a core part of his character, although it had turned out to be a huge mistake back then…

Strange, how closing one's eyes seemed to highlight things you wouldn't really notice otherwise: The complete silence of the room after the scientist had left. The fact that Genesis' head felt like stuffed with cotton wool and all his thoughts seemed slowed down as if they had to fight their way through dense fog, which made it difficult to turn down those unwanted memories and thoughts that came up occasionally. And last but not least this still annoying, burning pain that had more or less spread over his entire body by now.

Genesis could basically feel that light green poison running through his veins, always light green, no matter how watered down it was, and poison anyway, for Mako was – in general - lethal for any living being. Only after years of endless experimenting and improving, the Shinra scientists had found a way to allow certain cells of the human body to fuse with Mako particles, instead of being destroyed by them. The results were astonishing, but at a high price.

Once again, that was a detail Genesis only knew too well. For some reason that had been entirely unknown to the scientists, his immune system had tried to eliminate those cells in his body that had bounded with Mako particles after the initial treatment. One of the medics in charge had explained it as a mixture of a severe allergic reaction and the very same process that happens in the body of a person suffering from leukaemia. As a result, not only Genesis' future within the SOLDIER unit, but virtually his life had been on the line, until all of a sudden, basically in the last second, his body had decided to tolerate those alien elements. Still, it was a cease fire that could be broken at any time, a fragile balance easily disturbed. His whole system had developed a zero-tolerance-policy towards any changes of the Mako level, the slightest up and down here meant havoc. During the last years, Genesis had tried to come to terms with it, although it had been a difficult task at times. And somehow he still had the eerie premonition that his recent accident hadn't really made things easier.

Today, however, everything was going rather smooth. No even the tiniest sign of an adverse reaction so far, only a slight feeling of disorientation which might as well stem from his general nervousness. Trying to shift his focus back to the outside world, Genesis realized that he was unable to tell how much time had passed already. The rules of procedure claimed that he had to spend at least 45 minutes still lying down and at least 20 minutes sitting up without any signs of side effects, before they were allowed to let him go. Basically, all he could do was to wait, alone, in a room that was still completely silent. The only existing sound, something he felt more than he actually heard, was the rush of blood in his veins and the beating of his own heart, constant, hypnotic.

He did not know when exactly he drifted into that sleep-like state, or how long it lasted. Suddenly, however, he was wide awake and his heart was racing in panic. The most confusing fact was that he had absolutely no idea why. His mind kept trying to track down the last thoughts or pictures that had gone through it, but to no avail. It was like waking up from a terrible nightmare, without being able to recall any of it.

While he was still struggling to calm down, he heard the sound of the door in the background. From the corner of his eye, he registered another person in a white coat. Although he was unable to make out any details, he immediately knew that is was not the same scientist as before. The man stepped up next to him, and reached for his wrist with an experienced gesture. "Goddess almighty, that's a pretty fast pulse rate for someone who was not supposed to move during the last hour. Are you feeling unwell, Lieutenant?"

Genesis immediately recognized the voice, but his mind needed a few minutes to process the results. Turning his head to get a better look at the white-dressed man, he voiced his surprise: "Dr. Marco? I did not expect to see you in the science department."

The addressed, whose title stood in obvious contradiction to his rather young age and his casual appearance that reminded more of a medical student than of the graduated and experienced physician he was, returned a polite smile and briefly noted something on his clipboard. Genesis had gotten to know him as the doctor in charge right after his accident, and frequently seen him during the last weeks.

"Still not answering any personal questions, I see. Looks like your condition can't be that bad. For your information I'd like to add that you are still my patient, even if science thinks they have to take over from here on, as according to them, it is not a problem of health anymore, but of capability.

Both departments are entwined anyway, and last but not least, this is where my career started. I'm first and foremost a physician, but also a scientist. Family heirloom, I guess. My father was one of the leading investigators in the development of the initial Mako treatment procedure. Two out of my three brothers are scientists, too, one also a physician, the other currently a laboratory assistant, and the only one to break ranks is with the Turks. But I don't want to bore you with my family history…" He removed the bandage to briefly inspected the entry wound of the needle, and then reached for Genesis' other wrist to take his pulse once more. "Improving, but not yet what I want it to be. While we are waiting, why don't you tell me something for a change? How are you feeling recently?"

"Fine, thank you," Genesis returned automatically, which Dr. Marco commented with a mock frown and a dry: "Of course. I don't remember ever getting a different reply from you, unless you weren't responding at all, which was pretty much self-explanatory. Still, that's not exactly helpful. How am I supposed to find out what's wrong, when you insist that nothing is?"

"But I'm feeling a lot better," Genesis insisted. "Almost like before the accident. There is something that confuses me though…"

"And that is?"

"When I was told last week that they wanted to do these injections, my initial reaction was like: Well, first they tell you that you have too much of that stuff in your system, and given your low tolerance towards Mako, that is actually very unfavourable; and then they even want to up that dose. Sorry, but do they know what they are doing?"

"If so, why did you not announce your doubts to the responsible doctor or scientist?" Dr. Marco returned with a serious expression.

Genesis stifled a bitter laugh. "I did. But as usual, those people don't take their time to reply to any 'unscientific' questions. They just give that 'it shouldn't really interest you at all'-look that makes you feel like you are wearing a sign stating 'Property of the Shinra Company'."

His conversational partner nodded slowly. "Believe it or not, that's the thing I hate about most of my 'science-only' colleagues. I tend to avoid leaving the hospital section for exactly that reason." He looked at Genesis for another minute, before he added: "According to what they told me, this is about different versions or derivates of Mako. The level of one component in your body is too high, and in order to establish a balance again, they need to higher the level of that other variety, too. Can't give you the exact details, I'm not a specialist like my father, but if you are interested…"

Genesis made a gesture of denial. "I don't think those figures would make much sense to me anyway. But can you tell me when exactly I will be back on the same capability level as before the accident?"

The white-clad man cocked his head. "I can't really answer that, Lieutenant. It depends on many factors. The only certainty is: not yet." He looked down at his clipboard again, before he continued in a tone of a mechanic running through a checklist: "Let's get back to the official part: Do you feel any severe pain right now? Any evident loss of perception? Any other unusual reaction I should know about?" Genesis denied every point dutifully, until the physician finally announced: "Well, in that case, you can try and sit up. Slowly, of course."

His patient did as told. Stephen Marco did not miss the slight grimace of discomfort Genesis showed in the very second he actually set up, but that was a normal reaction after being confined to lie down for quite a while.

"You know the procedure. If you are still sitting upright in 20 minutes, you survived today's task and are free to go."

Genesis gave him a thin, not very satisfied smile. Registering that, the doctor moved over to one of the white cabinets and took out a few dark foils that roughly reminded of x-ray pictures.

"Let me show you something," he said in a confidential tone, before he pulled over a luminescent screen and put on the first foil, which showed two concentric circles. The ring between them was coloured in an extremely dark blue with hints of violet, and featured an endless amount of tiny bright white dots.

"This is something my father discovered. He named it the 'midnight sky-' or 'star field effect'. What you see here is a retina scan made under the influence of special ultraviolet light, taken a few days after a standard Mako treatment. Before, or with any 'normal' person, that ring would be just dark blue, but as a result of the treatment, tiny fractions of Mako accumulated in the retina. These fragments are also responsible for the destroying of melanin and the change of eye colour, usually towards a shade of blue. The standard use for such a scan is to see roughly how high the Mako levels in someone's body are and if there is a possible overdose. Remember that this is the picture of a healthy person," he put up the second foil, "While this is the extreme opposite."

The new picture showed nothing but a ring glowing in pure white.

"That is not exactly good, isn't it?" Genesis asked in a low voice.

"No, it isn't. The whole retina is basically bleached by the influence of Mako, which results in blindness, and in this case, also in death due to a critical overdose, commonly known as 'Mako poisoning'." With a swift movement, Dr. Marco removed that foil to put up the third and final one. "Finally, after seeing the two ends of the spectrum, you can make up your own opinion about this one."

There was that dark blue and violet again, a colour that indeed reminded of a midnight sky, broken by hundreds of white spots. Only this time, those dots did not really remind of stars, as they were slightly too big for that.

"That looks more like a mine field, actually," Genesis said, after studying it for a while, and quoting from a poem he once read, he added: "An orchard of mines."

"Interesting terminology. A bit too poetic to describe a pathological result, but surely creative."

Holding the other's gaze for a while, and then turning back to the displayed picture again, Genesis asked: "There is another point about this one, isn't it?"

Dr. Marco nodded slowly. "One final point indeed. This scan was taken three days ago. It's yours."

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

Later on the same evening, Stephen Marco finished his working day by typing his daily reports.

Hierarchy. An important term, and he did not doubt its necessity; he just could not get used to the way hierarchy worked in this department of the Shinra Company. And he was not alone with this point of view. Exactly the same reason had driven his father to retirement, giving up a remarkable position as leading scientist, and his older brother Patrick into exile. Of course that wasn't what the files would say. The official term the company's top management had used was 'relocation due to staff shortage' somewhere in the outback. But both he and his brother had known immediately that this was the punishment for one of the most hated crimes in the Shinra Company: insubordination. Almost equivalent to high treason.

Too bad their father had passed away a few years ago. Sometimes Stephen would have loved to discuss certain patient charts with him. Like this one for example. A highly intriguing case, seen from a scientist's position. Seeing it from a physician's point of view, however, he was frustrated that the science department was able to dictate him how to treat his patients. Recently, he felt that instead of being cured, certain patients were virtually used as guinea pigs. If that was the way things were supposed to work here, it was maybe better that his father was gone. He would have hated to see what his former workspace had turned into, although he had already seen it coming.

"_I don't like those guys they are promotion into the t__op positions," _he had muttered repeatedly._ "Especially not this guy named Hojo. Too ambitious, only thinking of his work, too many dark theories anyway. He gives me the creeps. I swear, whenever people talk about the cliché of the mad scientist, his picture should come up. But it's not like Hollander is a safer bet."_

Stephen Marco frowned slightly, before focusing his attention on checking the notes one final time. That was it. He had done what he was supposed to do, and he had stored the report as usual. Still, the computer, or more precisely the company's server he was logged in to, informed him with blinking letters that there was a final step to take.

'File Request: Send copy to Terminal 098.655.4330 immediately.'

Request was a polite expression. Order would have been more fitting. Stephen had been confronted with this message several times during the last weeks. In his eyes, it was a symptom of the laziness that belonged to a certain position within this so much hated hierarchy. All the patient files, as well as other information on every member of staff of the Shinra Company, were openly accessible according to rank and position of the person wanting to look at them. The leading scientists had almost unlimited access anyway, still they were the ones who could pose a request, which meant they did not have to look for that information anymore, but got it send to their personal computer as soon as it had entered the network.

Truth be told, Stephen had treated patients with so-called 'report requests' before, but this terminal number had been unknown to him. It had taken several days and a lot of frustrating research to find out who was behind it: one of the most valuable employees of the science department, according to the prevailing opinion of the company's management, of course. Hollander. Somehow he still found this discovery unsettling, although he could not yet point out why exactly.

"_As bad as it sounds, Stephen, at the moment there is nothing you can do but to play on according to their rules. Otherwise you jeopardize e__verything our family has reached over the years, and even more, you put your own life in danger. I was mad enough to try, so don't repeat my mistake."_

As much as he hated to admit it, his brother had been right. Stephen Marco sighed again, and finally hit the 'send' button.


	6. Perfection?, 3

**A/N: **Once again, getting this chapter ready to publish took more time than I thought it would…

Things are still moving at a slow pace, like a swing that has just started to sway back and forth, but will gain speed and height eventually (me and my eternal love for imagery…).

No warnings for this chapter; it's innocent enough, and if you belong to that group of people minding certain details, I trust that you never started reading in the first place.

Final announcement:

This chapter is dedicated to another very special person. I'm grateful that she is out there and trying to prevent me from making any too obvious mistakes in my writing. Additionally, she has always been kind and supportive in every possible way.

For all those reasons, I owed her a dedication long ago… So dearest _**Kiariad**_, this is for you.

* * *

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

Pale light was seeping through the windows, partly grey, partly greenish white, the normal replacement of darkness in Midgar. The metropolis never slept completely, and just as well it was never really dark.

Most of the desks in the shared office room were deserted; another indication that it was quite late and most members of the Shinra Military department had already called it a day. So by now, the place was almost completely silent, despite the low clicking sounds created by a single computer keyboard.

Taking a deep breath, Angeal put down the papers he had been studying for what felt like an eternity. His gaze wandered aimlessly across the room and back, until it finally rested on the only other person present. It was actually easier to look at Genesis than to look away, due to the fact that the desks they were working on formed something like a t-shape, and whenever Angeal just lifted his gaze, he got an almost perfect side view of his friend. Nevertheless, he had tried to avoid watching him too obviously, as Genesis never appreciated any signs of too much attention. During the first days as a newly promoted cadet of the SOLDIER unit, he had made this point more than clear towards anybody trying: _'No staring, no whistling, no pet names and sure as hell no groping, unless you want to find out why exactly I was promoted into that unit in the first place. Take my hint, it wasn't for looks.'_

Originally, it had been Angeal's suggestion that if they were both supposed to do office work tonight, they could at least do it sitting together, and Genesis had happily agreed. Angeal's task had been to compose a final report on today's meeting, and he secretly hoped that these were the last hours of his time he would ever waste on that matter. He had no idea what exactly Genesis was supposed to do, as his friend had only briefly mentioned that being on office duty yet again made him feel more useless than an underpaid secretary, a statement that told Angeal not to broach the issue any further.

At the moment being, Genesis seemed to be totally lost in his typing; his fingers were dancing over the computer keyboard in perfect, effortless movement. Doubtlessly the piano lessons he had as a child were still shining through, something his mother had insisted on, whereas his father had never been too pleased with it. Forced or not, Genesis had soon proven that his talent for any form of art also included music. The only catch had been that he hadn't really liked the classical sheet music he was supposed to learn and preferred to play entirely by ear, which neither his piano teacher nor his father had really appreciated.

Returning from that detour of thoughts, Angeal found himself trying to steal another glance of his opposite's face. _For Gaia's sake, just a few months ago, I used to despise people staring at him like that, and now I'm not a bit better than any of them…_ It was that well-known, almost hypnotic fascination that kept him doing so, a fascination that shouldn't really exist, for in theory, he knew exactly what his best friend's face looked like. He had seen it for over a decade and memorized it so well that if he had possessed any artistic talent, he would have been able to draw a closely matching portrait without any reference at all.

A complicated task, as Genesis' features were as close to perfection as anyhow possible, all lines and curves clearly defined, yet of a considerable softness, representing the same breathtaking beauty only a few very talented artists were able to create. In addition, those features were framed by the most amazingly shaded strands of red hair. _Auburn_, Angeal corrected himself in his thoughts. That was something Genesis insisted on. While Angeal had never been aware of the fact that there were so many terms for different shades, Genesis had always named colours with the precision of a painter. Much to Angeal's surprise, the Shinra scientists seemed to share the same passion for exact terminology, and in one point, Genesis turned out to be right. His official personal file actually stated 'auburn'.

_When his friend had voiced his satisfaction about that entry, Angeal had inquired: "Why is that so important to you?", and Genesis had replied: "Finally someone acknowledged what I claimed all along: it's auburn, not red." _

_Still smiling, Angeal had pointed out that he had always thought both terms basically meant the same, and received an answer in the voice of a still patient, but slightly annoyed teacher confronted with a difficult student: "Talking about hair, people frequently misuse auburn as a synonym for red, ignoring that this is not the case. Instead, it describes a colour between blond, brown and red. You see, it's neither of those, so it's a colour on its own, and that's why it has a special name. You wouldn't label dark blue 'black', just because it's somehow close, would you?"_

Suddenly, those fluent movements stopped. "Angeal?"

In the mood of the moment, the addressed could not resist and returned a teasing: "What's the matter, sweetie?"

The answer came at once, in a rather unkind voice: "Are you kidding me? I told you not call me anything containing the words 'sweet' or 'cute'. That's too girly, and it's not like I'm wearing a dress, is it?"

Angeal couldn't help but chuckle at that statement, a fact that Genesis chose to ignore when he continued: "Do you know how to spell 'disappearance'?"

Imitating the 'three steps' technique known from military orders, Angeal replied: "First: I thought writing was your personal talent, not mine. Second: This program you are using should have spell check, anyway. Third: Why exactly do you need to know?"

"First: This is about spelling, not writing," Genesis played along with the game, "Second: The person using this computer obviously turned off half of the standard functions; and I can't be bothered to reinstall them. And third: Marlowe wrote that damned word in every second line of his report, using at least three different creative spellings, and therefore I'm no longer sure what version is the correct one…"

"Why are you typing Marlowe's report anyway? Wouldn't that be his task?"

Genesis sighed. "Of course it would. That's a report about the condition of some ground floor training rooms for the maintenance department, and is due tomorrow, but all he came up with was that handwritten scribble no one would be able to read. Unfortunately, he's on duty tonight, somewhere in downtown Midgar, and so the executive director suggested that since it's only typing work, someone office-bound could do it, which in case of that stupid pointless report here happened to be me."

"Oh joy. Why don't you replace a few of those 'disappearances' by, let's say, 'gone missing' or 'vanished'?"

"I can't possibly do that. He's going to kill me if I change any words in his precious outline…"

"Too bad actually, since you are such a genius with words…"

"Too bad it's a report, not a novel, and therefore the words required aren't exactly poetry…" Genesis sighed again, and turned back to his typing. As he lowered his head, a strand of hair fell into his face, and with a gesture so typical of him, he removed it absentmindedly.

For Angeal, that simple movement was enough to turn an already present feeling into something stronger, deeper. It was completely irrational, a sudden desire to reach out and touch that hair himself, as he had done countless times before, ever since their childhood. He precisely knew how it felt, yet it had started to feel quite different lately. The longing became so strong that it almost hurt, yet Angeal decided not to give in and tried to focus on proof reading his report instead. To no avail, of course.

Strange, how most people who recently fell in love wish for that initial infatuation to last forever, or at least as long as possible. Angeal on the contrary sometimes wished it would wear off sooner. That sort of emotion was just too intense, and for a person not used to express feelings openly, this intensity was irritating, if not frightening at times. And that was not the only issue to be considered. Although they had both agreed to give it a try and therefore officially entered that state called 'dating', standing openly by each other was definitely out of question, at least for the moment being.

The reason for that decision was not fear of odd looks and comments such a relationship would have caused. It was mainly because of the profession they had chosen, as a romantic relation between fellow SOLDIERs would have been considered 'very out of line' by their employer for a number of reasons.

As someone had once put it: _"Shinra doesn't really care about the sexual preferences of their employees. As far as they are concerned, you could be a masochist or even a paedophile; it doesn't matter to them, as long as it does not interfere with your job. But as soon as they think your judgement or your ability to function is affected, a perfectly ordinary affaire between office colleagues can be enough to cause intervention."_

One of the core rules for commanding officers in the Shinra Army demanded _Don't let your feelings hamper your judgement_. In the heat of a battle, you had to see every person around you according to rank and abilities as a strategic instrument, a weapon; and you were not allowed to value a certain person's life higher than the lives of others, at least not if that evaluation was based on emotional reasons only. Therefore, the strongest feelings officially tolerated were friendship and camaraderie. The same applied to any other department of the Shinra Company, but love seemed to be considered most inappropriate in the military units. Still, it was a more or less well-known fact that there were and always had been people ignoring those rules. Only if you chose to do so, you had to keep it hidden, as good and as long as possible. In a way, this unwritten law was even stronger than the printed ones.

Angeal had considered himself quite used to the rules of that game, for already his very first relationship had been a difficult one, based on the fateful attraction between a sixteen-year-old newly promoted cadet of the SOLDIER unit, and a nineteen-year-old SOLDIER second class. Despite their mutual doubts, it had worked out for quite some time, until they finally broke up because the other found it impossible to get used to the 'inappropriateness' of their relation, and to the three years age difference. Following that experience, Angeal had vowed not to get himself into such a situation ever again.

Still, a few months ago, he finally had to admit that he had developed unexpectedly strong feelings for a person who was not only a fellow SOLDIER, but also his best friend since their childhood. When Genesis had finally declared willing to give it a try – after an almost insane amount of ups and downs, mind you – Angeal had likewise decided to throw all his doubts over board. Fellow members of the same unit or not, this time, it just had to work out. And if it was necessary to keep the actual status of their connection a secret, well, so be it. To the outside world, they still were what they used to be ever since they had been six and five years old: best friends. Strictly spoken, that initial connection truly had not changed at all, it had just gained an additional dimension.

_I thought I knew the rules of the game. But somehow, it feels like the game has changed…_ Much to his surprise, Angeal found himself having difficulties with that outside performance at times. Or was that mainly due to the fact that Genesis was playing his role a bit too well; that he still maintained a certain kind of distance even when they were alone? Or maybe especially then? Fact was, in one specific point, he seemed somehow hesitant to act according to the level their relationship was now on. More precisely, he…

In this very moment, Genesis stopped his typing again. He frowned, and looked down on the piece of paper for a minute, before he lifted it up and started to move it back and forth in an almost theatrical way, as if he was trying to see one of those three-dimensional pictures in it.

"How on this planet am I supposed to type that freaking report, if I can't read a single word properly? It's not like Shinra offers a compulsory course in deciphering hieroglyphs, is it?"

A reaction and a choice of words that was just typical of Genesis; and being so used to it, Angeal couldn't help but smile again. Despite that, however, he felt somehow caught. _For the love of the Goddess, that's the second time I start thinking in that direction today. What's wrong with me?_

Trying to stop those thoughts, yet somehow still partly lost in the desire that had filled them before they even got to that specific point, Angeal got up from his chair, and slowly moved around his desk in order to pick up an additional copy of his report from the office printer.

It hadn't really been Angeal's intention, and normally, sneaking up on Genesis was a thing completely out of the range of possibilities. Surely this was not only due to the heightened senses that came with being a SOLDIER, for if there was a match to Mako-improved hearing, it surely was the ability to move more carefully and unnoticeably that also stemmed from the same source. But even before, when they had still been in the infantry, Angeal had never been able to leave or enter their shared room at night without waking Genesis up, no matter what or how hard he tried.

In this very moment, he hadn't tried at all, and yet it somehow worked for the first time ever. Maybe Genesis had indeed been too lost in trying to make sense out of those cryptic signs on the paper, or maybe he had just let his guard down, knowing that there was no other person in that room except him and Angeal.

The last thing Genesis remembered was that suddenly, he felt something in his back, a movement of the air, only lightly, like a gentle breeze. It was just that, plain feeling. Not one clear thought formed on his mind, things happened too fast. In one moment, he had still been slightly annoyed, trying to make sense of the task he had been given, and right in the next, he was paralyzed with fear and the blood seemed to be stuck in his veins. His heart literally stopped beating, only to start again just seconds later in an uncoordinated, much too fast pace.

Lights flickered in front of his eyes, so bright it almost hurt. Involuntarily, he squeezed his eyes shut to block them out. Sheer panic still clouded his thoughts, and all he felt was his own much too fast heartbeat that echoed through his whole body.

Then suddenly, there was something else. He could faintly hear a voice, calling his name. _Whose voice is that?_ The answer was on his mind, he could almost grasp it, yet something inside his head insisted: _Don't go there. Stop it, right now!_

"Gen? Can you hear me? For Gaia's sake, say something. Please."

Had the voice changed? It sounded so different right now… And suddenly, he was able to think again, as if someone had lifted a dark curtain from his mind. The panic was suddenly replaced by a surprisingly clear thought: _Just another adverse reaction, that's all it is._ It explained everything: the flashing lights, the inability to recognize familiar voices, the completely unjustified anxiety and the fact that his heart was beating so hard it almost hurt. _Come on, get yourself together. That's nothing compared to what you have been through before. _

As he had done it countless times already, Genesis tried to block out those confusing feelings of sickness, discomfort and panic by focussing on something else. Trying to evaluate his present position, he was in for a surprise. How the hell had he ended up on the floor anyway? _Angeal must be worried out of his mind… Oh shit._

"Angeal?" he asked, hardly recognizing his own voice for a second.

"Right here, Gennie," his friend immediately returned. Although Angeal never showed any too obvious emotions, he sounded clearly relieved. "Sorry, but things happened so fast, I had no choice but to make you lay down on the floor. Anyway, just stay where you are, I'll call the medical department."

That definitely did it for Genesis. He blindly reached out in the direction of his friend's voice and got hold of Angeal's arm with a surprising precision. "No, you won't. I'm fine, just give me a minute…"

"You are anything but fine," Angeal returned. "I don't even need to take your pulse to know it's racing. That's dangerous, you know that."

"I know, because it's nothing I haven't been through before." Speaking actually turned out more difficult than Genesis expected. His own voice strangely echoed in his head, an irritating experience. Still he added: "Just give me three more minutes. If it's not working out, I promise you can call whoever you want."

Angeal seemed to consider that proposal. "Ok. Three minutes and not a second longer." His tone suggested that he meant what he said.

Genesis swallowed hard and focused again, this time on his heartbeat. Fast. Much too fast, for the second time today. He tried to avoid the thought that he was still at a complete loss with the question why this was happening. Instead, he started counting to ten, slowly, before opening his eyes. For a few moments, everything was blurred, but then his vision stabilized.

Seeing Genesis opening his eyes took a massive load of Angeal's chest. For a second, he had been close to panic, although this was state he hardly ever reached. Still, it worried him quite a bit to see that after a brief phase of adaptation, Genesis' pupils retracted considerably, although the light in the room wasn't even close to the intensity needed to cause such an effect. Being with the SOLDIER unit long enough, Angeal was able to read the signs. Extremely narrowed pupils signified the strong influence of Mako.

Suddenly, it began to dawn on him why Genesis had worn his sleeves two thirds down, despite the relatively warm evening. To confirm his suspicion, Angeal reached out for his friend's arm, but Genesis caught his hand midway. When they looked at each other, it was like speaking without words.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Angeal finally asked. His voice didn't carry any obvious undertone of reproach; it sounded more like a statement than a question.

Genesis held his gaze for a few minutes longer, before he lowered his eyes. "No need to worry. After all, it's just a standard procedure."

_Well, in your case, it unfortunately isn't_, Angeal thought; but as usual, he knew better than to say those words aloud. Instead he asked: "So that was the first of how many?"

Genesis looked up at him again. "To be announced. Originally, they said two or three, but with those procedures, you never really know… However, there is no official second appointment yet, in case you were wondering."

In that moment, Angeal saw nothing but honesty in Genesis' eyes. He was aware of the fact how effortlessly his best friend was able to lie, straight to someone's face, if necessary; one of his most frightening talents. Still, for as long as he could remember, Genesis had never used that ability on him.

"If there is a next time, be so kind to tell me in advance, ok? I won't insist on holding your hand, but at least I would like to know. It worries me much more to see you like that when I don't know the reason behind it."

With the very same honesty, Genesis returned: "I'll think about it."

Neither of them spoke for a while, until Angeal shook his head and stated calmly: "You and your damned pride."

Just a heartbeat later, Genesis returned in a matching voice: "You and your stupid honour."

"What has honour to do with this?"

Genesis closed his eyes again, before he tried to explain: "You know, protect those who can't protect themselves and all that jazz… There's nothing wrong with that attitude, but I'm a grown up person and I'm perfectly able to protect myself. I don't need someone to look out for me all the time."

"Sorry, but that comes as part of the package when you start dating someone." Angeal realized only after he said those words that they carried a trace of hurt. Just a tiny hint, something everybody else would have missed.

He expected Genesis to continue in his famous 'don't tell me 'cause I know better' tone, but he was in for a surprise. Obviously the other had noticed that hidden undertone, too. So Genesis sighed softly, and returned in a warmer, almost affectionate voice: "It's not that I don't appreciate it. Quite the opposite, I do, very much so. Maybe I'm just bad at being cared for, because no one ever really did. And I guess I'm still upset about that stupid accident and all those consequences… I didn't really expect that to last quite as long as it does…"

"Understandable. I guess your current situation would put everyone on edge, even me."

"That's easy for you to say… When was the last time your medical report contained more than just three letters?" Genesis returned, hinting on the fact that Angeal's medical examination file only featured a long column of red stamp prints reading NAD – the abbreviation of 'no abnormality detected'.

Angeal knew that he had left solid ground with raising this point in the first place, and so he tried to get back on track: "Maybe in this case, I'm the odd one out, not you. Mako might be a very powerful substance, but after all, it was never meant to exist in a human body. I could name at least ten people who suffered from similar side effects after a treatment before."

Looking at him with the ghostly form of a sad smile playing on his lips, Genesis replied in a very low tone: "Every single time?"

It was a rhetorical question, and they both knew it. True, adverse reactions to Mako were something every member of SOLDIER had experienced before – Angeal just happened to belong to the group of lucky ones for whom these reactions had been confined to the first weeks after the initial procedure – but it was also true that things next to never happened with that frequency or intensity shown in Genesis' case.

"Why do I always have to be different?" Genesis muttered, more to himself than to Angeal, who still felt the immediate urge to comfort him. "I'm sorry I did not tell you. But you have to believe me, it was not about keeping secrets. I just didn't want you to worry. You have been through such much fear and uncertainty because of me, and I want this to stop."

"It will never stop, because you mean too much to me."

"And you mean incredibly much to me, too. That's why I don't want you to spend your nights sitting at my bedside worried out of your mind whether I will make it or not. That happened three damned times already, and the distance between those events is getting shorter…"

Truth be told, Genesis had always been a rather sickly child, so Angeal had spend quite some time of their shared lives literally at his bedside, yet what he was referring to now were three specifically grave events – a heavy fever with nine, the major adverse reaction to the initial Mako treatment with sixteen, and his recent accident. In at least two of these cases, Genesis' life had been balancing on a knife's edge.

"You make it sound as if you did it on purpose. None of that was your fault, and if we ignore the incident when you were nine, those situations came as part of your – our – chosen profession. Call it occupational hazard, if you want. And while the distance might be getting shorter, at least the severity is going down. This time, I wasn't told at some point that you might not make it through the night. That's something, don't you think?"

Genesis still looked at him like an apologizing child. "Still, I will never be able to make up to you for those nights…"

"That's not true. You are here with me now, and that fact is making it up more than enough." In the silence that followed those words, Angeal discovered that he was holding Genesis' hand, tracing its form with his fingers, without being able to tell how long he had been doing so.

Apparently, Genesis realized the same thing in the very same second, but he showed no intention to withdraw his hand or to refuse the touch. Instead, he came up with one of those rare bright, almost angelic smiles, the sort that made Angeal feel all warm and fuzzy inside. He immediately felt that for the sake of this smile, he was ready to forgive Genesis almost everything, and surely enough something as ridiculous as not telling him about the true purpose of a medical appointment.

"Well, I should better get up from the floor," Genesis said softly. "It's not really comfortable, and I guess it makes me look quite stupid." He sat up in a rather fluent movement, and cursed that decision right in the next moment. Everything seemed to spin, and a raging feeling of nausea took hold of him for a few seconds. Only by closing his eyes and focusing as hard as he could on not passing out again, he managed to keep that feeling at bay.

_Getting up from the floor, how many times have I done that before?_ Another one of those sudden, completely unwanted thoughts. Ever since waking up in the hospital the other day and feeling eerily reminded of a situation back in his childhood, his thoughts seemed to be drawn into this direction far too frequently for his own liking. Although his childhood memories included incredibly dear and precious moments he would not have traded for anything on the planet, the majority of them, the typical every-day situations, were rather events he did not want to revive. Well, obviously those memories insisted on reviving themselves.

"Are you ok?" Angeal's voice broke that dark train of thoughts.

"Of course I am," Genesis returned automatically. As soon as he became aware of it, he felt that this sort of answer was far from suiting the situation and added: "As you said before, I am here and you are with me. For this reason alone, ok is actually an understatement."

Surprised by the second part of this reply, Angeal could not resist any longer and finally gave in to that desire he had been feeling for such a long time now. He reached out to touch one of those strands of hair, to stroke it back gently although it hadn't really been in the wrong place at all. It was a slow movement, but once he finished it, he still felt unable to remove his hand, unable to stop touching. His fingers seemed to be stuck in place, halfway hidden in those silky strands, while his thumb gently moved over Genesis' cheek.

They were both like hypnotized, completely lost in each other's eyes. Genesis felt his heart speeding up again and the blood rushing through his veins like liquid fire. Only this time, he was completely sure today's Mako injection had nothing to do with it.

Still, he decided to break that spell and whispered: "We shouldn't do this. Not here."

"Why not? Looks like there's nobody around but you and me; so what are you worried about?" Angeal returned in an equally low voice.

"That's a matter of principle. Deserted or not, it still is a public space and therefore a definite no-go."

"Who would have thought that you would be my voice of rationality one day?" With an affectionate smile, Angeal slowly withdrew his hand.

And Genesis did not know why, but right in this moment, he felt incredibly guilty.

Getting up from the floor, Angeal held out his hand again to help him up, but Genesis made a refusing gesture. "No, thank you. I got myself into that situation, and therefore I should be able to get up again on my own."

_That sounds depressingly much like something your father would have said_, Angeal thought involuntary.

Meanwhile, Genesis briefly ran one hand through his hair and returned to the desk as if nothing had happened.

Angeal frowned slightly, before he pointed out: "Anyway, you are in no fit state to continue working. I recommend you call it a day."

"Like hell I will. I have to finish that stupid report, otherwise Marlowe has a reason to claim that I can't even do a secretary's job properly…"

Sighing, but aware of the fact that there was no rational argument on this planet that would have changed Genesis' mind, Angeal pulled over another chair and sat down next to him.

"Ok, since I'm finished anyway and you shouldn't concentrate too hard, let's say I'll read and you type?"

Surprisingly enough, Genesis seemed to be in a cooperative mood. He handed Angeal those papers covered in an annoyingly small handwriting, before he leaned back to watch him for a while with a mischievous smile playing on his lips.

After a few minutes, Angeal had to admit that he had major difficulties with his part: "Goddess almighty, how did you manage to get that far in the first place? I would simply have written 'undecipherable' across the front page and returned it to Marlowe's desk."

"Well, it seems that reading cryptic writings is one of my few talents," Genesis replied, followed by a soft chuckle as he took the papers back. "Mind if we switch tasks?"

"Not at all," Angeal returned, and after pulling over the computer keyboard, he added: "Ok, ready to go. Let's hear it…"

In an emphatic tone, as if he was reciting poetry, Genesis declared: "It was in the dark of a scary night, deep down in the vaults of the Shinra Headquarters. Brave Sir Marlowe, our hero, on his eternal quest to discover any shortcomings of the maintenance department, courageously turned around a corner and found himself face to face with the most breathtakingly horrible enemy there is... a solitary rat."

"Is that what the report says?" Angeal inquired, hardly able to hide his amusement.

"Not exactly. That's just the summary of the first two pages, to give you a rough idea of its epicness."

"Well, in this case, it puts the adventures of King Arthur and his knights to shame," Angeal returned, in an effort to stay serious.

Determined to brighten up the dull task, Genesis continued to read out the missing two pages in his normal clear reading voice, broken occasionally by an almost dramatic declarative style that caused them to have laughing fits every time he did. Everybody else would have wondered how Genesis' mood could have changed so drastically in such a short a amount of time, but it was something Angeal was quite used to. Ever since his childhood, Genesis had been able to go from heavily depressed to extremely cheerful in a matter of seconds, and more than once Angeal had seen him starting to laugh while the traces of tears were still on his cheeks. In a weird way, that ability seemed to be something like self-medication.

"… are to take appropriate measures immediately. Fanfare. The end."

"Already? Too bad, that report should have at least three more pages," Angeal returned teasingly, while typing the last words.

Genesis looked at him for just a few seconds, before he acted on the spur of the moment and leaned forward to place a kiss on Angeal's cheek.

Surprised, Angeal turned around. "What was that for?"

"For being the most epic person I know. Without you, what would I be?"

Once again, they just looked at each other. This time, Angeal was completely taken aback by the sparkle that filled Genesis' eyes, changing their colour to an amazingly bright azure, and creating a deepened expression, something like… desire? Although just minutes ago, Genesis had pointed out remorselessly that this was not the right place to show any signs of affection, his opinion on that topic had obviously changed as fast as his general mood. What followed was one of the rare occasions when he was the one to start kissing, yet it was a rather innocent kiss, hardly more than a meeting of lips. One could have called it chaste, if it hadn't been for that passionate intensity and the sheer length of it.


	7. Questions, 1

**A/N: **Finally, I managed to get the new chapter up. Sorry for being that late, but I kept getting sidetracked by odd inspirations for later chapters of this story… And in addition, there is life, work, job hunt (and tons of other lame excuses). Plus the fact that I still don't really like that chapter… Bear with me. And sorry once more.

Anyway, Part II by now. Another rather slow-paced chapter (in my opinion), containing more information, a few selected clues, a slightly philosophical/poetic dimension and… other stuff. Here you go.

**Warning:** Just realized I never issued a warning before… Well, I promised a certain someone (*wink*) to include a less innocent kissing scene, but that's all it is. A little less innocent. And only kissing. So no real warning, I guess.

Opening quote is taken from a very beautiful song called "Black Roses Red" by Alana Grace. I really adore the beginning (basically the lines I quoted here), and in my opinion, it's a song about trust issues; hence it fits my story perfectly.

Before I forget, the quote about playing with fire Genesis uses towards the end is by Oscar Wilde, taken from his play "A Woman of No Importance".

* * *

**II.**** Questions**

**~oOo~**

**_Can I ask you a question__, please?  
Promise you won't laugh at me;  
Honestly, I'm standing here  
Afraid I'll be betrayed.  
_**

**_As twisted as it seems,_**

**_I only feel loved when it's in my dreams;  
So let in the morning light_**

**_And let the darkness fade away…_**

**~oOo~**

With their typical buzzing sound, the neon tubes in the entrance hall lit up. It was past midnight, too late for people just having finished their day shifts, but still too early for anybody returning from night duty. As a result, the hall was empty and silent, despite the two solitary sets of footfall, one slightly heavier than the other, that had just set off the lights.

The official housings for those members of Shinra staff living on the company's premises were located in adjoining buildings, close to the Shinra main tower, but not as noticeable as Midgar's infamous trademark. Likewise, this place, where most employees of the Military Department resided, was a long stretched block, with one central elevator system in the middle and two large wings, one headed north-east and the other south-west.

When the two arrived at said elevator, Genesis reached for his ID card to active the system, but as usual, Angeal was just a little bit faster. It was one their daily competitions, a slightly more grown-up variety of the games they had played in their childhood, and a try to make those omnipresent security measures more entertaining. When they first moved to Midgar after growing up in the countryside, they had considered those measures a sign of paranoia, but meanwhile, they both knew only too well about their necessity. Swipe card or palm scan activated locks and devices were a standard accessory in every official Shinra building, but at least the amount of security cameras in the housing sections was lower, and the remaining observation devices were located in the entrance areas of the main hallways only, not directly in front of the rooms, so there was at least the illusion of more privacy.

Talking of which, a good indicator for climbing the ladder of hierarchy within the Shinra Company was the amount of individuality and privacy you were generously granted by your employer. For no matter if you started your career as a laboratory assistant in the Science Department or as a recruit in the one of the military units, in the beginning, you had to be satisfied if people addressed you with your proper name and not with your rank or function only. In addition, virtually everything you did was prescribed by superiors: when (and unfortunately also what) to eat, when to sleep, how to behave and so on. Fortunately, with each step you climbed on the ladder, you were given back certain rights and the possibility to make your own decisions again, within the rules that applied to your current position and to Shinra staff in general, of course. _Your loyalty has to remain with the company all the time._

A perfect example for that loosening of ties was the official army dress code. Low ranking members of the guard and the infantry where not only told exactly and in every detail what their uniform was supposed to look like, they also had an official 'equipment order' about all those odds and ends they needed to carry around all the time, even if some of those didn't make sense. Angeal could still recall Genesis complaining endlessly about that fact. 'Why for Gaia's sake do I have to carry a sewing kit with me? Do they honestly think I have time to mend something on a mission? And a piece of chalk? It's not like we are going on a cave expedition, is it?'

After being promoted into the officer's ranks or joining a special unit like SOLDIER, there were still more than enough rules concerning your outward appearance, but you were at least able to make minor choices, like wearing short or long sleeves, or to apply all the armouring parts or not. And as a SOLDIER first class, you could wear your uniform in whatever fashion you preferred, as long as it still consisted entirely of Shinra issued parts and clearly showed off your rank and position within the unit. There was a final step-up, of course: Once you had reached a legendary status within the Shinra Army, meaning that everybody knew your face, name and rank, you got away with wearing whatever you wanted, as long as it still resembled some sort of uniform.

Another unmistakable sign for your current position on the infamous hierarchy ladder was the number of people you shared rooms with. Higher executives, senior members of the Turks or the Science Department and a few selected commanding officers were offered the choice to occupy either suites, located in the top part of the building, or apartments in the better areas of down-town Midgar, which were paid for by the company, while he housings for 'ordinary' staff and low ranking members of the army offered no such luxuries. Back in the infantry, Angeal and Genesis had been used to live together with up to eight comrades, which had been quite tedious at times. Only when they were selected as candidates for SOLDIER, the two finally got a small room on their own, and one of the privileges from Second Class onwards included the right to occupy one's quarters all alone. Although they were both initially unwilling to be separated like this, they knew that it would have been considered quite odd if they refused. _Never deliberately waive a right_, as one of the unwritten rules for Shinra staff stated, _you have few enough as it is._

Despite the fact that that he considered his current living conditions quite comfortable, Angeal had to admit that sharing rooms had one decided advantage, if the right person was involved. Although he had doubted he would ever do so, he secretly regretted that those Third Class times were long over. And tonight, he caught himself having exactly that thought again, for a slightly different reason. Covertly, he tried to catch another glimpse of Genesis. They hadn't spoken since they left the office complex, and being that silent was a rather unusual thing, for a person as lively as his best friend at least. Was it only the light, or was he looking paler than before?

After they had entered the elevator, Genesis leaned to the wall, before he turned his head slightly to look at Angeal. He smiled again, but it was one of those frequent half-smiles that seemed almost unreal, for it left those bright blue eyes completely unaffected. Still, as if he was aware of Angeal's thoughts, he calmly stated: "I'm fine. Just tired."

And as Angeal had no idea what he could have possibly said in return, he just denoted a nod.

Walking down another hallway, still side by side, they finally reached the door to Angeal's room. Realizing that he had put his ID card back into some pocket of his uniform after they entered the elevator, and as he couldn't be bothered to look for it, Angeal just entered a 10-digit number on the key pad. With a green blinking light, the system accepted the override. He had expected Genesis to make a playful comment about his laziness or a remark about the fact that one could change the lock settings from card to palm scan, if preferred, but his opposite remained silent.

And not only that. When Angeal entered the room, Genesis stayed on the other side of the threshold as if it was some kind of demarcation line he was not supposed to cross. Considering how close they had been just minutes ago, this distance seemed somehow odd, if not inappropriate.

"After you took that detour anyway, you might as well come in," Angeal finally remarked, hinting on the fact that Genesis' own quarters were located one level above and in the opposing part of the building, the south-west wing.

"As it seems, I've only about five hours left, so I guess I should better spend them sleeping," Genesis returned with a hint of hesitation.

"Agreed with that. But I don't think it matters where exactly," Angeal stated calmly. Genesis just threw him a puzzling glance back, and although Angeal did not really know what to read in it, he hurried to add: "It's just an offer. No hidden intentions, of course."

"Well, I'm not worried about intentions, hidden or otherwise. I just don't think that's a very rational idea. So… no, thanks. I get by on my own. Honestly."

Obviously Genesis had seen right through the fact that despite his efforts to hide it, the newly received knowledge about his friend's medical appointment today still bothered Angeal. Even now, he somehow felt hesitant to let Genesis out of his sight, and he silently scolded himself for that feeling. _For Gaia's sake, he is right. He's a grown-up person, and he's perfectly capable. Why am I making such a fuss about it? _

Was it those memories of the incident two years ago he still recalled to vividly? Or was it the underlying fear that something like this might happen again? For whatever reason, in the end, Angeal could not resist to reach out again, as if to brush back another strand of hair from Genesis' face, completely aware of the fact that this was nothing but an alibi gesture. Even more, the movement was quite deliberate and calculated, for the purpose was beyond simple touching. Whenever Genesis had suffered from adverse reactions in the past, fever had been one of the first signs. Knowing quite well that Genesis would not appreciate an openly concerned gesture as touching his forehead, Angeal settled for this indirect approach. A definite disadvantage of this tactic was that it gave him very little time to concentrate on what he was feeling. It was a certain amount of warmth, definitely more than average. Enough to worry?

Genesis gave him a knowing look. "I honour your concern, but do you think that's an appropriate measure?"

Angeal was actually surprised about that rather tame reaction. After everything Genesis had pointed out before, he had expected a fierce reproach. "Was it that obvious, or did you develop mind reading abilities?" he returned, with a just a hint of affection shining through his words.

"Neither. Blame your eyes for giving you away. First, their expression is exactly like when you are trying to solve a problem, but than it gets somehow... deeper."

Genesis wasn't really sure what to do in the current situation. A strange feeling had taken hold of him, the sensation of being completely split up and unable to make a decision. Part of him didn't like the fact that Angeal was worried about him, because it made him feel weak and incapable, even more, downright guilty. Yet an equal part felt not only flattered, but also incredibly happy that finally someone cared. Even more, someone that meant a lot to him. There had been more than enough times in his life when all he had really desired was for that to happen… Still, he was at a total loss with the question which of these contradicting feelings he should give in to. Normally, he would just listen to his heart. Normally... But this was not a normal situation, was it?

Still unsure what to do, he decided to use his standard technique again: ignore that problem, focus on something else instead. His mind randomly chose the next best thing, the very object he was looking at anyway: Angeal's eyes. Doing so, the feeling of confusion increased for a moment, but right in the next, it stopped altogether. It literally vanished like turned off, and left behind only calmness and the determination to listen to the voice he had always trusted, the voice of his heart, which sending an unmistakable message.

With a velvety undertone one could have called seductive, Genesis stated: "Don't you think there's a better way to find out what you want to know?"

If he was surprised, Angeal hid it very well. "And what kind of strategy would you suggest?"

For once, Genesis did not reply with words. He took a decided step forward, before he reached out and lightly put his arms around Angeal's waist to draw him closer. Angeal reacted first by resting his hands on Genesis' forearms, gently stroking them up and down in a hesitant, almost careful manner, as if he was touching something precious and fragile; and then, more boldly, by mirroring Genesis' previous movement to eliminate the last bit of space left between them.

Some heartbeats long, all Genesis felt was that incredible flash of heat running through his whole body. In general, he didn't like others being that close to him, but with Angeal it had always been different, and it still was. In addition, there was this strange longing again, demanding more than that... And suddenly, it was as if Genesis knew exactly what he was doing, as if he had done it countless times before.

Defying the rather calm and almost hesitant side he had shown earlier that night, he moved his hands up until they rested against the nape of Angeal's neck, causing the other bend down slightly to compensate for the height difference between them, while leaning in closer at the same time. For a few very fast heartbeats, they were looking into each other's eyes, before Genesis closed his in a last concession to his more innocent side. And then their lips finally met.

At first, it was only a brushing of lips again, but already with more passion, more desire. Driven by that growing intensity, Genesis dared to go one step further. When their tongues first met, it was only lightly, a slow flickering. Still, this was definitely not the innocent version of kissing anymore. At first, Angeal was completely surprised by the fact that Genesis had taken the lead, for the second time tonight. He hardly ever lost his composure, but in this moment, it was impossible to stay calm and rational. The sensual impression was too strong for that. Seeing that cute innocent way that Genesis hid his eyes behind those incredibly long dark lashes when they had started kissing, hearing the soft sound of his breathing, feeling his body so close against his own, smelling that familiar scent he could never nail down exactly, though it definitely had a component that reminded of cinnamon, and for –the first time ever – some sort of taste that was sweet and intoxicating.

Their kiss got deeper, harder, showing an odd parallel to their usual training stances. Although Genesis knew very well when to give in, he usually stood his ground with both determination and fierceness. Fighting or kissing, he was not a person easy to dominate, and if you still chose to try, you were in for a struggle. Not that Angeal actually minded that… _Well, I guess that method you suggested has one huge disadvantage, too. Like being completely unable to locate the exact source of that heat I'm feeling right now … _But at the moment being, that problem did not matter. Not at all… Finally, Genesis broke the kiss and moved back slightly, as if to catch his breath. They looked at each other again, and although neither of them said a word, those looks alone spoke volumes. It felt as if the air around them was on fire.

Breaking the spell, Angeal firmly closed his hand around Genesis' right arm to pull him closer again. In that very second, he felt a shiver going through Genesis' body, a sensation that caused him to stop immediately. _How could I forget about that? _He knew that when someone happened to hurt him, Genesis never called out, never even flinched when he could avoid it. Normally, his displays of pain were so subtle that one could easily miss them: a sharp intake of breath, or a slight trembling, not more.

"Sorry," Angeal whispered. "I forgot. Your arm does still hurt, doesn't it?"

"Never mind," Genesis answered equally low. _It's not like anyone ever did._ He didn't say it, yet the sentence was somehow hanging in the air.

"But I do. I don't want to hurt you, if I can avoid it." _I'm not like him._ Likewise, Angeal knew better than to add those additional words.

With a grateful, yet suddenly very shy smile playing on his lips, Genesis took a step back until he was on the other side of the threshold again, and hurried to say: "Well, I guess, I see you tomorrow…" before turning around.

Caught in a strange state between fascination and confusion, Angeal followed him with his eyes. Was his mind playing tricks on him, or were Genesis' steps indeed a bit faster than necessary?

_I just can't help but to wonder… Are you running away from me?_

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

Back in his room, Genesis leaned against the closed door and took a deep breath. His heart was still beating at a very fast pace, but he paid no attention to it. The sensation of pain, however, originating from his right arm and slowly spreading up to his shoulder was too prominent to ignore.

_Serves you right. Throwing yourself at him like that… What were you thinking? Have you not even a spark of decency?_

Defying that cold and arrogant voice in his head, he reached for the switch next to the door. In the next second, the twilight around him was replaces by a soft glow, much more agreeable than the clinical radiance of those hallway neon tubes. His gaze briefly wandered over the familiar surroundings. Although strictly spoken his quarters consisted of a single room with two divisions to separate a small bedroom on the one side and an even smaller bathroom on the other, it was rather spacious and a definite improvement compared to former living conditions, which had included several room mates, bunk beds and –even more annoying - shared showers. Considering that, the current situation was more than satisfying. And even more, this actually was the first place ever that felt like home. Or at least what he guessed 'home' was supposed to feel like: safe, secure, comfortable.

Genesis lay down on his bed and closed his eyes for a few moments. Almost instantly, he realized how tired he actually was, yet there was this annoying dull pain, reminding him that he should better take a closer look at the source of it before going to sleep. Just to make sure.

The simple movement of sitting up again was enough to cause some sort of dizziness and a mild feeling of disorientation, thankfully lasting only for a few seconds. After he turned on the lamp on his bedside table, he sighed and rolled up his sleeve. Mako injections were usually done with a rather large needle, and for some reason the puncture wounds caused in the process where highly likely to bleed worse than ordinary ones. Therefore, one usually ended up with a bandage that seemed to imply an injury rather than a simple injection.

Carefully and slowly, he removed that bandage. Contrary to the still present pain, the wound didn't look too bad. Just a red circular mark, but the strong contrast to the whiteness of the skin around still gave it a slightly disturbing appearance.

Right in that moment, the sheer force of a sudden emotion hit him again. Thankfully, it wasn't another panic attack, more like an odd kind of déjà-vu. For a second, it felt as if that sight of red on white was supposed to remind him of something, something important maybe, but right in the next moment, the connection got lost, like a fish that happens to jump off the hook before you have a chance to get hold of it.

Admitting after a few moments of intense concentration that retracing that thought was futile, Genesis took another deep breath, before he carefully touched the skin right below the wound. It hurt less than he had expected, and felt surprisingly warm, though this was nothing extraordinary. 'Whenever the body deals with an injury, even a minor one, the process of blood clotting alone requires an increased blood flow, which consequently leads to a sensation of heat around.' That was basic medical knowledge, acquired and repeated in several compulsory courses. Too much heat, however, could also indicate an inflammation, or in the case of Mako involvement, an adverse reaction.

_Looks like Angeal's concern is contagious_, Genesis thought bitterly. _I_ _still think it's unjustified, but..._ _there's a remaining shadow of doubt. _

Anyway, what he needed now was a clean bandage, a smaller one preferably, to replace the one he had just removed. Searching his mind for the place where he had stored his extended first aid kit, a standard part of every soldier's equipment, yet not something to carry around on an ordinary training day, he realized that his thoughts were terribly slow, as if he was suffering from severe sleep deprivation.

_Come on, that's ridiculous. You can't possibly be that tired, and as a SOLDIER, you should still be able to think straight, even if you haven't slept properly for a whole week._

With another sigh, Genesis forced himself to get back on his feet and towards the huge wooden cupboard that covered almost an entire wall in the small rectangular bed room. When it came to furniture, everybody promoted to Second Class was given the choice to accept the standard pieces issued for all members of the Military Department, or to get own ones. Faced with this decision and not very fond of the standard 'bare and practical' design anyway, Genesis had replaced most of the furniture, except said cupboard. One of his fellow comrades had once said jokingly: 'If you can't fit all your clothes into that, it's a sign that you own too many.' Obviously, and despite all those rumours arguing differently because some people just liked to describe him as extremely vain, Genesis did not own too many clothes, for there was still enough space in that huge thing to put in other odds and ends, including parts of his equipment he rarely needed. So whenever he was looking for something, it was usually the right place to start.

Truth be told, Genesis wasn't a messy or disorganized person at all. Occasionally, he just had difficulties to remember where he had put certain things. Back in the time when they had still shared a room together, Angeal had tried to explain that fact rationally in a single sentence: 'Either you simply own too much stuff, or your poetic mind is refusing to pay attention to such mundane tasks.'

Still rummaging through the cupboard, Genesis could clearly recall the way Angeal had used to look at him, with a smile that was partly affectionate, partly dispraising, before he finally shook his head and stated: 'Must be your poetic mind again…'

_Isn't that strange? We are together almost every single day; and it's not even half an hour ago that I last saw you face to face, but still… I have always missed you when you were away, but have I always missed you like this? Without you, I feel so incomplete. Is it supposed to be like that? Is this… love?_

And if that's what it was, why was he so feeling incredibly blessed and still terribly guilty at the same time?

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

Although it had been a long day filled with extremely tiring tasks, Angeal still found himself wide awake. His thoughts kept circling around Genesis again, more precisely around a well-known facet of his childhood friend's character that had gained a strange additional dimension by now.

Genesis had always been a mystery, the human equivalent of a puzzle that was hard, if not impossible to solve. Maybe this was the very source of the constant fascination tying Angeal to his side, the knowledge that he would never be able to know or understand the other completely, but keep trying his best to do so. Another aspect of said mystery was the fact that Genesis' behaviour could be rather contradictory, sometimes literally from one second to the next, as if he had the ability to change into another person in the blink of an eye. Claiming that he suffered from a split personality would have been too much, yet he seemed to posses two completely different sides, ever since his childhood. Back than, Angeal had soon realized that other children saw Genesis as prone to tears, temperamental and over-emotional, while adults usually described him as very well behaved, rather quiet and far too grown up for his age.

After they had left their home town together, those contradicting sides had gradually changed, but still existed. On the one hand, the side Genesis usually showed to the outside world: strong, determined, sometimes even haughty and arrogant, occasionally very short-tempered and difficult to handle, a mesmerizing person and a talented SOLDIER. On the other hand, there was something like softness, almost vulnerability, combined with a deep appreciation for the small beauties of life, an amazing talent for any form of art and an almost childish innocence; pretty much still the little boy Angeal had first met over ten years ago. However, the confusing thing was not the existence of those two sides. It was that even after more than a decade of friendship, Angeal had still no idea which one of those two, if any, was the 'real' Genesis.

_It doesn't help that others usually have an impression of you that is very different from mine. You have been labelled 'weak' for various reasons before, and even if the__re was no offence intended, you used to hate it. I always wondered how people came to that conclusion. Were they blind? Didn't they bother to look closer? _

_When I left Banora, I basically just dragged you along. I wasn't too sure about doing the right thing in the beginning, but the first weeks of basic training showed me that it was the best decision I could have made. Nobody might have realized it, maybe not even you, but I was so happy to have you around. These first weeks were actually harder than I imagined, and you were giving me so much strength. Notice the choice of words: 'you were giving me', not vice versa._

_I will never forget the night after the first time we took part in a real battle. Facing the experience of having killed someone turned out worse than I expected. You never saw me crying before, not even once in all those years of our friendship, but that very night, I couldn't help it. Most of our comrades were confused. They had expected you to show tears, not me. I had always been the strong one. So now, they backed off, as if I had caught a contagious decease. _

_You didn't. You spend the whole night at my side, talking gently to me, holding me in your arms, trying to calm me down. I remember how strange that felt. You had seen the same horrible images, and you were the sensitive one after all, yet your eyes were dry and your face was unmoved, only turning softer when you caught me looking up at you. _

_At one point, I asked if you did not feel like crying. When you shook your head, I added: "Sorry for being such a nuisance." _

_You just shook your head again, more decidedly this time, and returned: "Don't be stupid. You have been strong for the both of us for so long. Now finally, it's my turn."_

Angeal knew very well that these thoughts stood in complete opposition to the typical role he played, to the very behaviour he had shown tonight. If he saw Genesis as a strong person, why had he always felt the need to stand up for him? And why did he react almost overprotective when he thought Genesis could be in some sort of danger or trouble? After all, Angeal hardly ever did anything irrational. Most of his actions could be traced back to a solid reason, and that included his protectiveness, too. The reason was just different from what others would have assumed.

_They say actions speak louder than words. Well, when I act like this, it is not supposed to say: "Let me handle that, because you are weak and can't take care of yourself." The real message it carries is: "You don't have to deal with that on your own anymore. Now I'm here, and I'll do it for you. Because I care. Because you are that important to me."_

He had never voiced such words before, always taking for granted that because they were so close, Genesis would know about his real motives anyway. But what if he didn't? Was that the reason why he reacted that fiercely, why he kept pushing Angeal away at certain occasions?

_On the outside, you were always struggling harder than I was, but it was definitely worth it. Away from Banora, away from your parents more precisely, you seemed to flourish. I could basically watch you turning from a shy little boy into a determined young man. You appeared much more confident, more capable, your whole personality took a turn for the better; however, there was a price to it. You were so determined not to appear weak ever again that you sometimes struck others as arrogant and withdrawn. Strangely enough, you stuck to that image you created, even if it wasn't a positive one. I wonder why. You could have chosen another way so easily, as taking the centre stage is literally child's play for you. If you decide to really use your charm and your incredible talent with words, everyone around is under your spell immediately. Even your fiercest critics have to admit that…_

Angeal knew that people usually considered him to be a good lecturer. True, he could put complicated things in very easy words and repeat them in variations until even the slowest person around had gotten the point. When it came to the more subtle, poetic level of speaking, however, it had always been clear that Genesis was endlessly more talented, especially when he was talking about a topic dear to him. Still, his best lectures were never given publicly, but to an audience that consisted of one sole person.

Once he had asked Genesis why he rarely talked to others the way he did when they were alone. Cryptic as usual, Genesis had replied: 'What is important to me is not talking, but being understood.' It took Angeal quite a while to understand what Genesis had wanted to point out. He was relating to the fact that there were often two dimensions in what he said. One was the surface message that everybody got easily, and the other was hidden and only accessible with deeper knowledge, a kind of knowledge hardly anybody possessed, except Angeal of course. Like that one day when they had been talking about colours…

"_Take my favourite colour. Some people told me before that it is weird to like red, because it is the colour of blood and therefore of death. I always used to return that if you saw it that way, it had to be the colour of life at the same time, for what else is blood than the equivalent of the life stream that flows in our veins? Maybe that is the reason why the sight of blood rarely terrified me, especially not when it was my own. I always took it as a sign that I was alive. If it was about others, most of the time I could not care less… You know that, you have fought at my side during so many battles. In fact, there is only one situation were I despise seeing blood, and that is when the person bleeding is dear to my heart."_

_I knew that. And I also knew that 'person dear to my heart' meant 'you'. I have seen you more or less ignoring your own injuries, or treating those of others on the battlefield without a sign of hesitation or repulse, no matter how bad they were, but when I only cut my finger with a kitchen knife, you would throw a tantrum. Well, not that obviously most of the time, but I could always feel your deep concern, and at rare occasions even panic._

"_But coming back to the notion of 'red', you might realize that according to general belief, it is the colour of roses as well as the colour of fire; and because this is all about symbolism, we can ignore the fact that neither is really true. Roses are an image of beauty, but also of pride; and their thorns can hurt as much as their fragility usually impresses. Fire on the other hand can give warmth and comfort, it saves, but it also destroys and devours. And finally, red represents both love and rage, the two most elaborated emotions the human mind is capable of. You see, red stands for extremes. It is one thing, and at the same time, it is also the other; so in the end, it is both. Red is death and life, love and hate; it is opposition and unity at the same time. The colour of contradiction in itself. Fits me somehow, don't you think?"_

_After a moment of silence, you continued: "Sometimes, you can have two things at once, and sometimes you can't. If you take a rational point of view, you often have to be satisfied with getting only half of what you want. That's what compromises are all about. But when it comes to emotions, there is no such thing as a 'path in the middle'. When you choose to feel, you have to give everything. You can't be half sad or slightly happy… that's just pretending. It's all or nothing."_

_Maybe you were right. Maybe that was the reason why I preferred not to show feelings too openly. It saved me from the 'all or nothing'-decision, at least for some time. You are different. No matter if you hate or love, you do so with all your heart, with every fibre of your very being. Maybe that's why I feel so drawn to you. You are so much more alive than everybody else, including me. _

_As if you had read my thoughts that day, you looked at me with a knowing smile. "Anyway, that does not mean you should wear your heart on your sleeve from now on. Showing your feelings too openly can be dangerous, just like playing with fire."_

"_Isn't that exactly what you always do?" I asked in return. _

_And you simply answered: "I'm used to it. 'The one advantage of playing with fire is that one never gets even singed. It's the people who don't know how to play with it who get burned up.' Not my words, just quoting." _

Angeal knew that Genesis had always trusted his feelings, very often blindly, and usually, it had been the right decision. The situation they found themselves in now was all about emotions, so Genesis should have been in his element. Yet somehow…

He was still unsure what it was that bothered him. Maybe the fact that whenever they came close to the more physical dimension of their relationship, Genesis seemed to oscillate between two different sides again, only this time, these sides were mutually exclusive. On the one hand, he appeared so heavily insecure, as if he had never experienced anything close to romance before, not even the simple stuff like kissing and holding hands. Yet there were also times when he turned into the exact opposite, knowing only too well how to make the right move at the right moment. Genesis had always been a person to turn heads when he only walked by, so surely all those looks and barely veiled implications must have led to some sort of experience by now. Everything else would have been odd… Still, there was this other sort of behaviour implying exactly that.

_It has to be one or the other. It can't possibly be both. That's as impossible as darkness and light at the same time…_

As soon as he had finished that thought, he could almost hear Genesis' playfully teasing voice, "_Well, you know, there's always twilight…", _anddespite those rather serious questions on his mind, Angeal had to smile for a second.

_Only in that case, there is no such thing as a path in the middle, precious. Your own words. Sometimes you act like you are entirely comfortable, and sometimes like you are scared to death, and I have no idea why. Maybe I should simply consider asking you openly. Can't be that bad, can it?_

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

Laying on his bed and staring blankly into the semi-darkness of his room, Genesis had drifted into a strange state between being asleep and being awake. Despite the fact that he was incredibly tired, the thoughts in his head kept turning over and over. _What is wrong with me? Isn't this all I ever wanted in the first place? For Gaia's sake, it's all about emotions, so why do I find it so difficult to deal with?_ And finally, the essential question formed on his mind: _Could it be that in the end, for the first time ever, I'm afraid of my own feelings?_


	8. Questions, 2

**A/N:** Heya! I'm back... Finally.

Can't believe I haven't updated for almost two months (that's a new negative record). This time, I have a really good excuse though: I finally got a job, and the first weeks were marked by a constant lack of time and energy for anything not having to do with work.

However, I'm back on track now.

This upcoming chapter here might be a tiny bit… let's call it _weak_. It's actually just a (looong) transition to finally get closer to the main events of the story. I fought with it for a long time now, and it's not getting better anymore. So I figured I just upload it anyway…

**However, t****hanks for all your patience and support so far! Love you guys!**

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**

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

When Genesis woke up again, the first pale morning light was seeping through the window, bathing the room in an almost surreal glow. Immediately, he felt irritated and still dead tired, as if he hadn't slept at all. To complete this perfect chain of unpleasant sensations, his head hurt, in an annoying way that resembled being run through by thin needles; and trying to get his mind to work took a lot more time and effort than it should have. Something had woken him, he knew that much… After concentrating hard for another moment, he realized what it was, almost too mundane to be true: His mobile. Ringing.

Although everything was still a mere blur in front of his eyes, he somehow managed to make out the name featured on the display.

Drowsily, he accepted the call with a short and almost impolite: "What is it?"

"Good morning, first of all. At least you sound alive, so that's something, I guess. Well, I just thought I'd better check on you. Good thing I did, for judging by the sound of your voice, you didn't even get out of bed yet…" The caller's tone shifted from slightly concerned to amused with an edge of underlying affection: "In that case: Rise and shine, darling. And hurry, I'm waiting."

Getting up? Already? The mere thought of opening his eyes again was causing Genesis more headaches. "For the love of the Goddess, Angeal, stop throwing profanities at me in the middle of the night."

The answer came almost immediately: "Oh dear… if you still think it's in the middle of the night, you should check your watch. Or get a new one, preferably."

_What the…?_ With half open eyes, Genesis looked at his mobile display again. In the next second, he was wide awake and managed to get out of bed with a fast but slightly uncoordinated movement, a manoeuvre that would have cause anybody else to end up on the floor. Genesis, however, made it look almost graceful. Cursing under his breath, he ignored another intense attack of nausea almost blocking out the headache, reminding him that he should maybe consider getting up less fluently next time. If there would ever be a next time… He wasn't intending to make a habit out of it.

Meanwhile, Angeal had arrived outside Genesis' room and leaned to the wall in a casual waiting position. No one would have been able to tell, not by his expression at least, but he felt almost upsettingly relieved.

It was a kind of tradition that whenever they started their working day at the same time, Genesis would come down to pick his friend up, and even if it was just for the way over to the Shinra headquarter, it was something that belonged to their everyday routine like the uniforms they wore. As far as Angeal could remember, Genesis had never been late, not even once, so when he didn't show up this morning, he had begun to worry. Immediately, his rational mind had informed him that there were two options, and neither was significantly better than the other: This could only be a continuation of the somehow strange behaviour Genesis had shown last night, or a sign that something worse had happened.

Knowing now that Genesis had just overslept for virtually the first time ever, and ignoring that low, concerned voice at the back of his mind informing him that this unusual fact still deserved some kind of worried attention, Angeal decided not to broach the issue any further.

When the door finally opened just minutes later, Angeal realized to his surprise that despite the fact that he had obviously hurried immensely, Genesis somehow managed to look perfect as usual, regardless of that slightly-too-pale-to-be-healthy complexion and those bleary eyes.

One of their colleagues had once set up the theory that attractive people could be split into two groups, according to the secret of their perfection: The first group of those selected few simply never appeared tired or ill, and the second group still looked amazing when being completely exhausted or painfully sick. Genesis definitely belonged to the second group, for even on the brink of death, his looks had remained stunning, in a painfully fragile way reminding of certain dark gothic paintings.

"Hey." Just a single, almost inaudible word that still remained hanging in the air, making it oscillate in perfect waves of voiceless sound that could be felt rather than heard.

"Hey," Angeal returned a tiny bit firmer, without being able to achieve the same effect. For a moment, he was hypnotized once again, rooted to the spot by the sheer intensity of those bright blue eyes looking up at him.

As if he was aware of this fact, Genesis finally lowered his glance. "Guess we will be late…"

"Not necessarily. I recommend we better get moving, preferably at a faster pace than usual," Angeal returned, and with a sigh, Genesis nodded. _I can't believe I'm doing this. It's so… childish._

Still, right in the next second, they were both running down the hallway as if someone had called out a summon right behind them.

Over in the main building, and still at the same speed, they avoided a collision with a few Turks basically in the last minute; and despite Genesis' brief apology, one of them shouted: "For Gaia's sake, you are Firsts and not some infantry rookies. Act accordingly, or I'll file a complaint for inappropriate behaviour!"

At the very last second, they made it to their destination, which didn't disguise the fact that they were the last two people arriving there. Of course Instructor Marlowe noticed that circumstance, too. Ignoring Angeal completely, he gave Genesis an impatient look and announced: "Well, Rhapsodos, I'm glad you made it. Should I send you a written invitation next time?"

"Not necessary, Sir," Genesis returned in a rather cold, but not yet impolite tone. Still, if looks could kill, Shinra would have been in desperate need for a new senior instructor.

Some people would not really understand what had happened between the two of them, and why they still hadn't resolved their disputes during the two years that Genesis had been a member of the SOLDIER unit by now.

That excluded, however, all those who had been there on the fateful morning when Marlowe had been given the order to address a speech to the whole unit, especially to the new cadets. And Genesis, one of those newly promoted Third Classes back then, remembered their first meeting almost too well…

_It was nothing extraordinary, just__ one of those pathetic speeches you get to hear after every promotion. Once Marlowe had finished, he called out the names of the newly promoted, to introduce them shortly to the rest of the SOLDIER unit. _

_When he called out Genesis' name, the addressed stepped forward like all the others to join their line, not expecting anything to happen. But to everybody's surprise, Marlowe frowned, paused for a minute, and after giving Genesis a long, not very polite glance he announced: "So that is you. I'm really surprised you made it, and far from pleased, of course."_

_Genesis looked at him in utter surprise. "Sir?"_

"_Oh, come on," Marlowe returned, "Don't play dumb now, will you? Let me tell you something: I was with this unit from the very beginning, amongst the first instructors who formed it into what it is today, a symbol of strength, determination and loyalty. The SOLDIER unit is Shinra's elite force, and therefore, entering is not like joining a club. Only a very small percentage of people deserves to belong to the selected few, but things changed quite a bit in the recent years, and every now and then someone who obviously shouldn't be here manages to sneak his way in. Unfortunately, there's not much I can do, but that doesn't mean I'll accept it."_

_Listening to that speech, Genesis' mood had darkened considerably. True, he hadn't performed as well as some of the others in the required exams, but he had fought hard for his place, even harder than most of them, considering the hell that initial Mako treatment had put him through. Speaking up to a superior was almost always considered suicidal, but Genesis felt he had to try at least: "Sir, do you intend to criticize me?"_

"_I'm not criticizing you, not at all. I'm criticizing that person who had the stupid idea you could be a valuable asset to this unit."_

_Genesis couldn't believe it. He had never met this man before, meaning that the other did not even know him at all and still dared to deliver such a judgement. Although anger started to rush like a flood wave through his veins, Genesis had learned what he could afford in his position and what he should better leave undone. Angeal's constant lectures about composure seemed to show some effect after all. So he pulled himself together and returned: "Sir, I ask permission to speak."_

_Marlowe flashed him a bright grin that did not really look encouraging, and stepped closer. "Should I really listen to whatever it is you have to say? Well, chances are it could be entertaining. Permission granted."_

"_Sir, with all due respect, but this is the first time we meet, and therefore you have never seen any of my abilities, so I don't think you can legitimately judge…"_

_He should have known that Marlowe would not even give him the chance to finish the sentence. "I take the freedom to interrupt here, before things get too pathetic. Tell me, Cadet, do you know what experience is?"_

"_Yes, Sir, I do," Genesis replied slowly. He just knew there had to be a catch…_

"_So __would you agree that if I have been to a certain place often enough, I don't need to go there once again in order to tell you something about it?"_

"_Sir, I honestly don't think that…"_

_Marlow's grin disappeared within seconds. "I did ask you a question, if I remember correctly. Do you accept the value of experience, yes or no?"_

"_Yes," Genesis answered, a bit lower than before and omitting the omnipresent 'Sir' at the end, an impoliteness Marlowe seemed to ignore for the moment being, which , however, did not mean that his mood had softened. Quite the opposite._

"_Well, in case you didn't listen to what I told you before, which wouldn't surprise me at all, I was with this unit from day one. I have seen countless young men, and my first impression never betrayed me. I could always tell with only one glance if someone had what it takes to make it, or not. I've been looking at you for a few minutes now, and it's not getting better. To make this point entirely clear: in my very personal opinion, you haven't got what it takes to be here, and therefore you shouldn't have been promoted to this unit in the first place." With these words, he turned around to return to his former position. Obviously, the conversation was over for him._

"_Sir, I respect your experience and your opinion," Genesis continued nevertheless. "But don't you think if everybody else has a different impression, that yours could be wrong?"_

_Marlowe spun around, first confused, then obviously downright angry. "How dare you speak to me like that? Well, tell me, Cadet, did or didn't you suffer from major adverse reactions after the initial Mako treatment?"_

_Of course he knew about that. It was somewhere between the lines in Genesis' official report. True, that file did not mention how bad exactly those reactions had been, but the point as such, however common it was, seemed enough for the instructor to form a killing argument._

"_I'm waiting for your answer. Or have you gone mute now?"_

_There really was no other way than to admit it. "That's true, Sir."_

"_So it is true. And why did this happen__?"_

_How was Genesis supposed to answer a question which, according to the whole bunch of scientists who had been responsible for his case, was still unclear? It didn't really matter, because before he could even get a single word in, Marlowe continued: "Because you are weak. That's the whole point here. You are too weak, Cadet, and that's exactly why you don't belong here. Somebody obviously had a different impression, I can't help it, but rest assured that I will do my best to correct that mistake."_

While they hurried over to the rest of their group, Angeal tried to steal another glance of his best friend. If he had learned one thing in all these years, it was that telling Genesis he would not be able to achieve something was almost guaranteed to make him try even harder. Reverse psychology at its best, maybe the very reason why he was proving Marlowe wrong for two years now.

"Well, Gentlemen, now that we are complete, let me briefly remind of next week's Annual Company Ball," the instructor started to announce.

"Oh damned, I almost forgot about that…" Genesis whispered, careful not to draw any more unwanted attention.

"Guess you are not the only one," Angeal returned equally low. Nothing to get too exited about, just one of those superior show-off events President Shinra felt obliged to host every once in a while, with the result that some people ended up seriously overworked organizing and running the whole thing, and others completely bored – or drunk – attending it. Ignoring the small percentage that actually seemed to enjoy those gatherings, of course.

"As you might recall, I have the pleasure of organizing security measures for this event. And in addition, President Shinra has stated explicitly that all available SOLDIERs are expected to take part in some way or the other," Marlowe paused shortly, before he continued: "You will now receive a detailed order in print, informing you about your exact position and tasks for that night; and an additional copy will be sent to your email account as we speak."

He handed the first SOLDIER standing next to him a pile of paper to pass along. After just a few seconds, the first comments and sighs became audible.

"Any questions?" Marlowe asked briefly, in a tone that basically shouted _You better don't dare to ask or criticize anything_.

Nevertheless, Genesis immediately raised his hand. "Excuse me, Sir, but is that supposed to say…"

A faint grin appeared on the instructor's face, showing some sort of satisfaction. "I thought you were at least able to read, Lieutenant. However, if that's not the case: Your status is stand-by. Do I need to spell it for you?"

"But Sir…"

Marlowe's face darkened. "When will you finally learn not to contradict superior officers? That's a lesson taught during the first days in the infantry, Lieutenant. Obviously you have not been paying attention back then, which is not really surprising at all, considering your generally short attention span. I don't think I have to justify my decisions; but for your personal information, I would like to add that you can't possibly expect me to trust you in a major matter of security with a current capability level of only 75 percent."

"80," Genesis insisted defiantly.

_78__.5, to be precise_, Angeal immediately corrected him, but only in his thoughts. Ignoring the fact that Marlowe had a point, he completely understood why Genesis was that upset. It was not because he had been particularly keen on this assignment, but with every mission he was held back from his position within the SOLDIER unit was weakened and became questionable.

"Whatever," Marlowe returned in a slightly less tame tone, "Under 90 percent, you are not eligible for most official First Class missions. You know the rules, damn it!"

Doubtlessly, Genesis knew those rules in question, but he would have contradicted anyway. Simply because. In the end, it was not the instructor's immediate threat to interpret any further comment as insubordination that kept him from doing so, but something much more subtle, namely Angeal putting his hand lightly on his arm for not more than a second.

_Composure, dear. You are only getting yourself in trouble, and neither the subjec__t nor this guy are worth it anyway... _

"Oh, and before I forget…" Marlowe turned to face Angeal for the first time that day, "Your order reads exactly the same. Feel free to file an official complaint because of that, Hewley."

"Not necessary, Sir," Angeal replied in a firm voice. Part of him was cringing inwardly, for being on stand-by meant in this case to attend said event like a regular guest, and Angeal downright loathed all the etiquette and formal socializing involved in that task. Yet another part was somehow grateful for the chance to be at Genesis' side, wherever that was.

"All right, than maybe we can turn to work now," Obviously the matter was solved for Marlowe, and he continued his lesson as usual. "All eyes on the screen please. What you see here is a make-shift plan of attack for a battle taking place in a mountain range. Using the strategic knowledge I was trying to beat into your heads for the last weeks, who can tell me why this plan is likely not to work out?"

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

Some extremely long strategy lessons later, it was lunch hour. The canteen was filled with the sounds of voices and laughter, forming a constant background pattern, another well-known song on the playlist of every-day life.

Sitting in a somehow quieter corner of the large room, Angeal looked at his best friend with an obvious frown, before he stated calmly: "Actually, you are supposed to eat that, not play with it." _Goddess gracious, I'm sounding exactly like my mom now. No wonder he accuses me of mothering him all the time…_

Surprisingly enough, Genesis did not react at all. He kept his attention focused entirely on the carefully arranged pattern of vegetables he had created on his not even half-empty plate.

After watching him pecking at his food for a few more minutes, Angeal decided to reach out for his hand. Not to hold it - too obvious and therefore not recommendable in a place like this - but to squeeze it for a moment in order to get the other's attention.

It worked as foreseen. Genesis immediately forgot about his artistic ambitions and looked up at him. Angeal registered almost instantly that those bright blue eyes resembled a clouded sky by now, veiled with an expression of deep concentration and a slight hint of something that might be pain, or discomfort at least.

"Mind telling me what's weighing so heavily on you mind?"

Genesis showed him a tired, almost invisible smile. "Oh, it's something completely stupid. I was thinking about that assignment next week. I hate it already, I really do. And I don't even know if that formal uniform still fits me. It's been ages since I wore that thing…"

"Well, it's not like you've grown a lot since then, not in terms of height, and certainly not in terms of size either."

It was actually supposed to be a compliment, but recalling Angeal's concerned remark at the beginning of this conversation, Genesis chose to interpret the statement among the very same lines: "In case I'll ever need someone to lecture me about my eating habits, I'll let you know."

"Point taken," Angeal returned with a slightly ironic undertone. "Anyway, what's next on your schedule?"

"Territorial geography."

"Isn't that a subject we have together?"

Genesis sighed softly. "We used to, unless I underachieved in the last test before First-Class-Exams, and my geography result during those wasn't sufficient to even it out… What are you doing later that afternoon?"

"I promised Seph a little training session," Angeal replied. "You can tag along, if you want…"

"Thanks for the offer. But it's about time you get the opportunity to train with someone who really pushes you to your limits… I guess I wasn't too much of a challenge lately."

Angeal felt the urge to add something reassuring again, but before he had the chance, Genesis continued in a surprisingly light tone as if he wasn't really bothered: "You know what? I haven't done any running in ages. Judging by my current endurance, it's no wonder my capability is stuck around 80. So I would really like to do some laps tonight, and I was wondering if you wanted to join me." Giving Angeal a knowing smile, he added: "Don't worry; I'm not intending to win a competition just yet…"

"Sounds good to me."

"Oh, and in case I forget, remind me that I need to try on that formal attire tonight; for those stupid outfits are custom-made, and if I need to get it altered, it's going to take ages…" Genesis got up from his chair, another smile playing on his lips. "So, see you later? I promise to improve my general mood until then."

And returning the smile, Angeal replied: "I'll take you up on that."

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

Training with Sephiroth was not only an advanced challenge. It also offered the chance to forget about virtually everything for a while, for one had to concentrate entirely on the opponent's fast, very often unforeseen movements, without a chance to think about anything else than the next attack or defence move.

Rumour had it that SOLDIERs First Class hardly ever broke out in a sweat, but situations like this reminded Angeal that some rumours were definitely untrue, concerning 'ordinary' Firsts, at least. Looking at Sephiroth, all composure and completely untouched, he wondered if his breathing or heart beat had quickened at all.

"You look like you need a break," Sephiroth pointed out, as if he had read his friend's thoughts.

"I'm just not used to your pace anymore. Don't forget that you were in Wutai for almost a month," Angeal returned, lowering his sword. "How were things going down there, by the way?"

"Perfectly ordinary. Ceasefire, only occasionally broken by small attacks or sabotage missions of rebellious splinter groups. At the moment being, they are having peace talks for the umpteenth time, but it's only a matter of days until things turn out as usual…"

Angeal agreed: "Shinra can't accept Wutai's conditions; Wutai can't accept Shinra's demands. Talk turns into argument, the war continues… Always the same."

Sephiroth studied the sword he was holding for a while. It was not his trade mark weapon, but an ordinary Shinra-issued one. "Better tell Genesis not to recover too soon. Chances are he gets send there as soon as he does."

That sentence hurt annoyingly much, but Angeal successfully managed not to show any signs of that. "He recently told me that he would currently prefer even the war zone of Wutai over Midgar…"

"And besides, it might bother him much more that they could send you there and hold him back," Sephiroth added.

Angeal looked at him in surprise, before he slowly nodded in confirmation, and then turned to sit down on the training room stairs for a moment.

_Bet you didn't expect that. I'm finally starting to understand at least some of those emotional bonds between the two of you._ There was a reason beyond the obvious why Sephiroth valued the friendship with Angeal so much. It gave him the chance to try and study the way more ordinary people thought and felt. Especially the latter, for emotions were still partly a mystery to the famous SOLDIER, a fact that bothered and irritated him more than he chose to admit. On the spur of the moment, Sephiroth decided to practise something called 'showing commitment': "How is he doing anyway?"

"Improving. A lot faster than predicted. His capability level went up from 70 to 80 in less than a week. Still, he's far from pleased. As long as they keep holding him back from certain assignments and exercises, I guess his mood will be a bit … unpredictable."

"And I though this was his normal condition…" Sephiroth returned, without the slightest hint of irony that would have indicated a joking remark. Jokes were a concept he understood very well, but what was the point in saying something you didn't mean? Just because it entertained others?

Watching the famous SOLDIER walking over and sitting down next to him on the stairs, a movement far too mundane for a person with almost unearthly looks and strength, Angeal realized he sometimes still couldn't believe that their friendship really allowed him to train with this living legend. "Anyway, it's good to have you back. I really missed our training sessions. It is always an honour to know you are wasting your precious time on me."

Knowing quite well by now that Angeal usually meant what he said and despised unnecessary flattery equally much, Sephiroth decided to return the compliment: "The pleasure is all mine. I enjoy having a slightly more equal opponent for once, someone who is not immediately star-struck by my appearance or irritated by the mere fact of fighting a left-handed person."

Angeal gave him a grateful smile, and Sephiroth added: "It's a task that would terrify most First Classes, and you make it look like child's play."

"Well, at least for the left-hand part, it literally is. Don't forget that the first person I ever practised with was Genesis."

Sephiroth frowned. "Genesis is left-handed, too? I never realized…"

"He will be very pleased to hear that. It's one of his best kept secrets."

"I'm not supposed to understand that, am I?" Obviously Sephiroth could see no sense whatsoever in disguising such an unimportant fact. From their first days in the guard or infantry on, members of the Shinra Army were trained to wield any weapon with either hand, if necessary; and in the SOLDIER unit, this process was more or less brought to perfection.

"Well, let's just say that our native country, the Mideel area, is a place where traditions are very much alive and some people still believe in things that are definitely outdated by now. Even though Banora is hardly stuck in the Middle Ages, Gen was raised to believe that being left-handed is not really appreciated."

"Are his parents that superstitious?" Sephiroth inquired.

"Not really, but very concerned not to stick out overly much… As stupid and senseless as it was, it had a somehow positive effect. He's one of the only two people I know that come close to being ambidextrous. The other one would be you, by the way."

The famous SOLDIER showed one of his rare faint smiles. "Finally one thing Genesis and I have in common."

"You could say so. Still, it's a talent caused by entirely different reasons."

"So? Enlighten me…" Sephiroth seemed genuinely interested.

"I guess that you were somehow born with it. Being left handed is more your choice than a natural disposition. You are far too perfect for that. Gen acquired that talent rather… involuntarily."

"Because his parents forced him to?"

"Only partially. There were two crucial phases in his life, when he had to concentrate on using his right hand only, and that's what brought him quite close to your inherent perfection. The first of these incidents was pretty early. We were still children at that time and had just started to train basic moves, with sticks if I remember correctly, when Gen had to deal with a complicatedly broken left wrist." While he still spoke those last words, Angeal's mood darkened considerably.

"An accident?" Sephiroth asked, trying to get to the bottom of this sudden mood swing.

"Sort of. He told me he dripped over and fell down the stairs."

"And you doubt that?"

Angeal shook his head. "You have seen him fight before. Gen's strongest point is his dexterity, and it has always been like that, even when we were children. He's not the person who just stumbles and falls down the stairs…" _Not that frequently, anyway…_

Angeal knew pretty well that his words were not convincing, the lack of rational and acceptable arguments was too obvious. Still, all those years, he had had his strong doubts about the 'accident-version' Genesis held on to. The truth was that Angeal had his own dark theory about what really happened, and as cruel as it was, his logical mind had pointed out remorselessly that it made so much more sense. Looking into his best friend's blank eyes when he had told his alibi story just confirmed this initial suspicion. But he could not tell that to anybody else. It felt like betraying Genesis' trust. _A trust that never existed in the first place… Not in this matter._

Before Sephiroth could ask another question, Angeal continued: "And the second incident years later, during our time in the infantry, was actually my fault."

"Your fault? You'll have to explain that…"

"Long story. The short version is that we were out in the field and his rifle was playing up. Again. Something had never been right with that thing in the first place, but you know how the infantry works; unless you complain a dozen times, nothing's going to change. Usually, it was a magazine problem, so you had to take it out, check everything and put it back in – standard drill. Sometimes though, you needed either brutal force or the right technique to do so. That day, none of those two options seemed to work. After watching him for some time, I decided to step in. In that very moment, I only concentrated on solving the problem, and when I almost succeeded, he suddenly pulled me to the ground."

"Let me guess: enemy attack?" The jade green eyes showed no obvious hint of emotion.

"Indeed. To my shame, I have to admit that it took me quite a while to figure out Gen had saved my life."

"And got hurt in the process."

Angeal nodded in confirmation. "Shot right through the left shoulder. Bleeding heavily. Healed surprisingly well later, still he wasn't able to use his left arm properly for quite a while. Watching him like that made me feel incredibly guilty…" Angeal suddenly noticed that those green eyes had meanwhile assumed an absentminded expression.

Sephiroth got up slowly and moved towards the middle of the room. Halfway there, he stood still for a minute. When he spoke, it sounded confused, with an edge of something Angeal could not put down… Jealousy? Complete lack of understanding? Regret? _The will to sacrifice everything, even your own life, for someone else… I wonder what that feels like…_ "You know, what I usually do is reading facts instead of people. For me, an action like this spells out plain stupidity, while in your world, it's seen as a sign of how much he obviously cares about you. I guess I partly understand that connection, but at times it is somehow… irritating. I'm not quite sure if I should envy or pity you."

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

Genesis' hair showed a soft shimmer in the artificial glow of the ceiling lighting, and the genuine smile on his lips created tiny bright sparks in his eyes, resembling stars in a clear summer sky. For the sheer fragility of the moment, Angeal could not resist but pull him close to indulge in the sensation of holding him, feeling his heartbeat close to his own, knowing for a few precious seconds that they were both alive, alive and together.

Totally caught by surprise, Genesis gave in to that sudden proof of affection at first; but then he reacted to the unusual intensity of the embrace by gently trying to free himself, in a way that reminded Angeal of the kittens they had used to play with when they were children. Those tiny creatures had also fought for their freedom once you held them too closely.

He still felt lost in his thoughts, until Genesis asked with a voice carrying both surprise and fondness: "What was that for?"

"Let's say I remembered only today that you are the very person I owe my life to."

Within a second, Genesis' tone changed to pleading: "Angeal, please. We've been there before. That's ancient history, four years ago now. Why don't you just forget about it?"

In return, Angeal lightly put his hand on Genesis' left shoulder. "How can I possibly, when I have your scars to remind me?"

"Those are still MY scars." _My scars. My pain. Don't touch on it._ "And besides, I need more than one hand to count all those times you saved my life. Therefore, I owe you much more…" The glimmer in Genesis' eyes had changed again, resembling electric sparks by now. Right in the next second, he broke the dark intensity of the situation with a smile. "Let's just say we are even, ok?" And as if to change the topic once and for all, he added: "And now, you get the chance to deliver a judgement about my outfit for next week… Wait a second."

Officially, the SOLDIER unit had no specific gala uniform, but president Shinra, concerned about the appearance of his elite force at high class events, had introduced some sort of formal attire a few years ago. Minus slight modifications to indicate the rank of the person wearing it, said outfit was the same no matter which class one belonged to, and its primary colour was an almost black dark blue, combined with white and silver.

"And? What do you reckon?" Genesis asked, returning from his bedroom after changing uniforms.

Angeal actually wanted to say something, but he found himself unable to. He was far too mesmerized by that sight. _Goddess gracious, has he looked that stunning last time I saw him in that outfit? I can't believe it, for this means that I have been virtually blind back then…_

"That bad?" To his surprise, Genesis interpreted the silence completely wrong. His bright blue eyes met his friend's darker ones with a questioning expression, and Angeal could not help but to realize first of all that those eyes seemed even more radiant in contrast to the dark colour of the uniform, like stars intensified by the contrast to an almost black velvet sky. It left him breathless.

"No, no, not at all," Finally, his ability to speak returned. "It's just… Wow." However, complete sentences were still pretty much out of the range of possibilities, meaningful sentences at least. "I mean… just look at you…"

Genesis frowned. "Done that already. I own a mirror, you know. However, I'm not too sure if I like what I see…"

Angeal knew without a doubt that a lot of people would have interpreted that statement differently. As one of those typical tries to catch attention maybe. Or as irony. Anyway, as something that Genesis didn't really mean when he said it. Gillian Hewley, Angeal's mother, had used to say: 'It's easy to lie using words, but hard if not impossible to lie with your eyes.' and therefore, Angeal was completely sure what to make out of that statement.

_You always impressed me with your ability to see bea__uty in the smallest things, in a stone, a feather or a flower petal. So how on this planet can you miss it when it's so obvious?_


	9. Questions, 3

**A/N: **It's almost midnight, and I finally felt like giving up that chapter. My sincere apologies for any mistakes caused by the fact that I'm tired beyond belief.

Well, it's time to add dedications again. Meanwhile, I have quite a list of extremely special awesome people I could really not have done without.

This chapter goes to a person that got several (much deserved!) dedications before: the one and only **_sphinxofthenile_.** She's not only a fellow creative mind, a constant source of inspiration and a wonderful friend; to me, she is THE writer. If you never read any of her stories before, you should really consider doing so soon. I predict you won't regret it.

The reason why I had to dedicate this specific chapter to her is that she once wrote a one-shot called "Skies Realigned", which has a very similar (mood) setting. Knowing that, I avoided re-reading that specific story before or while writing this chapter. Still, there are some similarities (I'm aware of that), which do, however, not stem from the fact that I tried to copy her (I will never be able to reach her perfection anyway). I'd like blame our slightly similar views on certain details and characters for the result…

What else?

Well, it's longish once again (even continues in the next chapter, which might or might not be shorter because of that), but a 'slightly higher action content' should make up for that fact. Introducing a few random minor background OCs at some point. Oh, and another Author's Note at the end, because I felt like adding something on a certain scene, but not here. All in all, it's something a bit more 'light-hearted' for a change… ;)

_**To all my readers, commentators and reviewers: You are amazing! Words can't express how much every single one of you means to me. Thank you, again and again.**_

_**For sphinxofthenile, I'd like to add: Sweetheart, thanks for being such an endless source of support and inspiration! Remember when you said that if I really got those guys into a specific situation, you would like to read it? Here you go…**_

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~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

Outwardly, Angeal appeared calm and at ease. His whole appearance successfully disguised the fact that attending a high class social gathering like this one always felt to him like balancing on a very thin rope. Ignoring his own recent promotion, a long time had passed since he had last attended an official Company event; and of course the former appeared like a children's birthday party compared to tonight's flamboyant extravagance.

Looking back, he had to admit that the last week had gone by surprisingly fast, as if his life had been caught in some 'fast forward' movement, only to stop all of a sudden in a moment he had really wished to speed up. Not even an hour after his arrival, he knew exactly why he had never taken the chance to visit one of those events voluntarily. Too loud, too cheerful, too fancy. This just wasn't his world, and he felt oddly out of place.

Taking the spotlight had never been Angeal's interest anyway. He preferred the sideline, being an observer rather than a performer, so this was the position he had automatically assumed when one of the higher ranking executives had tried to engross him in a conversation. That kind of small talk required the ability to pretend interest in absolutely uninteresting things and the talent to use a lot of words without really saying anything, both qualities Angeal had never possessed and successfully refused to acquire ever since they came to Midgar. Being his best friend for such a long time, Genesis had noticed the problem instantly. Knowing that dealing with such things was literally child's play to him, he had stepped in and distracted that other person long enough to allow Angeal a strategic withdrawal, but subsequently ended up caught in the conversation himself. Not that he exactly minded, by the looks of it. Although Genesis frequently complaint about events like this, claiming he hated them ever since his parents first dragged him along when he could barely walk, in the end, he blended in perfectly, as if he had never done anything else.

From his current position, Angeal had a pretty good view over the huge hall located in one of the top levels of the Shinra Headquarters. His glance drifted over the expensive decoration, and maybe out of habit, he started to calculate how many more useful things one could have bought with that money. Sadly enough, President Shinra was not known for his generosity in charity matters, more for exaggeration in everything concerning his private life or the Company. And most of his guests seemed to share the same mindset. Still, the formal suits and uniforms of the male attendants looked almost moderate compared to the abundance of exclusive dresses and jewellery most of the female guests were putting on display. Everything was shiny, sparkly, and all those dots of light flying around and reflecting over and over in thousands of different surfaces made Angeal feel extremely light headed after a while, not a pleasant sensation at all. As fast as he could, he focused his attention back to a group of people, mainly higher executives. Although they were standing too far away to get the details of the conversation, they were still close enough to study their expressions. And almost immediately, his eyes were drawn to one specific point. _How can it be that facing this mass of people, I always end up looking at one single person? _

Although Genesis was not leading the conversation, he clearly stood out in the crowd. Angeal had no idea why, but watching him at occasions like this was like seeing an exclusive theatre production. Despite the obviously rather dull topic, Genesis gave the perfect impression of an avid listener, including wide eyes and occasionally thrown in comments among the lines of 'Oh really?' and 'That's so interesting…'. Yet every single time the group's entire interest was focused on the current speaker, he would cast Angeal a meaningful glance basically screaming 'drop-dead-boring', followed by rolled eyes or another funny expression that made it difficult for Angeal not to break into hysterical laughter. Genesis had always been a multitasking talent, but the way he managed to entertain two completely different audiences at the same time was almost unbelievable.

Still, this was not the only reason Angeal was virtually unable to take his eyes off him. Trying to nail down what exactly created this fascination, he had to admit that it wasn't for looks only. They were stunning, true, but what made them unique and downright irresistible was something more subtle, something that could rather be felt than actually seen, an aura – for the lack of a better word. Whatever it was, it seemed to intensify Genesis' whole appearance in the way a masterpiece gets even more impressive when put in the right light. _Here we go, another random artwork metaphor. Looks like I'm not really creative lately…_ Tonight, however, this subtle light surrounding him seemed to glow even brighter than usual.

_For Gaia's sake, if you have to stare like this, could you please make it less obvious?_, an inner voice remarked instantly. _Well, it's not like anyone's going to notice. They are too busy staring themselves_, another voice returned with a hardly disguised hint of jealousy. Truth be told, Genesis had always attracted attention, and when he tried to be charming, even more so. Not all of those looks he got were entirely innocent, and watching from the sideline, Angeal had always felt slightly worried. Nevertheless, like so many other things, the dimension of this sentiment had shifted recently, and turned into an almost anxious protectiveness.

In that very minute, another participant of the conversation stepped closer to Genesis, obviously to tell him something in a low voice. The addressed reacted with some sort of restrained laughter that sounded more polite than actually amused and a tiny movement of the head that was almost too innocent to be flirty. Nevertheless, it stung to see him like this, more than Angeal had expected. While he still tried to fight away this annoying sensation, something else happened. As if he had been aware of Angeal's thoughts, Genesis looked up and in his direction. That glance had such an unusual intensity that it successfully defied the laws of time and space. Instantly, it seemed as if the distance had been eliminated, and as if this moment frozen in time belong only to the two of them. Genesis showed him a knowing, perfect smile that made those brilliant blue eyes appear brighter than all the lights illuminating the hall. _What are you worried about? Don't you know that I'm not interested in any of those people? All that really matters to me is you, you only. _

Instantly, Angeal felt the urge to turn his head and look away. It hurt to break that contact, but an odd feeling told him that holding that glance just a second longer would have been even more devastating. Judging by the almost painful beating of his heart, it might have been close to deadly. _Goddess gracious, you should really consider getting a weapon's licence for those eyes of yours. I had no idea that something could pierce through my heart more precisely than a bullet and more violent than a sword blade, but that's just what your gaze does. No matter how hard I try to find an explanation for what you can do to me with just a single glance, I fail every_ _time…_

Desperately trying to find another distraction, Angeal's gaze wandered over to the other guests once again. He recognized quite a few, but no one he had the desire to talk to. Of course Sephiroth wasn't anywhere to be found. Shinra's famous hero had better things to do, and doubtlessly loathed such events even more than Angeal did. He had pointed out once that too many people crammed into one place would make him feel first sick, and then downright raging, and of course no one wanted to find out if that statement was really true. Sephiroth's position at the top of the military hierarchy seemed to offer surprisingly few advantages, but that was a decided one.

Just a second later, Angeal registered a movement from the corner of his eye. Normally, unexpected close movements like this were bound to trigger an almost instant automatic defence reaction, but this was all too familiar, and instantly followed by a softly purred: "Did you miss me?"

Obviously Genesis had finally managed to free himself from that conversation, and now he had returned to Angeal's side with that bright bubbly smile Angeal hadn't seen on his face for quite a while.

"Sorry that I kept you waiting for so long. I still can't believe that office guy lectured me about ordering paperclips for half an hour straight…"

'That office guy' in question was one of President Shinra's private secretaries, and even if his work wasn't half as exciting as that of any given member of the military department, he was too high up in the Company's hierarchy to be simply ignored.

"Unbelievable. Your resistance to boring topic seems extremely high," Angeal returned with a smile.

"Not even close to sufficient, actually. When he started talking about the advantages of the new coffee machine he had personally recommended to President Shinra, I really had to bite my tongue not to tell him that I'm neither into coffee nor into technical details of state-of-the-art kitchen devices, which would still have been the polite version of what I was actually thinking." He paused, before he added with a teasing undertone: "Maybe I should have told him to talk to you about that matter…"

"Sweetheart, you know perfectly well that I don't care about the origin or fanciness of my coffee, as long as the caffeine level is high enough," Angeal returned, making the first word sound equally taunting, the rest more like a simple statement. Strange, how Genesis' low amused laughter was enough to completely drown all the other sounds in the huge hall, and his mere presence happened to make this evening bearable. More than bearable actually. Angeal caught himself thinking for the first time that this could even be entertaining. At least a little bit.

"Maybe I'm just too good at pretending. One of the few things I learned from childhood on. And believe me, those people are nothing compared to the shark pool that is Mideel's upper class society… Here, I don't have to try and make them believe we are best friends, only to backstab them as soon as they turn around."

Although they both often talked about their childhood, it was mainly about shared experiences and memories, not about that part Genesis had spend alone or with his parents. Occasions like this one, when he raised that topic himself, were quite rare, and the only real source of information Angeal had in that matter, the only way to back up all those rumours and his own tries to read between the lines. "That's another part of the fancy rich people behaviour I never really got…" he replied calmly.

"I'm happy you didn't. Seeing all those fake people made me appreciate your honesty even more. I guess in that part of society I unfortunately grew up in, gossip and slander is some kind of sport." Giving Angeal another mischievous glance, he stated theatrically: "The Art of Gossip, rule one: Starting a rumour, make sure it can never be traced back to you. Rule two: Never state a rumour plainly. Drop subtle hints and make your conversational partner spell it out, so you can always claim later you never said that in the first place. And rule number three: Faced with gossip about yourself, do never deny. Never. The more you do, the more people will think there's a point. The best way to counter rumours is to ignore them, or to turn them around to point back at the person who started."

"And I thought war strategy was difficult…" Angeal stated with an ironic undertone.

"That _is_ war strategy. Only on a different level."

"Anyway, it's a battlefield that I gladly leave to you."

"Always at your service," Genesis replied in a mock tone. After a short pause, he added: "You know, actually, those lower ranks had their advantages, too. Etiquette states that having a lower rank, I can't address most of these people, but have to wait until they talk to me, which they are highly likely not to do, because it's not what they consider appropriate. That tended to save me from lots of tiring conversations. Being a First now made things much more complicated…"

"Shinra should really consider paying a bonus for surviving official Company events… Although I guess their lawyers would claim it's nothing but occupational hazard."

"Why don't you ask the President himself? Tonight is the ideal opportunity…"

"Maybe, but I don't have any of your charming skills. And besides, I guess he spend too much money on state-of-the-art coffee machines lately."

Looking at each other, they burst out laughing, until someone very audibly cleared his throat right behind them. Registering Marlowe's presence, both sprung to attention in the split of a second.

"Excuse us, Sir," Genesis hurried to add in a tone that sounded surprisingly guilty, although Angeal was sure that this sentiment wasn't heartfelt.

However, Marlowe ignored the apology completely. "Well, I'm happy to see you are having a good time." His tone indicated quite the opposite. "Let me remind you that you are not attending this event for your personal entertainment."

"How could I ever forget that?" Genesis added immediately in a low, yet very audible tone.

Not wanting to give Marlowe time to comment on that remark, Angeal inquired: "Another assignment, Sir?"

"Don't get your hopes up, Lieutenant. Chances are you might not really like it, and if you do, I sure as hell won't. As you might have noticed, President Shinra invited his niece and some of her friends for tonight, and he wants to make sure the young ladies will enjoy their stay here."

Angeal realized that Genesis' had assumed his famous 'I don't like where this is going' expression. "So what do you want us to do? Have a little chat with them?"

"Not really. There are more than enough people around to take care of that part, but only a very limited number of these guys have actual dancing skills."

"Dancing skills?" Angeal suddenly had a vague idea what this was all about. One of the requirements to be promoted into an officer's rank included obligatory courses in supposedly outdated subjects such as etiquette and decorum, and dancing came as part of it. Those skills were hardly ever necessary, but tonight's battle was obviously fought with unusual weapons.

"You heard me, Lieutenant. The president thought it would be nice if we could find them some decent dancing partners, at least for the opening dance, and he was more than pleased when I recommended some of my Firsts. It's an honourable task, and of course I expect you not to take advantage of the situation."

Before Angeal could add anything, Genesis voiced a surprisingly tame "Sir, I'm sure there are more than enough volunteers for that task…"

"Volunteers I don't trust in that matter. In case you forgot what I repeatedly told you before, I'm not discussing my decisions. To make it perfectly clear: I don't care if you consider that inappropriate or simply stupid, it's not a request, it's an order, and I expect according behaviour. Is that understood?"

The instructor didn't even bother to wait for the obligatory 'Yes, Sir.' He seemed far too determined to continue his search for other possible 'volunteers'.

Angeal and Genesis exchanged a long glance. Apparently, Genesis hadn't made up his mind yet if laughing or cursing was the more appropriate reaction.

"Hey guys. Did you just receive your personal dancing order, too?"

They both turned around at the same time to face a group of other Firsts, almost the entire rest of tonight's 'stand-by' team.

"Unfortunately," Genesis returned in a tone that might have been a tad too cold for the occasion.

Angeal instantly realized why. The person who had addressed them was a tall, dark-haired guy named David Garcia, and although he was generally easy-going and quite likeable, he had a temper similar to Genesis', and the two had recently been involved in a really bad argument. As a matter of fact, Genesis could be quite unforgiving if he felt someone had wronged him.

"I bet that's not even legal. I can't remember a single passage in my contract stating so," another voice joined in. It belonged to Adrian Bishop, a friend of Phil Harvey and therefore another person on Genesis' personal black list.

"Considering that your whole contract states Shinra basically owns you, I think there's not a lot you can do about it," Genesis pointed out. It actually sounded more matter-of-fact than know-it-all. Still, it earned him a pretty dark look.

A third SOLDIER in that little group slightly shifted his position closer to his comrade. Obviously he was taking precautions to avoid any possible escalation. Ryuu Takashi generally despised arguments, a trait that on the first regard didn't seem to suit a SOLDIER at all. As one of the few 'Wutaians' in the unit, he had a difficult position anyway. Not that Shinra tried to keep the sons of their declared enemies from joining the forces. After all, they had supporters even on the island of Wutai itself, and people with local knowledge or language skills always came in handy. Still, because of their heritage, those few had a hard time to prove their loyalty, and an even harder time fighting for acceptance. Takashi had accepted that burden from the very first day on with an almost stoical indifference, but meanwhile, he was an established and trusted member of the unit. Now he looked at Angeal with a slightly concerned, questioning expression, and Angeal shook his head almost unnoticeably in return. _Nothing to worry about. Not yet. _

"Truth be told, our friend here is quite happy about this unusual order. Do you think anyone would have considered dancing with him deliberately? He's not really a ladies-man, is he?" Garcia announced, patting Bishop on the back. That statement was instantly followed by insinuating laughter.

Genesis rolled his eyes. "Didn't Marlowe tell you that this it not about personal entertainment?"

"Depends. You can always find a way to make things more entertaining. By the way, did someone mention betting before?"

"I don't think so," Angeal answered slowly. "Why?"

Bishop returned his glance with a slight smirk. "Considering that you are not exactly famous for your dancing skills, I betted with Michaels that you would sneak your way out of it, for it's either that, or adding to this evening's entertainment."

"You did what?" For a moment, Angeal was unsure what else to say in return.

"Just what I expected. Such a bet suits you, completely childish and tasteless," Genesis came to his aid.

"Now isn't that cute… 'Tasteless', what a refined expression."

"Shut up."

"What'cha gonna do about it, cutie? Challenge me to a duel?" As if to underline the hidden threat, Bishop stepped closer.

Genesis remained unimpressed. "I don't challenge people hardly able to stand upright. Not worth the effort. Now get off my face, before you regret it." Each of those words sounded like the verbal equivalent of a sharp, pointy metal object. Truth be told, Bishop might have had a few drinks, but he surely wasn't drunk yet. Still, his current state made him quite unpredictable, a fact that Genesis deliberately ignored. "You don't really deserve it, but I'll lower myself to give you a good advice: go and get that money together. For you are guaranteed to lose."

Angeal and Takashi exchanged another long glance and reached a non-verbal agreement. Tonight of all nights was the wrong occasion for an open confrontation.

"Stop that, both of you. No one here is keen on spending the rest of the night being questioned by the Turks or by Internal Security," Takashi pointed out calmly before dragging his comrade back to establish a safety distance.

"Indeed. We got better things to do, don't we?" Garcia joined in. He was the one Bishop finally listened to. With a last disapproving glance, he turned around and left.

Once the others had followed him, Angeal voiced a reproachful "Gen, was that necessary? You know what certain people are like…"

"Offer them free drinks and that's what you get? Sorry, but that's a petty excuse." Genesis' eyes showed those well-known electric sparks again. "They made you the subject of one of their stupid bets. It's damned disrespectful."

"Things like that happen. It's not the first time, and it won't be the last. And besides, they have a point. Ever since Marlowe first issued that order, it has been clear that I can't comply with it."

Genesis looked at him with wide eyes. "What's the problem?"

"The problem?" Angeal laughed bitterly. "The problem is that I can't dance. Full stop."

"That's not true. You did quite well when we had those obligatory lessons."

"'Quite well' is definitely a question of definition. And even if, that's a while ago. Over two years, to be precise. I can't remember any of those steps for the life of me."

"In that case… Give me ten minutes," Genesis returned with a suddenly charming smile. Before Angeal even had the chance to try and refuse, he had taken hold of his arm.

Angeal had a vague idea where this might lead. "Gen, that's not going to work. If we had ten days, ok, maybe; but ten minutes… impossible."

"Don't be so pessimistic. You weren't born with two left feet, were you?" Genesis announced, still dragging his friend along.

Angeal sighed. "When it comes to dancing, I guess I was."

"No retreat, no surrender. Ever since Marlowe came up with this idea, I was trying to find a way to get you out of that charade. However, the plan has just changed." When he looked up at Angeal again, his eyes had assumed that stubborn, determined expression that gave them an ice blue edge, resembling a solidly frozen lake.

_I know that expression. Once you set your pretty mind on something, there's no way to talk you out of it. Should I feel honoured that you take it that personally? _

They finally arrived at an empty smaller room. It was a lot quieter than the main hall, but the music could still be heard in a pleasantly muted way.

"Dancing is actually quite similar to fighting stances, you know?"

"What is that, another random image for illustration?" Angeal returned in an effort to sound cheerful. It came out a tad too nervous for his taste.

"Not at all. It's the truth. And besides, what are you worried about? It's not like you never learned those steps. We both did, and if I can still do it, so can you."

As far as Angeal remembered, he had indeed learned most standard dance routines shortly after they both joined the SOLDIER unit. During those classes, he had been surprised to see how advanced Genesis' skills in that matter really were. For him, the whole thing had been a more or less unnecessary repetition of something he had obviously learned ages ago.

"Do the words 'natural grace' mean something to you? 'Cause that's the difference between us: you have it, I don't."

Genesis looked at him partly affectionate, partly reproachful. "First of all, that's official ballroom dancing, not ballet, so you don't need grace or anything close to that. And second, as I said before: absolutely not true anyway." He paused a while, as if to ponder on something, before he continued: "The opening dance is usually a waltz. So let's play it safe and stick with that, but not necessarily with the standard version."

"Why not?"

"Because it's closed figures only," Genesis returned, as if this was explanation enough. Noticing Angeal's slightly questioning look, he added: "That translates as: absolutely boring."

"If 'boring' means 'easy', I don't mind…"

Genesis gave him a half-smile: "Come on. Don't downgrade yourself, it doesn't suit you. Besides, I'm pretty sure those girls never even bothered to learn the classic version." For a very brief moment, he seemed hesitating, almost lost. Maybe it was the unusual situation. "Remember the basics?"

"Not really…"

"Ok, the combination is called box-stepping, because the outline created on the ground is something like a square. Or two combined L-shapes, if you like. Unlike most other dances, the waltz has a three count, like this…" He demonstrated the six single steps, slowly, concentrated. "See? Front – side – close, back – side – close. That's all it is really."

Angeal shook his head. "How come it looks so easy when you do it?"

"It _is_ easy. Just try."

After another brief moment of hesitation, Angeal decided to give in. _Nothing to lose anyway…_ Although Genesis was right and didn't look too complicated, for some reason, it just wouldn't work out.

"Not like that. You are trying to use the wrong foot after you finished the first three steps. It's right, not left. Should I show you again?"

Angeal returned a defeated sigh. "You are wasting your time."

Genesis stepped closer nevertheless, and suddenly, Angeal felt a strange sensation taking hold of him, completely out of the blue and without warning. He wasn't even sure what it was exactly, but in the very first moment, it felt surprisingly close to pain. Confused, he tried to turn away from his friend, with an almost harsh "I told you, I'm not good at such things. Why don't you give it up?"

"Wait. It's not like you to give up that easily, is it?" Those words sounded strangely warm and soothing, and right in the next moment, Angeal felt a hand reaching out for his own. In the very moment their fingers met, the strange feeling had changed completely. It didn't fell like pain anymore, not at all…

"Maybe it was just the wrong technique," Genesis continued lightly. "Remember that rule from war strategy? 'If your first approach is not successful, reconsider your methods'. Let's try something else."

Before Angeal had time to refuse, Genesis dragged him back into the middle of the room. To Angeal's surprise, he assumed a position right opposite of him and gently placed Angeal's arm around his waist while putting his own hand lightly on his shoulder.

When he reached out for his other hand, to entwine their fingers, Angeal managed a confused: "What exactly are you doing?"

"What does it look like? Advanced learning by doing, I guess," Genesis answered. "Less theory, more practice." His voice still sounded mainly amused, but carrying an additional undertone Angeal could not exactly put down. And he had no time to ponder about it.

With a bright smile, Genesis added: "Ok, in case you still don't recall the basic step, you just do what I'm doing, just inverted, meaning when I go left, you go right, and so on. You'll see, it's easy…"

In the beginning, Angeal had still serious doubts about this new approach, but much to his surprise, it seemed to work. After a while, Genesis stopped counting the steps out and tried some minor variations, including the obligatory counter clockwise turns, which Angeal found unexpectedly easy to follow, as long as he concentrated entirely on the steps and not on the fact that they were so unusually close to each other.

"There you go. Now let's try something a tad more complicated," his partner interrupted Angeal's thoughts with a cheerful tone. "You let go with one arm," he gently removed Angeal's hand from his waist, "and lift the other one up like this. Remember, you have to lead. Nothing you haven't done before, have you?" The soft chuckle following that statement made Angeal feel strangely warm and fuzzy again. He realized only now that the almost unnoticeable weight on his shoulder had disappeared when Genesis had removed his hand from there. For a brief moment, it felt oddly wrong, as if a connection between them had been broken.

"How come you know the lady's steps so well?" Angeal asked, trying to ignore that strange emotion completely. However, silence seemed to intensify it for some reason.

"Actually, I don't know them at all. For the most part, they are just mirror-inverted, and for the rest, I'm improvising." From his current position, he showed Angeal another one of those beautiful addictive smiles. "However, don't tell anyone, unless you have a serious death wish…" With a tiny nod, he lifted their joined hand up again and finished the figure by an inward turn back into the original position.

Without even thinking, Angeal placed his arm back around him.

"Exactly. You are picking up fast. Now let's try again, shall we?"

For some minutes, they just repeated the steps in different variations, while Angeal tried his best to focus on the movements and not on the person he was dancing with.

"You got it. See?" Genesis interrupted the silence again. "That's the part where dancing is like fighting, you just have to know exactly which move to make in the right moment. But there is a second part which is equally important."

"And that is?"

"Dancing is also a lot like quoting poetry. Even if you know every word by heart, if you just voice it, it does not sound good at all. It's the intonation, the feeling that makes poetry beautiful."

"You are talking in riddles again."

For one brief moment, he doubted that Genesis had heard him at all. His eyes had assumed an absentminded expression, and he tilted his head almost unnoticeable as if he was concentratedly listening to something, before he looked up again with a satisfied smile: "Now isn't that perfect timing? You just started to get the idea of it, and the band finally decided to play something that actually has the right beat."

Angeal realized only now that he had completely forgotten about the fact that there was any background music at all. His thoughts had obviously been too focused on other impressions. Now that Genesis had pointed it out to him, it was as if someone had turned a switch back on. Still, for a brief moment, he felt rooted to the spot, unable to move.

"The whole point is that you have to stop thinking and start feeling," Genesis added in a low tone, as if he had read his thoughts.

_I think the problem__ is that I'm actually feeling too much at the moment… _Trying once again to derail that train of thoughts, Angeal returned with a slight hint of irony: "I knew there was a part left I would have major difficulties with…"

Genesis lowered his eyes for a moment and chuckled again. It was a soft, beautiful sound that made Angeal's heart beat faster.

"So how am I going to do that?" he asked, another effort to still those scattered thoughts running through his head.

"Stop being rational. Don't concentrate on the steps, more on the music. And the most important point: Stop trying to look at your feet."

The hardest part of getting scattered thoughts into order is to avoid voicing them while you are still trying to sort them out. So before Angeal could help it, he had asked this absolutely stupid question aloud: "Then, what should I look at instead?"

A smile so beautiful that one could die for still playing on his lips, Genesis lifted his gaze up and replied softly: "At me, stupid."

_As if I was ever able to look away from__ you. Never was, never will be. Tonight should have made me realize just how different we are, but instead, it made me understand how much I have fallen for you already. How much you fascinate me. How much I actually want you... –Wait. I didn't just think of _that_ again, did I?_

_

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_

**A/N – the second:** Just a little comment on that dancing scene.

The basic idea came from one of those 'real life creates odd inspirations' moments every writer experienced before. Whenever I write about something I know from own experience, I like to add a detail or two (not more, because to many details are often slowing things down or making them too complicated), not to boast, but to make it more real.

Anyway, I might have to mention that I'm a 'not really good but passionate' dancer myself. Thanks to several classes, I acquired more or less basic skills in most Standard (ballroom) and Latin dances. However, I always preferred the slightly more modern routines like Jive and Disco Fox (my favourite!). Subsequently, I attended some ball occasions myself, including one where I had to find out how difficult it is to try and lead from the lady's/follower's position (and that – in general - I can't lead for the life of me), and one where I ended up dancing with a close (female) friend, due to a severe lack of male volunteers. (Just a random by-the-way: Did anyone out there also realize that modern dance-instructions no longer read "The man leads" but "One person has to lead while the other one follows. It is customary for the man to lead while the lady follows.", and no longer feature the terms "man" and "lady", but "leader" and "follower"? Interesting development.)

One final remark on Waltz: not really my favourite dance, but fairly easy to learn (as long as it's the slow version) and still a classic (most balls are indeed opened with a waltz, at least over here in Europe). Waltz has a fast version called Viennese (careful when doing too many turns too fast; I had to find out the hard way) and a few slightly more modern varieties like American Style Waltz (which was the model for what I tried to describe here), which include 'open figures' (Standard waltz is danced in the closed position almost exclusively, meaning the partners keep contact with both hands most of the time. For those of you who are familiar with Final Fantasy VIII, think of the cutscene with Squal and Rinoa dancing: the start is very classic in the 'closed position', but towards the end, you'll see them doing 'open figures', so it must be some more progressive style of Waltz – although I never really analyzed that scene to see if the steps are all 'correct'). Still, it is a bit difficult to find 'modern songs' to dance to, as Waltz has – unlike most other dances – a three count (might not be the ideal thing for club dancing anyway ;). To give just two examples of 'chart material' that could be used for a waltz (if you wanted): Seal, "Kiss from a Rose" and Kelly Clarkson, "Cry".


	10. Questions, 4,1

**A/N: **Actually, I swore to myself not to start this chapter with apologies again. Although I'm late with updating once more (blame life and its many unforeseen developments), I still think I'd rather have a late update than a bad update… (as usual, I'm not too sure about the latter anyway.)

Well, back to this chapter: In the beginning, it was considerably shorter, almost too short. Then I added a little scene, and another one, and another one... In the end, it became a lot longer than expected. Still, since it took me quite a while update, I thought a long chapter would be justified somehow. And because long chapters are often a bit of a pain to read, I decided (just for once) to break it down into 'bite-sizes' and upload it in two parts (which is the reason why there is a '4.1' and a '4.2'). Right after that decision, I added a few more details I excluded in the beginning, 'because everything was too long anyway'. So now you have a really huuuuge chapter (in two instalments). Hope you enjoy ;)

By the way, there will be a few words of Spanish in one following scene (and more in some future ones). The reason for that is not that I want to show off my language skills (in fact, my Spanish is not worth mentioning). It's done solely for the purpose of characterization (as I happen to have OCs born close to the Costa del Sol, which sounds clearly Spanish to me, although I will never refer to it as such in the story) and realism (even in a world as 'unified' as the Planet of FF VII, something like different languages have to exist, although most people use a standard referred to as 'Continental' here. And even if you are completely fluent in a language, there are situations where you will automatically 'fall back' into your native tongue). Just a final remark: although the few words I use here are pretty much 'guessable' in terms of meaning, I added a translation at the very end of this chapter.

As usual, bear with little imperfections and mistakes. It's quite late over here, and I'll deal with that as soon as I find time. Promise :)

And finally, to another reason why finishing this specific chapter took me so long: the **dedication**.

This chapter is dedicated to a person that has grown incredibly dear to me in a very short time. I rarely use the expression 'soul mate', because only a very limited number of people fit the true meaning of that word in my eyes, but I have a pretty strong feeling saying that this person and I have a deeper connection in a way I'm still struggling to define exactly.

However, before I start ranting endlessly, I just want to add the following:

_Dearest Rene_

_Over the last months - ever since we met, to be precise - you became a pillar of support in my life, patient, dependable, caring and inspiring. You were 'always there' for me in more than one way, and I want to thank you so much for that. Every single line I got from you so far means more to me than I can express in words. In return, all I can offer you is a sign of my love and gratitude, a piece of my writing. I said that this is 'your chapter' for more than one reason, yet all those reasons are very, very subtle and not always easy to define. _

_However, d__arling, this goes solely to you. Thank you for everything. _

_

* * *

_

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

The Annual Company Ball was still in full swing. A mixture of low music, talking and occasional laughter filled the air like the sounds of a gigantic ocean, coming and going in waves. To the hasty observer, all the different participants seemed to be nothing but a huge, faceless crowd, a single monstrous individual; yet looking closer, one was able to split the mass into smaller elements again, independent persons moving in their own circles. Still, their every movement seemed to belong to a strangely coordinated dance. Looking at Genesis, Angeal wondered once again how he could stay so calm in this organized chaos. Was he that untouched by everything, or simply that used to it?

"Well, now all there's left to do is to find you the right lady to dance with," Genesis announced cheerfully, focusing back on the task at hand, as if he was ticking off items on an imaginary list.

Angeal frowned. "Can't we just organize a dress for you? That would save us - or me at least - a lot of hassle…"

"What is it with you that you always want to get me into a dress?" The question carried just a hint of playful reproach.

"Dare to try and find out?"

Obviously surprised, Genesis looked at him with that kind of expression saying 'You can't be serious. Please, tell me you aren't.'

Normally, Angeal would have found this reaction amusing, if it hadn't been for that onset of panic that seemed to be hidden somewhere beneath it. "Calm down, Gen. It was a joke. Just a stupid comment, ok? Even I do that occasionally…"

Surprisingly enough, Genesis' mood flipped back into the original position in less than a heartbeat. "Joke or not, let me make that point perfectly clear: There's hardly anything I wouldn't do for you, but cross-dressing is definitely past it. I'll be hanged first."

It must have been something special in the way he said it. For a reason totally out of his control, Angeal found himself just doing something he would have thought over twice on any other evening. Courageously, he pulled Genesis closer for a moment to whisper in his ear: "Maybe all I really wanted was to see that expression on your face again. You're so cute when you're angry."

Judged from a rational point of view, it was an incredibly sappy situation, but tonight, different standards seemed to apply. Genesis was obviously caught up in the same sort of mood, and with a gesture that was rather playful than depreciative, he gently pushed Angeal away. "Don't distract me from my mission… not right now."

"Not right now? In that case, I'll note it for later…"

Chuckling lightly, Genesis focused his attention on the groups of single female guests again. Angeal couldn't help but register the fact that he had never seen his best friend that concentrated on any female person before. Genesis had claimed once that girls made him always feel slightly uneasy: 'Even if they are nice and pretty and perfectly ok most of the time, in case they start going on my nerves, I'm not even supposed to tell them. So what should I do?' The actual translation for 'going on my nerves' here would have been 'if they start flirting with me in a very obvious way', and confronted with such a situation, Genesis usually switched to the 'cold and arrogant' mode in the split of a second.

But right now, he suddenly pointed to a girl with hazel coloured hair and a dark green dress. "That one."

The green attire she was wearing looked almost modest compared with her friends', still Angeal was absolutely sure that it had cost more than what a hardworking citizen of Midgar earned in three months. "Why that one?"

"Because she is quite ok for being a typical little rich girl. And she can dance well enough, yet not too well, so she will neither step on your feet nor push you around too much…"

"How do you know? Mind reading?"

Shaking his head, Genesis replied: "Not really. Let's just say, her parents and mine used to attend the same kind of parties; and people don't change that much in a few years."

"So you were… friends?"

"That would be too much. We were not competitors, that's all."

With a kind of worried attention, Angeal expected another one of those dark mood swings, as always when such issues came up, but this time, it did not happen. Instead, Genesis looked up at him with the expression of a cheeky little boy. "Should I go and talk to her for you?"

"Not necessary. I'm old enough to ask for a dance myself, and that's what I'll do. Even if it's just to follow an order."

Watching him making his way over and addressing the girl, Genesis found himself smiling again. 'Innocent' would normally have been the least suiting word to describe Angeal, yet tonight, it was somehow fitting. _In this crowd of people, innocence is a rare, precious thing. I really hope you'll keep it..._

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

Looking back later, Angeal would recall a lot of vivid memories of that night, but the actual dance was not one of them. In the end, it was like one of those exam situations: before, you spent all of your time panicking and thinking of all those things you could possibly do wrong and all those reasons why you were highly likely not to pass, but in the end, you stood there with your positive result in your hands and no memory of what you did to achieve it.

So the next scene he vaguely remembered later was standing right next to Genesis again after the official opening dance was over, stealing a glance of the VIP guests of tonight's event.

Although Angeal was usually not impressed by outward appearances alone, he couldn't help but feel slightly uneasy whenever he caught a glimpse of President Shinra himself. This was surely not due to the fact that the President was such an impressive looking man. Quite the opposite, people usually stated that the Planet's most influential industrialist was in fact a man you would not have remembered after your first meeting, if he hadn't had a special way to make a lasting impression.

At the very moment, the president was obviously trying to be charming and impress the young girl he was talking to with his social skills.

"I will be damned if that is really his niece…" Genesis whispered scarcely audible. He had felt surprisingly well tonight, compared to the last weeks, right until now. Unable to tell what exactly had caused it, he registered the slight feeling of nausea with a mixture of acceptance and irritation. _It must be the dancing, it has to be…_

"You doubt it?" Angeal returned equally low.

"I hope for her sake she isn't. For the way he looks at her makes me sick, seriously."

Those words came out surprisingly harsh, and Angeal intuitively turned to look at him. To his surprise, he was unable to read the expression on Genesis' face. It vaguely resembled disgust, but there was something else hidden beneath it.

Yet in this moment, Angeal chose not to ponder on it. "Anyway, I doubt anything could ruin my mood tonight. I survived so far, thanks to you, which means you are officially my very personal hero."

Genesis returned a very flattered version of his famous 'you got to be kidding me' glance. "Oh please, how many times did you try to teach me something? It usually takes ages or I still can't do it properly in the end. Either way, that's endlessly more effort."

"But you really saved me. Let me make up for that. Name your price."

The reply came with another amused chuckle. "If you insist… You could get me something to drink."

"That's all?"

Once again, Genesis' eyes actually seemed to sparkle. "Sometimes I can be pretty modest… Better don't get used to it, though."

"Noted. So, what would you like? Please make it something I can actually pronounce properly."

"The sort of drink that is hardest to get on a fancy gathering like this: plain water."

Angeal frowned in return. "Now you are kidding me..."

To his surprise, the smile playing on Genesis' lips vanished. "I'm not. As a matter of fact, I'm still on medication, the kind you should not mix with alcohol. And besides, I never have been fond of overly much champagne. It has the nasty habit to get into my head too fast..."

"Well, your wish is my command. Water it is then." He gave Genesis a smile, an actual effort to get the same expression back in return. "Don't go anywhere, I'll be right back."

It worked. With a tiny curl of his lips, Genesis returned. "Take your time. I have no desire to go anywhere else."

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

"Just water? Are you sure?" The barkeeper looked at him as if he had demanded something out of President's Shinra's private too-expensive–to-be-true collection.

Angeal raised an eyebrow. He wanted to return something, but a voice from the background was faster: "Are you saying you have trouble getting this officer here something that every run-down night club in Sector eight would serve for free?"

The barkeeper assumed an arrogant expression. "Are you trying to compare tonight's event to an ordinary bar visit in downtown Midgar?"

"Not at all. For I never discussed my orders there before. I always got what I wanted straight away." David Garcia sighed audibly, before he said in a lower voice, as if he was talking only to Angeal: "I wonder if President Shinra knows how hard it is for a First Class to get a simple glass of water here... Maybe someone should mention that to him."

This remark was followed by an instant, very obedient: "Excuse me, Sirs. I never said that. Just a minute..."

"Es de lo que no hay," Garcia muttered in his native language, while he slowly shook his head. Then he looked at Angeal with a slightly teasing expression and added in accentless, standard Continental: "Tired of the fancy stuff already? Not that I can't understand, but water? Honestly... That's not like you at all."

"Well, I guess this whole event tonight isn't exactly like me. But if it puts your mind at ease, the order is not for me."

The other SOLDIER cast him an appreciative glance. "I hope she's pretty. If you get in this kind of trouble for her."

_Pretty_ _indeed, but if 'she' was here right now, you would be the one in trouble..._

Before Angeal could reply, the bartender returned with the promised glass of water. He handed it over almost demonstratively, and Angeal thanked him politely, before turning back to his fellow SOLDIER. "Anyway, I'd like to thank you for helping out earlier. Muchas gracias."

With a wave of the hand, Garcia replied: "No hay de qué." He looked at Angeal for a moment, before he added: "And any friend of Dean's is still my friend. Though I don't suppose you have heard anything of him either?"

Dean. Damián Fernando Marquez, more precisely. The very name Angeal hadn't heard, spoken or even thought of for quite a while now… "Not a word. But after all, he was never the type to write letters in his spare time, was he?"

"That's not an acceptable excuse. A man of honour doesn't simply forget his friends, no matter how massive his workload is."

'_You and David Garcia, you are friends, right?' – 'Not really. We come from the same town, so that make__s us something like brothers.' _

'_Isn't that even more than friends?' –'No, it isn't. You can cho__ose your friends, but you can't choose your brothers. Think about it.'_

Garcia interrupted Angeal's thoughts again: "How long since they promoted him to commander of that goddess-forsaken place in the middle of nowhere?"

_Ages… _"Two years, if I remember correctly."

"His sister told me she spoke to him on the phone about a month ago. By the sound of it, he's not counting the days yet."

"Now that is exactly like him…"

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

Meanwhile, Genesis was still waiting for Angeal. Lost in his thoughts, he had turned to the wall to study one of those large paintings President Shinra's interior decorator was obviously quite fond of.

Trying to recall the situation later, he had no idea where that feeling had suddenly come from. It was the eerie impression of being watched, of feeling another person staring at him so intensely that it was neither an abstract idea nor a hallucination, but some sort of dark knowledge. As soon as he turned around, he would face that pair of eyes, he knew it precisely, but for some reason, he could not. He was frozen to the ground, unable to move, unable to breathe even. And finally, the initial feeling was replaced by something else…

Genesis had no real experience with breaking into a frozen lake. He had been much too scared by all the stories of drowned children and even grown-ups who didn't live to regret trusting the deceiving security of a newly formed ice surface. Still, in a phase of morbid fascination, he had spend hours standing next to a small pond in early winter, looking at the still dangerously thin ice cover and the dark water beneath it, imagining what it would be like. And for some reason beyond his control, this was the very illustration his desperately searching mind came up with in this moment.

It felt exactly like being drawn under water without being able to move or to even try and struggle against the dark mass closing above his head. His body was sinking deeper and deeper, he could feel it, the cold, the void, the way his very being was screaming for air. All other sounds seemed to have vanished, there was nothing but deadly silence around him. The claustrophobic feeling reached an almost painful intensity, and in that very moment, there was a sound. A low grating sound, like a breaking mirror, or splitting ice, a sound that belonged to the image of creaks starting to form on a smooth surface, extending and multiplying like a giant spider web, until everything would turn into an explosion of vicious, tiny shards. With a frightening certainty, he became aware of the fact that the sound seemed to be located in his head, actually being more a sensation than an audible event. Something inside his mind was about to break, right now. _Oh Goddess, no…_

But the world around him did not explode. And than, suddenly, as unexpected as it had started, the feeling disappeared again. Only now Genesis realized that his left hand rested against the wall, as if he had reached out for some sort of hold, some sort of anchor to reality in sheer desperation. _What's wrong with me? Not a single panic attack during all of last week, and now that?_

Before he could come up with an answer, a familiar voice asked the very same question: "Gen? What's wrong?"

Looking up as his best friend, Genesis tried to show a reassuring smile. "I just… feel a bit dizzy, that's all." He tried to ignore the raging feeling of sickness that had taken hold of him again, proving this sentence untrue in an almost painful way. For a few seconds, Genesis tried to come to terms with the fact that he was actually close to throwing up. _That's not going to happen, not here, not in front of all those people. I'd rather die… _

In a voiceless command, Angeal handed him the glass of water.

Genesis took a few slow sips. The ice cold liquid running down his throat was strangely calming, despite the fact that it reminded him of what had happened just moments ago. That vision – for the lack of a better word - still had a frightening hold over him, like some kind of nightmare that can't be erased completely by turning on the light.

Apparently, his expression gave him away far too clearly, as Angeal cast him a slightly worried glance, before he reached out for his arm. "Come on; let's get out off here for a while."

Before Genesis could voice any word of protest, Angeal had lead him across the hall, out off the door, into another room and out on a balcony. When Angeal let go of his arm, Genesis walked up to the balustrade, leaned slightly against it and took a few deep breaths. With a close to embarrassing sort of relief, he registered that he could actually breathe, much easier than inside the crowded hall. The air had become chilly, indicating that the colder time of the year was slowly approaching. Feeling cold was actually one of Genesis' most hated sensations, but in this very moment, he did not seem to mind.

The balcony on this high level of the Shinra tower offered a great view over the city, lying there bathed in the artificial greenish-white glow of the Mako-created lighting. But right now, Genesis ignored that sight and threw a glance up to the sky above them, followed by a soft sigh of disappointment. During all those years he had seen the dark grey night sky over the metropolis by now, he still hadn't gotten used to the fact that you couldn't even see the trace of a star in it, due to the brightness of the city lights underneath and the fact that the steam from the Mako reactors veiled it like a thick cloth. If you were lucky, you could make out a very pale moon, but not more.

Still looking at the empty sky above them, Genesis hadn't even realized that he had put his hands on the cold steel construction, not until an intense feeling of warmth suddenly covered his left hand. There was no need to look down and find out where this sensation had come from. In return and almost without thinking, Genesis let go of the balustrade to turn his hand around and close it lightly around Angeal's.

"Actually, this is like something out of a very bad romance novel. Balcony, night, you and me alone… The only thing that's really missing here is some stars."

With a tiny smile playing on his lips, Genesis returned: "My thoughts exactly. This would be so romantic if it wasn't Midgar. How I hate that city!"

Neither of them spoke for a while, until Angeal suddenly voiced an unexpected question: "Are you happy?"

Genesis looked at him with a slight frown. "What do you mean?"

"As in: Are you happy with the current situation? With… us?"

"Of course I am. Why do you ask?"

"Sometimes, you seem so..." _Terrified. Scared._ "... insecure." Angeal waited for a second, before he added: "If there is a problem, you know you we can talk about it."

Turning his head back again, Genesis took another deep breath. "Actually, the whole problem is that I'm still thinking too much."

"Mind sharing those thoughts with me?"

"Most of them are... weird."

"I don't mind."

"I keep asking myself all those questions... What if we have this relationship and it doesn't work out? Say, we get fed up with each other. What then?" Genesis still kept his eyes focused on the city and the faint greenish glow hovering above it.

After another moment of silence, Angeal stated calmly: "If you really want to approach that topic rationally, let me ask you a question in return: We have known each other for over twelve years now. How many times in these twelve years were you fed up with me?"

"Well, actually…"

"I mean fed up as in 'I never want to see this guy again, as long as I live', and that state lasting for more than a few days."

A tiny smile appeared on Genesis' lips. "I guess never…"

"How many other people do you think could say that?" It was a rhetoric question. Still, Angeal paused, before he added: "If there one thing I always knew with absolute certainty, it is that we were supposed to be friends forever. In case this goes wrong, I think we will simply go back to being friends again."

"Are you sure that's not easier said than done?"

"All I'm sure of is that I don't want to lose you, and that I can't imagine a life without you by my side. Only time will show if we were meant to be friends or lovers, but it's one or the other, I just know it. And as a matter of fact, I can live with both options, although I would clearly prefer one of them."

Genesis trembled inwardly. The intensity of the situation made him feel extremely light headed. Maybe this was right time to voice something that had been bothering him for quite some time now, ever since they 'officially' got together. "I can feel that, too, you know. There is a connection between us, something that was meant to be, just as you said, and I'm about to try and find out how deep that runs exactly." He looked at Angeal with a shy smile playing on his lips that made him look like a little boy again. "It's like I'm standing right next to a very old well and just threw a stone in. I've been waiting for the sound long enough to know that it is really deep, deeper than I expected…" He paused.

"Does that frighten you?" Angeal inquired into the silence.

Genesis still seemed completely lost in his thoughts, so when he replied, it wasn't to answer the previous question. "However, there is something else you should know." He swallowed hard, before he decided that it was now or never. "Angeal, I…"

In that very second, the pager function on Angeal's mobile set in.

_Now that's really someth__ing taken straight from a bad novel…_ "Hold that thought, precious. I'm right back." He studied the number on his phone briefly, before pressing the redial button. It was short conversation, just a few words were exchanged, but Genesis realized how Angeal's frown deepened. He sighed and shifted his gaze once again to the city lying beneath them.

"Ok, then I'll see you in five," he heard Angeal say.

"Trouble?" A lightly thrown-in question.

"Not worth mentioning actually. Incom is playing up again, no real expert around and no one has the desire to ask the Turks for help." 'Incom' was the abbreviation for 'Internal Communication', the radio system allowing the military forces on duty to keep contact with each other. "So they decided that Austin should go and reset the main server. But he is obviously not allowed to leave his position, or he can't be bothered and used a not very creative excuse to ask me. Unfortunately, I still owe Austin for taking over my last night shift."

"So what are you waiting for?"

Angeal looked at him slightly reproachful. _Isn't that obvious?_ "You wanted to tell me something."

"It's not that important." Genesis tried to keep his voice steady and convincing. _Maybe I should never have raised that issue in the first place. Maybe this was a sign._

"Neither is that task. It's not a phase-red-emergency."

"We both know that sadly enough, our job will always come first."

"Am I supposed to hear a trace of bitterness here?"

"Not at all. I knew what I was signing up for; and I guess the same goes for you." He looked at Angeal with an honest intensity. "Besides, I prefer to wait until I have your undivided attention. You know, I'm a very possessive person."

_Well, so am I._ "In that case, I will make it very clear to those guys that I won't be available for the rest of the night, unless there is a real emergency, of course. You will get my undivided attention, as fast as possible." He paused. "Are you coming inside, too?"

Genesis shook his head. "Not yet. I need a few more minutes."

"Don't make it too long. It's starting to get unpleasantly chilly. I know: superior immune system, just another Mako-derived advantage, so catching a cold is pretty unlikely. Still, quite a few things happened recently, and I don't want you to take chances."

Surprisingly calm for the fact that Angeal was trying to 'mother' him again, Genesis returned: "I promise I won't. Now hurry, before those guys get all upset." And with an even softer tone, he added: "And the sooner you go, the sooner you'll be back."

That sentence earned him a very affectionate glance. "I so adore your logic."

Genesis watched him leaving. Before he reached out to open the door, Angeal turned around to look at him again. The light from the inside floated around him like a halo, and for a moment, Genesis was far too mesmerized to smile back.

When he was finally alone, Genesis leaned back against the balustrade again, tilted his head back and sighed softly. _No stars. That looks so depressing. So… cold. And empty. Just like my life before I met you… _

He remembered that Angeal had picked him up at night quite a few times, back then when they were still children. There had been times when his parents had not allowed him to leave the house during the day, so he would sneak out at night, the only chance to meet with his best friend. Despite the chill of the air around him, he could almost feel the soft gentle breeze of those warm summer nights, when they would just sit there, talk about nothing and everything, looking up to the stars, to the sheer vastness of the sky above them. Sometimes, Genesis had felt so unimportant and small that he had been unable to breathe. Occasionally, Angeal would point out the different constellations to him, and tell him about their meanings, and at very rare occasions, he would reach out for Genesis' hand, point towards a falling star and say: 'Look, Gennie. Another chance to wish for something.'

_If there was a falling star right now, what would __I wish for? _He had no idea where that question had come from so suddenly, and why he came up with an answer virtually out of nowhere, without hesitation or thinking: _I wish I could be the person you deserve_.

* * *

Translation: As promised for the Spanish bits… I don't have to translate "Muchas gracias", have I?

"Es de lo que no hay" means "He's incredible." and "No hay de qué." something like "You're welcome." or "Never mind."

Final-minor-by-the-way: Because someone really wanted me to add that… (satisfied now? ;) I'm not a fan of Paramore, but there seem to be a few parallels between a song of theirs and a scene in this chapter (which was not intended. I didn't even know that song when I wrote it. However, I pointed out the – in my eyes – most obvious parallel down there... if you want to look for more, listen to the song...)

_You know I'm suffocating  
But I blame this town _

_Why do I deny  
The things that burn inside?  
Down deep I'm barely breathing  
But you just see a smile _

(Paramore, "Adore")


	11. Questions, 4,2

**A/N:**This is actually just a 'minor addition' to the chapter. Still, it contains a few important aspects, so I would not say it's completely random. Well, you'll see…

**Warning:** Still not a proper warning, but I stick to 'better safe than sorry'. Around the end, this chapter contains 'sex'. No, nothing explicit. No, not even the real thing. Now you can feel relieved. Or disappointed.

Anyway, I meant the word 'sex'. Once… oh, wait, twice. Plus certain allusions to that topic. All in all, it's quite harmless, but just in case anybody feels offended by the thought alone, I felt like putting up a warning.

* * *

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

"Angeal? Angeal Hewley?"

Surprised, Angeal turned around to face the person who had addressed him. The man was about his height, with dark brown hair and a carefully trimmed beard of the same colour. He was dressed in some sort of formal attire that reminded of the uniforms high ranking infantrymen wore at special occasions, yet certain silver applications gave him away as a member of a specialist force, Military Intelligence Corps maybe, or Internal Security.

However, Angeal knew that it was neither, but a rather small detachment working closely with the Turks and the science departments, yet being a division of the army. The Department for Military Psychology and Psychological Warfare, or – as it was better known throughout Shinra staff – the 'interrogation and torture unit', did not exactly enjoy a good reputation, neither inside nor outside the company. Therefore, most other people would have gladly waived the opportunity to meet a member of that infamous division, but Angeal was in the fortunate position to know the other on a private rather than a professional level. Truth be told, their respective jobs had never been a major topic during their conversations, especially since Specialist Daniel Ducane seemed to be somehow hesitant to talk about what he did exactly to earn his monthly paychecks from Shinra. _All you need to know is that I'm a soldier like you. I just fight with different weapons. _

"Dan? What are you doing here? I did not expect to see you…"

"Well, the shadows from the past always return to haunt us…" the other replied in a serious tone. Only the sparkle in his brown eyes underlined the fact that this statement was a joke. "Or to be a bit more precise, the highest level of command felt that we should mingle with the ordinary crowd every once in a while…"

Angeal couldn't help but smile. "Maybe they know how much you enjoy getting out of your office for once."

"Exactly. But tonight, I feel as if I never left my desk at all. You are the first person I'm meeting here who is neither simpleminded not drunk nor borderline insane."

"I'm going to file that somewhere under 'odd compliments', I guess."

"You know that paying compliments was never a talent of mine. Maybe that's the reason I'm still single." As usual, Ducane's behaviour, as well his outward appearance seemed to indicate that he was in his late twenties, although he was in fact twice Angeal's age. "If I had known I had to attend this little tea party tonight, I would have sent you a message. Unfortunately, I only got my orders this very afternoon. So walking into you is the first pleasant surprise on this very dull evening."

Had someone asked Specialist Ducane under which circumstances he had first met that young SOLDIER who could have been strictly spoken his son, he would have pointed out first of all that it hadn't been a professional appointment that had brought them together. _'And it never will be, for one rule I stick to is not to treat friends or friends of friends. And indeed, I consider Lieutenant Hewley a friend of mine.'_ If the questioner still tried to broach the issue, he would have been informed that Ducane rarely spend time in Midgar, as _'that town gives me claustrophobia, which is not a fortunate condition for someone working in a Psychology department. During one of my involuntary stays in the capital, about two years ago, I was unable to sleep and therefore decided to have a drink in one of those less posh bars of Sector two. Lieutenant Hewley had just finished an assignment and had obviously had the same idea. Finally, we started talking and that's how we met. Not a very interesting story, I guess.'_ Everything about this story was absolutely convincing, and Ducane would have easily passed any lie detector test with it, due to the fact that it was the absolute truth, just missing one or two details.

Right now, he looked Angeal over from top to toe before he added with a grin: "I suppose you don't want to hear how much you've grown since we last met."

"Spare me. Now you sound exactly like my mother's elder cousin…"

"Well, to pay an honest compliment for once: You're looking good. Extremely well, to be precise. Have I met him before?"

Angeal frowned. "Is it that obvious?"

The older man showed a broad grin. "Actually, it isn't. I was just taking an elaborate guess, and I turned out to be right. Occupational hazard."

_Already t__heir very first conversation had started similarly. At first, Angeal had been confused that the older man had addressed him completely out of the blue that night._

"_Well, congratulation. A very wise decision you made__."_

"_What decision__?" Angeal returned._

"_Not__ to get into any closer contact with that guy. Believe me, he's not your type."_

_In that very moment, Angeal was grateful for the dim light. He rarely blushed, but the fact that a complete stranger seemed to see right through him and the motive of the few words and glances he had exchanged with that other person mentioned was surprising if not irritating. _

_His new acquaintance continued nevertheless: "Unfortunately, he's known to be quite persistent. So to get rid of him, I suggest the following procedure: I'll invite you to a drink. That should be sufficient to convince him you already got a date for tonight."_

"_What makes you think I'm the kind of person interested in something like that?"_

_The other__ had just given him a knowing, yet slightly impatient smile: "Oh please, as much as I enjoy talking to you already, let's just skip the 'I pretend to be in total denial of my motives as well as my sexual orientation' phase and stay with the current issue of our little discussion. Before you decide, I would like to assure you that I don't intend to try anything inappropriate. No offence intended, but I'm not really your type either."_

Angeal just flashed a brief smile in return. "Guilty as charged. And no, you don't know him."

"What a shame. But maybe you could fill me in on that matter…"

"Well, I'm on duty tonight, unfortunately. How long are you going to stay in Midgar?"

"I intend to leave tomorrow morning. Do you need to be somewhere right now?"

"Actually, I'm supposed to try and solve a minor communication problem by resetting the main computer."

"Sounds like a boring task. Mind if I keep you company? After all those pointless conversations tonight, it would be just what I need. Besides, I'm quite good with computers." With a conspiratorial smile, the older man added: "And don't worry, my clearance level allows me to enter almost every room here, except President Shinra's private quarters."

Angeal hesitated for a brief moment. On the one hand, an inner voice kept insisting he could not possibly tell anyone anything about him and Genesis; on the other hand, he realized only now that he had actually wished to do so for a long time. However, not due to the fact that he wanted someone else to know. It was more because talking about things sometimes helped with thinking, with finding a solution. Recently, he had felt that something about their relationship was still… not wrong, but unbalanced, unsolved, and he had no idea what exactly it was.

Maybe this was the chance to get closer to the problem. Soon after they had met in that bar in downtown Midgar, Angeal had realized that he and Daniel Ducane had an entirely different view on life (and on relationships, for that matter), but for exactly that reason their conversations had always been very interesting. So during the last years, they had met at irregular intervals, just to talk. A major topic had always been love- and relationship issues, on a general basis at first, until in one very desperate night, Angeal basically poured his heart out to the older man about his recently lost love (no names, no details, of course). Since then, he had heard a lot of other stories in return, and so an odd kind of trust had developed between the two, at least in this matter. _Genesis would call it fate. A perfect opportunity._

So just minutes later, the two of them were walking down an empty hall way together.

After they had initially talked about tonight's event, Ducane finally touched on another subject: "It's a long time ago, but do you remember the last time we met? Neither of us was seeing someone on a steady basis back then; but while this was a normal situation for me, you merely seemed to be putting up with it. I told you there's nothing wrong with having a bit of fun with the wrong guys while you are waiting for the right one; and you said that at the moment being, you were not looking too hard anyway."

They had arrived at an elevator, and Angeal took out his ID card, before he returned: "I guess that's just what happens if you are not looking… It wasn't really a fortunate situation: the crisis in Wutai was heating up again, I was preparing for my First Class exam and had a million other things on my mind. The last thing I needed was falling for someone, but what can I say? It just happened…"

"Good old Murphy and his laws again, if you ask me. Anyway, judging from your expression, it's not the worst thing that ever happened to you."

Angeal caught himself smiling at the statement. "Truth be told, on the one hand, this is all extremely confusing; on the other hand, I feel like I should enjoy it. In my last relationship, I only realized I was in love when it was almost over."

They entered the elevator, and Angeal selected the 30th floor, where most main servers for Shinra's giant computer network were located.

Ducane leaned casually to the elevator wall, before he continued: "So tell me about your special someone. What's he like?" Seeing Angeal hesitate for a brief moment, he added: "Don't worry, I neither demand a name nor a photograph."

"What's he like? Well…" Angeal realized to his own surprise that being able to talk about Genesis like that, however vague it was, filled him with a surprisingly warm feeling, a fuzzy mixture of pride, possessiveness and affection, combined with an almost intoxicating quality of something new and exciting. "Let's start with the part that always seems to interest most, but is actually the least spectacular: Yes, he is good-looking; and no, I think I'm not the only one to say so. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm not, yet he is the sort of person in total denial about that circumstance. However, as I said, it's not the most important part anyway…"

"You sound exactly like any other 'newly in love' person I spoke to before. Believe me, the physical part is very important. No one ever fell for a pretty character in the first place…"

"No one you know, you mean…"

The older man laughed. "That's exactly why I missed our conversations so much. In everyday life, I can count the people daring to contradict me using the fingers of one hand. But I interrupted you before… So enlighten me: what's the important part in your point of view?"

The elevator stopped, and they entered another hallway, which gave Angeal a moment to think about that question. "It's a bit difficult to sum it up really. You know, he has this craving for life, this fire, which I find… intriguing, for the lack of better word. He always makes me laugh, no matter how hard I try to fight it. And we can talk about simply everything; still, I often feel that we need no words at all, that we understand each other on a completely different level. Sometimes he seems to read my mind, literally. And vice versa, although I think it's more a kind of guessing from my side, and every time I turn out right, I feel like someone who just won the lottery. Maybe that's the most intriguing thing about him, that he still surprises me. I think I'll never be able to understand his mind completely, and I find that endlessly fascinating…"

"Now that's something I understand. Nothing's worse than a book with the most beautiful cover containing a boring story and a predictable ending. So what I should really say in return is: Congratulation. That sounds almost too perfect to be true."

"Believe it or not, he is perfect. But I have to admit that I'm thinking exactly the same occasionally…it seems too good to be true, and sometimes I have my doubts about certain things…"

"Trouble in paradise? Well, let me assure you that this is perfectly normal… Why am I telling you this at all? You have been dating before, so you should know."

"Don't remind me. Trouble was the only thing we had tons of…" Angeal was unsure what surprised him more, the fact that two different people had reminded him of Dean tonight, or the fact that he hadn't even wasted a single thought about him for… months? _Maybe the most confusing thing is that I can now talk about him like about an old childhood friend. Although I never had any illusions about it, I doubted this day would come… _

They arrived at an office door, and Angeal used his ID card again to get access. After he had turned on the lights in the large office room, he pulled up a chair and sat down in front of the computer screen. While they both waited for the system to boot up, Ducane leaned casually to one of the desks in the background. "If I'm allowed to ask: For how long have you known each other?"

"Although the fact that we are dating is relatively new, we met a long time ago… We used to be friends before I suddenly realized there was more. Guess that didn't make things easier at all…"

"The usual 'friends to lovers' dilemma. Widely underestimated, though it's as complicated as the more famous vice-versa combination."

"And to make it even more complicated, we were always really close and never 'just' ordinary friends." The input field came up on the screen, and Angeal started to enter the obligatory access codes. While the system processed the data, he added: "So I started to wonder if what I was feeling was just intensified friendship or really more."

Tilting his head slightly, Ducane replied: "You know I have my principles: if you need a psychological advice, don't ask me. But this is obviously about relationship issues, and so I will say something every man of my age and experience could tell you: If that's still bothering you, there's a very simple way to find out. You just need to answer a single question."

Angeal turned around to face him. "And that is?"

"Plain and straight forward: Can you picture both of you having sex?"

For a minute, they just looked at each other, while Angeal tried to think about the question, only to realize that he knew the answer already.

"I don't want to intrude into your privacy, so strictly spoken, you don't have to answer at all."

Taking a deep breath, Angeal returned: "No, it's ok. As a matter of fact, I can."

The answer came surprisingly fast. "More than friendship, definitely. Case closed."

"But shouldn't love be more about romance and less about… desire?"

Ducane gave the younger man a knowing smile: "So now we are getting to bottom of things, don't we?"

In that very moment, Angeal felt like a professional gambler deciding to take the risk and play his last card: "To add something to my answer to you previous question: I can definitely see the two of us together in that way, almost too well for my own liking."

"And you consider that inappropriate?" Just for once, the psychologist in Ducane seemed to shine through.

"For Gaia's sake, he's not just another crush, he's more than that… I adore his mind and his soul, yet I can't stop thinking about his body… That feels so wrong."

"Let me ask you another question: Considering your previous experiences with dating, can you remember the closest situation you ever had to this one?"

Again, Angeal came up with the answer almost immediately. "The very first one, since it was the only time I was officially having something that fits the description of 'relationship'."

"Would you say you were in love that person back then?"

"I think so." _You don't _think_. You _know_. Admit it. _

"Let's make that a 'yes'. Considering that, how did you feel about the sexual dimension of your relationship?"

Angeal looked at him, frowning. It suddenly dawned on him that the other had a point. "So you want to say…"

"Exactly. It's perfectly normal that you won't be able to separate love from desire, not in the long run. So the question you should ask yourself is not: 'Why do I feel for him the way I do?', but rather 'Why do I want to feel differently?'"


	12. Denial, 1

**A/N:** First of all: _**To everyone out there – I'd like to wish you a very happy, successful and inspiring New Year; and I hope you had wonderful holidays. **_

And now, very briefly, to this chapter: Believe it or not, we are still in the introduction part of the story… This is the last chapter needed for set-up, though. However, that means information and dialogue rather than actual action. I seriously hope you will not be too disappointed. (Can you see how hard I'm struggling not to say 'I'm sorry' yet again? I am, of course. For being late, for being not epic enough, for… oh, just ignore me… :)

Anyway, we are now entering Part III. The opening quote here might be a tad unusual on the first regard, for those who know the song. It's taken from Joan Armatrading's "The Weakness in Me". Although the title is a close to perfect match, the rest of it might not seem to fit the story, as it is about being caught in a triangle relationship and having to make choices. Still, I would argue that the complete first verse and chorus can be read in a way that would make a lot of sense, if you squint a tiny little bit... Anyway, the lines I'm quoting here should be pretty obvious.

And finally: Dedication time! (My list still contains three awesome people with pending dedications… Don't worry, I'll get to you soon.)

_Dear Natalia_

_I'm pretty sure you did not expect this to happen so soon. Actually, it was supposed to be even sooner, for it should have been a Christmas (Yule) surprise (something of no material value, remember? ;), which is now severely delayed due to my constant lack of time. So it is a New Year's surprise now. Hope you still like it. _

_I wish you wonderful, ins__piring and happy 2010, filled with tons of ideas for writing and lots of funny conversations with your lovely muses!_

_Thank you for everything, honey._

_PS: __"Every time you come across a reason why this just had to be your chapter, take a sip."_

_

* * *

_

**III. Denial**

**~oOo~**

**_I'm not the sort of person  
Who falls  
In and quickly out of love  
But to you I gave my affection  
Right from the start_**

**_You make me stay  
When I should not  
Are you so strong  
Or is all the weakness in me?_**

**~oOo~**

The sky over Midgar was grey. Grey like concrete, like steel, Midgar-grey. If there wasn't such a colour term already, one ought to invent it. It had been raining all morning, and during the last hours, the heavy raindrops had turned into a softer, yet equally persistent drizzle.

Ever since Genesis had woken up this morning, a matching dark grey curtain seemed to weigh heavily on his mind, although he was not completely sure why that was. Nothing too depressing had happened recently; in fact, it even looked as if his life was slowly getting back on track. His overall condition was approaching a normal level again, and even Marlowe had managed a grim 'Not bad' during yesterday's training.

However… that strange tiredness was still there. It hadn't gone worse, but it hadn't gotten better either. And that wasn't even the most irritating part of it. What really bothered him was waking up in the morning with an unexplainable feeling of anxiety and not being able to shake off the weight of this emotion during the whole day, no matter how hard he tried. It must have been caused by something in his dreams, he knew that much, but he could remember nothing about them, not a single event, not even an isolated image.

The sound of voices interrupted his thoughts. Genesis sighed almost inaudibly. According to most of his comrades, this was as low as it got: Introduction to Materia for members of the Infantry who had never even touched that stuff before. At least they all had what Major Stevenson, Shinra's Chief Materia Instructor, referred to as 'a minimal spark of talent', which had been determined through a row of tests every member of the Infantry or Guard had to take at a certain point of their career. To be selected for SOLDIER, a talent for Materia was inevitable, but for the rest of the Army, it was an optional asset, not more. In the best case, they would receive a very basic training allowing them to handle most standard varieties.

Having to teach basics to absolute beginners wasn't exactly one of his favourite assignments; he knew that already, although he had never done it before. The worst thing about this task was that those beginners had absolutely no idea of what using Materia was like, but they thought they knew. Such an attitude was annoying enough in any other lesson, but when it came to Materia, it was downright dangerous. A series of minor and major incidents had finally forced the Executive Board to issue the order that every candidate had to complete a series of simulations first, before he was given permission to handle real Materia, a circumstance most people did not know about until their very first lesson.

As Stevenson himself had pointed out the day before: 'First thing you need to do is bring them back down to earth. It is usually the best option to crush their expectations in the very first minutes, as the last thing you need is them behaving like a bunch of kiddies faced with the first snow of the winter, running their VR training like a snowball fight. It's only a simulation, but there's enough to be messed up. Always start with theory, save the mesmerizing parts for later.'

Hesitantly, Genesis had finally decided to stick to those rules, even if that would inevitably brand him as arrogant and haughty in the eyes of his students. After all, he was used to being labelled with terms like that, not only by fellow SOLDIERs, but especially by lower ranks.

Although he somehow felt bad for having to disappoint them first of all, he still had to smile inwardly. Most of those soldiers were his age, or even a year younger, facing him with barely veiled curiosity and a hint of expectation. Looking closer, the expressions on their faces reminded him of his very first contact with Materia a few years back. Truth be told, there were still times when he couldn't help but be mesmerized, fascinated by the miracle of it all.

A brief glance to the clock above the door informed him that it was time to start the lesson, and Genesis tried to concentrate on the first words to say, looking for a way to make them sound less condescending. Yet in the very moment he turned away from the window, something odd happened. It lasted only for a second, but from the corner of his eye, he saw his reflection in the window glass. A very changed reflection, but one he instantly recognized. His heart seemed to skip a beat at that sight, but when he tried to concentrate on its details, it was gone. If it had ever existed at all. Maybe his mind had just been playing tricks on him. _Again?_

With a brisk movement towards the middle of the room, Genesis decided to put those thoughts on hold, and turn to the task at hand.

"Infantrymen, I'd like welcome you to your first Materia lesson. I can tell you right now that this lesson will not be what you expected, and that you will not necessarily like it." His words were met by a few frowns and low disappointed remarks, yet every single one of them had been in the Infantry long enough to learn the very basic rule of 'Never contradict a superior officer, at least not too openly'. Genesis continued, in a tone he actually hated himself for, because it was plain matter-of-fact, bare of any emotion, and therefore felt like he was acting a role instead of being himself. "I know you are all dying to get to the practical part, but before even thinking about that, there are a few core points you have to understand. Let's start with a bit of grey theory: What exactly is Materia?"

He could see them roll their eyes in disbelieve. Every Army recruit, woken in the middle of the night after only two hours of sleep, would have been able to answer this question by giving the correct basic definition.

"I know what you are thinking right now: 'Crystallized Mako. Every child knows that.' However, if that was the only crucial point, I would not ask you, would I? So in conclusion, there must be more at stake here. You all have to be aware of the fact that although Materia is first and foremost a weapon, it is also something entirely different from a sword or a rifle. Who of you can tell me what it is that you do with Materia in the first place? How does it work?"

Silence.

"Come on, it's not that difficult. Anybody?"

Finally, a voice from the back row shouted the word Genesis had expected to hear: "Magic."

"Magic," Genesis repeated slowly, as if he had to savour the taste of that word, before he continued with a trace of irony: "That sounds good, doesn't it? Exciting. There is just one problem: It's not entirely true. To be precise, not even close to true at all. Sorry to shake your worldview, but what Materia allows you to do is nothing like those things witches and wizards perform in the fairy tales you doubtlessly read when you were younger. In fact, the most obvious thing Materia and magic have in common is the first letter."

He actually heard some laughter as a reaction to the last statement. _At least they still find it amusing…_

"Materia use is 90% plain and boring science, nothing but manipulation of natural forces. As you will see, the harder you try to manipulate them, the more difficult it gets. And there is another thing that distinguishes what you are about to learn from performing magic tricks." Trying to meet their eyes, he continued in an unexpectedly warm tone: "Materia allows you to do basically everything, as long and as often as you like, doesn't it?"

Affirmative murmuring followed that statement.

"I strongly recommend getting that nonsense out of your heads, right now. That's an order." He took a deep breath, before he continued in a slightly less furious tone: "If it was like this, why are we still at war with Wutai? A single person with enough Materia would have been more than sufficient to send that whole island to the bottom of the ocean. But that's not the case, you see.

Therefore, I want you all to know that even fighting with Materia, as superior as it seems, is still fighting; it is tiring and cumbersome, and it demands both skills and sacrifices. You will learn that even an experienced Materia user can only cast a certain amount of spells in a row, sometimes only one, and that there are limits that can not be crossed, no matter how hard you try or how good you get. Therefore, Materia use has a lot to do with strategy, just like any other form of fighting. Don't ever forget that."

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

"Tanner, that's a sword you are holding, not a club, so stop using it to bash your opponent."

The addressed SOLDIER Second Class paused a moment to return a brief "Understood, Sir", before he tightened his grip around the weapon again to continue with a slightly more refined technique.

Sephiroth could not help but feel slightly amused. Angeal had a special way to make even criticism sound rather well-intentioned than reproachful, as long as he could see that the person addressed was at least trying.

Due to the fact that Sephiroth had just returned from his latest mission in Wutai, his daily schedule was slightly reduced to compensate for the efforts he had put in. Not that it mattered to the famous SOLDIER anyway. No employee of the Company could remember seeing him tired or overworked before, not even once. Instead, it was being out of tasks that made Sephiroth appear strained. So at those rare occasions when he wasn't given any work by the military department, he just started looking for some.

Originally, he had just come over to hand Angeal a copy of his latest Wutai report file as promised a few days ago, but in the end, he had decided to stay a bit longer after his friend had made a playful remark about the fact that the performance of those Seconds improved drastically when they realized they were being watched by a 'living legend'.

It was a rare treat indeed, since Sephiroth was the only member of the Shinra Army who was excluded from some official rules and duties, amongst those the obligation to help out in training of lower ranking Army members whenever being based at Midgar with no other assignments.

Normally, SOLDIERs had only few obligatory lessons, mainly theory, and were responsible for organizing most of their practical and physical trainings themselves. If they were not assigned a specific task or mission, the rest of the day was spent either with teaching others or doing office paper work. The latter was of course the most unpopular task available, and even Sephiroth was no exception from this unwritten law.

Maybe this was the reason why he preferred a little chat with Angeal to returning to his desk, although he was not really fond of small talk in general. "They must trust you quite a lot if they allow you to train Seconds already."

Angeal showed him an almost flattered smile: "Truth be told, I never thought about it that way, I just took over the task I was given. It's better than having to teach Materia basics, like Gen, though he would doubtlessly disagree."

Sephiroth looked up. "So he's back on regular duty? In that case, his capability must be close to normal again."

Angeal made a vague gesture of uncertainty. "That's what everybody is thinking, but I have my doubts about it."

"Why that? Did he mention feeling unwell to you?"

This time, Angeal shook his head decidedly. "No. Gen would rather die than to admit anything that qualifies as weakness," _And unfortunately, this is meant literally._ "However, if he thinks he needs to do so around others, fine, but how can he possibly think I'm not realizing how much he's still struggling? I mean, I've known him for such a long time, so he can fool anyone else, but not me."

"What did you expect?" Sephiroth realized instantly that this question might have sounded a tad to harsh, and he tried to correct that while he continued: "He's been acting like he needed to prove himself to the entire Shinra Army ever since he was out of hospital, throwing himself into his work and training schedule like nothing happened."

Although those words sounded rather unmoved, Angeal could make out something like underlying concern. "You are right," he returned. "It shouldn't surprise me. After all, it's so much like him. Maybe I'm just scared it might be the Initial-Mako-Treatment-behaviour all over again." He only realized that he had spoken the last sentence out loud after he had done so already. It surprised him. Maybe that was due to the fact that he needed to focus his attention more on his students than on this conversation.

Sephiroth waited for a moment, obviously not wanting to create the impression of prying, before he added: "You will have to fill me in on that point. It's not like I know every line in your dear friend's Personnel File the way you obviously do."

"It's not in there anyway." Angeal was aware of the fact that he had to choose his words carefully now. Even though he knew that Sephiroth would not possibly go around and tell everyone, it had never been his intention to compromise Genesis, not in that matter, anyway. Still, again to his own surprise, he found himself trying to explain: "He was exactly like that after the Initial Mako Treatment before we were promoted SOLDIERs. I don't really have to tell you that the first days afterwards are extremely bad. For Gaia's sake, 'bad' is still an understatement… However, the worst part is probably when you have to get used to those improved senses. Not that I have any experience in that matter, but when they say it's comparable to being on a really bad drug trip, I believe that makes sense. After all, it made me appreciate for the first time that the science wing is so dull and grey. In the very moment when I first saw bright colours, I thought I would go insane… Luckily enough, those heavy side effects are supposed to last only a few days, a week tops; but after that, there should be no persistent indisposition, until your next update, that is."

"'But don't worry; no matter what, updates can never be as bad as the initial procedure.' At least that's what they tell you, isn't it?"

Angeal instantly realized the slight hint of bitterness in that statement, and wondered not for the first time if those really intense headaches he used to get after every Mako update treatment were in fact a blessing, not a curse. "True or not, it worked fine for me. I have to admit it took me quite a while to figure out that it wasn't the same for Genesis. He started suffering from nausea and attacks of dizziness again pretty soon after we were officially released by the Science Department. They also tell you at least a dozen times that such symptoms could be the first signs of grave side effects, but do you reckon he would have told me? Or anyone else, for that matter?"

Sephiroth shook his head. "No way. He played the tough cookie, didn't he?"

"Exactly. Only after he passed out right in front of me and I told him he had scared me out of my mind, he admitted that he was not feeling well. Quite frankly, it was much worse than that, so I started to seriously consider the option of dragging him to the science department myself to have that problem checked out. Anyway, we never got that far. He had another spell of dizziness during regular training just one day later, and this time, it was obvious what was causing it."

_That's not even all__. You are omitting the worst part of it all. The blood. All that blood…_

"And what did our friends in the white coats say in that matter?" Once again, it was a very subtle undertone informing Angeal that Sephiroth was not any fonder of Shinra's most valuable department than Genesis was.

"That was quite strange really. You know, it's usually a good feeling to see those science guys being at a loss with something, but not when it's concerning your best friend."

Sephiroth gave him something close to a smile. _Not that I would know exactly how that feels like, but I guess I can relate to it well enough. _

Right in that moment, their conversation was interrupted. One of those Seconds had obviously lost grip of his sword for a moment, and before Angeal could voice a warning, that SOLDIER's training partner had continued with another attack that sent the weapon flying through the training room. It was a potentially dangerous situation, since this was not a special sword for training purposes, but a real one as it was used in the war.

In the split of a second, Angeal left his current position with an almost unperceivable movement to pick up the sword right after it hit the ground. Holding it out to the shocked SOLDIER who lost it, he stated in slightly dispraising tone: "And that's why I told you to be very careful. This is not a simulation, this is real; and therefore, not paying attention can cost your comrade's life. A good fighter is not only defined by his strength, but also by the way he looks out for others. Is that understood?"

The following silence was broken after just a few moments by a firm "Yes, Sir.", voiced in unison by both involved Seconds.

Sephiroth could not help but be impressed how subordinates automatically accepted Angeal as a leader or instructor, even if they were not separated by several ranks or years of age. The most surprising aspect of this acceptance was that it was neither based on fear or threats, but simply on that aura of superior knowledge and experience that seemed to surround Angeal in moments like this. _A natural leader if I ever saw one. _

Returning to his friend, Angeal said: "Sorry about that. You presence might have gotten into their heads after all."

"If I'm distracting your students, we should better continue our conversation at a later point."

"Not at all. It's a very good practise for them, because in the heat of a battlefield, they will have to struggle even harder to keep their focus."

After a moment of silence, Angeal continued as if nothing had happened: "So the person in charge of the Science Department was more than confused that day. I only know this because Genesis insisted that I remained present." _Because he was too scared to listen to any word they said, and trusted me to make the right decisions. _Even if it seemed like an eternity ago, Angeal could still recall Genesis' pale face and the terrified expression in his eyes, although he had tried very hard to appear calm and unimpressed, as usual. "The scientist said according to his files, Gen had received what they call a minimum dose. I got almost one and a half times as much as he did, and I felt great."

"True, but I still fail to see what caused the science guy to be at such a loss..."

"According to him, a minimum dose carries the only risk of being ineffective. Besides, the symptoms Gen was suffering from were clear signs of Mako poisoning. An overdose, you know?"

"Of course I do. I'm familiar with the procedure," Sephiroth tilted his head slightly and gave Angeal an unreadable look. "So we have to conclude that our dear friend seems to be special in more than just one way." He had briefly evaluated telling Angeal that to him, it made all perfect sense. Not for the first time he wondered how much his friend really knew about Genesis' recent accident. Judging from what Genesis had told him, Sephiroth could easily conclude that the main cause had been a Materia-caused injury. Materia was nothing but a different form of Mako, and if Genesis had a low tolerance of that stuff for whatever reason, then Angeal could be right and it was just the same all over. But he kept that thought to himself and changed the topic slightly. "Let's assume for a moment that you are right and that his condition is still not improving and in fact even worse than what everyone assumes. What do you want him to do?"

"To slow down, a least a bit. And since he is not likely to do so as long as he is in Midgar, he should consider filing a holiday request. As far as I know, he was even told so already, but he waived that offer."

"That suggestion sounds very reasonable. I think you should talk to him again. After all, you are the only one he listens to."

"Occasionally, you mean," Angeal returned with a slight hint of irony.

"Maybe it would help if you went with him… When was the last time you had some time off?"

Angeal looked at him for a moment, evaluating what his friend had just proposed. "As much as I fancy the thought of getting away from Midgar, I doubt I will be given the permission."

"Leave that to me. If you convince Genesis, I'll get the permission for both of you. Not too long, five to seven days, but still…"

"You would do that?"

With another cryptic expression, Sephiroth returned: "Why not? But don't get too exited yet, you know how holiday requests work: you hand in a pile of papers and Gaia knows when and if your request will be granted… So you better fill in those forms as soon as possible, and I'll write a supportive statement." Then, out of the blue, he looked up at Angeal and stated calmly: "Besides, you might need a time out just as much as he does. You are not exactly yourself lately either."

"Meaning?"

"I always considered you to be the honest type, outspoken, direct. Why do you tell outsiders about a problem instead of addressing it openly to the person concerned? You haven't talked to Gen like you just did to me, have you?"

_He is right. __And why is that? Because I'm afraid of his reaction? Because he is not longer 'just' my friend? Because I…_ he paused, confused and almost scared for a minute, before he carefully retraced the thought, as if to evaluate the sound of the word. _Because I_ love _him too much?_

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

Meanwhile, Genesis was standing at the window again, looking up to the unchanged grey sky. For some reason, he still felt miserable. _Come on, stop feeling sorry for yourself. You are so pathetic._

His thoughts drifted again, but in a direction he didn't necessarily like better. A few days ago, some of those scientists had obviously come to the conclusion that a second minor Mako update was necessary; and it was scheduled for later today, only two weeks after the last one. Knowing the negative effects of Mako due to own experiences, Genesis felt this was rather unusual, if not downright strange, yet he did not dare to question that decision. It would be his last visit to the science department for the next months, hopefully. This was the thought he tried to concentrate on.

As soon as he had been given the exact time and date, he had been caught in an inner battle whether or not to tell Angeal about it. On the spur of the moment, he had decided to do so; and almost regretted it instantly when Angeal insisted on rearranging his afternoon schedule for that day. It had taken Genesis a lot of effort to convince him otherwise.

"_You promised you won't insist on holding my hand, remember?"_

_Angeal had just given him a very long, calculating glance, before he accepted with something that came as close to a sigh as he could allow himself: "Ok, but there is one condition: I'll come over to pick you up this time."_

_Taking a deep breath, Genesis had__ wanted to refuse that offer, but Angeal had added in a calm, yet very determined voice: "This condition is not negotiable."_

"I'll be jiggered. What's my favourite shorty still doing here?"

Genesis did not even turn around, for he recognized the voice instantly. "Shut up, Alex."

The addressed looked at him with amusement rather than anger. Alexander Griffin was a fellow SOLDIER First Class, three years older than Genesis, but only about one and a half inches taller, a fact making it almost ironic that he had chosen to nickname Genesis 'shorty'.

Griffin tended to describe himself as 'just another average blond guy', which was not exactly true, in no way. Quite a few people referred to him as a key figure of the SOLDIER unit, a circumstance he seemed either to ignore or to taunt most of the time. '_I'm not even half as important as people think I am. Just another example of the fact that it's not about what you really know, but about what others think you know.' _

On the very first regard, he seemed a person easy to read, outgoing and friendly. But as Genesis had learned pretty soon, that first impression seemed wrong, or at least incomplete when looking closer.

And meanwhile, there had been quite a few opportunities to take such a closer look. Initially, they had first met right after Genesis had joined the SOLDIER unit, but back then, they had hardly exchanged more than few words, until Genesis was promoted to Second Class and therefore earned the right to his own personal quarters. The room he finally ended up with, only partly by choice, was located right at the end of a hallway, making it slightly smaller than the average room, but offered the advantage of just one 'next-door-neighbour'. This person turned out to be Alexander Griffin, who had told Genesis on the very first evening that he insisted on being called 'Alex'. Almost hesitantly, Genesis had offered the option to call him 'Gen' in return. By now, their relation had reached a point where it was not that easy to define. Stating that they were friends would have been too much, yet saying that they were mere acquaintances not enough.

Obviously, Griffin had his own theory in that point. Showing Genesis a bright smile, he announced: "If you greet all your friends like that, it's no wonder that you haven't got any."

"Aren't you used to such greetings by now?" Genesis returned, recalling a conversation between Alex and another fellow SOLDIER from about a year ago.

"_Oh, Griffin. Still alive, I see? Too bad, I was hoping someone might have impaled you with his sword by the time I got back."_

_Despite this obvious, pretty harsh insult, Alex had reacted with his trademark smile. Only his eyes had been slightly colder than usual when he returned: "And I told you before, if you want that job done properly, you should do it yourself."_

"There are things one should never get used to," Alex replied cryptically. For a second, his expression shifted to almost painfully serious, before it changed back again to a playful smile: "So, did you teach them a lesson?"

"I hope so. But actually, I don't think I got my point across well enough. There are people who could have done much better."

"But most of them are not exactly famous for their Materia skills."

With a gesture of denial, Genesis returned: "You don't need skills for that task. Basics only, every member of SOLDIER could do it with both hands tied on his back."

The blonde showed a knowing smile. "Concentration – image – focus. Repeat at will."

"Exactly. Major difficulties with the focus part, as usual."

"Oh, that's normal for beginners. They are still too excited to concentrate properly. Wait till you have to teach them fancy gestures…" He underlined that statement with an exaggerated movement of the right arm.

Indeed, there was a part of Materia use any layperson would have immediately connected with magic: most people used some sort of gesture when casting a spell, or murmured some almost inaudible lines, a behaviour that reminded of a stage magician performing his tricks. In fact though, it was just an aid to help with focusing, the intense form of concentration necessary to successfully activate and use Materia, like a mantra or a certain repetitive movement in meditation.

"Now that you are back from your holidays, I'll leave that task up to you. How was it, anyway? Did you have a good time?" Genesis continued in a casual tone.

"You could say so. I fought hard enough to get those additional two days off for my sister's wedding. Still, it was totally worth it."

"Sister, half sister or step sister?" Genesis inquired. Considering Alex' complicated family relations, one just never knew.

"Half sister. Same mom, different dad. I showed you some pictures of her two weeks ago, remember?"

"Vaguely. There are too many people in your family, and you keep showing around far too many pictures of them."

In the split of a second, something in Alex' eyes seemed to change, as if their talk had turned from a harmless conversation into something deeper. It was just a single word, yet it was stressed in a way Genesis could not exactly put down: "Jealous?"

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

When Angeal had finished his lesson, he decided to use his break to talk to Genesis. Sephiroth had confirmed his offer yet another time before he had left, so what he had to do now was to convince Genesis of their idea. Not an easy thing to do, as Angeal knew quite well how incredibly stubborn his best friend could be, especially when he felt that others were trying to manipulate him.

He found Genesis completely absorbed in a task he would have normally avoided at any cost: sorting out a pile of paper, obviously test results, to put them into alphabetical order. Angeal could not help but wonder briefly if Genesis had thrown a tantrum prior to this, and what that other person involved had done to convince him otherwise.

After simply watching him for a while, Angeal approached closer until he stood right behind him, before he reached past Genesis' slender frame to pick up some of the papers. It was not a mere try to help, in fact it was more a justification to get away with standing that close to him in case anyone would enter the room.

For the split of a second, Genesis had the strong desire to turn around and cling close to Angeal, giving in that strange weakness he had been feeling the entire morning. Yet at the same time, he felt the urge to make a small, almost playful movement to end up standing more at Angeal's side than directly in front of him. Something about the previous situation had made him feel tense, almost nervous, and that change of place, however minor it was, seem to help for some reason. Finally, he turned his head slightly to give Angeal a tiny smile.

Facing Genesis directly for the first time this day, Angeal instantly noticed how tired he looked. Pretty as usual, but still tired, a fact that was underlined by his movements. They seemed reduced, carefully calculated, as if he was lacking his usual energy. Another one of those subtle signs Angeal did not like seeing. _Just like that smile. It's adorable, but it's very obviously fake._

While he was still trying to come up with the right words to start the conversation, he absentmindedly reached out for another piece of paper in the very moment Genesis did the same. Their hands touched unexpectedly, and Angeal decided in the mood of the moment not to withdraw his hand, but close it firmly around the smaller one. Just seconds later, their eyes met, too, and Genesis' expression became concentrated, as if he was trying to read Angeal's thoughts. Obviously, he succeeded, because he instantly lowered his glance, freed his hand and continued with his task as if nothing had happened.

For a few heartbeats, Angeal could feel an almost painful anxiety, the sheer hurt of being rejected, but obviously Genesis had foreseen that, too. He made another one of those minimal movements, and in the next second, Angeal could feel the other's body leaning against his own.

With an incredibly soft tone, as if he needed to comfort his friend, Genesis finally spoke first: "Don't worry. I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" was all that Angeal managed in return.

"I still have an unbalanced Mako level, they say. After the side effects of today's update wear off, I should be ok."

"We'll see. But I think your current condition is not entirely to blame on your Mako levels," Angeal leaned in a bit closer, carefully, not wanting to risk Genesis retreating. "I'm not saying you are doing bad. Quite the opposite, actually. You improved so fast, in such a short time. But I can't help noticing that you… Well, if you ask me, you are pushing yourself too hard. That's just bound to backfire, sooner or later."

Pretending to focus his attention on the papers in his hand, Genesis asked casually: "Are you trying to tell me something?"

In return, Angeal decided to be bold for once: "Ever thought about that holiday issue again?"

Instantly, Genesis' whole body tensed up. If he rejected an idea or a suggestion, he always did so with every fibre of his being, therefore the disagreement was usually sensible as well as audible. "I told you, I'm not going."

"And if I was to come with you?"

Finally, Genesis looked up at him in surprise.

"You would not spoil my first chance for holidays in such a long time, would you?" Angeal continued in a very calm tone, making it sound like a rhetoric question. Once again, he had no trouble reading Genesis' thoughts; his eyes gave him away far too clearly. _Epic win. As easy as that._

The protest was only weak, obviously in the knowledge that Angeal would not have raised that point completely unjustified: "That's not possible, is it?"

"Let's assume for just a minute it was."

Genesis sighed. "What's the point? As much as I hate Midgar, I can enumerate a lot of places that could be even worse... Banora included. Sorry."

Angeal knew pretty well what he was apologizing for. A trip to their hometown would include an obligatory visit not only to Angeal's mother, but also to Genesis' parents. The latter was something he had been avoiding successfully for some years now. Genesis had never been too fond of his parents, and Angeal knew just enough about his best friend's childhood to understand why.

Still, the situation had even gotten worse right after a visit to Banora about four years ago. Angeal had still no idea what exactly had happened between Genesis and his parents (or his father, more likely) and he was too scared to ask, to scared to remember even, because part of what happened that day was entirely beyond a rational explanation.

_If I had b__een just one second later… Sweet Gaia… _

He had never dared to ask why his friend had tried to kill himself that day, but afterwards, there had been a silent agreement that it was for the best if Genesis would not return to Banora anytime soon…

Angeal put those haunting thoughts aside and returned: "We don't have to go anywhere near Banora, you know that. The holiday request is not even written yet, and we can't be too sure when it will be grated, but rest assured that if we get the permission, I'll arrange everything else. All you have to do is say 'yes'."

Genesis frowned again. "Angeal, I just don't know…"

"Aw, come on, Gen. Pretty please?"

For a moment, the silence was so intense that it was almost painful. Genesis felt as if his own heartbeat, echoing through his whole body, was audible enough to give him away far too clearly, even before he finally stated: "You are terrible. Ok, you won."

"Is that a promise? For you know, I'll still need your signature on that request form." Strictly spoken, it was not even necessary. As Sephiroth had pointed out earlier, any of their superiors or any member of the Science or Medical Department could have filed a 'Holidays Request due to Health Issues" on Genesis' behalf, but Angeal had argued that giving their friend the chance to sign a standard form himself would be a better option, since it implied own choice rather than order from above.

"Just get me one of those things and I'll sign it for you. Satisfied now?"

"Almost," Angeal whispered, placing his arms around Genesis' waist to pull him even closer for a second.

Genesis did not resist, but pointed out in an equally low voice: "Well, that's all you're going to get right now."

"You said 'right now', which would imply there's a 'later on'. Yet another promise?"

Once again, Genesis turned his head slightly, to be able to look into Angeal's eyes again. Their faces were so close that their lips almost met, when he returned an intoxicatingly sweet "Maybe."


	13. Denial, 2

**A/N:** Yay for update! I actually wanted to publish this before going on my little England trip (my first proper holidays in three years!), but something about this chapter just didn't sound right… It just refused to 'flow' at that point; and now – over a week later - I sincerely hope I was able to fix it (not too sure, actually… as usual ;).

Before I start complaining endlessly, I will just turn to the dedication, ok? This chapter goes to an amazing young talent, my beloved beta-writer (is there a proper expression for the person you beta-read for?) and friend who goes by the penname **The Talented Mr Kipling**. (If you want to read her story, you can find it on my favourite's list.)

_My dearest,_

_H__ere it finally is: your chapter. It contains a bit of everything - drama, suspense, science and even traces of romance – and I really hope you like it. _

_Let me__ tell you once again that I'm endlessly glad we met (now even in person), and that I am so honoured and proud to be your beta. You have so much talent, sweetie, and I hope you'll continue to write for a long time. _

_Keep that inner light shining, it brightens everything – even __London on a grey and rainy day ^_^_

_A big bunch of *hugs* - followed a piece of writing solely for you. _

* * *

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

'_Times'? No, that's not it… but it had something to do with time…_

He felt the almost childish urge to do something with his hands in that moment, some sort of mechanic, repetitive gesture he normally would not even be aware of. Odd, but it seemed to help with thinking. Just like walking around, but he wasn't even allowed to get up yet.

_**Hours that are**__… 'years', maybe? Could be, but I'm pretty sure the word had two syllables. And it was more sophisticated than that..._

No matter how hard he tried, his thoughts refused to cooperate. Just like his hand, actually. With a trace of anxiety he realized how much effort it took to move his fingers ever so slightly.

_It shouldn't be that difficult at a__ll… just like recalling that single missing word. For Gaia's sake, I never had any trouble with poems ten times as long… _

Blue eyes flashed open and gazed upon the brightness of the plain white ceiling above, without taking in any of it. His thoughts still drifted, partially trying to concentrate on retrieving the missing word, the simple sequence of letters that would finally make the whole sentence valid and meaningful, partially already turning away from that futile effort. One of those neon tubes in the room seemed to have a minor defect, and another part of his mind had registered the low, irregular buzzing sound caused by it a while ago. Paying too much attention to it turned out to be irritating, almost painful, so he tried to focus back on the previous task while closing his eyes again, trying to eliminate all those outside influences.

_Let's sta__rt from the very beginning once more…_

For a few moments, his mind was completely blank and he felt sheer hot panic welling up like a flood wave of boiling water.

_For Gaia's sake, stop behaving like a hysterical girl. __Everything is fine. You can do it if you just concentrate hard enough, so get yourself together, will you? _

He tried to calm and took a deep breath. And then suddenly, the words came back, one after the other, like a perfect string of pearls.

_**Stars, you are unfortunate, I pity you/Beautiful as you are, shining in your glory/Who guide seafaring men through stress and peril/And have no recompense from gods or mortals…**_

Here he paused briefly, but not because he had trouble recalling the next line. He knew it precisely, because it had always been his favourite passage in the whole poem, so he tried to savour it like the panoramic view over a beautiful landscape. Or a starry midnight sky, for that matter.

_**Love you do not,**__** nor do you know what love is. **_

Another brief pause of not more than a single heartbeat.

_**Hours that are…**_

And he was stuck again. That one missing word was like a huge abyss he just couldn't get over. Annoying - but not something that had never happened before. Strictly spoken, it was a habit that went back as far as his childhood. Whenever Genesis had no idea what else to do, he would recite lines of poetry over and over on his mind, something that seemed to fight severe boredom just as well as nervousness. Today, he was more anxious than bored, although he was trying his best not to admit that, not even to himself. Lying here once again seemed like an odd déjà-vu of the first time he had been in that situation, almost exactly two weeks ago. However, all he wanted was to break that vicious circle, to avoid an exact repetition at any cost, especially the part with the panic attack, though the mere thought of it already seemed to increase the risk. Still this time, he would not fall asleep, no matter what. A difficult undertaking, as time seemed to refuse to pass in linear movements within this room. Once again, Genesis was unable to tell how much of it had passed already, but it seemed like he had been in this place for hours. Years. Decades. _Aeons_… A tiny smile appeared on his lips.

_That's it. I knew it was something old fashio__ned and rather antique… __**Hours that are aeons urgently conducting/Your figures in a dance through the vast heaven**__…_

The last line briefly created an image in front of his closed eyes, the image of the vast but empty midnight sky over Midgar. Maybe the still very present memory from the night of the Company Ball had caused him to turn to this specific poem in the first place. Because it was about stars. And about… He didn't even finish the thought, but an odd feeling of warmth took hold of his entire body.

_**What journey **__**have you ended in this moment, /Since lingering in the arms of my beloved/I…**_

Suddenly, something else happened. Like storm clouds unexpectedly appearing in a clear sky, his mood turned from mellow to confused in the split of a second. The words no longer came up in a neat order, but fast and disturbing, like flashes of lightning.

_I. Memory. Lost. I lost. Me. My memory. I…_

It took all his strength to pry open his eyes again. Thankfully, the train of unconnected thoughts stopped immediately, like cut off. For some minutes, he had to concentrate hard to calm to frantic beating of his heart. Yet again.

_Just like last time… Almost exactly like last time…__ but worse. Why is this happening to me? Why?_

The thoughts seemed to spin in his head, close to getting entirely mixed up like threads of wool in a knitting basket after a playful cat had jumped in.

_Ok. Calm down. Let'__s look at this rationally for a change. So when did this whole panic-attack thing start? Exactly two weeks ago, during my first appointment here? Or was it just my mind playing tricks on me? However, the second incident later that day definitely wasn't normal. So two weeks ago. What changed back then? It can't be the Mako. I've never reacted to Mako like this before. Nightmares, ok, but never in that intensity. So what is different this time? _

Just like with the poetry before, his thoughts refused to cooperate. Yet he knew there had to be rational explanation, there had to be, because the alternative was just too frightening.

_No, I__ won't lose it, I won't go crazy… There is a solution; I just haven't found it yet. But I will. Sweet merciful Goddess, I will._

And finally, he whispered the words, the missing last line, like a spell to fight off those demons around him: "_**I lost all memory of you and midnight.**__"_

Those words were met only by silence.

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

The next thing Genesis registered was the sound of footfall. Painfully ordinary, nothing unusual, yet the way it strangely echoed in his head was far from calming. What had happened to him anyway? Had he fallen asleep again? He decided that the answer did not matter, not at the moment being, and concentrated on opening his eyes instead. Annoyingly enough, the simple process still took an enormous amount of effort. For a few seconds, his vision was blurred, but then it focused with the extreme and almost inhuman precision of an expensive digital devise.

The eyes looking down on him were of a grey-brown colour, a pretty shade reminding of pebbles in a river bed.

"Congratulation, Lieutenant," Dr. Marco announced, far too cheerful and just a tad too loud for Genesis' taste.

"Congratulation? What for?" he returned, surprise by the raspy sound of his own voice. His throat felt dry, and speaking was highly uncomfortable.

"Well, first of all for your outstanding improvement during the last two weeks. And in addition, there is more good news this time: it seems like your fondest wish might be granted."

"Which would be?"

"To stay clear of the Science Department for the next few weeks. Even months, if we are extremely lucky. How does that sound?"

Genesis managed a forced smile. "Too good to be true, if you ask me."

"Well, you won't get rid of me that easily. I'll have a few more checks to run during the next days, but we can at least stay in the medical department for that. Isn't that what you secretly hoped for?"

"Am I that predictable?"

The man in the white coat just smiled back at him. "Actually, you are not. Not at all. But I just assumed you were not different than any of my other patients in that matter."

_Finally, one thing that's not different about me. Wow. _Genesis tried to turn down those bitter thoughts immediately. It worked, but only because he noticed something else right in the very same minute. Had the light of those neon tubes been that intense before? He suddenly felt extremely light headed, almost nauseous, and for the first time today, he was happy that he was still lying down.

"So how are you feeling, compared to last week?"

_Worse. A lot worse. _"Better, actually." It was such an obvious lie that he was scared his opposite could see right through it. Although his voice surely would not give him away, he was afraid his body would.

Dr. Marco looked at him a moment in intense concentration, and Genesis returned the gaze as calm and stoic as he could.

"Are you sure? No other problems I should know about?" To see his patient hesitate for a brief moment was enough to tell the physician all he needed to know. "Even though it is part of my job, I'm not too fond of repetitions. Still, I'd like to point out once more that I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong. And we both know something is, don't we?"

_Do I really dare to admit it?_ "I'm just a bit confused. These injections... they are not exactly like a normal Mako-update, are they?"

"That's right. Therefore, you might have realized that the medication you are currently on is not the usual as well."

And for the second time this day, there was an instant flash of 'that's it', like an illuminated sign on Genesis' mind. Angeal had once told him that intense concentration on the problem sometimes didn't help at all. 'Occasionally, you are just standing too close,' he had said. 'All it takes is a step back, and suddenly you see what was there all along.'

"So what exactly is different about that medication? Compared to the usual, I mean." Genesis knew that hardly anything a SOLDIER was given qualified as 'usual', including medical treatment. Not even the strongest ordinary pain killer would have had any effect on Mako-caused headaches. Joining the unit, you had to get used to many things, dealing with improved senses, Mako-treatments and their side-effects, to mention but a few of the most obvious ones. You also had to live with the fact that a lot of things were never explained to you, like the exact way Mako worked within your body, or how the initial treatment was done. Just as well, you were hardly ever told what kind of medication you received, or for what purpose. All those details were part of the Company's best kept secret, and only few people had a clearance level high enough to know more about it than just minor details.

"Actually, the only thing that really qualifies as unusual is one minor component." Stephen Marco took a minute to elaborate his options. He knew that he was not supposed to talk about certain things, yet at the same time, he had never seen the reasons behind this interdiction anyway. And talking about whatever gave him at least the chance to watch his patient for a few minutes longer. He was quite sure that the young man in front of him was not feeling as well as he had claimed to before, the feverish glance in his eyes, the pale face and the visible onset of cold sweat gave him away far too clearly. "As you know, you have a past history of reacting quite badly to changes in your Mako level. Despite all research and scientific effort in that direction, the Science Department has not yet come up with a way to lower the body's resistance to Mako; so some sort of natural tolerance is still one of the most important criteria in selecting candidates for SOLDIER. Anyway, even a person who has such an accredited tolerance can develop overreactions to the substance, most of the time due to a sudden overactive response of the immune system. Up to a certain degree, such effects can be limited in the classical way, by using immune suppression medication. The disadvantage is not only that this lowers the efficiency of the patient's immune system, which is not really a desirable fact, not even if we are talking about a very advanced immune system anyway, but also that it just suppresses the symptoms and does not eliminate the cause. There has been research for an alternative based on the effectiveness of antihistamines for a while, but scientists are not sure if this will be the breakthrough, or just another dead end. Anyway, I'm sure that sounds pretty boring to you, doesn't it?"

Genesis showed another weak smile. It got harder to concentrate on the conversation by the minute, still he bravely did so.

"To come to the point why this concerns you: Part of your current medication is a substance in its try-out-stage which is considered to lower the intensity of those side effects and proved quite effective so far." _Although no one has an exact idea why it is working yet… _He omitted that part of the story, because he was sure that the Science Department would not be pleased with him passing on such restricted information. Seeing the slight frown on his patient's face, he hurried to add: "Don't worry, that is not supposed to say you are used as some sort of guinea pig here. There was absolutely no risk involved, the dose is extremely low, so it would either be completely ineffective or turn out to be helpful. Since your case is rather severe, Science was convinced it might do good rather than harm you."

"So… does 'no risk' mean that there are no side effects?"

Stephen Marco hesitated for a moment. "Every drug has side effects. Usually, the positive effect outweighs the possible negative one though."

A thought started to form on Genesis' mind. "I don't intend to criticize or challenge anything you and your colleagues have done in that matter; I am in no position to do so and we both know that. Still, could you tell me what those side effects are? Honestly?"

"It's a lot less dramatic than what you might expect. As far as I'm informed, it is known to cause mood swings, dizziness, mild apathy - or in rare cases the opposite, something like anxiety fits. Very lively dreams and such, nothing too serious."

_I knew it._ _There _is_ a solution after all, a really simple one._ "I know how odd this might sound, but if I said I don't want to be on this specific medication anymore, would there be a chance to do that?"

Now Dr. Marco showed a frown. "I guess you'd have to tell me why first of all."

Genesis knew that he had no other choice. Even if it was damaging his pride, he had to admit the problem. Or at least part of it. "You just mentioned vivid dreams. I started suffering from those, almost exactly two weeks ago. As you said, nothing dramatic, but I keep waking up several times at night, which seriously affects my performance during the day. And if it's just for the Mako-level-side effects, it's not necessary, is it?"

"That's right. It is not an obligatory drug, so Shinra will not use its power to insist you take it. In the end, it is your choice; still, as your physician, I have to inform you that if you decide not to take it anymore, you might instantly start to suffer from the usual adverse reactions, like after any standard Mako-update. And judging from your medical records, it could get quite… let's say 'nasty'. Considering this, are you completely sure?"

_No, I'm not. But a__t_ _least those symptoms are something I'm used to. I have to get rid of these panic attacks, at any cost._ "Truth be told, I am."

"You can sit up now." For a moment, it seemed as if Marco was trying to change the topic. While Genesis slowly set up – he had learned his lesson from last time well enough – the physician was taking something out of a drawer, a sheet of paper, which he carefully attached to his clipboard.

Meanwhile, Genesis carefully tried to access how he felt. It turned out to be yet another difficult task. His mind was extremely calm, satisfied that the problem would be finally solved and everything would soon be normal again. His body, on the other hand, felt extremely weak, and his hands trembled slightly. Every movement he made deliberately created the impression of something automatic and unreal, like sleepwalking, and was followed by some strange sort of pain, similar to the one caused by sore muscles.

He had been so concentrated that he hardly realized that Dr. Marco had returned to his side, handing him the clipboard. "If you are still sure about what you just told me, you should read through that carefully and sign it. Don't worry, it's just…"

"A standard procedure, I know," Genesis finished the sentence.

"Exactly. Invented by the caring Shinra Legal Department to prevent even the slightest chance of a malpractice lawsuit. In addition, you have to realize of course that you can't just stop taking that medication from one day to the next. We'll reduce it slowly over the next three days."

"Thank you."

"No need to thank me. Even in this company, there is still something like free will, you know." Speaking those words, Stephen Marco knew that his patient could only wonder where that trace of bitterness came from.

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

Without any noticeable sound, the automatic door opened and he stepped through it. Right now, he should have felt excited, relieved at last. But for some reason, Genesis was far too exhausted for any such emotions. He felt numb, a condition he normally hated more than anything else. After the door had slid shut again, he leaned against the wall right next to it and closed his eyes for a moment. Strangely enough, his breathing was heavy, as if he had been running a considerable length, not just walking down a single hallway at normal speed. He waited a bit longer before he slowly opened his eyes, and realized instantly that he was not alone.

Angeal's glance showed some sort of calm interest, combined with a hint of worry and a calculating expression as if he was trying to evaluate the best possible reaction to the situation. An unvoiced 'Are you ok?' was basically hanging in the air.

_How can__ it be that the presence of every other person would feel endlessly embarrassing, but seeing you here does not? In fact, it's even comforting…_ Genesis forced himself to show a smile, before he pushed off and walked towards his friend.

The very way he did so would have looked normal to everyone else. However, Angeal realized instantly that Genesis' movements were extremely careful and even more weightless than usual, as if he was in pain - or severe discomfort at least - and trying to avoid anything that could increase it. Therefore, Angeal fought down the immediate urge to touch him when Genesis stopped only a few inches away. So close, yet oddly out of reach.

For a moment, neither of them spoke. Angeal concentrated on Genesis' eyes again, because he knew that no matter how hard his friend would try to hide it, they would give away his true condition. The pupils showed a standard Mako-related narrowing, a minor detail only a close observer or a person very used to those signs would have realized, and the surrounding blue seemed even brighter than usual, but in an unnatural way, like illuminated by a strange inner light. It was as if those eyes entirely consisted of stained glass; a sight of rare, intriguing beauty, but scary at the same time. Apart from that haunting glow, the eyes were terribly blank, reminding of marbles or gem stones rather than of something that belonged to a living being. All the fire, all the life that usually filled Genesis' glance had vanished.

"Do I have that scary look again?" A soft spoken question, in a tone that contained all the emotion the eyes seemed to be missing. And even before Angeal could answer, the voice continued: "Don't bother not telling, I know I have. No wonder, it's exactly how I feel like."

"So how do you feel like?"

"Dead. Dead tired, to be precise. Wasn't like this last time…"

_That's true. Last time, you were so eas__ily able to pretend that it had been just an ordinary medical check-up…_ "I'm not really a scientist, but I guess that's due to the fact that it was the second Mako-injection in such a short time, and those two separate doses combined come close to a regular standard update."

"Maybe, but after all, it's not comparable to one of those, because if it was, they would have kept me there for the next 12 hours. So this is no reason to break your promise." Genesis had assumed an absent expression, and his voice was steady, but slower than usual.

"Precious, you are drifting…" Angeal returned, out of habit. When Genesis was very tired, but still trying to keep up a conversation, it usually turned out like this. He'd jump from one topic to the next in the same way his thoughts did, a behaviour Angeal referred to as 'drifting'. _In this case, he must be tired indeed._

"You said you wouldn't take the afternoon off just because of me," Genesis continued, as if he hadn't really registered the interruption.

"And I didn't. I'm still on duty; I just rescheduled a few things, so I could pick you up and make sure you were ok."

With any other person, Genesis would have felt uncomfortable in this moment, weak, hurt and uncomfortable, but with Angeal, it was different. So different. As a matter of fact, Genesis didn't like to be touched in general, and in a state like this, touch was the equivalent to pain. Yet right here and now, it seemed not only bearable, but actually more than welcome, even desired…

Angeal showed him a smile, which Genesis tried to mirror, so successfully that something like life returned to those empty doll-like eyes, a glimmer besides the artificial Mako-induced glow.

"Don't worry, if you want, you can return the favour right after my next Mako-update. As you know, I'm quite fond of having you around…"

It was that worried affection shown so clearly in Angeal's eyes that made Genesis finally understand what that strange sensation of warmth he had noticed for quite some time was all about. _You should finally stop worrying about the question what love is supposed to feel like. Because the answer is: like this. Exactly like this. _For a moment, all he could do was return Angeal's glance, and marvel at the miracle of it all, the sheer flawless perfection. _How is it possible to fall so completely for someone, and get the same commitment in return? This is like something out of a novel, something that is not supposed to happen in real life. Not to me of all people, for I do not deserve it. And yet... _

"Gen? Gennie? Are you ok?" This time, Angeal did not even try to hide his concern anymore, and as if to underline it, he raised his arm, not much, but enough to be able to react even faster in case of another breakdown. But that would not happen. Not this time.

"I'm fine," Genesis replied softly. He reached out to rest his hand on an Angeal's arm, before he added: "Don't worry… from now on, it can only get better."

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

It had been another very ordinary day in the Shinra Medical Department. No grave accidents, no urgent support requests from almighty Science. So when he heard the sound of the door opening behind him, Stephen Marco did not even bother to look up from the file he was reading. He was used to people simply dropping in either for a chat, to ask for advice or to report an emergency; and since the person who had just entered had not been addressing him so far, he assumed it was surely not a case of the latter. Still, he was in for a surprise.

"Have you any idea what have you done?" That simple question, foreshadowing it was not an ordinary visit at all, caused the young physician to spin around almost at once. Maybe it was the tone that did it, partly reproachful, partly sad and partly completely unmoved, as if the other was just stating a scientific fact.

And the same lack of emotion also filled the man's face. Looking at him, Marco knew at once who he was, there was no mistake possible. He just wondered what an elite scientist was doing in the 'lower spheres' of an ordinary physician's office, but he hid that surprise carefully, based on a very vague idea that surfaced almost immediately. There was just one single detail connecting the other's work to his own, and Marco would be damned is that suspicion was unjustified, but equally if he would show it that openly.

In a far too casual tone, he returned: "Good morning, Professor Hollander. It's an honour to welcome you in my humble study. As for the reason of your visit you just pointed out, I think you might have to explain that to me in more detail. It's not like I messed with any of your experiments lately, is it?" Even the last sentence sounded still polite, but topped with a hint of sarcasm.

Of course they knew each other, as it was downright impossible to ignore Hollander due to his key position in the Science Department, and Marco was not exactly an ordinary member of staff himself, not only because of his father's reputation. On a professional basis, their paths had never crossed so far, still Hollander could not help but notice with an uneasy feeling that the last sentence contained a hidden truth the other was surely not aware of. And he wanted it to stay this way. So he pulled himself together and refrained from theatrically throwing the computer print-out on the desk, but instead handed it over to the younger man without further ado.

Realizing that he would not get any answers for the moment being, Marco adjusted his glasses and studied the print-out. As it turned out, he had been right after all, this was about one of his patients, the young SOLDIER he had last seen three days ago. He knew already that Hollander has posed a file request, allowing him to monitor every single step of the treatment, but he had never contacted Marco about this before. So why the sudden interest?

"Well, I can see that this is a prescription order for a patient of mine, but I can't find anything wrong with it. As I said before, you'll have to fill me in on that matter."

"Then let me enlighten you: That patient had a previous prescription of substance coded TO 545, which you cancelled. I only found out because Pharmacy informed me they received no new order. Looks like you forgot to mention that tiny detail in your last report."

"I don't see what the point is really. So far, I followed the protocol to the letter: I discussed the case with Science, they issued a suggestion – which didn't feature your name, by the way – and since I agreed it was a promising combination, we went on with it. That was until the patient pointed out to me that he was obviously suffering from some sort of unwanted side effect, wherefore I decided to grant his wish to get rid of that one component. As it was not marked 'obligatory', doing so without asking for permission is in my sphere of competence."

Hollander became aware of the fact that this was going nowhere. Strictly spoken, his younger colleague was right. He had done nothing wrong, if anyone was to blame here, it was Hollander himself. This was a case that allowed no mistakes, not even minor ones, and broaching that issue any further would draw too much unwanted attention. In the end, all that could be done right now was to find a short and effective way out of it, and to pray that the damage wasn't done already.

So he tried to sound both calm and dictatorial at the same time when he returned: "Anyway, what's done is done. But we have to avoid such confusions in the future, and there is just one way to achieve this: From now on, every decision in that case has to pass my desk first, and measures are only to be taken if I agree."

Marco shook his head decidedly. "Sorry, Hollander, but I'm no one's puppet. I turned my back on Science for exactly that reason."

"Look, Stephen, I knew your father, and…"

That sentence triggered an unexpected reaction: "Oh right, now we are at that point. Of course you knew my father, everyone here did, I guess. And even if you wanted to point out that you even knew him personally, not just by name, that would only make me wonder how you can possibly think he would appreciate what the Science Department has turned into… But let's not go there. I am more than just my father's son, and I can count one and one together on my own, you know? Did you really think it escaped my mind that something was not right with that patient's Mako stats in the first place? Are you sure that when you noted down the initial value, you didn't forget to add a 1 in front of the comma?"

"What makes you think that I had anything to do with it?" The older man tried hard to hide his confusion.

"Oh please, I'm not some sort of laboratory assistant. We both know that the real files are inaccessible, which is strange enough, but not a big deal in this company. So my next step was to access the procedure's base data, only to find out that you were one of the attending scientists at that time."

"And? That's my job after all…" Yet another statement that came out a tad to defensive to be honest.

"Sure… you never attended a single initial procedure personally for years. If you needed data for your research, you had other ways to get them. Being there was never your job, even back then, you were too high up in hierarchy. So what was different all of a sudden? Why were you there that very day?" As Hollander did not reply, he added: "Could it be that all officially stated Mako levels up till now are in fact faked? That this SOLDIER did not develop an unforeseen intolerance to Mako out of the blue, but had a stagnant Mako level to begin with, and is now living with a critical overdose?"

Hollander's heart stopped beating. This simple physician, not even a scientist, way out of Hollander's league, was closer to the truth than anyone before. It could not be… He had to stop it, no matter the cost. "You know, some questions are not worth being asked. Remember your brother? It was sad really, a man in his position…"

Marco's eyes started to sparkle coldly. "Of course. First my father, than my brother. Has it escaped everybody's attention that I have three brothers, not just one? Not even to mention the fact that I'm neither, so there is no use in comparing me to them all the time…" He took a deep breath, before he continued in a calmer, yet very strained voice: "I recognize a threat when I see one, Hollander, and I know when I've lost… I have no interest to compromise you, the only thing I care about are my patients. So I just want to ask you to either give me the information I need, or to take over the case yourself."

"You know enough about the way our departments work to be aware of the fact that I can do neither. I can't give you information that is way above your clearance level, and I can't take over a case that would be considered far too ordinary for my position."

"So you prefer to let me stumble around in a dark room, without even handing me a single match? It's someone's life we are talking about, not just a bunch of data and numbers. Are you that professional, Hollander? That cold?"

The older scientist looked at him with a glance that was either very well acted, or showing a trace of remorse for the first time. "What makes you think I have a choice in that matter?"

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

"Seriously, Gen, what was that supposed to be?" Angeal asked, more amused than reproachful, while he reached out to pick up his sword from the ground.

"Come on, you could be a bit more positive. That was a totally unexpected, epic manoeuvre," his opponent returned in a playful tone.

"Agreed to the first part, it was unexpected indeed. But in my definition, epic is something else… What you just pulled off should be labelled 'cheap'."

They both knew it wasn't a serious argument. It was merely a competitive exchange of words, coordinated like the sword stances they had practiced before, something Genesis called a 'play fight'. As a fixed ritual of the game, he pouted, before he returned: "You are just offended because you didn't see it coming. Simply admit that."

"If you want to see it that way, you are welcome to do so. However, I don't admit anything." While he was still speaking those words, Angeal readied his sword for a counterattack. The following blow, however, as fast and as precise as it was carried out, was not successful. It was as if his opponent had literally disappeared from one second to the next, a situation that would have been more than unfortunate in a serious fight, but in this very moment, it actually put a smile on Angeal's face.

"You are stubborn like a brick wall," a well known voice purred in his back, and Angeal had to spin around right in the same second to be able to defend himself.

"Look who's talking… Isn't that the person who brought the 'I'm going to ignore you until I get my way'-stare down to an art? I'm just persistent, you are stubborn."

A familiar sparkle filled those light blue eyes. "I'm not."

"Sure you are."

For a few moments, the metal sound of their swords replaced the verbal exchange. Some people might have wondered why they still bothered training together. After all those years, they knew each other's strengths and weaknesses almost better than their own. Yet for exactly that reason, it was an enormous challenge.

Although their basic movements were sometimes so similar that they almost seemed synchronized, their general fighting styles were exact opposites. Angeal was a very direct fighter who rarely bothered concealing his intentions overly much and mainly relied on physical strength, while Genesis had learned very early on that the latter was not really a strong point of his. True, Mako tended to improve that ability, but only in relation to what it had been before, so in a contest of sheer power, Genesis would still not have stood a chance against his friend. Knowing that, he had found his way to compensate for that weakness, using his natural dexterity and the Mako-improved speed to his advantage. Faced with an unknown opponent, he very often relied on surprise effects, or tried to irritate his enemies until they made a crucial mistake. As Angeal put it: 'Not the most honest strategy, but highly effective.'

Some of Genesis' movements still seemed to miss the usual grace and lightness, but all in all, he was almost back on his normal level. Therefore, the fight was undecided for a long time, until Angeal finally got the upper hand. Panting heavily, but lowering his sword to recognize his defeat, Genesis voiced a dramatic: "I hate you." Yet his bright smile totally contradicted those words.

"Say that a few more times, and I might consider believing you," Angeal returned, lowering his own sword in a similar movement.

They were standing close now, dangerously close. With a still present smile, Genesis repeated in a tone that was a confusing mixture of innocent sweetness and calculated defiance: "Angeal Hewley, I herewith declare that I officially, totally hate you. I just think repetitions are tiring…"

Whenever they were standing like that, Angeal became aware of the height difference between them. In order to look into each other's eyes, Genesis had to lift his head slightly, while Angeal had to lower his. It was a situation Genesis would have tried to avoid with anyone else, for he didn't like to be reminded of the fact that his height was below average for a SOLDIER, so it could be seen as a huge sign of trust from his side. Angeal was only too aware of that, and looking at the mischievous smile still playing on his opposite's lips that was underlined by the special sparkle in his eyes, he had to fight the temptation to reach out for Genesis in order to eliminate even the small distance that was left between them. Of course the rational side of his mind informed him remorselessly that this was once again neither the right time nor the right place to do so. They were in the right in the middle of one of the major training rooms, which included the chance of somebody walking in any given minute, not even mentioning the elaborated camera system that came with the VR training equipment.

So Angeal finally decided to turn sideways with his next forward move, making it look as if he was mainly walking past his friend. Still he could not resist touching the other's arm for a moment while he did so, and without turning his head he whispered: "Liar."

Genesis waited for another minute, before he turned around to follow him. When Angeal looked over, he continued in a small-talk tone: "Well, maybe I don't hate you, but the fact that if I want to beat you, I have to think really hard and come up with something unexpected, while you still manage to defeat me with the same old technique. I know what's coming, but I just can't avoid it. That's damned depressing."

"You have to consider that you were not on your normal capacity level for the last weeks, so what you just did was pretty amazing. I'd say your overall performance was the most unexpected move of all."

Genesis showed another smile, this time a perfect mixture of pride, satisfaction and commitment. "Better get used to it again. Next time, you won't beat me that easily."

"If you want to try, you're always welcome," his friend returned. "I have to admit though, losing never looked so sexy..."

Genesis suddenly stopped walking, which caused Angeal to turn around and cast him a questioning glance. In return, he got a conspiratorial smile, before Genesis reached out for his hand and slowly started to move backwards, until he stood with his back to the wall, and Angeal right in front of him.

"What kind of surprise strategy is that?" Angeal required, trying to disguise the fact that his heart was beating almost at the same speed as during the previous training session.

Instead of replying at once, Genesis pulled him even closer, until their bodies almost touched. "If you look up for a second, you'll see that we are currently standing right under the main security camera."

"And?"

"And... think about the range that thing has."

"Sorry, thinking is currently a bit... difficult."

Genesis chuckled softly. "This is a blind angle, my love. And I think we might be able to steal a moment until someone comes in here..." He looked at Angeal with wide open eyes, innocent, yet very determined. "So, are you going to kiss me now, or do I have to..."

There was no intention to finish that sentence, and no need to, either. For the next few moments, the world came to a standstill.

* * *

**A/N the second : ** No comment at all on the last sentence ;)

Still, I wanted to add something about the poem I used right in the beginning: The whole thing started innocently enough - I was looking for a good way to start the chapter. Before, I had finally decided to put events into a chronological order, which meant I had to start with Genesis yet again, like in the last chapter. And similar to the last chapter, I tried to 'evaluate' the character's mood first of all. Since I always saw Genesis as a person who would turn to poetry whenever he was bored or nervous (just like other people start counting or make a mental to-do-list for the next day), I had the idea to integrate a poem into the opening part. But of course not just any poem, I wanted something that suited the occasion, something that could be related to recent events and at the same time used to hint on possible future developments. The crucial part was to find a piece of poetry that fulfilled all the requirements, and it was like looking for a needle in a haystack. I had almost given up, when I came across the perfect thing by sheer coincident. It's actually not an English poem, but was written by a person who is considered one of the most important German poets and playwrights. Strangely enough, I never liked the German version - too classical, too lifeless for my taste – but translate it into English and it sounds just right :)

The full poem goes like this:

_**Night Thoughts  
**__**(by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe)  
**__  
Stars, you are unfortunate, I pity you,  
Beautiful as you are, shining in your glory,  
Who guide seafaring men through stress and peril  
And have no recompense from gods or mortals,  
Love you do not, nor do you know what love is.  
Hours that are aeons urgently conducting  
Your figures in a dance through the vast heaven,  
What journey have you ended in this moment,  
Since lingering in the arms of my beloved  
I lost all memory of you and midnight._


	14. Denial, 3

**A/N: **First of all, I want to wish each and everyone out there a Happy Easter, a (belated) Blessed Ostara or just a wonderful day in case you don't celebrate anything these days.

Right next, let me add that you guys still mean the world to me, and that I feel incredibly honoured to have you around. All of you. Thank you so much for your patience and support.

Finally, another update. The reason why it took me so long was on the one hand the usual (work, life, etc.), on the other hand the fact that I was writing two chapters at once, this and the next one (which will be up soon).

The following chapter is rather slow paced, for several reasons. One is that it contains descriptions, reasoning, thoughts and flashbacks. I love flashbacks – almost as much as imagery or dreams – but this is not the only reason why I use them. As you know, this is a story about memories/the past, and their influence on the present. So if I want to show you 'the past', I don't have much choice; I can either let a character talk about it, or use a flashback.

**Warning:** Hm... None, really. A few implications, not worth mentioning. Unless you have a very vivid imagination ;)

Finally, the _dedication:_

This chapter goes to a very dear friend of mine and yet another incredibly talented author on this site (commonly known as **_chibipinkbunny_**. If you want to check out her award-nominated Zack/Cloud friendship story, it's on my fav-list).

_My sweetie-bunny!_

_(It couldn't be more perfect: Easter, virtual Easter egg (*ties ribbon around chapter*) – and bunny. )_

_Ever since I met you, you never ceased to amaze me, being such a perfect friend and an incredible writer. Every message, every conversation with you is a gift I treasure endlessly. Thank you, sweetie, for everything._

_To start off with the main surprise: If you read through this chapter, you will realize that it is not what I promised you some time ago, but something entirely different. As I mentioned before, this chapter and the next one kinda belong together (I wrote them in one go), and therefore, I was planning for a long time to dedicate not just one of those chapter to you, but both. (Actually, the other part should have been first, but as usual, I changed the order. You know me by now, I guess...)_

_So here is one chapter for being such an amazing friend, constant supporter, amazing motivator and the best anti-depressive I know. _

_And really soon, there will be another chapter (the 'interior-design-edition' ;) for everything you had to go through recently, a small cheer-up and a sign of my deep admiration for everything you do._

_You'll get far, darling, I just know it!_

_Finally, sorry that it took me such a long time to get this done, but I wanted it to be as close to perfect as possible. As usual, I think I failed. Hope that it's not the case; otherwise: forgive me!_

_

* * *

_

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

_Golden-shaded twilight. _

Oddly enough, this was the first clear thought that formed on his mind; right after his eyes had opened drowsily to evaluate the surroundings. It was one of those terms Genesis sometimes used when he was in a mellow, poetic mood, and Angeal had no idea if he had come up with that expression all by himself or if he had read it somewhere. It didn't really matter, not to Angeal at least.

_Your poetic mind and your eternal love for colours... A close-to-perfect combination. _

And it was a suiting term after all. The room was filled with an odd sort of filtered bright light, hinting on the fact that the sun was already high up in the sky, and that drawing the blinds had no effect on it whatsoever. Even dimmed, the rays still created that special kind of glow that couldn't be blocked out entirely by simply closing one's eyes.

Therefore, Angeal finally decided that it was no good. He was not feeling tired enough to go back to sleep, but just as well not awake enough to simply get up and start doing... something. If there was something useful to be done at all, since his inner clock told him it was likely around noon, which meant time for the daily 'lunch-hour-standstill' at the Shinra Company. Besides, he was not expected around until later that day. Business as usual, considering that he had spent the whole night on some dimly lit streets in the sublevel of sector three and only returned to the headquarters at half past six in the morning.

Ignoring that fact, his body had obviously decided that not even five hours of sleep were sufficient; his mind, however, refused to work in the usual efficient way. So for the moment being, he was stuck in some state of aimless drifting, and his thoughts almost automatically circled around his friend again.

_My _boy_friend, for Gaia's sake. Why do I find it so difficult to get used to that? _

Just another one of those questions that still remained unanswered. Angeal had no idea why something inside him occasionally just refused to think of Genesis in a more possessive way, or why he desperately wanted his thoughts to stop as soon as they turned only vaguely into that other direction.

_Now isn't that odd? 'That other direction'._ _I can't even spell it out to myself._

Remorselessly, those thoughts came up anyway, like dark clouds appearing in a summer sky, and he had no control over them whatsoever. Completely illogical, for it seemed to indicate unhappiness about the current status of their relationship, which was not true at all. A lot had happened since Genesis had simply turned and run out the door that fateful night. It had been denial first, acceptance later, and by now, they had reached a level of commitment and affection. Mutual affection. Angeal knew that he should have been satisfied with that development, yet he caught himself wanting even more.

_That's just not right..._

Yet in the very same moment, he also recalled what Ducane had told him on the evening of the Company Ball: '_You are not holier than holy, Angeal. None of us is. And desire is nothing but human nature. Therefore, the feeling as such is not wrong. The way you somehow consider it inappropriate might be. To cut a long story short: You need to find out what the problem is first, before you can solve it.'_

And this was exactly what he had been avoiding successfully ever since had realized that there was a problem at all.

_So what is_ _the crucial point here? That I can't think about Genesis in connection with sex because... I feel like I'm degrading him? Or because it is not like me to be so... instinct-driven?_

The rational part of his mind could very well see at least half a dozen plausible reasons why their relationship had not advanced to that level so far. Yet... - hell, he hadn't even known there was an emotional part of him, but obviously there was indeed, a part that occasionally behaved as if he had no control over it whatsoever. Sometimes it was almost frightening what a mess of emotions Genesis' presence alone could trigger.

_Take last night, for example..._

As different as being based at Midgar was from being based at Wutai these days, in one point, it was just the same. There were phases of severe boredom, and phases of extreme pressure interchanging without any fixed pattern or warning. A SOLDIER's life consisted of nothing but missions and assignments, and the gaps in between. Of course those gaps were filled with training and other tasks, but occasionally, they seemed almost empty. Never for long, though.

Every now and then, there were 'not entirely ordinary' situations, a term that translated as 'potentially dangerous'. Shinra sometimes sent SOLDIERs on regular night patrols just to show off their power, but most of the time, night shifts consisted of minor support missions for the regular Army or the police forces. Last night's assignment had been to back up to a special police unit trying to arrest one of those underground drug bosses, a job that could be boring as hell, spending hours waiting for a guy that eventually wouldn't show up, but become extremely dangerous in a matter of seconds.

Genesis had been aware of that. He had been sitting on Angeal's bed while Angeal had prepared his equipment for the mission, acting as normal as possible, still the tension had almost been graspable.

_Whenever Genesis was nervous, he tried to mask this feeling by focusing on the next task at hand. In situations like this, where he had nothing else to do, he would absentmindedly start to twist a strand of his hair, or simply play with something. This time, it was the military I.D. tag he was supposed to be wearing. With a tiny movement he was surely not even aware of, he kept spinning the thin metal chain around his fingers, back and forth, in a way that was almost hypnotic. It took Angeal some actual effort to turn away after watching him for a while._

"_Well, that's it," he announced, maybe a tad too cheerful. "I guess I have to go now, otherwise they'll leave without me. Would be a real shame, don't you think?"_

_Genesis immediately let go of his makeshift toy and turned to look at him. For a tiny second, Angeal saw an expression in his eyes that instantly reminded him of their childhood, an expression that basically screamed 'But I don't want you to go'. He knew that Genesis was normally not that emotional about assignments, but if he was feeling on edge for some other reason, he often reacted moody and insecure. _

_Nevertheless, he got up from the bed and walked over to Angeal. Right in front of him, he stopped, as if he was uncertain what to do now, before he continued with a movement that was maybe as subconscious as the playing before, and moved his left hand over Angeal's chest as if to make sure all the uniform parts were in proper condition. Suddenly, he stopped and looked up at Angeal, who wondered in return if Genesis was aware of that strange power field that had built up between them. It felt like sparkling electricity, like some sort of magnetism. And it was strong, surprisingly strong._

"_You..." Genesis started, but that sentence was left unfinished. Just a second later, he turned his head slightly and broke the eye contact. _

_Giving in to a strange longing, Angeal reached out as well and started to trace the form of Genesis' cheek with his fingers, before he gently tried to make his friend look at him again. It didn't take much effort. For a moment, neither of them spoke. In fact, Angeal couldn't even think. The only thing he managed was to pull Genesis closer. Even if it was just for a brief moment, he wanted to hold him. So badly... _

Angeal forced himself to blink repeatedly. The heat flooding through his veins in that very moment was almost as intense as it had been not even 20 hours ago.

_The thing is that dreams are normally better than reality. Ever child knows that. Just in this case... _

Ever since he had first fallen for Genesis, he had fantasized about what it would be like to hold him. Really hold him, not just one of those brief, friendly embraces. The imagination alone had been quite promising, but reality turned out to be even better in a way that was simply indescribable.

_Will it be the same with those other fantasies I started to have recently...?_

And there he was. Yet again. Right at that mental barrier his thoughts were not supposed to cross – but they still did. The memory of Genesis' body close to his own was still too present, too vivid... His heartbeat, his breathing, his scent – all so real, so intoxicating.

_Genesis had simply held on to him for a moment, before he finally whispered: "Let me know when you are back, ok?"_

_It had not broken the spell, only weakened it, to a degree that allowed Angeal to think again. "Precious, that's not a trip to the warzone in Wutai. It's only one of those stupid support missions. Business as usual."_

_In return, he felt a stir as Genesis freed himself just enough to be able to look up at him again. After one of those incredibly intense glances, he simply repeated his request, and despite that sugar-sweet, almost begging tone, it sounded like an order._

"_Honestly, I don't think that's a good idea. It will be early in the morning, and I'd hate to wake you up." He suddenly realized that he was more worried about Genesis' well-being than his own safety. Looking at him from such a short distance, he realized that he looked way more tired than usual. _

_But stubborn as usual, Genesis had insisted: "I won't sleep anyway until I know that you are safe."_

_And finally, they had settled for a compromise. _

With a slow but decided movement Angeal set up in his bed. If going back to sleep obviously didn't work, getting up seemed to be the only available option. Better than getting lost in thoughts again, thoughts that were tempting, but not leading anywhere.

Before leaving for the shower, he briefly checked his mobile for any calls or messages. There were none, and in a spell of temporary weakness, he could not resist looking up the last received text again. He had looked at it at least a dozen times; still it always created the same warm, fuzzy feeling.

A reply to his previous message stating that he had just returned, simply reading: 'Thanks. SYLMYL & I mean it.'

They both had the habit to shorten whole sentences into acronyms, not only to save time typing them, but also to keep certain things from the eyes of possible observers. The succession of letters Genesis had used translated as 'See you later, miss you lots'. Still, the most important part were the last three words, as they had a special meaning between the two of them.

Reading that message yet again caused an instant, dull pain in his chest. Right in this very minute, he would have given anything to hear Genesis' voice, another desire that was so irrational, so unnecessary... yet at least not completely inappropriate. A glance at the phone display informed him about the time, exactly noon. Finally, he decided that it was worth a shot, and pressed the 'dial' button.

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

When it first happened, it took him by complete surprise. Being caught off guard was annoying, even more so because he had actually foreseen that it would come to this. For the last days, Genesis had stopped every now and then to concentrate on his body, to listen almost anxiously for anything that was not normal. Though nothing had really happened so far, ignoring occasional spots of dizziness, it was like watching an explosive device with a damaged timer. You just knew it would go off, but you didn't know when, and you had no idea how bad the results might be.

It had not been a completely voluntary decision to sit alone during his lunch break, but he had been early today, meaning the canteen was not crowded yet, and he had seen no one he had the desire to talk to.

So when it started, he had been a million miles away with his thoughts, focused on something else entirely. He recalled looking down on the not even half empty plate right in front of him, and in this very second, it had felt like his stomach was cramping. It was a sign he knew only too well, and yet it filled him with panic.

At first, he wanted to jump up and run out of the canteen as fast as he could, but then a cold rationality set in.

_No, you won't do that. Not in front of all those people. It's too obvious, and you know what kind of comments that would cause, don't you? _

Another wave of pain flooded through his body, causing something like a tiny voice in the back of his mind to speak up in weak protest: _But..._

_No 'but'. You will not give in to that weakness. If it's too late already, well, tough luck. But until you reach that point, you can still fight. So come on, get up already. _

Genesis forced himself to get up from the chair – slowly – and to walk across the room at normal speed. Every single step was sending echoes of pain through his body, and as soon as he was out of the door, his vision started to blur considerably. For a moment, all he saw were confusing bright spots, and he had to concentrate hard on not passing out. If he had been in any better condition, he would have tried to reach the facilities in the office section, which was virtually dead at this time of the day, but walking down half a dozen other hallways was completely out of question.

Later, he did not even remember how he had managed to take the last steps. The only thing he recalled was that the door handle felt strangely cold, or that his hand felt far too hot, as if he was suffering from a heavy fever. Thankfully enough, the lavatory was like any other public room in the Shinra Company, kept down to the bare necessities, but very clean, virtually spotless. And empty at the moment being. This was more than a small favour; Genesis knew it, because those sickness attacks had gotten him into much worse situations before. But now was not the time to think about it. Even thinking hurt way too much.

With the last remaining bit of strength, he managed to lock the door behind him, before he sunk down to the immaculate white tiled floor. It felt like falling. No power, no hold, no control... just weakness; this terrible, incontrollable weakness...

An almost voiceless sound of pain escaped his lips, which he stifled as good as possible, although there was no need to. He was still alone, a fact he could almost feel, and if anyone should enter, he would hear the sound of the main door first of all. Silently, he prayed for that not to happen. All he wanted was to be alone, to be transferred to some parallel universe until this was over.

Genesis hated being sick with a passion, hated the way his body acted beyond his control, the way his knees would give in and especially the part that would inevitably follow. He loathed throwing up, because it made him feel on the one hand extremely vulnerable, and on the other hand… it was hard to find a good expression, but 'dirty' might be the closest fit available. Yet this time, he tried to tell himself that it was not the worst possible option. Sickness was a nuisance, but it was at least part of a standard pattern. Considering all that had happened recently, it was as if he had been lost in a dark forest, and finally found a familiar path again. He was not out of the wood yet, the surroundings were still dark and scary, but at least he knew where he was going now.

_Nothing I haven't been through before. And as long as there is no blood, it can't be that bad... _

This was the thought he decided to focus on while leaning against the wall, trying to evaluate if it was over for the moment being and if he could gather up the strength to get up again. And then his phone started to ring.

_Speaking of inconvenient..._

Being a Shinra employee, one learned soon that just letting a call go through to voicemail was usually not the best option. After all, the state-of-the-art mobile phones issued for all members of the Military department were officially defined as 'command/communication devices', often replacing traditional radio contact outside of official missions. Therefore, getting the phone out and checking the display first of all was an automatic gesture Genesis would have made even half asleep or seriously injured.

With a sigh, he accepted the call. "Hey." A single, effortless syllable.

"Hey." The same in return, a tad more determined, followed by about 30 seconds of silence. It was not an awkward silence though, more a way of savouring each other's company for a while, the sheer untainted satisfaction of being with a person that understood so well that no words were necessary. If they had been face to face, that state would have lasted even longer, but since it was a phone conversation, which by definition depended on talking, Angeal finally added: "Still alive?"

It sounded casual, but Genesis knew that it was in fact supposed to say 'How are you? Still no adverse reactions?' At the moment being, he felt closer to being dead than anything else, but he would be damned if he let Angeal know that. So he raised a counter question: "Already awake? Not even five hours, that must be a new record." The last few words came out a tad too weak before he could help it. Speaking longer sentences made his throat hurt annoyingly much.

Of course Angeal reacted instantly to the change of tone: "As far as I know, the record is around three and a half hours. But are you sure you're ok? You sound so... strange."

"Oh, everything's fine. Bad reception, I guess." He tried to keep his voice down to avoid that echo effect tiled rooms normally had.

Angeal was silent for a minute. Without seeing his face, Genesis had no way to tell if he believed him or not. For a few seconds, he dreaded the question that would follow inevitably: 'Where the hell are you?'

"Anyway, since I most likely won't see you for the rest of the day, I just wanted to make sure you haven't forgotten about our plans for this evening."

"How could I? But..." What to say? His thoughts kept spinning, and he couldn't think of a good excuse for the life of him. "I'm sorry..."

"Don't say you are not coming. I'm looking forward to see you way too much."

Genesis could feel the blood getting in his face. It was rare that Angeal chose to put it that bluntly, and this fact made it hard to try and get out of it.

"But Seph will be there, so you don't exactly need me, do you?"

"Oh come on, Gen, that sounds like you're jealous."

"As a matter fact, I'm not."

"I hope so, because there is absolutely no need. Looking at it rationally, Seph is most likely not into me at all..."

"That's not funny, Angeal."

"Sorry. But even if he was – or anyone else for that matter - you should know by now that my heart is already sold to another person. And you happen to know who that is, don't you?"

_What's wrong with you today?_ Genesis could stop himself just in time before asking the question aloud. It was not supposed to express reproach, just surprise about the fact that Angeal had openly pointed out his feelings for him for the second time in that short conversation.

"Are you still there?" Angeal's voice shifted to slightly worried once again.

"Of course I am." Genesis took a deep breath and tried to fight down the feeling of nausea that had taken hold of him once more. _Damn, I have to end that conversation before this starts all over again..._

"So what do you reckon for tonight?"

"Ok, count me in."

"Perfect. So, let's say we'll meet at your room? About an hour after your final class?"

"Sounds good. I'll be there anyway." Genesis took another deep breath. His throat felt like blocked, and speaking became more difficult by the minute.

"Ok then. See you later. Oh, and Gen?" A brief break, before Angeal added: "I mean it."

Despite not feeling like it, Genesis couldn't help but to smile. If he had asked 'What exactly?' the answer would have been 'All of the above' or 'Everything I just said'. It was Angeal's way of reminding him that each and every compliment or affectionate statement mentioned in the course of the entire conversation was still valid. Although he had hardly any energy left, Genesis returned a very soft "I mean it, too," before ending the call.

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

After having a shower and getting dressed, Angeal felt at least a bit more awake than before. Maybe the previous phone call played a certain role in that, too. Absentmindedly, he reached out for his nightstand to pick up his I.D. tag, the small oval piece of metal that was a standard part of equipment for most Shinra employees, especially for members of the Army and the Turks. It felt surprisingly cold when he closed his hand around it, and right in the next second, he was caught in another memory, much longer ago, but still almost as vivid as the one of last night.

_Angeal had known immediately that something was up when he found Dean sitting on his bed with a very concentrated expression on his face that reminded vaguely of shock, with a hint of anger. Still calm, but with a feeling of cautious worry Angeal had realized that his boyfriend had focused all his attention on that small piece of metal affectionately nicknamed "dog tag" amongst soldiers. He had absolutely no idea what had might have caused this tense atmosphere, so he decided to simply ask. "What's wrong?"_

_Dean did not reply, but held out the tag in an accusing manner, like a lawyer presenting a core piece of evidence. _

_What an odd situation. Angeal decided to partly ignore it. "Oh come on, it can hardly be the first time you see one of those things. If I'm allowed to remind you: you are wearing one yourself."_

_In return, Dean slowly shook his head, as if he hadn't even registered Angeal's statement, before inquiring: __"Is this your real birth date?"_

_Although he had still no idea what this was about, Angeal felt hurt. What kind of question was this? Surely not something you expect from the person you were dating for five months. "No, it isn't. I just prefer this to my actual one."_

"_Angeal, I'm not in the mood for joking…"_

"_Neither am I. Of course this is my real birth date. It's not like Shinra to issue fake tags, is it?" He realized that his tone had gotten a tad too harsh, and he tried to get his usual composure back when he added: "What's next, are you going to ask me if what is says there is my real name?"_

_For the first time, Dean raised his eyes to look at him. "So that means you are... 16?"_

"_That's what it means, I guess. Simple maths. May you have the kindness to tell me what the big deal is?"_

"_You really don't get it, do you?" _

"_I'm sorry, but obviously I don't. Why don't you just explain it to me?"_

_After a brief moment of silence, Dean had obviously decided to calm down a bit. His tone sounded more resigned than angry when he returned: "That means we have an age difference of three years, almost three and a half even. Which translates as: our current relationship is more than inappropriate."_

"_Strictly spoken, that's the case anyway. According to Shinra's policy, you should not date a fellow member of your unit. As far as I remember, we were both aware of that fact from the very beginning on."_

"_And it's not like I was happy about it. Still, this issue is bothering me much more."_

"_Why that? I'm not a minor, and you are not my superior officer. Besides, it's not like I deceived you on purpose. You never asked how old I was, so I assumed it wouldn't matter."_

"_Well, it obviously matters to me."_

_Now it was Angeal's turn to shake his head. "Honestly, Dean, I don't get it. It's not like this fact is changing anything. I'm still the same person I was a few minutes ago, and you never considered me immature so far."_

"_I just believe that missing knowledge does not automatically make wrong things right." _

_The tone implied an unspoken 'When you are old enough, you will understand', something Angeal hated more than anything else._ "_And I believe that maturity is not something that comes in figures according to someone's birth date."_

Angeal let go of that little piece of metal to break the spell, so suddenly that it dropped to the floor.

_This had been our first major argument, and the very issue that supposedly ended our relationship over half a year later. In fact, it was just an excuse, an alibi for all those other things that we simply couldn't get over. But that's how it started. A minor detail. When it came down, it was all about minor details... It always is._

If there was one lesson he had learned from this relationship, it was to watch out for minor details.

_So is that the reason why I'm still hesitating to talk to Gen about that little problem of mine? Because I'm secretly afraid that this might be a minor detail that could ruin everything we have? _

That sounded plausible. More plausible than any of those other reasons he had come up with so far? Angeal decided that the answer to that question did not matter. With a sudden clarity, he knew what he had to do next: he finally had to talk to Genesis.

_Because that's the first step to solving this problem. And because in some odd way, I feel like I'm keeping something from him if I don't let him know how I feel..._

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

Later, after a few sips of cold water that had still not been sufficient to get rid of that terrible taste in his mouth, Genesis slowly made his way back to the table. He did not feel sick anymore, just empty and tired. His knees, however, were still a bit weak and shaky, but he tried to walk steady as if nothing was wrong. Surprisingly enough, he succeeded. No one seemed to have realized a thing, not a single head turned, not one person cast him a meaningful glance. Everybody continued with whatever they were doing.

When Genesis returned to the place he had left earlier, the seat right opposite had been taken. He sat down, and the blond SOLDIER First Class lifted his head to look at him. For a while, they just exchanged glances, blue eyes carrying a hint of green locked with icy blue eyes that always had slightly obscure expression. Finally, Alexander Griffin said casually, as if he was talking about the weather: "I honestly don't think the food they serve here is that bad…"

Was there a slight undertone informing him this was not just a simple statement, but a hint on the fact that the other knew precisely what had just happened, or were his nerves just playing up? "What are you implying?"

The blond finished another fork of his meal, before voicing a totally innocent: "Who says that I'm implying anything?"

Touché. Genesis should have known, for Alex Griffin had always been that way. If someone complained that his answers were too simple, missing the point or just counter questions, he always returned: "Well, if you don't like my answers, you should learn to ask better questions."

Genesis suddenly remembered walking a few steps with him on the very first morning after they had become room neighbours. They had passed a group of other army members, standing outside the main building, talking and smoking cigarettes. With an almost playful gesture, Alex had reached out to take one man's half smoked cigarette, and finished it on the way over to the other building.

"_You smoke?" Genesis asked, slightly irritated._

"_Generally no, occasionally yes." Alex returned. "I enjoy all guilty pleasures, at times. You'll find out eventually. See you around, shorty."_

_He left, and Genesis shook his head in confusion. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he muttered, more to himself than to anybody around. _

"_He likes you," another SOLDIER answered while passing by. _

"_He likes me?" Genesis inquired, even more confused than before. _

"_Well, he called you 'shorty'. Alexander Griffin only nicknames people he likes."_

The only problem was that even two years later, Genesis had still no idea if 'like' was the right word to define Alex' attitude towards him. For a few moments, they just looked at each other, carefully scanning for any gaps in the other's defence, a silent duel fought with glances instead of swords. The most irritating thing was that Alex showed a nonchalant smile during all of it.

Suddenly, their battle was interrupted. Another SOLDIER has approached them and sat down on the chair next to Alex with a fast movement. Patting the blond on the shoulder, he announced: "Tell me, Alex, who are you sleeping with?"

Without changing his smile, the addressed turned his attention from Genesis to the newcomer. "Why the sudden interest in my love life, Phil? Is there something you didn't tell me about?"

To Genesis' surprise, the other SOLDIER just returned a slight frown. Any other person would have to run for dear life if they made a remark like that about Phil Harvey, a fact Genesis knew from own experience. But then again, Harvey and Griffin had a somehow strange relationship, yet another thing Genesis wasn't certain about yet.

"I'm just wondering how you could possibly know that my alertness level was raised when the official statement wasn't even out yet."

Alex tilted his head like a teacher disappointed with his star pupil. "And the only thing you could think of is that I was messing around with someone? That's pretty pathetic, if you ask me..."

"Well, then give me another good reason."

"Sorry, that's impossible."

For the first time, Harvey seemed to realize that they were not alone at the table. Nodding into Genesis' direction, but without even looking at him, he asked: "And why? Not suitable for minors?"

Obviously he interpreted the following silence the wrong way. Still not even looking at Genesis, he said in a parental tone: "Why don't you go play somewhere else? The grown-ups would like to have a little conversation."

It was a commonly known fact that wounded animals are the most dangerous. Although Genesis did not feel like getting involved in an argument at all, he could not accept this kind of insult. His pride would not allow it. "Well, try and make me." The tone in his voice was almost dangerously calm.

Reacting instantly, Harvey looked at him for the first time and moved a bit closer: "Is that an offer?"

Surprisingly enough, Alex reached out to pull him back. "That's enough. Stop it, Phil. Goddess allmighty, when did you become that obnoxious?"

Shaking off the other's arm almost violently, the addressed just hissed back: "Damn it, Alex, when did you develop a soft spot for losers? Besides, he is a newly-promoted, so he's the lowest in rank here. I can order him around all I want…"

"No you can't. Technically, we are all Firsts here, whether you like it or not; and you are expected to act accordingly."

"And what if I don't?" Harvey replied in a haughty tone. "Try to stop me again, and you are getting yourself into trouble."

"Trouble? I don't think so…" Alex returned with one of his trademark cryptic smiles. "We both know that your position is in much more danger than mine."

"Are you threatening me? That means we are not friends anymore, _Griffin_."

The smile on Alex' lips disappeared instantly. "If you continue to behave like this, I don't think that I mind… _Harvey_."

For a few heartbeats, the two just stared at each other, engaged in a silent battle of wills. Finally, Harvey just got up and walked away, swearing very audibly, which Alex simply ignored. He knew he had won, for the moment being at least.

Genesis had no idea what to make out of this situation. Alex had always been friendly towards him, but he had never openly intervened on his behalf before. It was irritating.

Meanwhile, the other SOLDIER continued his meal, seemingly unmoved, before he said casually: "Phil actually isn't a bad guy. Behind all this arrogance, he is a very reliable comrade and a good friend. Or at least he used to be. Some people just can't handle power, it changes them."

"Still, that gives you no right to fight my battles for me." Genesis knew that he was being unfair, but he felt like he had no other choice.

"Did I do that?" Alex looked up at him, his eyes all serious. "You know, shorty, outside of my job, I usually fight for no one but for myself. However, if you insist, I'm sure we'll find a way to get even. Our world is full of battles. And sometimes you need to accept that you can't fight all of them on your own."


	15. Denial, 4

**A/N: **I know... This is late. And by saying that, I mean EPICALLY late. This time, the reason is not only that I was extremely busy. In fact, the reason was much worse. I don't want to burden you with details, so let's just say that I had a pretty rough time, a phase of complete doubt. I doubted every single decision I made in my life so far, I doubted my talent to write and most of all, I doubted myself. I'm still not quite over it, but I try my best to get back to normal with this chapter. Because writing means doing what I love, even though it currently isn't as effortless as it used to be.

However, you don't have to worry about me not finishing this story. I am very determined when it comes to finishing what I started, and this will be no exception. That is a promise.

Back to the chapter: it's somehow a continuation of the last one, a last bit of set-up before I can move on to the next part of the story. Believe it or not, this is the third version of it (and of course, it's still far from perfect). The original contained even more scenes and descriptions; quite neat, but at some point I looked at it and thought: 'That's so lengthy that it borders on being boring.' So I cut out a lot of stuff (however, one could argue there's still too much left). The result was slightly better, but still missing actual events. Therefore, other bits were put in. And this is the third and final result. It resembles the previous chapter in terms of pace, so don't expect too much 'action'.

Furthermore, it is the final chapter of Part III. And if anyone doubted so far that those 'part titles' I use indeed serve a deeper purpose, there is not one, but two 'hints' at the end of this chapter to point out why that part was called 'Denial'... Does that mean there will be no more denying in Part IV? We'll see... :)

**Warning: **Hm... I'd say none. A bit of innuendo, and some lines that border on being vulgar, but I'm not even using the 'f-word'...

And again - the _dedication:_ Like the previous chapter, this one goes to my very dear friend and fellow author _chibipinkbunny_, who for some inexplicable reason likes this story, although it's not even half as good as her own...

_My dearest bunny!_

_What can I say without repeating myself? Thank you for always being there, and for just being you. I could not have done without your constant support and friendship. _

_This chapter is not only late, but also entirely different from what I originally intended, and I can't apologize enough for that..._

_Hope it's at least halfway acceptable._

_Love you!  
_

* * *

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

"Can you believe it? What have I done wrong to deserve this? Too much bad karma from a previous life? Or why do I always end up with a team that is at least 50% incapable and useless? Screw those damned theory group works..."

Faced with so much openly displayed arrogance, the temptation to react was huge, but Angeal tried to concentrate on the large computer screen in front of him instead. Even though he wasn't someone who deliberately tried to overhear any private conversation going on between fellow SOLDIERs, in this case, he had no other choice. When Harvey was upset, he turned into the human equivalent of a loudspeaker, and talking at normal volume was completely beyond him when he was in a bad mood. Not for the first time, Angeal asked himself why the hell he had volunteered to help out these guys in the first place. After all, the subtleties of the VR Battle Strategy Simulator were not his speciality either...

The group of four SOLDIERs waiting more or less patiently in the background consisted of Harvey himself, his current best buddy Adrian Bishop – the very same guy Genesis had a minor confrontation with on the Company Ball – and two other SOLDIERs Second Class Harvey had meant by saying '50% incapable and useless'. One of them obviously felt insulted, but tried his best not to admit that too openly: "In my humble opinion, it's not really a sign of capability to repeat oneself over and over... You used exactly the same sentence last week, and you got the right answer back then: 'Maybe that's because you are always part of that team'. Wasn't it Genesis Rhapsodos who said that?"

"Don't even mention that name. I'm glad that he is not around today, his presence would make this team even more useless than it already is."

None of the others really commented on that statement, but Angeal was sure that he could basically _feel _Bishop nodding in blatant agreement.

_Something about this is more than unusual... Harvey might be a bit of a pain sometimes, but he's not stupid. He surely knows better than to pick on someone in front of that person's best friend. Unless this is not coincidental at all, but part of a grander scheme..._

Again, Angeal was tempted to sigh, or to shake his head, or to do anything to show his disapprovement. When he had joined the army, he had not expected to find out that when it came to gossip, slander and intrigues, there was no difference between soldiers and bored middle-class housewives... Some people claimed it was just part of the usual competition between members of a military unit where everyone wanted to outclass the other, but still, it was an unfair battle in his eyes, so he never participated in it. And by now, this was something like common knowledge in the unit.

In the background Harvey continued, seemingly unaware of the situation: "I mean, really. They should have degraded him long ago. His performance is nowhere near sufficient for a First Class. Sometimes I wonder how he made it that far in the first place. If those looks are anything to go by, I bet it was..."

"I bet no one is interested in you ripping off Marlowe's 'you don't deserve to be in my beloved unit' speeches for the umpteenth time." Although his voice was steady and calm, not giving away a trace of the anger he felt, Angeal was as surprised as the four SOLDIERs now turning like one single individual to look at him. "Don't you think your constant repetitions are getting boring?" _And despite what you said before, every single time you two have a serious clash,__ it is obvious that when push comes to shove, you wouldn't stand a chance against Genesis. I swear, one day I'll be so fed up with you using every chance to pick on him that I'll just stand back and watch…_

Speaking up on someone's behalf was normally the last straw Angeal used, and he only did so when he was sure everything else would fail. Not that he was scared; quite the opposite, he had a certain reputation for always speaking his mind, even if he knew his opinion would not be appreciated. The only problem was that most victims of such attacks were not likely to thank him for intervening, because it marked them as helpless and unable to handle the situation themselves. _And by 'victims', you mean 'especially Genesis'..._

Clearly though, Harvey was far from finished. "Talking about things getting boring: why do you have to stand up for him all the time? I know it's a 'best buddies' thing, but sometimes I seriously doubt that's all there is to it."

For the split of a second, Angeal was confused. Could it be that Harvey knew? Had it been that obvious? But right in the next moment, the rational part of his mind took over again: Of course not. Harvey couldn't possibly know his words had a deeper meaning, he was just being his usual, uninventive self, trying to provoke him by using an innuendo most soldiers who befriended a comrade got to hear at some point. This was rarely to be taken seriously, most of the time it was just a part of ordinary banter or supposed to be a joke; and even Genesis, who reacted fierce and vengeful to anything that came even close to a possible insult, usually just shrugged such statements off. However, this meant that the other was trying to set up an open confrontation, and despite his previous outburst – for his standards, it had been exactly that – Angeal decided that he wouldn't do Harvey this favour. So he just cast the other SOLDIER a glance that clearly stated _This is so ridiculous, it's not even worth reacting to_, and turned back to the computer screen, trying to come up with the exact series of commands to access the main menu again.

However, in Harvey's eyes, this was a sign of arrogance he could not tolerate. No one turned their back on him like this, no one. "So tell us, is he really such a good lay as he appears to be?"

Within a second, deadly silence spread over the room. Not that it had been noisy before, save from Harvey's voice, but now one could have heard a pin drop, and Angeal could basically feel that all eyes were fixed on him. Against his better knowledge, he was surprised, almost shocked. It was not the choice of words as such – though borderline vulgar, it was the sort of 'vocabulary' most members of the military used naturally - and not the question as such, for Harvey was just speaking out what he had mainly hinted on before. What somehow got Angeal in this very moment was the sheer coincident of him pondering about exactly that topic all morning, and now hearing someone else spelling it out, in order to upset him by using a false accusation, and ending up succeeding because there was more truth to it than Angeal would have admitted even to himself. The sheer irony of the situation was incredible.

Still, Angeal decided that he would not grant any kind of satisfaction here. Without showing an obvious emotion, he slowly turned back to Harvey and replied in an unimpressed tone: "Just to humour you, let's assume for a second that I was in the position to judge that. So what? Why does it interest you at all? Unless..." he made an almost theatrical break "... there is more to your constant picking on fellow SOLDIERs than you would like to admit."

Whatever Harvey had expected to hear in return, that was not it. Before he could make up his mind how to react, one of the instructors interrupted the discussion: "If that is what you consider work, it's no wonder nothing gets done around here... So what's your excuse today, Gentlemen?"

The next minutes happened in a fast-forward mode. Automatically, Angeal delivered a short explanation about the fact that he had just tried to help out as the system obviously wasn't working, but had been unable to discover the reason for the malfunctioning so far, and left the room when the instructor announced to take over. He was almost relieved that he got out of this situation, and thanked every deity he knew that Genesis hadn't been present. But given the speed rumours spread around here, it was only a matter of time until someone would make sure he got to know about it. And when it came to this, Angeal was almost certain that Genesis would not take the whole charade lightly. If there was an award for bad timing, Harvey had definitely won it.

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

"_Tell me something about you." _

_That request took Angeal by complete surprise. He looked up at Genesis, who was sitting on his bed, while Angeal sat on the floor below, holding the papers they were supposed to go through together. "What can I possibly tell you? You already know everything about me."_

_Genesis cast him one of those intense, captivating glances, and shook his head, slowly and meaningful. "That's what I thought, too. But then I realized that for the past few months, I've been feeling like I'm hardly seeing the surface of who you really are." He showed a shy smile. "Promise you don't laugh at me, ok? For example, I have a basic idea about things you like. Your favourite number is five – which is why you used it three times in the ten-digit-override code for your door lock - your favourite food is basically everything except sweet stuff, and your favourite colour – if I force you to pick one – is green." _

"_That's already very solid information. I don't see how it could possibly be deeper."_

"_Let's take the last example. Green, right? Well, there are so many different shades of that colour... Which one?"_

"_Does that matter?"_

"_To me, it does. I have a thing for colours."_

_Angeal turned to look away for a moment, but it was not in an effort to avoid answering such a mundane question. He was just trying to come up with an honest reply, because he had never really thought about it before. "Actually, I like them all. Except Mako-green. Too bright, too artificial. However, my favourite shade would be…" he turned back, with glance that almost matched Genesis' in intensity, "… a certain someone's pre-Mako eye colour." _

_There was this tension again, so strong that it seemed like a tight rubber band drawing them closer together._

"_That was years ago. How come you remember it at all?"_

_It was one of those rare moments where Angeal chose to answer by raising a counter question: "How could I possibly forget anything about you?"_

For yet another time, Angeal had to free himself from a vivid memory. Maybe it was the lack of sleep finally taking its toll, causing his thoughts to derail from their predetermined tracks. Plausible, still not likely...

_You were right_, _Gen,_ he added before he could help it, _There are so many things I took for granted. For example, I always thought I knew your body almost as well as my own, due to all those tussles we had when we were younger, all those times I tried to comfort you, all those hours we spent with close combat training. I was so used to touching you; we even shared the same bed if the situation demanded it, without any second thoughts or implications. Yet, as paradoxical as it seems, I had no idea how it would be like to hold you, or how your lips would feel when I kiss you. And to make things worse, I still haven't got the slightest clue what you are thinking when I do either, even though it would matter an awful lot to me if I knew..._

It was a sound that finally brought him back to reality. A very low sound, mainly a rustling of fabric when the person standing right behind him shifted his weight. However, it was enough to remind him that he was not alone.

"I'm as good as done," he announced, trying to get that 'lost in thoughts' expression off his face before turning around.

Obviously, this effort was in vain. Sephiroth cast him an analyzing glance, and then inquired: "Anything wrong?"

Angeal forced a smile on his face. "Not at all."

Even though Sephiroth could not necessarily relate to every emotion people around him showed, he still had a pretty good sense for knowing when someone tried to hide something. It was the kind of instinct that, when used in battle, could mean the difference between death and survival. A sign of a great commander and brilliant strategist, and everyone knew Sephiroth was both. "I guess I've seen your contemplative face enough times to know how it looks like. What is it? Last night's mission? Today's paperwork?"

Angeal wasn't quite sure of it, but the last question seemed to show a tad of irony. Had Sephiroth really lowered himself to make a joking remark, an extremely common one even? "The only problem of last night's mission was to avoid falling asleep while being on it," he returned, in an effort to sound cheerful, "and we both know no one in this company enjoys paperwork." Even though they were in his own quarters, and not in some public space, he wasn't in the mood for talking about private stuff. Not _that_ private stuff, at least. He doubted his friend would have understood the kind of interpersonal problem he was currently struggling with.

Thankfully, Sephiroth did not intend to broach the issue. "So, what's the plan for tonight?"

Since going to downtown Midgar was not really on Sephiroth's list of enjoyable activities these days, due to his growing popularity and that fact that most people were immediately either terrified or starstruck by his presence, they usually stayed within Shinra premises. Most of the time, the three would meet in one of the training- or recreation rooms, for a set activity. In the beginning, Sephiroth had not been too thrilled by the idea of spending an evening with no fixed plans and the risk of having to do 'small talk', but by now, he had accepted that this was what friends did every now and then, and meanwhile, he even found it... amusing, for the lack of a better word.

"Not sure yet. Genesis and I agreed upon meeting at his place first of all. Unless of course standard First-Class-quarters still make you feel claustrophobic."

Sephiroth could tell that this statement was supposed to be teasing, a try to remind him of his initial reaction when he had first been invited around here. Up till then, he had not even been aware of the fact that his own quarters offered a lot more comfort and luxury than those of other Shinra employees. Truth be told, he had never bothered with things like furniture or interior design, others had always arranged those things for him. However, space was quite an important criterion, as he hated being confined to small rooms with a passion. So his first comment upon entering Angeal's quarters back then had been a genuinely surprised: 'That is all?'

To explain his statement, he had showed the two his own place on the very same day, and he could still remember how Genesis had just refused to be impressed. After looking around for a while, he had pointed out: 'You live here? Seriously? This looks more like an expensive hotel suite.' Of course Angeal had intervened at once: 'Gen, don't be impolite.', and his friend had returned: 'I'm not impolite, I'm just saying that there was more personal stuff in my Infantry foot locker than in this entire four-room-apartment.'

Even now, Sephiroth was not quite sure what this 'personality' that could be found in rooms was supposed to look like, although he had gotten a very basic impression of that concept by looking around at Angeal's place. The stress was on 'very basic', of course. Angeal's room was just like to be expected by his owner: very clean, very tidy and reduced to the bare necessities. While rooms for lower ranking members of the Shinra Army came with standard furniture and didn't offer enough space for anything chosen or additional, the current accommodation would have allowed such variations, but it seemed Angeal was not really interested in that, something he and Sephiroth obviously had in common.

_Take this table for example_, Sephiroth mused, looking at the core piece of furniture in the main room. A careful arrangement of official paperwork in one corner and a pile of folded laundry in the other made it clear that it was used for several purposes. _Still, that's all it is, a table. A piece of furniture not for decoration, but for use. _Made out of solid wood, it appeared stable enough to survive an earthquake, but at the same time, the plain material seemed to eradicate warmth and even cosiness.

Following the example of the table, there was not one piece of furniture or anything else in this room that was not purely functional and not one piece of decoration except the few plants on the window shelf, obviously the only 'luxury' Angeal allowed himself. Sephiroth had once asked him what the sense behind having plants was. In his eyes, they fulfilled no purpose whatsoever, and 'oh, but they look nice' was doubtlessly a female attitude, not suitable for men in general, even more so if they were working in a military unit. Angeal had returned that every person on this planet had at least one habit that made no sense, and that there was more to those plants than being pleasant to look at. 'It's a personal thing. Let's just say having plants reminds me of my own roots, and the fact that not all the planet looks like Midgar."

When they finally left the room, Angeal could not help but think of the incident with Harvey again. It was pretty unlikely that Genesis already knew about it, but even the slightest chance made him feel uncomfortable.

They entered the elevator, and Sephiroth leaned to the side panel. "Lost in thoughts again?"

This time, Angeal felt that there was no use in denying the obvious yet another time. "Oh, I was just thinking about something that happened this afternoon. You remember SOLDIER First Class Phil Harvey? Well, he was acting quite odd today."

His opposite frowned. "Odd? In what way?"

The elevator doors opened again with a low sound.

"Nothing to worry about. He just said something that was clearly beyond the usual banter, and I'm wondering what exactly I did to earn a place on his personal black list." Just to underline his first statement, Angeal showed a brief smile. "But you know what they say: SOLDIERs make excellent comrades, but rather poor friends."

"I'll keep that in mind." Sephiroth returned dryly. "However, I can understand if Harvey is a bit on edge recently. The executive committee is not pleased with his results on the last mission. Maybe they are expecting too much, but he used to be an excellent SOLDIER back in the days when he was in a mission team with Griffin and Marquez. Speaking of which: you knew Dean Marquez, didn't you?"

_Oh yes, I did... _ "We used to be something like friends. But that's quite a while ago." '_Something like friends'. A nice way putting it..._

"However, maybe Harvey hasn't forgotten about it. He and Marquez never got along too well..."

In this very moment, Angeal's phone started to ring. With the trained routine of a Shinra employee, he checked the display instantly, before he took the call. "Hey Gen."

"Hey. Where are you?" For some reason, Genesis sounded breathless, as if he had been running, but with no audible traces of panting or struggling for air.

"Right at your doorstep."

"Oh damned... Listen, I'm running late a bit late. I'm only just about to leave."

"No problem at all. That means you'll be here in fifteen minutes tops, and meanwhile, I can let us in." The answer didn't come straight away, and Angeal knew precisely why. "If you don't mind, that is."

"No, it's ok."

This time, he was genuinely surprised. Genesis giving in that fast was rare to say the least, and Angeal knew his friend long enough to be aware of the fact that Genesis hated not being in control of a situation, and having someone in his room without being there himself definitely qualified as loss of control in his eyes.

"All right, see you in a bit then. Oh, and I'll make sure everything stays in place. No one's going to mess up your room, I promise." Angeal ended the call and the two SOLDIERs continued to walk down the hallway until they arrived in front of the very last door on the left. There were no names anywhere, just numbers, so you had to know where exactly someone lived in order to find the right room. According to the executive committee, this was not an inconvenience, but a security measure. Angeal didn't bother with the actual lock, and entered a ten-digit-code on the keypad right next to the door instead.

"Genesis obviously trusts you quite a lot if you have his override code..." Sephiroth pointed out when Angeal stepped back to let him enter first. He took a brief look around, just as he did with everything he saw for the first time. "It's rather small, isn't it? Even smaller than your place, if I'm not mistaken."

"You are right. Rooms at the end of the hallway have the shape of a square, not a rectangle like the standard quarters. Therefore, they are slightly smaller. But they have one decided advantage."

"And that would be?"

Angeal pointed to the left side of the room. "Only one shared wall, which means only one next-door-neighbour. Might be the reason why some people deliberately choose them, despite the size." He tried his best to hide his amusement, while his friend seemed to scan every inch of the unknown surroundings like a future battle ground.

Sephiroth had no idea what it was, but something else within this room was very different. The light, maybe? The window seemed wider indeed, but maybe this was only due to the fact that the room was smaller. Still, the atmosphere was definitely lighter, more airy. He also had to admit to himself that he had been mistaken about what to expect. For some reason, he had assumed that if Angeal was an overly tidy person, Genesis would turn out to be the opposite. But he was in for a surprise. There was more stuff lying around, true, but everything seemed to be arranged following a certain order, and even the uniform top that had been thrown ignorantly over a chair looked as if it belonged there, like some kind of thought-out design. At least the high amount of books was something he could have figured. A long row of book shelves covered the entire shared wall of the main room, and focusing just on that part felt like being transferred to a library.

He stepped closer. "Some of those books look as if the paper was going to crumble under your fingers."

"Well, Gen and books is like me and plants. It's that sort of fondness outsiders don't understand... He has a thing for those old, epic stories, and according to him, they are just not the same when you read them in the paperback version."

"Oh, I get it. The book has to be as old as the story in it..." He carefully reached for an old, battered volume on the top shelf. The title was unreadable due to age and use, but red fabric of the cover looked rather expensive. It turned out to be a copy of "Legends of the Ancients", a rather unique one with illustrations that looked like drawn by hand.

"I remember that one..." Angeal pointed out, more to himself than to Sephiroth. "He used to drag that around constantly when we were younger."

"Quite a heavy book for a little boy. And I do not only refer to the weight." It was a well-known fact that those legends featured an extreme amount of blood, death and destruction. "Not exactly the kind of thing you read to your child at night."

"When it comes to reading, Gen was very advanced from an early age on. He pretty much despised the simplicity and the happiness of most children's stories. When he was only ten, he had already read most of the great tragedies. The complicated language was not really appealing to me, but I loved stories just as much, so Gen would often re-tell them for me in his own words..." Even after all those years, Angeal still recalled Genesis' excited expression and the special glimmer in his eyes when he was narrating, or even reciting from one of those works. He had literally been a different person in such moments, not the shy little boy, but already the passionate young man he would be one day.

Meanwhile, Sephiroth had stepped closer to the desk that was standing on the opposite wall, but it was neither the desk itself - of course more delicate than the simple table in Angeal's room - nor its content that interested him. His eyes were drawn to the wall above it, to its decoration, more precisely. Every inch of the wall was covered in paper, all sorts of it: white as well as any kind of colour, squared, lined, crumbled, any size, any shape, covered with words as well as drawings and simple doodles. Somewhere in the mix he discovered occasional photographs, postcards, paper forms that looked like origami and even a geometrical figure made out of twigs. He could identify some sheets as official Shinra paper work, but most of them seemed to serve as reminders or simply as some weird form of decoration. Certainly one could spend hours looking at every detail of this artistic collage.

"Impressive, isn't it?" Angeal stepped closer. "Every time I come here something has been changed or added. It's Gen's creative work in progress, so to say."

"Impressive is an understatement…"

"It's a tradition as well. Back at his parent's house, he had a whole wall in his room looking like that."

Sephiroth took a closer look at the drawings. Some were basically scraps, still featuring reference lines, while others were done in great detail with shading and colouring. Most of them featured nature motifs, like flowers, feathers, animals and landscapes. "Those are really good. Who did them?"

Angeal looked at him in surprise. "Gen, of course. I told you he has talent for any kind of art. Most of those were drawn without any reference." He pointed at one of the larger pieces of paper which featured the portrait of a cat, done in such a precise way that one was able to see every single hair of its fur. "Like this. Completely taken from his memory, but it looks just like the real thing."

"Are you telling me he had a cat?"

"Technically, he still has one. Not here, but back home in Banora. Every year, from spring till summer, all kinds of animals were born on the farms there. Gen used to be extremely fond of little cats, but his parents would not allow him to have one. However, once our neighbour had this special litter of kittens almost at the end of summer, and I decided to give Gen one of those for his ninth birthday. Of course it was obvious that he couldn't take it home, so it stayed with me and my mom; although it has always been Gen's cat. And that little guy knew it precisely, every time Gen came over, the cat had only eyes for him. I bet that's still the case, although neither of us has been in Banora for over a year now." He gave his friend an apologetic look. "Sorry if I bore you with those old stories."

"Not at all," Sephiroth returned. "Take every change you get to find out more about your enemies. And about your friends, of course." His eyes drifted back to the desk, over a couple of Shinra-issued booklets that seemed less used than the other books in this room, showing that Genesis had some distinct preferences when it came to reading. Next to them, there was another thin, rather expensive and old looking book, and he picked it up carefully to study the title. _Loveless._

"Didn't they bring out the play only a few years ago?"

"As far as I know, they based the play upon a very old tale written in verses. Don't ask me, I can't even tell you what the story is about, and I doubt anyone knows really. Its actual meaning is a complete mystery. You can ask Gen, if you are interested..."

"I think I'll pass up that chance. I'm not really fond of literature, especially not of the kind that raises more questions than it provides answers." Sephiroth tried to remember the exact position of the book on the table, to put it back in its place without disrupting the carefully arranged order. But in the process, something fell out of it. Reacting instantly, he caught the small rectangular object before it hit the ground.

A photograph. It looked rather old and its colours were either completely faded or it had been a black-and-white shot in the first place. The crooked apple tree in the background made it easy for Sephiroth to guess where that picture had been taken. He narrowed his eyes to get a better look at the main focus of the picture. Two kids, obviously. The one on the right was a dark haired boy, about nine or ten years old, and although his features were a lot softer than today, the calm and – despite the smile - serious expression had not changed a bit. Having established that, his eyes shifted over to the second person, the other child Angeal had put his arm around. The features seemed vaguely familiar, but at the same time completely unknown. At least half a head smaller and remarkably more slender than the younger version of Angeal, the child showed a shy smile and the eyes… A hasty observer might have missed that deep, knowing expression, but Sephiroth was instantly reminded of all the times he had looked into the mirror as a child. _They say eyes are the windows to the soul... but what if there is no soul behind them, only a void? Or a knowledge that is far too dark to be understood by anyone else?_ He forced himself to stop that thought and to look for other hints to identify that person. Due to the missing colour, the hair could have been anything between light brown and dark blond. Finally, he decided to ask Angeal: "Who is that? Your first girlfriend?"

His friend reacted with amusement. "You are so lucky that 'she' is not here yet…"

"That's Genesis?" Sephiroth shook his head in mild confusion and looked closer. Now that he knew it, he asked himself how he could have missed the signs. He should have realized. It was so obvious. What had blinded his sight? Those fragile, somehow girly looks? Those eyes? _They call it 'old eyes', something a child at this age should not have…_

While Sephiroth turned to put the photograph back into the book with a surprisingly gentle gesture, Angeal's eyes were suddenly drawn to something else. There was a new little piece of paper added to the side of the collage, held by a single pin and twisted in a way that one could not read it properly. Without really knowing why, Angeal reached out to bring it into a better position.

On it, there were just a few lines in the sort of writing Genesis used when he almost meditated on something while he carefully drew each single letter like a small picture. _'It doesn't matter what I want, it doesn't matter what I need; it doesn't matter if I cry, no matter if I bleed…'_

It wasn't the content as such. Genesis had always had a strange liking for depressing, melodramatic and even macabre or downright morbid things, especially when it came to poems. Angeal just couldn't escape the odd feeling that he had either seen or heard those words before, and that this was supposed to tell him something, something that wasn't exactly good news. It didn't just feel like a part of Genesis' quote collection. If felt... _personal._

For a brief moment, he just stared at the small piece of paper he now held in his hand, trying to make sense of it. But then, he heard the sound of the door behind him, and with a feeling of guilt, he hastily hid the paper in one of his uniform pockets, before he turned around to greet Genesis with a smile.

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

Angeal had insisted. Although Sephiroth had pointed out that he would find the way back on his own, he had escorted his friend to the elevator, before he returned to Genesis' room once again. Now, it was just the two of them. Finally.

Genesis stood at the window, with the back turned to him, pretending to concentrate on the view, although he had pointed out many times before that he couldn't stand the limited perspective it offered. Angeal approached him carefully, and when he stood right behind Genesis, he was forced to stop. Their bodies were not touching yet, but there was some invisible barrier, like a force field that kept him from moving any closer.

Out of the many possible reasons, there was one more plausible than the others. Maybe it was better to set things straight right away. "Listen, this afternoon..."

"Don't bother telling me. I already know." Genesis clenched his left hand into a fist momentarily. "Stupid moron. He has a problem with me, fine, but he has absolutely no right to drag you into this. I told him so before, and I won't tell him again. This time, he has gone too far..."

"Calm down. It's not worth the trouble you would get in for assaulting a fellow SOLDIER."

"That's a risk I'm willing to take. Or do you honestly recommend I should get used to the fact that people openly speculate about my skills in 'getting laid'?" Genesis returned fiercely. He paused, before he added in a calmer tone: "By the way, I also heard about your reaction."

"Exactly what you were trying to teach me for years now. Rule of Gossip, number three: 'Faced with gossip about yourself, do never deny. The more you do, the more people will think there's a point. The best way to counter rumours is to ignore them, or to turn them around to point back at the person who started'. Which is basically what I did..."

"True. However, there is a subitem to that rule: 'Be aware that this could also be seen as a declaration of war'."

"Trust me, Harvey is not that stupid. He would not risk an open confrontation."

"Open confrontations don't scare me. They are like any other battle. An ambush, on the other hand, is much more unpleasant..." To Angeal's surprise, he sighed softly. "You shouldn't have said anything. This could mean trouble."

_Is he... worried? About me?_ "Truth be told, when he raised that question, I was tempted to say something different first, but I discarded that option pretty fast… because it would have been even more trouble."

In the blink of an eye, Genesis' mood changed from gloomy to curious. "Why? What was it?"

"I was considering to say 'No idea so far, but I'd love to find out'." _Oh sweet Gaia. I didn't just say that, did I? What happened to 'think before you speak'?_

Of course this led to yet another instant mood swing. Genesis stared at him for a few moments, obviously unable to believe what he had just heard. Then he immediately lowered his gaze and turned his head to hide the slight hint of colour that appeared on his cheeks. When he looked up again, it was basically written in his eyes: _The worst is that I don't even know if you just made a joke or not._ "You are kidding me, aren't you?" There was a minor unsteadiness in his voice, the playfulness sounded clearly forced. _Tell me you are. Please._

"Of course I am." Yet again those words were out before he could fully grasp their content. _Why don't you just tell him the truth? _ If this was his voice of rationality, it was countered immediately by that still confusing emotional part: _Because that is not how it's supposed to be. I want to address this properly, not by accident... _Still, the trace of relief that was so clearly visible in those wide, bright blue eyes hit him worse than a slap in the face.

With an absent-minded gesture, Genesis twisted a strand of hair around his finger, a sign that he was at a total loss with the situation. Seeing him like this caused Angeal to step closer and reach out for him. It was an automatic response, a reflex out of his control. To his surprise, Genesis instantly raised his hands in an almost defensive gesture.

"What's wrong? Are you mad at me?"

Genesis shook his head. "Not at all. I'm just tired." It was one of the oldest excuses in the book, the most obvious indirect way to get across an unmistakeable 'I think it's better if you go now'.

Still, a look in Genesis' eyes showed that it was not necessarily a mere excuse. Those bright blue orbs seemed dull and blank, like raw, uncut sapphires. Normally, Genesis' feelings were of the burning kind, there was always a spark left that could be turned into a warming flicker or a raging fire. Sometimes though, this fire seemed completely extinguished, replaced by an emptiness that made him seem a complete different person.

"Is that all? Just tired?" Angeal inquired carefully.

"Of course. Why do you ask?"

"Well… I couldn't help but notice that piece of paper." As uncomfortable as that emotional cold was, at least it would keep Genesis from getting totally upset about this breach of privacy. Angeal handed him the note, and watched him study it for a second. Was there a trace of carefully hidden confusion? "Is that supposed to mean anything? If you are in trouble, no matter what kind, you know…"

"I know," Genesis interrupted him with a surprising softness in his voice. It reminded of purring, but aren't cats supposed to purr not only when they are happy and relaxed, but also when they are in pain? "Don't worry, it's an old note. See? Those slopes on the 'f's and the 'y' – I don't do them like that anymore… Can't even remember when I wrote it, but it must have been ages ago."

_If that is true, why is your hand trembling like that?_ But for some reason, those words would not come out. Angeal's throat was blocked.

Genesis looked at him with one of those special, intense glances, this time a confusing mixture of begging and determination. "Please, don't worry. I am fine, just incredibly tired. Why would I lie to you?"

_That's right. Why would you? _"Ok. If you need anything, no matter what... Call me, ok?"

"I will. But all I need right now is to get some rest."

He showed Angeal an intoxicatingly sweet smile, and if it had been possible to turn this visual impression into an audible one, it would have been the sound of metal hitting the floor. _If Science was able to turn this smile into a weapon, the effect would be devastating._ _How do you do that? How can you tear down all my defences with just a single display of emotion? _Those questions remained of course unanswered, andAngeal could do nothing but nod in agreement. For a moment, he was unable to make up his mind in what direction he should move. Towards the door, which would have been the rational option, or towards Genesis, which was the direction every fibre of his being seemed to be pulling to. In the end, he gave in to the latter, but only to place a fast, innocent kiss on Genesis' forehead. "Sleep well."

"You too." And when Angeal had almost reached the door, Genesis added: "Thank you."

_For what exactly?_ Yet again, Angeal was unable to say those words.

When he was finally alone, Genesis stared blankly at the note again. True, he could not recall when he had written it, but that was far from comforting… for he recognized the ink and the paper, telling him that it must have been recently. _But when? I can't even remember seeing those words before, let alone writing them down. And I haven't used that style of handwriting since… 'My childhood'_ was on his mind, but he didn't even dare to think those words.

* * *

**A/N:** One final comment... well, two actually.

First: I do not claim to the lines on the note as my own. They are taken from a song called "It Doesn't Matter" by Alison Krauss. As usual, no copyright infringement intended.

Second: You know me and my addiction to music. So if I was supposed to name a song that represents this very chapter, it would be an easy choice: "Disarm", originally by Smashing Pumpkins (I say originally, because I tend to listen to a cover version. I can't stand the singer's voice in the original – my apologies to any fans out there). If you listen to that song, however, prepare to get mildly confused. Of course there are parallels to this chapter (like the opening line _Disarm you with a smile_ – which might be the most obvious one - or the entire pre-chorus-passage. Even the word 'denial' is used in the second verse), but the biggest part of the lyrics is definitely not making sense at this point. Or maybe it never will, and I just enjoy toying with your expectations... However, you shouldn't try and squint too hard ;)


	16. Desires, 1

**A/N:** Got up this morning and spent hours editing this, again and again. Judging by the fact that the letters start to dissolve in front of my eyes, I should really publish this now... Some part of me wants to read (and edit) it yet again, but I will force myself to postpone that.

But first of all, it's time for a massive THANK YOU again. When I first started this story, I never thought I would get as much response as I did. Let's admit it, slow paced stories with lots of characterization tend not to do as well as action-driven stuff (and I mean the word 'action' in every possible connotation ;). So every time I get positive feedback, I'm still very surprised and honestly touched. I feel like I don't deserve all your wonderful comments, but at the same time, they make incredibly, insanely happy. Thank you, each and every one of you. You mean the world to me!

Anyway, new chapter: You know you're in this for the long run, don't you? What is posted so far is roughly one third of the total story (or even less, depending on how short I can cut things). Scared yet? ;)

What else? As indicated by the title, there's a 'change of tone' in this part. We didn't have fluff for quite a while (at least not the obvious kind), so I thought I had to fix that.

This time, the opening quote is from "Undisclosed Desires" by Muse. I thought a song featuring the word 'loveless' in the very first verse would be a pretty good match ;) Besides, I love the expression 'undisclosed desires' (And yes, that song definitively contains innuendo, specially the line "Show me how it's done"... What exactly does this have to do with the story? Probably not what you think right now... ;)

Oh, and just to point it out again: as I already mentioned in the Preface of this story, I never played any FF VII game myself. Therefore, when I talk about things like Mako and Materia (and their use), I'm not only using my own theories, but also try to 'novel-ize' things as far as possible (meaning, I'm using 'story-logic' instead of 'game-logic'). I hope I managed to do so without messing too much with canon (and if I did, please let me know).

**Warning: **None really. But just to remind you, this chapter contains fluff. Angsty fluff, but fluff nonetheless. Oh, and did I mention angst?

Finally, the** dedication: **This goes to the lovely, kind, amazing _OceanSapphire_, also known as _Rugou_.

_Hey darling_

_See, I finally managed. You deserved a dedication for a long time, being a constant pillar of support for me almost from the very beginning. Thank you very much for many wonderful reviews, messages and conversations, and forgive me for being so terrible at keeping contact lately. _

_There are definitely traces of sweetness in this chapter, and I hope it's enough to satisfy you (I had to fit a certain amount of angst in, too, for the sake of the plot). If not, just bear with me for the moment being. _

_I feel like I need to say so much more, but at the same time, I don't know how. Therefore, let me just sum this up by saying:_

_Stay as you are; you are amazing. Once again, thank you very, very much!  
_

* * *

**IV. Desires**

**~°oOo°~**

_I know you've suffered  
But I don't want you to hide  
It's cold and loveless  
I won't let you be denied_

_I want to reconcile the violence in your heart  
I want to recognize your beauty's not just a mask  
I want to exorcise the demons from your past  
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart_

**~°oOo°~**

_Some people say you shouldn't look directly into the flames. They might consume your soul if you do. _

Genesis watched the small ball of fire hovering over his outstretched hand in calm concentration. Even an unskilled observed would have noticed at once that the flames were burning far too regular, and that their colour was just a tad too bright to be ordinary fire. It was real, and yet it wasn't. Some called it magic, some called it science, but – as President Shinra himself had allegedly put it once – names didn't really matter, results did. The result in this case was nothing less than the ability to manipulate the Planet's elements and natural forces to a certain degree. However, that ability did not come cheap. It required a certain amount of talent in the first place, extensive training and last but not least stamina, for every spell or summon was not only fuelled by the forces of the Planet, but also by the sheer will and concentration of the person calling it out. And this was by no way just meant metaphorically.

In this very moment, Genesis could feel that the spell was quite literally feeding on some part of his mind, slowly, constantly. Most beginners were easily freaked out by that feeling, and even advanced Materia users claimed that they tried their best to concentrate on the result and not on the process, because they considered it at least irritating. He, however, did not mind. It was not painful, after all. _Not up until a certain point_, he corrected himself in his thoughts. _But I'm not planning on getting close to that today._ A tiny movement of his hand, and the floating orb followed instantly. _Almost perfect._

It seemed like some sort of game, but even though some people could make it look very playful, the actual purpose was a different one. _Materia is__ a weapon, and you are not supposed to play around with weapons._ There was a purpose behind this so called 'Materia manipulation', and it was beyond simple 'toying around'. In the same way as lifting weights helped with muscle development and finally improved your strength, Materia manipulation aided your ability to concentrate, helped to accustom to the process of spellcasting and therefore improved your abilities to handle that weapon efficiently. Besides, it was almost like meditation. Outside of the hectic and danger of a battlefield, you were free to focus on yourself, and on your spell.

Genesis shifted his concentration, an imaginary movement comparable to making a gesture only in your thoughts, and the fire ball once again reacted immediately. It grew in size, and then separated into three smaller units that started to circle his hand instead of floating over it. _Good, but still not good enough. _

It wasn't the sound of the door that informed him someone had entered the room. In the highly concentrated state Materia handling required, one could feel every little change in the surroundings, similar to a bat needing nothing but sonar waves to see in pitch black. Therefore, he was not only aware of the fact that someone was approaching, but also who it was.

Angeal politely stopped at a distance to the middle of the dimly lit room, and watched Genesis for a moment in silence. '_As long as you are completely one with your spell, its power will not harm you.'_ Whenever he heard that line, a standard affirmation that Materia wasn't dangerous per definition, he immediately had to think of Genesis and his beloved fire spells, the perfect example for a perfect and deadly union between a weapon and its wielder. Even though he had seen him like this many times before, it was still fascinating. The expression of intense concentration made Genesis look distant, almost untouchable, powerful yet fragile at the same time. And despite the distance, Angeal discovered a very well hidden painful edge in that concentration. "Still training? Don't you think it's time to call it a day?"

Genesis didn't reply at once. Even though he had actually mastered the task of talking while still concentrating on his spell relatively early on, he hated the sensation it created. _It's like splitting your mind in two on purpose, and the scariest part is that it doesn't even feel as uncomfortable as it should. It feels more... familiar? _ With another mental twitch and a tiny gesture of his hand, he caused the three smaller circles of fire to fuse yet again into one, causing some sparks and a vague sensation of heat in the process. _Damn it_. For a moment, he felt like stumbling, being able to catch his balance in the last moment before hitting the ground. He couldn't help shaking his head in disapproval, even though the small orb now floated innocently right above his hand again, and obediently dimmed its light to a vague glow when Genesis bent his fingers.

"Seriously, the counter says you were doing stuff like this for almost two hours. You shouldn't push yourself that hard. Besides, why didn't you start with Ice? It's so much easier to manipulate..."

"If I had wanted to juggle ice cubes around, I would have applied as President Shinra's personal bartender." Genesis finally returned, with a barely veiled hint of annoyance.

"I see. And why this sudden training spree?"

"Advanced Materia Class, first thing tomorrow. I'll finally be allowed to use real Materia again, after I was stuck with only simulations for months."_All thanks to this stupid Materia-related accident, and all its consequences. Of course you don't understand what this means to me, do you? _"So I just wanted to make sure I still remember how it works... by running another simulation, of course."

"That's what you're worried about? Two thirds of this unit are jealous of your skills, and the rest either thinks Materia is overrated or never pays attention in class. Sometimes even I can't help but feel slightly jealous."

Although he tried not to show it, the way Genesis' face lit up spoke volumes about the fact that he appreciated the encouragement. Angeal had moved closer while speaking these words, and now stood right at the line separating grey floor tiles from white ones, or the 'neutral' fringe area of the Materia VR training room from the 'active' middle, some sort of guidance for users as well as something the complicated computer system obviously required to create a perfect optical illusion. Shinra scientists had worked on this variation of a standard VR training room for years, and the final results were as close to reality as anyhow possible, in every way, not only in visual terms.

Just a moment later, Genesis turned to look at him, another little gesture that proved his remarkable talent with Materia. Most others would have been unable to control the result of their spell without looking at it. "Want to have a try?"

Angeal shook his head. "Better not. I'd hate to burn my fingers."

"Oh, come on. It's just a simulation."

"That doesn't mean anything. Knowing you, you are using one of the highest settings, and that means even though there will be no visible burns to prove I messed up, the pain is still too real. Besides, I'm not good with magic in general, and especially not with fire."

"They say that in order to master fire, you have to be likeminded... Tells a lot about me, don't you think?" Genesis chuckled softly, suddenly all playful, and the glowing ball seemed to flicker in the same rhythm. "But seriously, you don't have to worry. I just want to show you something. Besides, it's my spell, so it won't hurt you. Trust me."

It was his smile. This beautiful, fascinating, demanding smile. Angeal just couldn't refuse. So he stepped onto the white tiles.

Genesis reached out with his free hand to draw him closer, before instructing: "Hold up your hand. Like this."

When Angeal did, he gently placed his own hand under it, causing the small glowing ball to float over Angeal's palm now.

"That's actually a programming mistake," Genesis continued. "With real Materia, this wouldn't work just as well. You'd have to cast the spell yourself, and even then it would be much harder to achieve something like shared control... but enough with theory. You know the drill: Concentration, image, focus."

Angeal had to concentrate hard not to burst into laughter. _It's so strange to hear you say 'focus'. That's what I used to tell you all the time when you weren't concentrating properly. Composure. Concentrate. Don't lose your focus. Hearing you say it feels like a copyright violation..._ Still, he tried to free himself from that thought and to shift his concentration to the small glowing orb.

After only a second, it changed its form again, literally melting down into a flat pool first and then rising up again. Now it looked like proper flames, just like something you'd expect to find in a fireplace, only instead of that, it fit smoothly in the palm of Angeal's hand. _It feels odd, seeing your own hand on fire. At least it doesn't hurt. _There was no pain, no heat, just intense warmth that spread from his hand over his whole arm.

"See? It's not as bad as you thought, is it?"

"It's quite... impressive." Through the flames, Angeal could see Genesis' face. It was calm, and the flames reflected in his eyes, making it look as if they were on fire, as if they were the very source of it.

There was no chance to dwell on these thoughts. "For the next part, simply imagine throwing a ball into the sky." They carried out the movement together, and again the flames obeyed, forming a compact round shape that drifted towards the ceiling, only much slower than Angeal had expected.

"Ok, now watch this..." Genesis waited for another moment, before he closed Angeal's hand with his own in a single, swift movement. Soundlessly, the fireball exploded. In just a heartbeat, it turned into millions of tiny glowing particles, floating around them weightlessly like fireflies, like a rain of embers.

"Isn't that pretty?" Genesis whispered, with all the excitement of a child, so pure, so innocent, so...

Then their gazes met again, and Angeal could see the tiny sparks reflecting over and over in Genesis' eyes like fireworks in the dark surface of a lake. _You_ _are pretty. _You_ are. _

For a few heartbeats, the Planet simply stopped turning, and the laws of space and time were entirely suspended. Everything was reduced to one single thought, the answer to all questions ever asked and the key to all mysteries of the universe. There was no _you_, no _I_, only _we_, an entity that could not be separated, not by force, not by fate, not even by death, a sacred union of souls. Nothing else existed outside of that, nothing else mattered.

And then the moment passed. Gazes separated, downcast eyes, a blinking, a try to free oneself from an impression that was too powerful, too intense to be maintained. It was like waking up from a shared dream.

For a while, neither of them spoke. There was nothing to say, no way to put a frantically beating heart and a feeling of total bereft into words. Finally, Genesis stated: "Well, I think you were right after all. I should call it a day..." His voice was casual, but shaky, and the cheerful undertone seemed just a tad too much for the occasion.

Angeal found himself completely lost for words. It almost hurt to ignore what just happened, it felt like a desecration, but at the same time like a necessary step in order to move on. "Do you mean that literally? I mean, I basically just came over to say hi, but there are just a few tasks left on my to-do-list, so I thought we could... later on... if you want, that is. " _And we are back to stuttering around like a boy asking a girl to join him for the village dance ... Great development._

Genesis just showed him a tiny smile. "Agreed." Right in the next moment, he turned his head, a gesture that seemed too abrupt to be causeless.

"Something wrong?"

Genesis shook his head. From one second to the next, he seemed strangely aloof and concentrated. "I just remembered I should better shut the system down... After all, President Shinra – or his financial advisor, more likely - does not approve any unnecessary waste of energy." He walked over to the control panel. "Don't wait for me; it would only keep you from doing more important things."

"I better hurry then, so I can get to the really important things," Angeal returned. It came out more meaningful then he had intended, so he decided to add an innocuous "Sure you don't need any help with that computer?"

"Affirmative. The Cadet is not handling this system for the first time, sir." Genesis managed to speak the line in a serious tone befitting the military language he used, but his eyes twinkled with a trace of mischief.

"Ok, I get it. See you later."

The airiness of the situation lasted for the first half of the hallway Angeal walked down, and then it was bit by bit swallowed up by uneasiness, like a grey cloud blocking out the sun before the weather eventually changes.

_Back then, in this one moment... I should have kissed him. Why did I hesitate? It would have been so perfect. I know that some moments are too perfect, too intense, and too easily ruined by acting upon your desires... but still._

His steps got slower, and slower, without him even realizing it.

_Did I hesitate, because the mood was just too overwhelming? Or was I doubting the feelings involved? Whose feelings? His, because deep down, I'm still not sure what he really feels for me, and I had no idea how he might react? Or mine, because I'm scared I would not have been able to stop after just one kiss?_

The thought was uncomfortable, and it proved annoyingly hard to turn down, even though he tried to focus on the stairs below his feet, counting them out to have some sort of distraction other than... Suddenly, he stopped dead in tracks. Something had broken through the grey clouds on his mind like a flash of lightning, a brief moment of clarity so bright it almost hurt.

_Go back. _

Just that, nothing else. For a few heartbeats, that order echoed on his mind like distant thunder. Then it was gone. Angeal hesitated, and then slowly turned around to look back into the direction he had come from.

**~°oOo°~**

The sudden sensation of wetness on his face caught him by surprise, as did the metallic taste in his mouth. Still, he knew at once what it was. Briefly running his fingers over his lips, only to find them covered in red was not really necessary at all, and feeling his heartbeat speeding up was just an annoying addition. _It's just an ordinary nosebleed, for Gaia's sake!_

Despite trying to calm himself, he could feel his knees getting weak. Knowing that there was at least no one around to see him like this, Genesis lowered himself to the ground and leaned forward, causing the blood to drip on the floor, slowly, steadily. Blood stains were visible on any kind of floor tiles, more or less, but on the white part of the floor, they really stood out. In a strange fit of morbid fascination, he couldn't turn away from that sight, in the same way as one is not able to turn away from a possible enemy, because he might attack in the very second you stop watching him closely. The pattern the blood formed on the floor seemed menacing, but hypnotizing at the same time, carrying a secret hidden meaning like a Rorschach picture. Another drop fell down like in slow motion, hitting the small pool of blood with a low, echoing sound he was sure existed only in his mind, because there wasn't nearly enough liquid on the floor to cause it. The floor... white... red on white...

_Don't look at the floor. Anywhere else, but not the floor... _

Breaking the echoes on his mind, there suddenly was another sound, raw, destructive. Breaking glass. An explosion of shards, violent, painful.

_Not again..._

With the low sigh of a person being in severe pain, a sigh that he didn't even recognize as his own - too foreign, too confusing - he tried to lift his head.

In that very second, he could recall Angeal's calm voice stating: 'Never tilt your head back, Gen. That only causes that blood to run down your throat, which will make you sick eventually. You have to lean forward. Don't worry, it will stop soon.'

Angeal had still used almost the same words three years ago. Back then, Genesis had tried to look at him, not the unusually large amount of blood covering his hands and clothes, and had – for the first time in his life - returned a weak and doubtful: 'What if it doesn't?'

The vivid memory brought back the question, causing it resound over and over in his head. _What if it doesn't?_ Before he had even realized what he was doing, he had raised his hands and covered his face, a desperate try to block out the floodwave of weakness that tried to drag him under. To no avail. _Uncontrollable bleeding is one of the most notable signs of a critical Mako overdose._

_Stop that thought, right now!_ he ordered himself. _It's nothing but an ordinary nosebleed this time, and therefore it will stop. Your whining is just pathetic._

Refusing to give in to the panic he felt, he lowered his hands again. Unbeknown to him, that had been a mistake. For a moment, he stared blankly at his hands, as if they were foreign objects, as if they didn't belong to his body.

_My hands... there is... so much blood on them. So much blood. My fault. It's all my fault._

Everything in him wanted to scream, but he couldn't. He just couldn't.

**~°oOo°~**

Just a moment later, Angeal carefully opened the door, still arguing with himself how to justify the whole situation. _That's completely and utterly stupid. Can't you just leave him alone for five minutes? Seriously, that borders on overobsession, and you know it. Better think of a good excuse for this inappropriate behaviour... _Yet right in the very next second, it was not important anymore.

Within seconds, he made it over to Genesis' side, incredibly slowed-down seconds, as if the whole concept of time was out to torture him. He kneeled down on the floor, every fibre of his being aching to find out what was wrong, and at the same time scared of doing so. First of all, he could vaguely make out words, something Genesis seemed to repeat over and over, like a sing-sang, a mantra, fast but incomprehensible.

"Gen?"

No reaction. Genesis' eyes seemed hazy, unfocused, as if he was not even aware that he was no longer alone.

"Gen, can you hear me?"

Finally, as if to mirror the sharp undertone of desperation seeping through Angeal's plea, the bright blue eyes tried to focus, still glossed over by pure panic. "Angeal..." Almost inaudible. It didn't just sound weak, it sounded desperate, like a cry for help.

"What happened?" Angeal asked, maybe too obviously worried.

Genesis shook his head, slowly, more a gesture of denial than of negation. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..."He was totally lost, so completely paralyzed by fear that he was unable to react in any sort of way. His breathing seemed flat yet too fast, giving him barely enough energy for those words. Still, he kept repeating them over and over, until his voice finally broke.

_When was the last time I saw him like this? Sweet Gaia, have I _ever_ seen him like this before?_ And somewhere in the back of his mind, a dark voice replied: _'Of course you have. Back then.' _

Angeal felt a cold hand closing around his heart, the same panic that had obviously taken hold of Genesis already. Yet the rational part of him that was surprisingly enough still able to function insisted instantly this was not an option. _Calm down! If you lose it now, you'll only end up scaring him more, and that's not going to help... _With an almost inhuman effort, Angeal forced his voice to remain steady. "Hey, it's ok. Nothing to be sorry for."

First, there was no reaction, no reply, just the sound of breathing, still too fast, too shallow. The helplessness was like a sharp pain, but Angeal still managed to keep it well hidden. "Gennie. Look at me." As if to underline that order, he reached out and gently touched his friend's chin, tugging it towards him. The skin under his fingers felt surprisingly cold, yet damp and strangely sticky with blood.

But the blood was not the most serious problem. _Hyperventilation. If he continues like that, he'll pass out..._ "It's ok. Everything's going to be fine, don't worry. Right now, I need you to focus on nothing but breathing for a while. Think you can do that?"

For a moment, Genesis looked him blankly, but then something like a spark lit up in his eyes. He nodded, slightly too fast, eerily in sync with his heaving chest. Angeal ignored that fact and showed him an encouraging smile. "Brilliant." Without waiting for another reaction, he reached out for Genesis' left hand and closed his fingers firmly around it, ignoring the fact it was covered in blood as well. The smaller hand automatically returned the gesture, less firm, but determined. In a similarly unconscious movement, Angeal pulled Genesis closer, until his head rested lightly against Angeal's shoulder. Genesis was a sensible person, and he had an almost uncanny way of always detecting the tiniest traces of emotion, especially negative ones, no matter how deeply hidden they were, and reflecting them like a mirror. Therefore, Angeal knew that if he wanted him to calm down, he first of all needed to calm down himself, otherwise it was no good. Yet this simple task turned out to be more difficult than explaining a colourblind person the difference between red and purple.

_Three years ago it started like this... _

_He couldn't exactly recall what he had felt when he first realized that the bleeding just wouldn't stop. So much blood covering their hands, the ground, and most of Genesis' clothes, and still kept gushing down like water. Genesis had been so quiet in this moment, so untypically quiet, but looked at him with wide open eyes that screamed in terror. _Make it stop. Please, make it stop._ Despite the panic, there was this unwavering trust that hurt Angeal almost more than anything else, because Genesis was convinced he would do something, and he just couldn't. Never since his childhood had he felt so weak, so helpless... _

Angeal blinked violently to escape that haunting memory. With a mixture of annoyance and fear he realized that he was unable to tell how much time had passed, minutes or only seconds. Genesis' head had sunken against his shoulder, as if he had fallen asleep. Only his half-closed eyes indicated that this was not the case. His breathing was still a bit too shallow, but not as fast as it had been before. Angeal gently brushed a strand of his friend's hair out of his face, to keep it from getting into the half-dried blood. The gesture caused Genesis to lift his head and look up at Angeal. His eyes seemed calm now, almost tired.

"Are you ok?"

Genesis nodded slowly. He took a deep breath, and then announced surprisingly clear: "Could you help me up?"

"You want to get up already? I don't think that's a good idea."

There was no reply, not at once. Genesis' glance slowly drifted over the blood-stained floor again. The sight made him shiver, though he had no idea why. "I shouldn't stay here..." He hadn't planned on actually saying it, but the words came out anyway.

Angeal seemed to think about it for a moment, before he agreed: "You are right." He got up, and held out both hands.

Surprisingly enough, Genesis allowed himself to be pulled up. He didn't even protest when Angeal didn't let go to his arm all the way over to the door. Only when Angeal reached out to open it, he suddenly stopped.

"What is it?" Angeal inquired worriedly.

"I can't walk around like that... People would start talking."

"Let them talk... They do anyway. Besides, what's the big deal? Simple training accident. You know how this works, one uncalculated movement and..."

Genesis decidedly shook his head.

"Ok, if you insist. The room three doors down the hallway has a sink, if I remember correctly."

"And what are we going to do about... this?" He nodded in the direction of the still very visible blood pattern on the floor.

Angeal thought about it for a moment, before he replied: "I'll take care of that. If it's ok to leave you alone for a few minutes." A critical, examining glance.

"Of course it is. Don't look at me like that, I'm perfectly fine. Just let me get that blood off of my face. I really look like I had an unfortunate encounter with someone's fist." With a swift movement, he freed his arm, and started walking briskly down the hallway.

**~°oOo°~**

The cold water felt nice against his hands, calming, soothing. He had not realized the dull pain in his fingers before. Drowsily, he watched the colourless liquid turning reddish after touching his hands, forming a clear contrast to the white porcelain of the sink. _Red and white. Again..._ There was a faint sickness in his stomach, irritating, since he had no idea what caused it. _The blood loss. It has to be._ He raised his glance, away from his hands, aimlessly drifting upwards. And then he saw it. The reflection in the mirror, the face that was his, and the same time wasn't. He struggled to retain control and not to back off violently. _Calm down. Don't be ridiculous. You are just overreacting._

He closed his eyes for a short moment, no longer than a heartbeat, and forced himself to take a deep breath. Then he opened them again, and said with a surprisingly steady voice: "It's ok. Really."

"Are you sure?"

Damned, he had not even registered that Angeal had meanwhile returned. "Of course I'm sure," he replied, maybe a tad too harsh.

However, Angeal seemed unimpressed. He stepped closer, and rested his hand lightly on Genesis arm. "You don't have to pretend, you know. Not with me."

The light-headedness increased; though Genesis was sure it was not because of the blood loss this time. He felt that weakness again, the desire to just let go and... _No, it can't be._ "I know that. I'm fine, really." With a final caress, Angeal let go of his arm, and Genesis turned back to the mirror.

No surprise this time. His face looked just like his face. However, he realized the pale tone of his skin, and the feverish, glowing expression in his eyes. _Not good. Not good at all... This needs to stop. _With a sigh, he leaned over slowly to splash water over his face to clean off the traces of dried blood covering mainly his lips and chin. _What a vain effort. Some things can't be washed away that easily. But you know that' don't you?_

**~°oOo°~**

"Don't you have somewhere to be right now?"

"Not anymore."

"You shouldn't do that. It's not necessary. I told you, I was just having a stupid nosebleed, and maybe some minor circulation problems."

"You hyperventilated. That's not what I call 'minor'." Without letting go of him, Angeal pushed the door open and led him into the room. Decidedly, he made Genesis sit down on the bed, before he added: "Ok, here's the deal: I'll pretend what just happened was not an alarm sign, and I won't drag you to the medical department just yet, if you lay down for a while and get some rest."

"I can't. Not here. That's your bed."

If the situation had been just a bit different, Angeal would have laughed about that childish protest. "Listen, silly: My bed is your bed. It has always been like this, and you never minded so far. Besides, we are dating. That means you are not only allowed, but basically expected to use it."

By the looks of it, Genesis needed some time to try and evaluate if this had been a joking remark or something deeper. He obviously decided to interpret it the innocent way, and added a somehow guilty sounding "But what if that bleeding returns? I don't want to… mess up your things." After a short glance over Angeal's chest, he added shyly: "Not more than I did already, I mean."

Angeal briefly followed his gaze. Nothing too serious, just a few blood stains on his uniform top. With an inaudible sigh, he sat down next to Genesis on the bed. "I don't mind, not at all. Just to remind you, this is not the first time I end up covered in blood, and not even the first time that it's yours. Honestly, what do you think is more important to me, that bedcover or you?"

Genesis lowered his eyes. Meanwhile, at least a hint of colour had returned to his cheeks. "I'm being a nuisance again, am I? Sorry…"

"Stop apologizing, there's no need to," Angeal returned. Before the silence became too meaningful, he got up from the bed and walked over to his wardrobe. "Do you want to change your shirt, too? You can have one of mine."

"Yours are at least two sizes too big."

"At least they are clean. Come on, Gen, that's not a fashion show. And I promise I won't tell anyone." He showed Genesis a brief smile, which the other returned dutifully. "Think about it, ok? I just need to make a call, and I'll be right back. Need any help with your boots?"

Genesis shook his head. "Believe it or not, I learned how to untie my shoes before I could even walk properly." And then, as if he was almost sorry for the ironic remark, he added: "You worry too much. I appreciate it, but there's no need to."

When Angeal returned, Genesis had indeed lain down on the bed and moved over to the far left, leaving enough space for a second person. An unspoken invitation? At first, Angeal was not sure what to make out of it, but finally, he decided he could as well take his chances.

It was a rather spacious bed, but their arms were still touching. Not knowing if this was intended or mainly tolerated from Genesis' side, Angeal did not dare to move ever so slightly. He didn't want that contact to be broken, however minor it was. No one spoke for a while, but it was not an uncomfortable silence.

Finally, Angeal turned to study Genesis' face for a while, before he said: "Come on, ask me."

"What do you mean?" Genesis sounded more guilty than confused, like a child caught with the hand in the cookie jar.

"I can see it in your eyes. You are pondering on something, trying to make up your mind whether to ask me or not… I say you should."

"But it's something really stupid…"

"I don't mind."

Genesis hesitated. Eyes still focused on the ceiling, he finally inquired: "Did that happen before? That you… shared this bed with someone else?"

"Other than you, you mean?" Angeal' voice sounded calm as usual. Taken word by word, this was an innocent question, but he knew that Genesis had not intended the literal meaning. He turned to look at the ceiling as well, not because he wanted to postpone the answer, but because he had to think about the right way of putting it. _Deep down in your heart, you know the answer anyway, don't you? You just have to. No one can read me like you can. True, I never spelled it out, but I was so certain that you could see in my eyes, every single time..._ "I tended to avoid that. Bringing someone here, especially if that person is not a fellow member of the army, is just too obvious, you know? Still, it's not like it never happened." He paused, and finally dared to reach out for Genesis' hand, touching it only with the tips of his fingers, before he added: "You know that you can ask me anything in that matter. Just make sure you really want to hear the answer, ok?"

"Ok." Just that, not a single syllable more. Still, Genesis had always had the talent to fit the content of a whole speech into just one word.

"Anyway, there's another reason for your question besides 'just wanting to know', isn't it?"

Genesis sighed softly. When it almost seemed as if he would not reply at all, he finally voiced a counter question: "Remember the confrontation you had with Harvey the other day?"

Angeal turned his head to look at him again: "Is that stupid incident still bothering you? Or did he say anything?"

"No, he didn't. In fact, it's not about him at all. And 'bothering' would be an exaggeration, but…" he did not continue.

"But something keeps haunting you," Angeal did on his behalf.

"You could say so." Genesis seemed to hesitate again, but then he admitted: "It's more about what you said. What you told me afterwards, to be precise. 'No idea so far, but I'd love to find out.'"

"I told you, that was just a silly comment."

"Maybe it wasn't that silly at all. Maybe..." He turned his head to look at Angeal as well, who felt like those bright blue eyes were staring directly to the bottom of his soul, before adding the decisive question: "Do you really want me… in that way?"

_So what am I going to do now? Tell you once again that I didn't mean it? That it was just a stupid joke? As it turns out, you never believed me in the first place... So, the only other option is the truth. Still, how exactly am I supposed to tell you that? And can you handle it if I do?_

_After all, this is something that goes back to our childhood, to the very beginnings of our friendship. _

"_Why are you asking me, Gennie?" _

_"Because I want an honest answer," you replied with the most serious expression on your face._

_"Are you sure that this is what you really want?"_

_"Of course, otherwise I wouldn't have asked, would I?" Stubborn. Determined. Reluctant to drop the issue unless you got what you wanted, though I was absolutely certain that my answer would not qualify as satisfactory. _

_One honest answer and some sulking later, I always pointed out:__ "See? I told you so." _

_I knew it. I had known it all along. But even if my answers were occasionally not what you wanted them to be, you could always be sure that they were what you requested in the first place: honest. Whether you - and me equally -liked it or not. _

"There might be no simple way to answer to this question, because it crucially depends on how you define 'want' and 'that way'. However, let's try and simplify this by assuming standard definitions apply, with 'want' meaning 'feeling very attracted to' and 'in that way' meaning 'sexually'." For a moment, he wished that this was really just a problem of definitions. "You know me, and you know I'm not going to tell you something that is untrue. Therefore, I can't say that I don't want you in that way, because if did, I would be lying." _Ok, and now in a simple and understandable way_. "So the answer to your question is 'Yes, as a matter of fact, I do'."

Since there was no reply, no reaction from Genesis' side, he felt the need to explain himself further: "It's something I can't help really. I guess I feel drawn to you not only because you are smart and fascinating, but also because you are very attractive, and I really think it wasn't normal if it was different. I mean, think of the way complete strangers react when you enter the room. Although I don't exactly like it, I can't even blame them. You'd have to be blind in order to look at you and not..."

"Stop it!" Breathless, but very determined. "Please, stop it."

"I apologize if I upset you, but that's the truth."

Genesis took a deep breath. "It's not about that. Maybe you shouldn't talk about others, because what they do and feel means nothing to me. Or maybe I hate being reminded of certain things. Just because I have to put up with staring doesn't mean I appreciate it."

Angeal waited for a moment, before he continued: "Ok, forget about the last part. So I want you. In all honesty, what is so bad about it? Do you really think that changes what you mean to me? Because it doesn't, not at all." _And since I'm spilling my heart out anyway..._ "And if that was bothering you all the time, why didn't you say so? How come that ever since we got together, you never tell me how you feel?"

"Do you think it's that easy?" Those words came out surprisingly hard, almost reproachful. "What if I don't even know that myself?"

"Well, emotions can be confusing sometimes, even I know that."

Genesis' tone changed from annoyed to desperate. "But it's not like me. It's so irritating... It scares me. You know, I was so used to always know exactly what I was feeling, but now I can't even tell the rough direction, not even if it's positive or negative. And no matter how messed-up my feelings were in the past, I was at least able to put that mess into words. Not this time." His sounded clearly upset now, almost close to tears. "I have no words, Angeal. No words."

Angeal didn't really know what to say. "That bad?"

"More than just bad. Words are my world, they're all I have." He took a deep breath. "And now... I don't have any words for you." He looked at Angeal, and for a moment, it seemed like the elements of water and fire were fighting for control in his eyes. "When I first noticed that, I was scared that this lack of words implied you didn't mean enough to me, until I realized that it's quite the opposite. You mean too much to me. Far too much. And even if I had all the words in the world, I still couldn't spell it out the right way."

They just looked at each other, silence falling around them like a silken curtain. Yet again, it was a moment of sheer pure magic, completely suspended in time.

_I don't know what I was expecting, but not that... How can I possibly match what you just said?_ On the spur of the moment, Angeal decided to try anyway: "You know, I never cared much for fancy words. It's your voice that makes them beautiful, and no matter what you say, it will always be poetry to me just because you say it."

Genesis' eyes lit up. "Really?"

"Would I ever lie to you?"

Their hands finally met, fingers searching carefully at first, but finally entwining with the sheer need to feel and to hold on.

"I'm sorry, but the whole situation is still confusing the hell out of me. You... you used to be my best friend."

And with all the honesty he was capable of, Angeal returned: "I am still your best friend. Even if everything changes, this never will."


	17. Desires, 2

**A/N:** I know... This has taken ages. Literally. No chapter of this story was ever as delayed as this one. For those who wonder why, let me just say that I had major difficulties balancing work (70%) and studies (60 to 70 %). In addition, some details in this chapter were just impossible to get right. Guess it was the first time that I did not only rewrite certain passages (the opening, for example) once or twice, but three times or more... And do you know the worst part of it? I still feel like I should do another draft. Speaking about infinite editing...

Ok, the new chapter. Don't expect too much action yet. Basically, it's 'angsty fluff, part II' or 'angsty fluff with an added deeper dimension'. I needed to answer a few questions, and raise about a ton more ;) Oh, and it's a tad longer than usual (about 1000 words over my 'normal' word count). Originally, I wanted to shorten it, yet you waited long enough, so I thought you were in for a treat... (which I hope it is).

At some point, this chapter plays with a story/theme taken from the realm of Arthurian Legends (actually, it's older than that and an independent tale, but it was integrated into the 'larger' myth, and most people know it as part of that). Although the world of FFVII resembles our own quite a lot, I am aware that it is also very different. Therefore, I'm actually hesitant to include historical or mythological details that are obviously tied to our world (e.g. by setting) into my stories. This is one of the few exceptions, which can – by the way – even be tied to canon: In FFVII, you can obtain a summon called "Knights of the Round", which is (at least visually) based on the myth of King Arthur. I took the liberty to adapt one tiny detail to make a possible connection to my story-setting, but all other details are based on actual versions of the legend (yes, the sword-part, too). And although I'm not giving any names here, I'm sure everyone knows who the protagonists are (if not, you'll get a hint at the very end of this chapter).

**Warning:** Ahm... None, I guess. Though it looks like I might have needed one for a short moment...

Finally, the **dedication****:**

First of all, this goes to everyone out there who was patiently waiting for this chapter during the last weeks, especially to those who inquired about my progress every now and then, or (subtly) reminded me that they were looking forward to an update. You know who you are, and I know that every single one of you is amazing.

And second, due to a certain detail in this chapter, this just HAD TO go to a very dear friend of mine, not only an incredibly talented author and a constant inspiration, but also a real FFnet celebrity: the one and only _Amarissia_.

_My dearest  
_

_Looking at it rationally, I still can't believe that you even bothered replying to me over a year ago. Yet again, I'm incredibly happy that you did. I fondly remember all the great conversations we had, not only about our shared fandom, but also about legends, traditions, Pagan beliefs, writing in general and countless other topics. _

_So here it is, your little virtual birthday present. Hope you enjoy... at least a bit :)_

_

* * *

_

**~°oOo°~**

_A dream?_

_Well, I don't know... What's a dream anyway? Those images we see at night when we are asleep? Those goals and ambitions we have, knowing that we might never reach them? A fantasy, not supposed to be real? A message from our subconscious? A premonition?_

_And what exactly do people mean by saying 'it's a dream come true'? Isn't that a paradox, because can't happen, or a worst-case-scenario, because having no dreams equals nothing to strive for? Maybe it's just a try to describe the feeling of 'this is too good to be true'. Maybe it's believing in the impossible. Or maybe it's just that one perfect moment..._

He chose not to dwell on the thought. There was something more intriguing that required his attention, a feeling that was almost graspable, surrounding him like a warm soft blanket. For a second, the sheer perfection of that emotion became so unreal he was almost certain he would wake up any minute and realize it was only a dream. However, this state only lasted for a second, before a gentle movement, a light touch reminded him that it was real, that this was actually happing.

Not a word had broken the silence after the last meaningful statement, but sometimes words weren't necessary at all. Almost coyly, Genesis had rested his head on Angeal's shoulder, and Angeal had placed his left arm around him in a similarly hesitant, careful manner as if he had halfway expected some sort of protest. Another moment later, he had started to run his hand over Genesis' hair in a slow, repetitive movement, perceivable, but at the same time so light that one hardly knew it existed, a gesture one could feel without actually feeling it.

Genesis had leaned into the familiar touch almost immediately. It was familiar indeed, because Angeal had been using that very same gesture for years whenever he was in a playful mood or felt the need to comfort his best friend. Yet at the same time, Genesis wondered why something he should be so used to caused this strange sensation of warmth spreading through his entire body like ripples on a water surface, and why he could feel the echoes of this touch down to his toes and fingertips. His left hand rested on Angeal's chest, as if he needed a bond to reality, however subtle, something to keep him grounded within this mood of weightless perfection. Despite the fact that they were dating for quite a while now, moments like this had been far too rare.

Then suddenly, Genesis half-closed eyes fluttered open again. Part of him instantly registered the subtle change in the quality of light, the way it had become paler, greyer, indicating that even though it had appeared differently just minutes ago, the time still moved in its regular pattern. _Goddess, how late is it?_

Genesis had been quiet for so long that Angeal had suspected he had fallen asleep. Listening to his calm, steady breathing had been strangely hypnotic, so he had drifted into a state close to dreaming himself, until an almost unperceivable twitch broke that spell. And he knew with a surprising clarity what would be the consequence of this. Something he didn't want to happen. Not now. Not this time.

The words had been on his mind so many times before, implied in so many gestures and careful hints. Genesis, however, had chosen to ignore these nonverbal signs every single time, for a reason Angeal was not aware of. Was he even sure such a reason existed? Or was he simply afraid to find out? _You can't lose if you don't try, but you can't win either... _So finally, he decided to break the silence that had fallen around them; and even though it was a mere whisper, it still felt like running a knife through a veil of silk. "Stay here tonight."

At first, there was no reaction other than a slight widening of those bright blue eyes. Genesis held the glance for one more moment, before he moved away and turned on his back. His left hand followed that movement, and maybe to counter the expected yet unpleasant feeling of loss, Angeal caught it midway to lightly hold it in his own, like a captured bird that could be hurt far too easily by a tighter grasp.

In a firmer tone, he added: "No hidden intentions, I promise."

Genesis only sighed softly, and then returned surprisingly calm: "We are dating, and I guess that means you are entitled to a few 'hidden intentions'."

Although this was unexpected, Angeal still felt the need to stand his ground. "Even if... there is still a huge difference between thoughts and actions." He waited for a moment, just to make sure that Genesis showed no intention to reply, before he asked: "So what are you worried about?"

_Exactly. _What _am I worried about?_ _Why am I worried at all?_ "Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't want to, but I… " He paused, and decided to end the sentence differently. "But right here and now, I just don't feel like it."

"Sounds like a simple case of misunderstanding. What exactly is it that you don't feel like? Staying here, or playing along with any hidden intentions I might have? One does not necessarily imply the other, you know."

"Doesn't it?" For a moment, Genesis looked at him again, this time with genuine surprise in his eyes.

_No way... He can't actually think that I only asked him to stay because I had second thoughts... But on the other hand, is he so wrong if he does? Who am I fooling here?_

For a moment, neither of them spoke, and Angeal concentrated on tracing the form of Genesis' hand with his fingers. He hadn't withdrawn it yet, so that was a good sign, wasn't it? Encouraged, he raised his glance again to meet Genesis', before he voiced a seemingly simple question: "Do you trust me?"

For a second, those words felt surprisingly much like a slap in the face, yet Genesis tried his best not to show just how off guard it had caught him. This very question was one of the pillars of their friendship, and whenever it came up, there was just one possible reply, fixed like a line in the unchangeable script of destiny. Unless... _No. Don't even think about it. Besides, who don't you trust here? Him, or you?_

Angeal watched Genesis' eyes darken, like the room around them, slowly but inevitably. At first, he felt almost hurt that it took Genesis that long to answer, but then it dawned on him that maybe it hadn't been the best idea to raise this question in the first place. _He doesn't have much of a choice now. Sticking with the rules of the game, he is supposed to answer with 'yes', which also implies that he has to stay, just to prove the point. Returning a 'no' for the first time ever would be nothing less than attacking the very base of our friendship, refusing to acknowledge the point I made earlier. _He had to admit that Genesis was standing with his back against the wall now, a situation he usually didn't take well and exactly what Angeal had vowed to avoid. He wasn't a manipulative person, but right now he felt like one, and it wasn't a good feeling. _Brilliant move. So much for not pressuring him into anything... _

But the damage was done. The only thing he could possibly do now was to come up with something that would take the edge off it, something that would get them back on firm ground, anything... His glance drifted past Genesis' face in deep concentration, and from the corner of his eye, he vaguely recognized a shape next to the door, and the very sight of it tied to some information stored in the back of his mind before he even realized it. _It's not a genius move, but worth a shot..._

As casually as possible, and without even a trace of the guilt he secretly felt, he announced: "Well, in case you don't, we can still put that in the middle of the bed." He nodded towards the door, and with a small movement of curiosity, Genesis instantly turned his head.

It was obvious what Angeal had been talking about, because befitting the plain design of his quarters, even his bedroom didn't display anything that would qualify as decoration. The wall opposite the bed was virtually empty, besides a large weapon leaning to it, a possession Angeal valued over everything else, because it was a tie to all those things he treasured deeply.

"Are you kidding me? I'm not sleeping next to that… thing." Despite a still present tension, Genesis' voice carried a tiny hint of amusement.

"Careful, that 'thing' represents my family's honour, after all."

Genesis tilted his head. "Is this a case of 'I'd give my honour to protect yours'? Like in those..." He stopped, and Angeal could basically see how he made the connection only then, in that very moment. It was like letting go of a kite, unsure what would happen as the wind seemed weak and the technique applied far from perfect, but then watching it drift weightlessly towards the sky. No matter how often it happened that either of them was able to get what the other wanted to say from the tiniest hints, sometimes even without the use of actual words, it was still fascinating.

"Like in those old tales," he finished the sentence on Genesis' behalf. _Like in that _one_ tale, more precisely. _

And again, Genesis caught the drift. In a very soft and melodious tone that almost resembled singing, he cited: "_All the harpers laboured on their agonies of passion; unfulfilled and ever straining like lodestones to the North._"

Again, this was something going back as far as their childhood, to the times where they had both developed a fascination for old tales and legends, especially heroic ones. This specific tale had not been one of their absolute favourites, yet it had held a certain, unexplainable fascination, especially for Genesis with his liking for anything tragic and sad. In addition, some people claimed there existed a connection to their native country, as the island kingdom mentioned in the beginning, the birthplace of the female protagonist, was said to be the isle of Mideel.

To cut a long story short, it was the old tale of a young warrior falling in love with a beautiful woman. Yet unfortunately, the object of his desire was already promised to another man, who happened to be a mighty king and the younger one's liege, in some more tragic versions of the story even his uncle and 'substitute father'. The couple tries to fight their feelings, but eventually doesn't succeed. A triangle relationship ensues, until the betrayed husband discovers the truth. The consequences of this immense breach of trust and the exact details of the story existed in countless versions, but usually resulted in the tragic death of the young man, or - more commonly - of both lovers.

"I'm actually surprised that you remembered the part with putting the sword in the middle of the bed. It's not a main event, and most versions of the tale don't even mention it."

"Maybe it left a certain impression..."

"Well, I'm sure of that." Genesis had changed his position from lying into something that seemed like the casual version of sitting. "However, if you intended to make a connection between literature and real life, it might not be the best example. Do you know that putting a sword between two people is an old symbol? It can imply anything from cutting an existing bond to having no further interest in the other person. And even if you look at it in terms of the story, it doesn't mean what you might think it does..."

"So?" Angeal rolled over to be able to look up at him. The situation reminded him of the time when they had still been children, discussing one of their favourite stories while sitting together on a bed much smaller than this one.

"Oh, there exist two versions of this little episode with the sword, and neither is actually meant to be a proof of trustworthiness between the two lovers. The addressee of the message is not a private person, but the general public. In other words, it is not him telling her 'Don't worry, I won't touch you', it's him declaring to the outside world 'Look everybody, I didn't touch her.'"

"I like my version better."

Genesis showed him an affectionate smile. "I can't believe I'm saying this, because I'm not the one to criticise an epic tale, but I think if the male protagonist had been thinking a bit more like you, the story would have ended differently."

Mirroring the smile, Angeal decided to continue the conversation. "By the way, you said there were two versions. What's the difference?"

"The difference is that one version is slightly more ironic than the other. Or slightly less honourable, whatever you want to call it. In one case, they really just sleep in the same bed, and nothing else happens. In the other, they do more than just that, and he puts the sword there in the morning so that everyone thinks they didn't."

"Really? I definitely don't remember that part... That will teach me. Next time I'm trying to impress you with something borrowed from literature, I'll study the source material more intensely."

Genesis chuckled. "Oh, I'm always open for alternative interpretations. Besides... who says you need to impress me?" With a fluent movement, he reached out with one hand and playfully touched a strand of Angeal's hair, before brushing it back as if to study his face in more detail. "I'd say what I see is already impressive enough." His glance was captivating, and those bright blue eyes seemed to shine as if illuminated by some inner light source. It definitely wasn't just the typical Mako effect, or at least not only. After a moment though, the eyes were cast down. "Well, it surely is a complicated story..."

_The one we were just talking about, or our own?_ "I guess it's one of those stories you don't fully understand when you're a child. Looking back as an adult, you suddenly realize that you missed a core dimension. As for this one... back then, I didn't really get the romance part of it."

"You were more focused on the honour dimension, weren't you?" It was more a profound insight than a question.

"Indeed. I couldn't understand why a knight would betray his king and all his ideals, just because of a woman..."

"Would you be surprised if I told you that this was what impressed me most?" Genesis still didn't look up.

"That someone would give up his honour for the person he loves?"

For some reason, Genesis did not choose to answer directly. "Some people say that this is what sealed their fates, or his at least. If you lose your honour, the only way to redeem it is death. They say he was not a good knight for putting her above everything else, and ignore that it must be a tough choice between something you believe in and someone you believe, between two vows you made with the same intention to keep, not knowing that due to a twist of fate, those seemingly totally different levels would be in conflict one day."

"Still, I always thought he should have tried harder to solve the conflict. Or to avoid it in the first place. "

Again, Genesis did seemingly not reply, but raised a counter question: "Do you remember why they fall in love in the first place?"

"Isn't that one of those questions you can't really answer? Like in real life?"

Genesis shook his head, before he quoted again: "_All who've heard the telling know that blind and bitter Fates placed to cup of love's sweet poison to unconsenting lips._" He smiled again, but it was one of those half-smiles that didn't really affect his eyes.

"To be honest, I never really liked that part. It makes their love look like a tragic accident, an underserved curse. And honestly, a poison that takes away you ability to think straight... what's the point in that?"

"You know, such details are not to be taken literally, but as a symbol."

"A symbol for what?"

_The fact that they were doomed from the start. Star-crossed lovers._ "The fact that love is not a free decision, never was. It's fate."

"I never thought about it this way... However, I don't agree." _Is that what you really think? That we never had a choice in the first place either? Of course there is this strange connection that I made my first move when we were both completely drunk, that I might never have confessed my feelings for you if it hadn't been for that situation... Still, it didn't start because of it. I loved you way before that. _Although he was pretty sure that Genesis might have been thinking in exactly that direction, it was an unspoken agreement between them not to mention the events of that very blurry night. Therefore, Angeal decided to stay with the subject matter of the story. It seemed safer that way. "Think about it. Even if we accept that they fall for each other only because of that poison, the most common version of the story states this was only the beginning. Later, they decide to continue with their relationship out of free will. And even in the other version where the effect is permanent, neither of them ever starts looking for a cure. So in the end, the story points out that even though love might be accidental in the beginning, in the long run it's a choice."

He sat up, feeling the need to be on the same level with Genesis, face to face, eye to eye. Without even noticing, he had reached out to take both of Genesis' hands in his own, to hold them tightly as if to underline his words. Genesis looked at him, quietly, yet with an honest interest and an intensity that made Angeal's thoughts spin for a moment. Despite that, the words came out surprisingly clear: "I know that this here is my choice, Gen. And that it's yours whether you want to stay or not."

Genesis lowered his glance and took a deep breath. "This must sound very odd now, but I still feel like saying it: Sorry, I really shouldn't act that stupid; and sorry, I should know that I can trust you no matter what, but… Maybe I'm just not the person you deserve, and - "

Right there, Angeal felt the need to interrupt him. Gently tilting up Genesis' face, he returned: "Before you try to overanalyze what I deserve and what you might be doing wrong, maybe you should consider simply asking me, don't you think? As a matter of fact, there is no such thing as a standard expectation you need to fulfil, not in my book. Therefore, any given aspect of this relationship is your choice just as much as it is mine. Either you want, or you don't; and whatever you decide, I'll accept it. You know that, don't you?"

Genesis just looked back at him for a moment, and his eyes had turned into the sapphire blue version of an enigma. There were so many mixed emotions in them that Angeal could not foretell at all what the answer would be, until Genesis finally voiced a single, soft syllable: "Ok." Another heartbeat later, he added in a casual tone: "And since I just decided to stay, I should better change into something more appropriate. A reduced standard uniform is not the most comfortable outfit to sleep in."

With a single, fluent movement, Genesis turned and got up from the bed. A few weightless steps later he reached the door and hit the light switch for the other room, but instead of leaving, he turned around again and leaned lightly against the door frame. Angeal could have sword it was a calculated pose, too flawless to be coincidental, yet the almost shy smile didn't seem to go with it. Far too innocent to be flirty. The light flowing gently over his features made Genesis look even more beautiful, almost unearthly, ethereal. Like an afterthought, yet something that was too important to be forgotten, he announced: "Of course I do."

Only later, Angeal realized that he had no idea whether this final sentence had been an acknowledgement of his last statement, or the traditional reply to the question of trust raised in the beginning. And the more he thought about it, the more certain he became that it wasn't essentially the same thing...

**~°oOo°~**

The large room in the vaults of the Shinra Headquarters was dark and silent. The air smelled of old paper and dampness, so that any visitor instantly expected an old library, complete with huge velum-bound folios, layers of dust and cobwebs. That, however, was a misleading impression. Instead, the room contained a maze made out filing cabinets, huge grey metal devices that upon closer inspection appeared surprisingly spotless and well maintained.

Most employees would not even have known that Shinra still bothered having a traditional registry. Computer files made everything so much easier. They could be accessed, edited and deleted from virtually anywhere, and a detailed system of access codes made sure that no one got information that was above one's clearance level. Seemingly perfect, yet someone in the executive board had once foreseen that computer systems were not immune to failure, just like the human being operating them. Therefore, a small office within the huge machinery that was the Shinra Company still filed actual paper versions of all important reports. Tedious, but a huge advantage in case the main server would crash one day. And in case one needed information...

The intruder moved carefully between the huge filing cabinets, using his flashlight to read the labels on them. Even though he had pulled a lot of strings to get access to this place, he knew that looking for the desired information between those piles of paper was less risky than trying to hack the computer system. Said system had been programmed by experts to register every tiny breach of security, so the chances of accessing restricted information and not getting caught while doing so were close to zero. But that of course just meant that you had to come up with a better plan. And it looked like he had just found it... True, there had been a cost, but he forced himself not to think about it. Now, he needed to focus only on the task at hand.

**~°oOo°~**

_So here I am. Looking into yet another mirror._ Genesis studied his face briefly in the reflective surface. For a second, he almost expected to find it changed, to see a stranger staring back at him. _No, not exactly a stranger... more like a long-forgotten acquaintance. _But thankfully, nothing happened. Therefore, he risked another glance, more careful, calculating, almost anxious, trying to find out what someone else might see looking at those features. Someone... Angeal.

There wasn't a trace of blood left on his face, but his eyes seemed darker tonight, like deep bottomless wells. Slowly, he ran a hand through his hair. _Am I... good enough?_ It was a question he had asked himself a lot of times before, yet never with that desperate urgency. And of course that cold rational voice that existed only in the back of his mind had to point that out to him: _Honestly, you are not making any sense here... You don't want anything to happen, do you? Yet here you are, worrying about somehow not looking attractive enough. _

Genesis sighed, before he took a step back to get a better look on the rest of his body in the much too small bathroom mirror. Despite the fact that most of it was covered by an oversized t-shirt – Angeal's, to be precise – he felt strangely undressed. He could have gone upstairs easily to get his own stuff, yet this had felt strangely impossible, because he just knew that once he would leave this room, a cold rationality would set in. Thinking. And he didn't want to think. Sweet Gaia, he was thinking far too much lately...

If he chose not to dwell on it, the whole situation felt more or less like one of those sleepovers at Angeal's place when they had been children. Innocent. Safe. Nothing unusual. _Why are you worried about something that is only normal? In a double sense, nonetheless. Normal, because you can't even count how many times you two slept in the same bed before, and normal, because that is what couples do. So just get over it, will you?_

When he returned to the main room, he found Angeal scanning through a row of booklets on his shelf. All of them official Shinra publications, nothing exciting... not the literature at least. Watching Angeal for a moment in silence, an odd feeling of possessiveness took hold of him. Bridging the distance between them was a matter of seconds, and a few steps, and pulling Angeal into a close embrace wasn't much more effort either. "Are you pretending not to wait for me?" To say it wasn't teasing would have been a lie.

Acting on the spur of the moment, Angeal tried to pay him back in kind. "Good to see that some things definitely don't change. The amount of time you spent in the bathroom is still..."

"Oh, shut up!" He underlined his words by a playful shove, which Angeal countered immediately.

Due to Genesis' immediate reaction, which was a lot faster than Angeal had expected, he missed. It had to be the smile Genesis showed him just a second later, triumphant, challenging, maybe a tad smug, that finally turned their half-hearted shoving match into a proper little fight, undecided for a long time, until Angeal finally managed to get the upper hand by performing a manoeuvre that came as close to a headlock as he could allow himself in a first and foremost playful competition. Obviously knowing when he had lost, Genesis stopped fighting back immediately. Although it hadn't exactly been a challenge, he was breathing a bit faster than usual, and for a second, Angeal felt somehow guilty. _It's only hours ago... Do you want to give him another nosebleed? _

This second of hesitation was obviously what Genesis had bargained for. Realizing that Angeal had led his guard down for just a moment, he used the situation for his advantage and threw himself against his opponent, which was enough to make Angeal stumble and fall backwards onto the bed. In the last moment, however, he managed to get hold of Genesis and pull him down as well. The whole scene reminded amusingly much of an episode from almost ten year ago, when they had found out the hard way that Angeal's bed wasn't as stable as it looked, and the memory was enough to make them both laugh almost hysterically for a moment. When the laughter had died down, Angeal found himself stuck halfway in the process of trying to get up, while still looking at Genesis.

Genesis just returned the glance. The bright smile and those lightly flushed cheeks were too much to resist... Angeal leaned forwards in a single, seemingly effortless movement, bringing their lips together. Genesis started, unable to react at first. His thoughts seemed to have shuddered to an abrupt halt, and his heart skipped the next few beats. Then something within him took control and his arms naturally went around Angeal's neck, pulling him closer until they were body to body. It felt as if they were drawn to each other like the two poles of a magnet, connected by the fire burning inside them, their hearts beating as one. He almost forgot to breathe in that moment, but then again, it didn't seem very necessary...

Breaking the kiss, their glances locked again, and it was clear without a doubt that right there and then, they could have gone further. For a tiny second, they were equally willing to give in to the current of heat coursing through their bodies, something that was stronger and deeper than the two of them. It was like cause and effect, like call and answer, without being able to tell which was which. In this very moment, they were both to each other. But then the realization set in, a wave of cold that wouldn't allow the fire to consume them. It was the knowledge that right here and now was the wrong place, the wrong time, a knowledge that was just there, without any rhyme or reason, a thought they shared as if they were just one single person. It was like looking into a mirror, a mirror that existed outside of the usual dimensions, so no one could tell what was real and what was reflection, about to reach out for the image it showed, seeing the same gesture in return, but then turning away in the last minute. As if you didn't want to find out that there was a glass surface in between. As if you were secretly hoping it might not be there, yet at the same time scared that it really wasn't. As if the fulfilment of this desire carried an unknown danger. Once they crossed this border, there would be no way back. And even if deep down in their hearts, they were both willing to take that risk at some point, they had decided that it wasn't now. In this moment, it was as if fate had put a naked blade between them indeed.

For a few heartbeats, they just looked at each other, almost shy, breathless.

Then Angeal slowly brushed a strand of hair out of Genesis' face and whispered: "You are so beautiful."

Genesis shook his head. "Don't say that..."

_Was there a hint of panic in those wide blue eyes? _"Why? It's nothing but the truth."

"Maybe, but beauty is only skin-deep after all..."

"Oh, I wasn't talking about looks only. I might have some flaws, but being superficial is not one of them..."

This time, Genesis made the first move. The kiss was gentle, missing any trace of demand or urgency. There was no devouring heat, just very comforting warmth; still it was neither a redemption nor a compensation. It was a promise. And without words, they both understood.

**~°oOo°~**

Down in the registry, the uninvited visitor had finally located his target, one of the huge grey filing cabinets in the Military section. Infantry, to be precise. The flashlight slowly drifted over the labels on the drawers, and finally rested on 'La – Lo'. He put his only light source down on a nearby shelf, and made sure it illuminated the 'target section' like a well-aimed spotlight. Then he opened the drawer, and just a second later his fingers danced eagerly over the labels... _Laney... Lawrence... Lee..._ For a short moment, it seemed like his efforts had been in vain, but then he found what he had been looking for. _Levery, Taylor._

**~°oOo°~**

Genesis had tucked his head under Angeal's chin. His breathing was light and almost soundless, but still created waves of warmth Angeal could feel through the fabric of his shirt.

When Genesis spoke up, his voice slightly staggered in the beginning, as if he wasn't too sure whether he should continue or not, but then it became more steady with every word: "Remember what I told you in the very beginning of our relationship? I warned you that I might be a better friend than lover. Of course I read countless stories on the topic of love and romance, but sometimes books are just books... How am I supposed to know what it is like in real life? My personal experiences in that matter weren't that great so far, and my parents weren't exactly good role models…"

The atmosphere in the room had changed gradually into something heavier, denser, more meaningful. Genesis hardly ever spoke about his family, and Angeal knew better than to inquire openly about that part of Genesis' life. Years of experience had taught him to wait for situations like this, where the intimacy of the moment would cause his friend to open up and spill his heart out, or at least parts of it. Moments like this had provided all the tiny bits of information Angeal had on that matter, the only puzzle pieces he had to connect his suspicions and his tries to read between the lines.

Genesis shifted slightly, searching either for a more comfortable position or more physical contact. Guessing that it might be the latter, Angeal gently put his right arm around him as well, and as if to appreciate the gesture, Genesis rested his hand on it lightly. After a brief moment of silence he continued, in a tone similar to the one he had used to tell Angeal stories when they had been younger, yet somehow more detached and serious.

"There was nothing romantic about my parents' relationship… Not even the very start of it. I have to admit, it was a bit like in that other story about star-crossed lovers, the part in the beginning that tells about 'two households, both alike in dignity', fiercely hating each other, but the parallels stop right there. Truth be told, those two households weren't very much alike after all, as it was an open secret in Banora that my father's family had only the reputation of a century-old, honourable name to offer, and my mother's family nothing but loads of money. Each one had what the other lacked, so they swallowed their pride, buried the hatred and arranged the marriage of their children. A perfect alliance. And that's all it was, from the very beginning on. An alliance, a rational bond, not more."

"Are you sure about that?" Angeal couldn't see Genesis' face, both due to the lack of light and the position they found themselves in, but he both heard and felt the bitter smile on his lips.

"Of course I'm sure. It was obvious every time they interacted with each other, if they bothered to do so at all, that is. From childhood on, I was used to see them mainly arguing. They had brought it down to an art, and the hurtful remarks they would throw at each other were coordinated like a dance. True, they knew how to play the perfect couple to the outside, yet on the inside they were living separate lives. In every possible way."

Angeal frowned. "You mean..."

"I doubt that there was ever a time they were both faithful to each other, aside from the very weeks of their marriage maybe." He sounded completely detached, yet there was a trace of disgust, maybe even of hurt echoing through these words.

"Seriously? Isn't it possible you just... misinterpreted something?" No matter how 'unconventional' Genesis' parents were, Angeal refused to believe that they had been that reckless.

"Oh please. Back then, I was a child, but I wasn't stupid. Besides, they didn't really make an effort to hide it. From the upper class society, maybe, but not from each other, and not from me. Guess my opinion just wasn't important enough..." He paused.

_Is that the reason why you are so scared? You looked at your parents and got a pretty good idea what love wasn't supposed to be like, but at the same time, you were afraid that it would always end up that way, because you were never sure if that ideal of romantic love actually existed outside of novels? _

"Sometimes I seriously wondered why they had me in the first place. My mother had been an only-child, nothing more than your typical rich girl, a spoiled little princess. She was used to having everything, and to being admired and envied for it. As a young girl, her father bought her an expensive, pure breed white Persian cat. She never fed it, brushed it or played with it – that's what servants were for, after all - but every time visitors were there, she dragged the poor thing around, and people would admire it and tell her how cute it was. One day, after she got married, the cat died; and she decided to rather have a child instead of a new kitten. Obviously though, I was a bad replacement... Only half as cute, but twice as demanding."

Surprisingly little hurt leaked through those words, as if they merely stated a fact Genesis had accepted long ago. Angeal tried to come up with something to say in return, but he found himself unable to.

"I clearly remember one day when I was sitting on my parents' bed, watching my mother doing her hair for some event in the evening. On the spur of the moment, I asked her: 'You and dad, do you love each other?' For a just a heartbeat, she turned her eyes from her mirror image to look at me. When she resumed her work, she simply said: 'Love is overrated, darling.'

Ironically, I always had a very distinct idea of what love was supposed to be like, knowing at the same time that in the house I grew up in there was no such thing. Witnessing this void day after day after day, I vowed to myself that if I ever chose to be with someone, it would be for love only, and for no other reason."

_Is this why it took you so long to decide whether or not you wanted to be with me? Because you weren't sure if it was really love? Because you weren't sure what love was supposed to be like at all? However, since you are here with me now, that obviously means that you made up your mind, doesn't it? _

Some question should never be asked, because an honest answer might be worse than not knowing. Some questions, however, would have changed everything if they had just been asked at the right time. It's just terribly hard to distinguish one from the other.

**~°oOo°~**

The intruder took a moment to study the first page of the file. As usual in the Shinra Company, it showed a few pictures of the person in question, mug-shot style. Taylor Levery turned out to have light brown, wavy hair and intense dark brown eyes. His expression was defiant, somehow smug, yet not unappealing. A brief scan through his records showed a quite impressive military career, up to Infantry Sergeant. The only flaw seemed to be not passing the tests for SOLDIER straight away, but he had enough recommendations to try it a second time. Judging from what the file said he might have actually made it that time round. Might have. As indicated by the thick black marks and the infamous three letters on the file cover, Taylor Levery had lost his life in the line of duty about two years ago. KIA. A whole world of grief and pain put into three simple signs.

The report about his death was short, almost clinical, making the whole event something normal and ordinary. In a war, soldiers died almost every day. No big deal. He smiled bitterly, because he knew the details that were not mentioned in the report. Levery's death had not been brief and merciful, quite the opposite. Slow, cruel, painful, the kind of death you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy... Yet this missing bit of information was not what he was interested in. His eyes scanned the last pages of the file over and over again for a single detail, a little hint between the lines he hoped to find. Another puzzle piece, not more, not less.

**~°oOo°~**

A dream?

_He didn't know how long he had been walking around in this greyish twilight. There were no windows anywhere – a fact that made him feel even more claustrophobic - yet this strange glow seemed to exist nonetheless. All hallways looked the same, vaguely familiar, yet unrecognizable. With an eerie certainty, he knew this was a dream, but it felt so strangely real that he had to remind himself of that fact over and over again. _

_The hollow sound of his footstep echoed in the air, but apart from that, there was only silence, heavy, meaningful silence. Trying not to think about it, he kept walking, past the all those doors that lined the way, leading to unknown destinations, towards a faint glow at the end of the long-stretched corridor. Finally, he found himself in a large room. It seemed empty, and for a moment he just stood there, feeling his own slightly too fast heartbeat and halfway expecting it to echo back from the walls. _

_His eyes were drawn to a part of the wall right opposite of him. To his surprise, it was covered with pieces of paper, just like in his room. Just like in every room he had ever lived in for a longer time, he corrected himself in his thoughts. He tried to make out some of the words on those notes, or the pictures drawn on them, only to realize the he couldn't. The faint light was not to blame, instead the lines seemed to blur as soon as he tried to focus on their content. _

_However, there was one thing he was able to see clearly. Someone had written a message across all those notes, in large black letters: '_May you never forget what is worth remembering, nor ever remember what is best forgotten.'

_He frowned. His mind kept frantically searching for anything connected with this line, but to no avail._

_Suddenly, the notes started to move, as if someone had just opened a window. They fluttered for a moment and then – as if captured by an immense gush of wind – they came off the wall like leaves being torn off by an autumn storm. Instinctively, he closed his eyes. The notes washed over him like a giant flood wave, touching his skin with cold and weak caresses, creating a pattern of sounds that were like voices, calling out to him, pleading. _

_Then suddenly, it was over. Daring to take a careful glimpse at his surroundings, he realized that all the pieces of paper had disappeared, safe for one single shred he was holding in his hand, without any memory how it had gotten there. _

_In a round, calligraphic handwriting he instantly recognized, it featured two lines in red ink: _

'9 – 16- 18' and 'Extending in the same direction, equidistant at all points, and never converging or diverging'.

What is that? A math problem?

_Startled, he turned the shred around, only to find another sentence written on the back: _'Third time's a charm'.

That still makes no sense...

_He shook his head, and looking up, his glance drifted to the wall that had been covered in notes before. Although that cover was gone now, it was not empty. There was a large mirror. Given the laws of nature, he should have been able to see himself in it, and he did. Only that it wasn't him. Or not exactly. _

Oh Gaia, not again.

_He was looking at a child, a little boy of not more than ten years. The mirror-image looked back at him with no obvious expression on his face, but the eyes were strangely deep and veiled with something he could not read at all... Reproach? Anger? Sadness?_

How could you? _The sentence was hanging in the air, yet there was only silence, until someone suddenly called his name. He didn't recognize the voice, but his mirror-image did. An expression of pain, of torment appeared on the child's face, so subtle that he wouldn't have recognized it if the face hadn't been his own. For a second, there was an unspoken plea in those eyes. _Help me. Oh please, help me..._ And then the child suddenly turned around. _

_Without being able to say why, he reached out for the mirror, only to touch a smooth, cold glass surface, so cold that it made him shiver. The mirror seemed to tremble as well, and then suddenly, there was another sound. Something he recognized instantly, a low grating. With a hint of panic, he discovered that cracks had started to form on the glass surface, right under his hand, and they slowly started to divide into branching lines. And just like the mirror, his thoughts crumbled and broke apart, forming an incoherent mess. _

I have to... but I can't... Sweet merciful Goddess, I can't...

_And finally, there was a voice, calm, steady, but full of disdain:_ Is that all you can do? Seriously, your weakness is making me sick. After all those years, you are still the same frightened little boy. Pathetic.

* * *

**A/N – the second:** Just a short remark, actually.

The two lines Genesis quotes in connection with the tale are taken from Heather Dale's musical version of this legend, a song called "Tristan and Isolt" (there you go, if you hadn't already figured it out on your own ;). If you want a 'ten-minute-nutshell-version' of the story, I recommend listening to it (can be found on youtube, for example. And yes, there's a black/white motive in that story, too). I originally wanted to quote from an older source, but couldn't find a nice (and easily understandable) passage from a poem or a text written in verse.

In addition, I just wanted to mention that there is another song that somehow goes with the mood of this chapter (more as a 'background-inspiration' though), which would be Sarah Brightman's "Fleurs du Mal".


	18. Desires, 3

**A/N: **Eight weeks again? _Eight_ weeks? This is definitely another negative record... (*hides under the bed*)

I'd like to thank everyone out there for their constant support and encouragement, as well as their patience. I really try to get back to my old writing habits in the future, even though I'm not sure life lets me do that.

After a rather sleepless night, I just spent six hours editing this chapter, and I feel that if I do one more edit, it will start getting worse instead of better... This chapter was quite hard to write anyway, maybe due to the fact that Sephiroth is the leading character here (for a change), and as much as I like him, I still don't feel entirely comfortable writing him. In addition, I can even tell you how often I wrote, scrapped and re-wrote the only scene where he's not in (I was actually surprised that this scene was giving me much more trouble than Seph...).

But enough of that. I'm sure you all prefer the actual chapter to me complaining endlessly ;)

Random added fact: Do you all agree that certain parts of songs need to be cut out and played in a loop? Something that carried me through the hell of editing the first part of this chapter again and again was the first minute – or the first verse - of Delta Goodrem's song Believe Again.

_Have you ever stared into the rain,  
Thought the clouds would never disappear?  
Have you ever screamed out in the dark,  
Thinking no one else could hear?_

_I was leaving footprints, tainted by my past,  
On this winding road to you…_

_

* * *

_

**Warning: **Still none. This chapter has a lot of Sephiroth and is pretty heavy on dialogue, but that's hardly worth a warning, is it?

And now, for the long overdue **dedication:**

This is a very (almost exactly one month) belated birthday present for one of my dearest friends here on FFnet and on LJ, the wonderful, talented and amazing NephilimRising. If you like historical settings, or just adore extremely well-written stories, go and check out her account right now.

_My dearest friend_

_(no pet names, see?)_

_This is just a humble little virtual birthday present, and reading through it once more today made me realize just how humble it actually is. None of my lines really compare to the epicness of your writing, and of course I can't portrait Seph as amazing and breathtakingly IC as you can. _

_Maybe I failed a lot, but I tried my best, because you are such an amazing friend, talented author and my personal saving grace from fandom-insanity. Thank you for your support, cheer-up, encouragement and patience, thank you for long wonderful conversations and passionate ranting not only about writing and our shared fandom, but also about philosophy, religion, science and life itself. Thank you for just being there, and just being you._

_I love you, lots. _

_

* * *

_

**~°oOo°~**

He stood there in the dark registry, staring at those bodiless shadows on the wall in intense concentration. _It's not here... There is a hint between the lines, but not more. Another dead end? No, it can't be. Not after I invested so much. _

His thoughts reeled with disappointment, but only for a moment. Then cold rationality set in. _According as circumstances are favourable, one should modify one's plans._ _Hence, when able to attack, we must seem unable; when using our forces, we must seem inactive; when we are near, we must make the enemy believe we are far away; when far away, we must make him believe we are near. _With a sudden clarity, he knew what to do. If you stood with your back against the wall, you might as well attack. Nothing left to lose anyway. And after so many 'unconventional' approaches he had already used, what was one more? _Hold out baits to entice the enemy. Feign disorder, and crush him._

He held the file for another moment, feeling the weight of the paper – small but noticeable – before he slowly opened his hand as if it had become too heavy for him. The file tumbled to the floor, like a bird shot in mid-flight, wings askew as it hurtled towards the ground. Another moment passed while he looked at it, careful, evaluating. It looked right.

Then he lifted up the flashlight in single, fast movement, and tossed it to the ground as well. A loud smashing sound, a rain of glass. He smiled.

**~°oOo°~**

With a violent intake of breath, Genesis found himself wide awake. His eyes adapted to the darkish twilight in a matter of seconds, and the unfamiliar surroundings caught him off guard. _Impossible... this can't be happening again... _His body tensed involuntarily, like a small animal preparing either for fight or flight, but in this very moment unable to do either. There was no logic, no reason, just _feeling_, looming over him like a dark shadow. A confusing mixture of despair, panic, and a sensation of... falling? No, it wasn't falling. More like floating, or sinking actually, sinking surrounded by darkness. Drowning.

"Genesis?"

For just a moment, his mind wasn't processing the voice at all, just the content, and the world shattered around him. He could basically feel the cracks running through the smooth surface of his sanity, until the last remaining spark of consciousness pointed out that this wasn't the voice from his dream. The realisation set in hard and sudden, like an impact with the floor after stumbling and falling over. In a strange way it even hurt, but pain was something he was more than used to; and right in this moment, it was actually welcome. Like an anchor, a tie, a safe ground.

His throat was still blocked, and not a single word made it past his lips. At least his hand was able to move, and it closed tightly around Angeal's arm. He wasn't sure if that gesture was meant to reassure he was alright, or a desperate search for hold. In a way, it was both.

Angeal didn't say anything either, but the question stil lingered, as if he had voiced it. _'What's wrong?'_

In return, Genesis shrugged, implying an unspoken _I don't know_. They both remained silent, while the minutes crept on. Genesis knew with a desperate certainty that he couldn't go back to sleep, couldn't possibly calm down. His heart was pounding much too fast, and every single beat sent waves of pain through his body, as if his veins had turned into sparking electric wires.

_It's because you focus on it. Just stop, and it will go away. Like this afternoon, remember? You thought you couldn't breathe, you felt like there was no air around you at all, but all it took was to calm down, and suddenly it turned out that you were breathing fine all along..._

Genesis couldn't tell whether it was the Mako-improved hearing, in an alert-state triggered by the previous rush of adrenaline, or if his mind was playing tricks on him. For whatever reason, he could clearly hear the rush of blood in his veins, a running river, a lifestream. Far too audible and far too strong, so that the longer he listened to it, the more he felt reminded of a waterfall, or of rain. Heavy rain.

_The little boy struggled for breath. The rain was as dense as a curtain now, taking away the last trace of visibility and causing him to merely stumble forward, blind and helpless. To make things even worse, the water surrounding him didn't feel like rain anymore, but like a massive flood wave trying to pull him under. It was everywhere, and he just couldn't escape it. Still, he hardly felt anything, not the weight of his soaked clothes, not the mud and wet grass against his bare feet, not the agonising cold. All those sensations were so unreal, as if they weren't happening to him at all. The only thing he felt was infinite despair, burning within him like red-hot coals, singing him, forcing him forward. He had lost orientation long ago, he couldn't see, couldn't breathe, couldn't think even, but he still kept running. _

_In the end, he didn't even know how he managed to reach the small cottage. Maybe the Goddess had mercy after all, and he had not yet fallen from her grace. With his last remaining strength, he pounded on the door, hard, again and again. The faint hint of warmth on his freezing hands told him that it had probably been too hard, yet he didn't stop. Not until the door suddenly opened. The light from inside was so bright it blinded him for a second._

_And then he saw her. A female figure with warm, kind eyes, entirely surrounded by a glow that made her appear not human, but divine._

_The illusion didn't last long though, as the surprise in those eyes looking down at him was replaced by shock."Genesis? Sweet Gaia, what happened to you?"_

_His lips opened, trembled, but there was no sound. He just stood there, shivering, only a few moments that still seemed to last forever. Then the woman's expression turned into a mix of worry and determination. Since he didn't move on his own, she reached out and pulled him inside. Once she saw him properly in the bright light of the hallway, the frown on her face deepened. _

_His glanced drifted past her, to the hallway mirror. For a moment, he saw what she was seeing: a child, dressed only in his pyjamas and a much too thin woollen jacket, barefoot, dirty and completely drenched. Faint, thin lines of blood were running over his left hand, but that was nothing compared to the sickly paleness of his face and those completely lifeless eyes. He looked a lot like that other little boy who had disappeared last autumn, who had only been found after hours of searching. In the lake. Drowned._

_The burning despair he had felt before had died down completely, along with any other trace of emotion. His mind was like his eyes, completely empty, a void. _

_From far away, he heard patches of sound. _Sweet merciful Goddess... in that weather... completely soaked... so cold..._ And then, a sentence that was surprisingly clear: '_Someone should take you home'.

_It was as if he was standing right next to himself, watching the scene like a stranger, like a person looking into the mirror and finding the image suddenly alive. "No. Please. No. Don't make me go home!"He clung to her in sheer panic. She was his plank in ocean, the only thing that kept him from sinking down inevitably. _

_Helplessly, she cradled him in her arms, not caring that her own clothes got wet and stained with blood. "Shhhh... No one is forcing you to do anything. But I'm sure your parents are worried out of their minds. Don't you think, darling?"_

_He was shivering again, from the cold, the tears, the fear. Like in trance, he told her that his parents weren't at home, that they wouldn't be back before the next evening. And that he couldn't go home. He just couldn't go home. _

_Suddenly, there was another voice, calm and determined: "Mom, I think he should stay. Just for tonight. He can sleep in my bed, it's big enough for the both of us." Angeal walked up to his mother, holding a towel in his hand. When she let go of the boy, he wrapped the towel around him, carefully, as if he was afraid to cause any more pain. _

_"There's no use, sweetheart, he needs to get out of those wet clothes first." With a deep sigh, she had decided to let him stay._

_Everything after that passed in a blur. He vaguely recalled Gillian handing him a cup of hot tea, and suddenly realizing that he was dressed in some plain, warm clothes that were at least two sizes too large. They were Angeal's, that much he could guess, even though he had no memory of putting them on. And while he carefully sipped his tea, Angeal seemed almost afraid to take his eyes off of him, as if something very bad would happen as soon as he did. _

_Before she sent the boys off to bed though, Gillian tried to talk to him again. She went down on her knees and looked at him. "Genesis, darling, why did you do this?" _

_Confused, he returned: "Do what?"_

_"Running all the way over here, in the middle of the night, through the pouring rain, not properly dressed and barefoot..." She cast him another glance so full of warmth and understanding that it made him tremble with its sheer weight. "What happened?"_

_"Nothing. I just... woke up and..." He stopped, shrugging helplessly. "I guess I… had a nightmare."_

_"A nightmare?" she asked, her eyes filled with doubt and a dark understanding at the same time. _

_Angeal never asked. His eyes did, but once Genesis turned away and refused to answer the unspoken question, he did not inquire any further. Instead, he offered his friend the entire blanket when they were lying in the small bed together, and wrapped his arms around him in when Genesis was still shivering. And in this embrace, the whole world was completely drowned out. Nothing else existed, except a low, constant sound. And even though Genesis had thought he would never be able to calm down, this sound managed to do just that..._

And right now, he could hear Angeal's heartbeat, low, steady, persistent. The longer he listened to it, the more the waves of sound blended into waves of motion, and after a while, he couldn't even tell if he was hearing or feeling. The past entwined with the present, reality with vision, until he could no longer tell which was which. And before Genesis could even wonder about it, he had fallen asleep again.

**~°oOo°~**

When he woke again, he was unable to tell if just a few minutes or several hours had passed. He felt strangely tired, but also far too awake to try and sleep some more. To his surprise, he also found himself still in the very same position he had fallen asleep in, and realized that Angeal hadn't moved either, most likely because he hadn't wanted to disturb him. _That doesn't look very comfortable... does he put up with that just for me?_

Gently, Genesis shifted his weight from Angeal's arm, and tried to lift his head up to get a better look at him. The movements were fluent, but almost unnoticeably small, therefore it took Genesis quite some time until he had reached the position he wanted to be in. For a while, he just watched his sleeping friend, and a strange, intense feeling of warmth spread through his entire body again. _This feeling... it's weakness, isn't it?_

Involuntarily, he moved, just a tad too sudden. Angeal didn't wake up, but reached out to close his hand around Genesis' again, gentle but firm at the same time, as if he was holding on to something very fragile and precious he just didn't want to let go. Whatever wall Genesis had been trying to create against this feeling, it melted down instantly like a shield of ice touched by a desert storm.

For some reason, he still couldn't take his eyes off of Angeal. The situation was familiar, yet almost forgotten like so many childhood traditions: Faced with sheer, flawless beauty and perfection, like a fresh cover of snow glistening in the sunlight, or a rising sun creating the most amazing colours in the sky, he had spent hours just staring at it, taking it in as much as he could, caught in a weightless, dreamlike haze. He completely lost himself in those moments, and became part of whatever he was admiring. There were absolutely no words to describe what he felt, but for once, Genesis wasn't upset about it. For this one moment entirely suspended in time, the whole purpose of his existence was reduced to feeling this incredible warmth echoing through his body with every beat of his heart, and to knowing all of a sudden with absolute certainty that this was what he had desired his whole life.

Without being able to tell why, he reached out to caress Angeal's cheek. And even though it was tiny, weightless gesture, it was too much to ignore.

When Angeal opened his eyes to look at him, Genesis smiled, a trace of that dreamlike haze still highlighting his face. "Sorry, I didn't want to wake you..."

"I can think of worse ways to be woken up..."

Those words, however, created a connection that made Genesis lower his glance immediately. "Like last night, you mean?"

"Don't worry, I wasn't -" _...sleeping anyway? You are not honestly considering to tell him that, are you? Why don't you add that you were staring at him for the most part of the night, while you're at it? It's not like that sounds creepy or obsessed or anything... _"- bothered by it. Not at all."

As if he hadn't taken in those words, Genesis tried to sit up.

"What are you doing?" Angeal inquired softly.

"Getting up, I guess..." More a question than a statement.

"There is no need to. I'm sure it's not even five yet."

"But..." Genesis started, lacking the right words to continue. Obviously his mind shared Angeal's perspective, or simply considered it much too early to work properly.

Without dwelling on the unfinished statement, Angeal reached out and pulled Genesis back down. "Just give me a few more minutes of your precious time, ok?"

The way Genesis gave in without even trying to resist told him more than any words could have. However, feeling him that close yet again, the weight of his body against his own and the odd warmth it created, was like a déjà-vue of the strange sensation that had kept Angeal awake for most of the night. Part of him was entirely happy with the situation and satisfied just to hold Genesis, while another part of him actually wanted more than just that. Much more.

To stop his thoughts from moving in circles yet again, he decided to ask another question that had bothered him all along: "Anything you're not telling me?"

"What makes you think so?"

His fingers gently trailed over Genesis' back. "The very fact that you ask that question. And... well, that your behaviour is a tad unusual, to say the least."

Genesis tensed noticeably. "Why that?"

"You were talking in your sleep. Unless your habits changed drastically in the last two years, I think that qualifies as unusual..." Angeal knew as a matter of fact that Genesis usually neither moved nor spoke while he was asleep. Quite the opposite, he tended to be so eerily quiet that back in those days when they had still shared a room, Angeal had often felt the irrational urge to get up and check if Genesis was still breathing.

"What did I say?" An obvious try to sound casual.

"To be honest, I can't tell you. I couldn't understand a thing..." Angeal paused, before he added another question, although he actually didn't want to go there either: "What's the matter? Are you... scared that it's going to happen again?"

"What?" Genesis was suddenly close to panic, but he had no idea why. _Impossible... it _can't_ happen again... _

"Because of what happened yesterday. The bleeding. Are you scared it's going to turn out like..." For some reason, he couldn't say it. "Like back then?" The truth was he had no idea how long Genesis had known that something with the initial Mako treatment had gone wrong, but he had the suspicion that it might have been from quite early on, maybe even from day one. Looking back, it almost hurt to think how long Genesis had struggled with that secret on his own, before he could finally not hide it anymore.

Genesis felt a wave of relief wash over him he couldn't explain either. Still, he wanted to deny instantly. But to his own surprise, his lips didn't obey. Instead of the intended _Of course not_, they voiced a hesitant "Maybe." _Maybe that's it. A very good reason after all. Very logical._ And very wrong?

"In that case, I want to tell you the same thing I would have told you back then, if I had known earlier: You are not alone anymore. Those times are long over, Gen. Just trust me, ok?"

"Thank you." Two small words, but entirely heartfelt.

They shared a few more precious moments, until Genesis insisted it was time for him to get up. "As much as I would like to stay, I still need to have a shower, get dressed and have a look at some of my old notes again. Stevenson is going to use me as a target for Materia-practice if I turn up unprepared or late on my very first day back in class."

Angeal still couldn't resist some half-serious, half-playful teasing: "And I thought you were in such a hurry to get away from me..."

"Don't be silly, Geal."

The use of this unexpected, yet familiar name caught Angeal by surprise. "Do you know you haven't called me that in ages?"

"What, 'silly'?"

_Very funny._ Angeal just shook his head. _Remember why we came up with those names in the first place? Because they stated with the same letter. Gen. Geal. Made us feel even more connected than we already were. _

"I didn't know it was that important to you. Maybe I should start using it again... Sounds better than 'sweetheart' or 'honey', doesn't it?"

Angeal showed him a bright, warm smile, and Genesis suddenly noticed an odd feeling of protectiveness welling up inside of him, so strong it almost took his breath away and made every heartbeat a painful torture. Strength. Weakness. Both at once. _I won't let anything happen to you. I swear. _And even though he made this vow with all his heart, he wasn't entirely sure what he was promising to protect him of.

**~°oOo°~**

"Gentlemen, I think that's all for today..."

Sephiroth felt a trace of relief. Company meeting were tedious, especially when he could see no good reason why he had to attend them at all. Why did they need strategists and military leaders to discuss petty problems like additional fundings for the Science Department? All he wanted was to get away from this waste of time and do something that actually led to results.

Most of the other attendants – officers and civil employees alike - seemed to think along the very same lines, given the eagerness they suddenly showed by collecting their papers, some of them even preparing to get up already before the meeting was officially closed. However, something told Sephiroth that they were in for a surprise. From the corner of his eye, he could see another officer approaching, a young man in his mid-twenties, wearing the insignia of the MIC, the Military Intelligence Corps. The way he walked, just a tad too straight and arrogant, predicted bad news.

Sephiroth had already registered the missing presence of an MIC member at the conference table earlier on, but he had put it down to the usual quarrels between them and the Turks, which usually resulted in one of the parties refusing to attend certain meetings for a while. In that regard, they were just like children. Bratty, spoiled children.

Behind those petty disputes, however, was a serious problem rooted in the fact that the executive board was unable to restructure the company's departments efficiently, and to keep their spheres of influence neatly separated. While the Investigation Sector of the General Affairs Department, the Turks, as they had been nicknamed for some reason, had gained more and more influence and become the strongest force in Public Safety within just a few years, the Military Intelligence Corps had gradually lost their former position, being merely responsible for strictly military investigations and recon missions by now. This area would have provided more than enough work, if the MIC had just chosen to accept it instead of trying to interfere with the Turks all the time; but as a matter of fact, both organizations were fighting for every assignment that fell into the grey zone between their responsibilities like dogs for a bone. In the long run, however, the Turks were highly likely to win that fight, Sephiroth could predict that with almost absolute certainty. Better organisation, clearer hierarchies and last but not least a more competent leader spoke strictly in their favour.

"I am very sorry, but this meeting is far from over."

Obviously it was the first time this officer had the chance to use the powers that came with his rank. Sephiroth could have sworn he was newly promoted, and that this promotion hadn't been exactly a good decision.

"Gentlemen, it's my duty to inform you that we are facing a major breach of security. Right here, in this headquarter."

Suddenly, he got the undivided attention of most participants. Sephiroth, however, wasn't impressed yet. The MIC was prone to exaggerate, and therefore he needed more details in order to decide if this incident was worthy of his attention or not.

"Last night, someone managed to gain access to the registry and the files stored within. The exact course of events is still subject of investigation, but we have reason to believe..."

"Is it just me, or would anyone else prefer a detailed damage report to unconfirmed speculations?"

The MIC officer turned towards the speaker in a split second, his expression predicting trouble for whoever had dared to interrupt him. Unfortunately, he found himself eye in eye with the most famous SOLDIER himself. His insecurity showed instantly. "Sir?"

Sephiroth hardly suppressed a frown. "I assume that since you took the liberty to keep all of us from continuing with our work, there has been some serious damage we should know about. So what exactly was stolen?"

"We are still checking the filing cabinets, but so far, it seems like the intruder was surprised and therefore -"

"So in other words, nothing?"

"At the moment being, we can't tell that with absolute certainty, but -"

"Was there at least some noteworthy damage?"

The officer now squirmed under Sephiroth's scrutiny. "It seems like the intruder had access to a key card -"

"Which equals nothing to speak of. In all honesty, why do you bother us with such a nuisance?" Getting up slowly and turning to the man in the black suit sitting right next to him, Sephiroth asked very audibly: "Isn't that Turk territory anyway?"

The sheer mentioning of the other department turned out to be a red flag. "Maybe you should take this matter a bit more serious, sir."

"And why should I?" Sephiroth continued his preparations to leave the room.

"Maybe because we already know that the intruder obviously was after an Infantry soldier's file. Said soldier died during the so-called Fairmont Campaign, an operation you happened to command back then. Not extremely successful, if I might add."

Outwardly, Sephiroth stayed calm, but his eyes gleamed coldly. "This is getting ridiculous."

"Quite the opposite, sir. Think about it: the crisis in Wutai is just heating up again. Maybe they sent some people to find out about our weak spots. Or should I say _your_ weak spots, since you will most likely command a major part of the army in case of -"

To everyone's surprise, Sephiroth seemed unimpressed by this possibility. "If that's true, it would be one more reason to finish the investigations first of all, before torturing us with incomplete information and bold assumptions. Last time I checked, your Corps was paid for working, not for guessing randomly." He picked up his papers. "I'll expect your report. And make it a complete report this time." With a brief nod into the round, he walked out of the room.

He was already on his way to the elevator when he realized that someone was following him. From the corner of his eye, he recognized the member of the Turks he had previously addressed. At least Veld usually had the decency to send a halfway intelligent replacement when he couldn't attend personally.

Making it look almost casual, the man stepped up to Sephiroth as if he was just waiting for the elevator, too. Then he suddenly stated: "You are right, sir. The incompetence of the MIC is outrageous."

_I know, and I don't need you to tell me that,_ Sephiroth thought instantly. Yet he knew better than to voice those words. Something told him that the other might have something up his sleeve.

And he was right. "However... Our inexperienced friend raised a valid point for once. We should take this matter seriously."

"Because it might have been an inside job?"

If the Turk was surprised, he didn't show it. "Exactly. After all, our mysterious intruder knew how to get access to a key card." He looked at Sephiroth apologetically. "At the moment being, it's labelled a strictly military matter and therefore our hands are tied. Still... if you have any reason to be personally interested in that matter, I'd recommend talking to a man of your unit, sir. A SOLDIER by the name of Alexander Griffin."

Sephiroth's mood darkened. "Since when is a SOLDIER working for the Turks?"

"Oh, Griffin is not working for us. Unfortunately, I might add."

In the background, the elevator doors opened soundlessly. "And why exactly should I talk to him then?"

"If anything happens within the troops, he is the one to ask. Rumour has it that if Griffin doesn't know about it _and _can't find out more within a few days, it doesn't exist."

"In that case, I'll consider the option." Sephiroth nodded towards the man, and stepped into the elevator. He would deal with that matter later on. For the moment being, there was a different mission to fulfil. Difficult, daring, and maybe no less important.

**~°oOo°~**

It was just a few minutes after ten o'clock, and most students of Major Stevenson's Advanced Materia Class had left the class room to do whatever they thought necessary to do during a break. It was not like Genesis cared anyway. He preferred the silence they had left behind to their loud and often highly annoying presence. And he had more important things on his mind than gossip and endless innuendo. Therefore, he had remained seated in the empty room, pretending to study some notes. His attention, however, was not focused on anything Materia-related. Instead, his glance was drawn again and again to a single line on the empty piece of paper in front of him.

Three simple, innocent numbers.

_**9, 16, 18 **_

_What exactly is that supposed to be? A mathematical riddle? _

As far as he could tell, there was no obvious connection between them. Apart from the fact that 18 was two times nine, of course, but that didn't seem helpful. They weren't part of a row, like prime numbers or the Fibonacci sequence. Even though his mind generally refused to acknowledge the importance of such plain logical details, this was something he could tell straight away.

'_Third time's a charm'... three? Nine is three times three, 18 is six times three... but 16? Why 16? Why not 15? That would work..._

Genesis lifted his glance, letting it drift aimlessly over the surroundings, seeing and blinded at the same time. He wondered about himself. Why was he taking this so seriously? It had been a dream, and dreams often made no sense, at least not if one tried to interpret them literally. What made this dream so different? _The fact that it felt so... _real_. Almost like a warning. And how am I going to protect anyone if I don't know what I'm up against?_

Despite his determination, however, all his tries to decipher the cryptic warning had failed. Neither the first nor the second line from the note in his dreams made the least bit of sense, and the third...

"Extending in the same direction, equidistant at all points, and never converging or diverging." He had no idea why he had whispered those words. If he tried to find a line of poetry, it usually helped to say the words out loud. But this wasn't exactly poetry...

"Genesis?"

He couldn't help but tense violently. In the next moment, he cursed himself for doing so. It was just his name, for Gaia's sake, and he just couldn't afford to get an anxiety fit every time someone addressed him. In addition... how on the planet could he have missed someone walking up to him? Focused on other things or not, this is what the heightened senses that came with being a SOLDIER were all about, weren't they? And as if to spite him, those senses were working flawlessly now, telling him exactly who to expect when he turned his head. At least he didn't have to blame himself for missing someone approaching with the stealth of a Shinra freight train...

Sephiroth looked at him. It was a calculated glance, and Genesis could tell that he was evaluating something, but not what exactly.

He tried to play over that insecurity with a slightly too cheerful "Long time no see. What can I do for you, my friend?"

It had never been Sephiroth's intention to beat around the bush. In his opinion, there was no time for unnecessary procrastination, and no use for pointless small talk. "A long time indeed. Are you trying to avoid me recently?"

"Why should I?" Irritated, Genesis realized that his left hand had covered the paper in front of him with a hasty, guilty-looking gesture.

Again, Sephiroth gave him one of those contemplative glances, before he returned: "Maybe because I'm the only person who knows what exactly happened during your accident."

Genesis turned back to his piece of paper, and acted as if he was totally engrossed in some sort of work, when in fact all he did was drawing circles around the three numbers. "That would be a petty reason, wouldn't it?"

Sephiroth wasn't even sure what he expected from that little venture. Until a few minutes ago, he hadn't planned to address this very topic at all, but then he had seen Genesis' off-guard reaction and the very well-hidden guilty expression on his face. He didn't care what exactly Genesis was trying to hide, but he could feel with the instinct of an experienced military leader that there was something going on behind that casual facade his friend was trying to keep up. And he needed to know if it was enough to worry, needed to know as a superior officer, as a comrade and last but not least as a friend. "Depends. Given the fact that you haven't told Angeal any details yet, it can't be that petty, can it?"

Genesis lifted his glance just a tad too fast, too alarmed. He knew that his friend wasn't too good at picking up hidden emotions, but this was just as obvious as blatant agreement. It slightly annoyed him to be so defenceless. "Why should I burden him with something as unimportant as that?"

"Because that's what friends do?"

"Is it?"

It was like a duel of some sorts, throwing questions back and forth like darts, just to see who would be the first failing to dodge them. And although Sephiroth could have played along for quite a while, he knew that Genesis was perfectly capable of doing the same. This was leading nowhere... Enough with hiding, it was time to attack directly. "I don't know. You tell me."

Reacting to the change of tone, Genesis suddenly decided to change his strategy as well. "Sometimes it is better not to tell each other everything. Believe me, it's exactly what friends are supposed to do." He looked at Sephiroth intensely. "And if you are my friend as well as Angeal's, you won't tell him anything either."

Sephiroth couldn't help but notice how odd the situation really was. In fact, 'odd' was the only word he had to describe it, since he didn't know how to label that feeling, or what it was supposed to be. He could clearly recall Genesis' cold, distant glance when Angeal had first introduced them to each other. Of course there had been a trace of awe in that glance, too, but Sephiroth had learned pretty fast that his new acquaintance was not the one to admit being impressed by another person, not even by someone as impressive as the top SOLDIER himself.

For the next few weeks, it had seemed as if Angeal's tries to melt Sephiroth into their chain of friendship were bound to fail. Genesis had either ignored him, or talked to him in a haughty and cold tone that made every sentence sound like 'I don't care' or 'Stay the hell away from me'. All the time, Angeal had taken Genesis' arrogance and Sephiroth's resignation with a patient smile. "Don't worry, he'll come around eventually. Just give him time."

Sephiroth couldn't help but admire that optimism. To him, it seemed unrealistic, given those glances Genesis threw at him from the background whenever he and Angeal were talking alone. In the beginning, he had not even known what to make out of them. It was a voiceless 'How dare you?', an expression of sheer disdain reserved for a person who undeservedly claimed the victory for themselves just because they happened to be in the right place at the right time.

Yet in the end, Angeal had turned out right. Suddenly, there had been a hesitant acceptance from Genesis' side, which gradually grew into something like honest appreciation. However, as long as Sephiroth had known his two friends, he had learned to accept that what was between him and them was nothing compared to what they had with each other. If the connection between the three of them could be seen as a firm rope, the relation between Genesis and Angeal was a stainless steel chain. So many times he had watched them seemingly understanding each other without words, sharing secrets that he wasn't even aware of. He had watched them with interest, sometimes unsure if he should feel envy for that bond connecting them. And now that for the first time, Genesis had chosen to share a secret him – forced by circumstances or not – he wasn't sure what to feel either.

"It's not my style to talk behind someone's back, you know that. Besides, what's the use? It might be only a matter of time until Angeal finds out anyway..."

The expression on Genesis face was calm and reserved, the equivalent to a door flying shut. "Why should he? The problem is solved. Something like this will never happened again – I promised you that, remember?"

How was the term again? _Showing commitment..._ "I honour your determination, but what if this is something that is out of your control?"

For a second, there was a spark, something that predicted a fierce reaction, but then the glow in Genesis' eyes became duller. As if he didn't have the energy to do so, he returned: "I'm fine. No need to worry."

Sephiroth still wasn't sure if this would lead to any results. If Genesis wasn't talking to his best friend, why should he suddenly decide to talk to him? However, he also saw this as a little personal experiment, an exercise in strategy. "Well, obviously your definition of 'fine' is differently from mine."

The expression didn't change, but it seemed hardened, as if the closed door had now been locked and bolted. "Give me one of your definitions that is not different from mine. It's all a matter of perspectives anyway, and ours don't exactly match."

"Still, my definition doesn't include paying no attention to your surroundings and almost falling off your chair... and I doubt yours does." Sephiroth was not the one to be distracted by generalisations. And if Genesis could use them, so could he. "Problems don't get solved by ignoring them, you know."

"Don't worry; I'm very capable of solving problems on my own."

"Now why did I expect to hear exactly that?" The verbal equivalent to the sigh a mother would use when faced with a stubborn child.

With a tilt of his head, Genesis simply returned: "_I am __not__ bound__ to __please__ thee__ with my __answer__._"

It was obvious that he was quoting. He had a certain, almost dramatic way of literally acting out the words when he did. Although Sephiroth had no idea why his friend sometimes preferred other people's words over his own, he had the sneaking suspicion that in this case, it was because he had no other way of putting it.

"It's not like there is any need to please me." As if he only now remembered why had come here in the first place, he held out a sheet of paper to Genesis.

"What's this?"

"Your holiday request. At least, that's what it is going to be as soon as you signed it."

Genesis hesitated first, but then reached out and took the paper. He held Sephiroth' gaze for just a second longer, and then lowered his head slowly to study the document.

"I took the liberty to have the necessary information filled in already," Sephiroth continued. Noticing Genesis' slight frown, he added: "I did the same for Angeal, and if you want to change anything, you're welcome to do so."

Even though he tried to focus on the content, Genesis couldn't help but simply skip over most of it to get to the most crucial part: the justification. It didn't say so on the document, of course. The term used was 'reason for request'. Instead of words, however, just three two-digit numbers filled the space.

_Oh great... more numbers._ As a matter of fact, however, Genesis knew that the third set of those numbers represented 'due to health issues'. For a second, his mind tried to evaluate whether this was acceptable or not, before deciding to base that on the meaning of the two previous codes. The second was short for 'recent promotion'. According to Shinra rules, any newly promoted staff member had the right to file for holidays, to compensate the amount of effort that had been necessary to reach that promotion. He didn't know about the other departments, but at least with the military, it depended a lot on the circumstances if that request was granted or not.

Not being able to figure out the meaning of the first two digits, he finally asked: "What does that code stand for?"

"Basically the official version of 'haven't had any holidays in ages'." Sephiroth knew any code in the book of this company by heart, but it had been Angeal's idea to put some other reason – or preferably reasons – before the 'health issues', to make the whole request appear more demanding then asking for a favour.

Genesis hesitated for another moment, but then silently scolded himself. _There are more important things to worry about right now than your dignity._ Truth be told, he wasn't even sure if he wanted this holiday-thing to work out, but this was already a development from being dead set against it in the first place. And in addition, he had promised Angeal to play along. He sighed, and then picked up the pen he had put aside earlier to sign the form with a single fluent movement of his left hand, before handing it back to Sephiroth with the right.

It was just a minor detail, but Sephiroth couldn't help noticing. _If I was Angeal, I'd know what to read in that... _It was not very satisfying that he still had no idea what exactly Genesis' current condition was like. The walls his friend had erected around himself had proved resistant to direct attack so far. But maybe an indirect, gradual approach aiming at voluntary surrender was the better strategy anyway. Looking at the almost calligraphic signature on the paper, more a drawing than a sequence of letters, Sephiroth decided that a small victory was definitely better than none.

Behind him, he could hear the heavy steps of some other SOLDIERs returning from their break, accompanied by hearty laughter that suddenly stopped when they registered his presence. As much as every member of the unit was used to the living legend walking among them, there still was something that inspired an instant, almost frightened respect.

Before Sephiroth turned to leave, however, he remembered something. "Oh, and by the way, it's a parallel."

Genesis looked at him with honest surprise. "What?"

"What you were saying in the very beginning. 'Extending in the same direction, equidistant at all points, and never converging or diverging' – that's the text book definition of a parallel."

"Of course it is," Genesis said, more to himself than to Sephiroth, who still mistook the anxiety in his friend's voice for mild annoyance.

**~°oOo°~**

When Sephiroth returned to his office, he found someone already waiting for him. Unlike his comrades before, the blond man, only a few years older than Sephiroth himself, didn't show any sign of nervousness when the famous SOLDIER approached, at least not outwardly, and saluted with a brief, effortless movement.

Sephiroth took a few moments to analyze what he was up against with the same brief, calculating glance he would have given a strategic map or an intelligence report. A hasty observer might have noted that the person standing in front of him was not half as impressive as the reputation he had within the Company, even appearing slightly smaller than the standard member of Shinra's elite force. True, he would have been labelled 'somehow attractive' by most, but Sephiroth knew that looks counted for nothing on a battlefield. However, there was something else about this young man, surrounding him like an aura, something aloof and opaque. His eyes showed the intense, almost unnatural glow of a person who had natural blue eyes, so the Mako only intensified them, but part of their light seemed to stem from a different source.

"The name is Griffin, sir. Alex Griffin. Shinra Military Department, Special Units, currently... "

"I know who you are, SOLDIER," Sephiroth interrupted him curtly. "Alexander Lewis Evan Griffin, second son and third child of Beatrice de Beaumont and Trevor Griffin, born on the 23rd of February 1975 in Southern Ridge, an outskirt of Midgar. Started his career in Military Logistics, and worked his way up to Special Units within a few years. Currently SOLDIER First Class, Shinra Personal Number 873 53 01." He noticed the brief smile playing on his opposite's lips, without being able to tell why it was there. Satisfaction? Disappointment? Cover-up? "As I heard, you are also something like the unit's unofficial SAR specialist."

"If 'unofficial' means 'involuntary', that's true. Still, since you didn't want to talk to me about a mission, we can skip that part."

"How do you know?"

Griffin just shrugged. "Well, let's just call it some sort of feeling. Never betrayed me so far. Therefore, it might be easier to avoid those pleasantries and get straight to the point. I suppose your time is limited and valuable."

Sephiroth couldn't help but feel sympathy for the other SOLDIER. He obviously didn't like useless talk any more than he did. However, a part of his mind insisted he should stay on guard. The young man in front of him was anything but harmless, he sensed that with the same intuition allowing him to predict an enemy ambush.

Casually, as if it was still one of those pleasantries he had rejected before, Griffin continued: "This is more about last night's breaking and entering, isn't it?"

Hiding his surprise, Sephiroth decided there was no need to deny. "You obviously deserve the reputation you have amongst the members of the Military Department. This... 'incident' is hardly common knowledge."

"Oh, please. It would be quite difficult not to know about it. The MIC is in charge of the investigations, and as usual, all they focus on is trying to keep the Turks out of it, while completely failing to understand that this draws even more attention. No surprise really. I know quite a few people who claim MIC is short for 'manipulative, incompetent, catastrophic'."

Sephiroth flashed a brief smile, which the other SOLDIER mirrored in a slightly brighter version, before he added in the same light tone: "Well, I personally tend to call them the DIY department. Whenever you get any information from that source, you need to verify it yourself first of all…" The smile was still playing on his lips, but at the same time, his eyes spelled out 'Ok, that's enough small-talk for now. Why don't we get down to business?'

"What do you know about an Infantry soldier named Taylor Levery? KIA during the Fairmont campaign about two years ago."

"Taylor Levery..." Griffin repeated slowly and thoughtfully. "I don't think that name rings a bell, but I'm not quite sure. Maybe if I could have a look at that file..."

He nodded in the direction of Sephiroth's desk. An innocent, plain blue folder was lying right in the middle of the immaculate desk top, the database print-out Sephiroth had requested earlier. _How the hell does he know I even have that file?_ _Ignoring that rumour has it he knows about everything anyway, of course._ Against his better knowledge, Sephiroth felt impressed, but also slightly alarmed. _People who know too much can't be trusted... And they make terrible enemies._ "Be my guest."

He watched as Griffin studied the file for a while in silence. Despite trying his best, he could not figure out if this was simply an act, if Griffin was just pretending to read because he knew everything already, or if it was genuine interest he showed. Finally, the SOLDIER lowered the file. The expression on his face was cryptic, but vaguely satisfied.

"Tell me what you see that I didn't."

Without even batting an eye, Griffin returned: "_To see the sun and moon is no sign of sharp sight; to hear the noise of thunder is no sign of a quick ear._"

Sephiroth frowned. _Why for Gaia's sake is everyone in this unit quoting today? _At least this time, the words sounded vaguely familiar.

In return to his questioning glance, Griffin added: "Sun Tzu, The Art of War. An old but very useful strategic guideline which everyone in SOLDIER had the pleasure of studying at some point. You are no exception, I guess." Still holding on to the file, he continued: "To answer your previous question, I see a spotless career. Too spotless, if you ask me. As everyone in this company knows, a total lack of flaws is just too good to be true. It's common knowledge that everyone has something hidden in his back yard, but very few people know where to dig in order to find it."

"And you are one of those few, I assume?"

"Let's just say I'm quite good at guessing. And something tells me we should start to dig here…" He held out the file, and pointed to a certain line.

With slight annoyance, Sephiroth registered the use of the word 'we'. He was not intending to familiarize himself with a subordinate, but at the same time, he was curious if Griffin could live up to his reputation. "Those are Levery's results in the qualification exams for SOLDIER."

"Indeed. And how do they look to you?"

Sephiroth took a step forward, but still maintained a notable distance between himself and the other man. "Not too bad, actually…"

"Not too bad? That's an understatement. He aced most of the tests and even showed a promising Mako-tolerance. Despite that, however, he wasn't accepted as a candidate straight away. The question now is: Why?"

"Something tells me you might have the answer to that already…"

"Oh, I'm honoured by your trust, sir, but all I have is a suspicion."

"Let's hear that anyway."

Griffin paused briefly, maybe to achieve a more dramatic effect, before he continued: "When that happens, it usually means the candidate has some sort of negative internal record. Like an ongoing investigation or an accusation that seemed likely, but couldn't be proven."

What he said made a lot of sense. Still, there was a tiny problem. "If so, why is this not recorded in his file?"

"Oh, it is. But it's in the section you can't access without the right clearance level, therefore the person who printed the file for you wasn't able to get it." The bright blue eyes narrowed ever so slightly. "Given your clearance level, it would be easy to get the missing information from the Military Department's data base within seconds."

Despite the fact that Griffin was casually leaning to the desk now, he watched his opposite intensely. Sephiroth couldn't even guess what feelings and ambitions were driving this man, but as a military strategist, he knew a trap when he saw one. And Griffin's words were the verbal equivalent to a well-hidden set-up. He was too eager to get that information, and the question was why. Was he that devoted to his job, or was there something else behind it?

"I'll have a look into that matter later on. Thank you very much for your support." He turned towards his desk, to signal that the conversation was finished for him. However, Griffin remained standing, Defiantly.

"Anything else, SOLDIER?"

"Just for the sake of it, let me make a prediction: the code you'll find when looking into that matter starts with 04 303."

_His persistence is indeed quite remarkable…_ "What makes you think so?"

"Well, he was allowed to re-apply for the exams. 303 is the only 'misconduct' Shinra still treats too leniently." If he had expected any reaction from Sephiroth implying he would keep him updated or at least tell him whether his previous statement was just a vague guess or actually a good prediction, he was in for a disappointment. But surprisingly enough, Griffin showed not even a hint of such an emotion. Instead, he saluted again, and added: "It was a pleasure to help you, sir. If you ever need anything again, you know where to find me."

After he had left, Sephiroth picked up another file he had received earlier, but kept hidden from the eyes of his visitor. _Griffin, Alexander. SOLDIER First Class. _He took a seat, and started to look through it again, reminding himself of every detail he had already memorized from when he first studied the folder.

_So you said a spotless career is too good to be true? That everyone has something to hide, especially those who seem too perfect. Well, Alexander Griffin, your career is virtually flawless. What does this tell us about you then?_

_

* * *

_

**A/N – the second:** Stating my quoting sources.

"I am not bound to please thee with my answer_._" is of course a Shakespeare quote (from _The Merchant of Venice, _to be precise).

All other obvious quotes in this chapter are – as Alex pointed out already – taken from the English translation of Sun Tzu's _The Art of War_.


	19. Haunting, 1

**A/N:** After half an eternity, more rewrites than I can count and over seven hours of non-stop editing yesterday and three more hours of 'final reading' today, I finally present to you the long awaited next chapter. A long chapter at that, but you deserved it for waiting so patiently.

This massive delay was presented to you by lack of either time or motivation, and a series of very unfortunate events. In other words: Again, I can only apologize (I'm SO SORRY), and assure you that it will most likely not happen again. The next two chapters are already completely planned out and partly written, so I should be able to do the next update within a month, and return to my 'usual' pace after that.

I will neither give up on writing, nor on fan fiction (at least not before I'm done with this story). That is a promise.

So what is this chapter about?

Well, it's one of those transition chapters... From now on, the events of the subplot(s) will start to tie to the events of the main plot (which will become clearer over the next few chapters), and the first mysteries are (apparently) solved.

Therefore, if you read the previous chapter a long time ago, it might be worth going back and re-read it first before starting with this one (sorry for that inconvencience). If you still remember what the combinations 9-16-18 and 04 303 mean, you will be fine. If not, you might want to check...

This new chapter also contains drastic mood changes from scene to scene, which might lead to slight emotional confusion at times, but that was intended... the aim was to create a very specific, 'not entire comfortable atmosphere', while also adding some necessary information to prepare the stage for upcoming events.

After reading, you should know who the mysterious intruder from the last two chapters was (don't expect the events to make perfect sense yet, that will happen only later ;). If not, you can either wait until the next chapter, or let me know (I'll gladly tell you at this point).

Finally: Thank you all for your love, support and endless patience.

* * *

**Warning:** Swearing and sheer endless innuendo. In one scene. (Gotta make use of that M rating... ;)

**Dedication:** In a way, this chapter is dedicated to all my lovely readers out there, who still stick with me and that story. I love you guys, more than I can say!

However, there are also a few special people I would like to address in particular (because it's looong overdue). Sadly enough, I know neither of them personally, but that doesn't change my love and deep appreciation for them:

_Oztan_– you are a very special reviewer to me. You have been with this story from the very beginning, and if I remember correctly, you reviewed almost every single chapter since then. I'm always looking forward to your comments :) Thank you so, so much!

_ForsakenRealms – _we briefly talked a while back, and you were such a great motivation. Hope Art School exams are going/have gone well!

_tacks_ – this is unfortunately not an FFnet name, or I would have contacted you (since I love writing review replies ;). You wrote a really nice review for chapter 17, which put a huge smile on my face. I really hope you are still reading, because you are about to find out more about the things you mentioned you were curious about. Thank you very, very much for reading and reviewing!

I also received a wonderful anonymous review to chapter 18… I'm not sure if _tacks_ is responsible for that, too. If yes: double THANKS! You are amazing. (Please, make an FFnet account, so I can get back to you personally ;)

If not: whoever you are, you are amazing, too. Thank you very much.

* * *

**Final remarks – not 'need to know' but 'nice to know', and stating some sources:**

1) Quotes: Like the previous chapter, this one contains three quotes from Sun Tzu's Art of War (two in the first scene, and one at the very end). The saying about progress quoted in the first scene is by George Bernard Shaw. Everything else that seems 'quote-like' is taken directly from my own mind ;)

2) Naming: The name of the Wutai village (Dong Tien) is a made-up combination of two actual Vietnamese village names. I was trying to stick to the topic of war here, as well as considering the fact that Wutai does not represent a specific Asian nation, but a mix of several ones.

3) Spanish: Again, like in one previous chapter, I used a few very simple remarks in Spanish (which represents the native language of the Costa del Sol area in my writing) in one scene. Most of them can easily be guessed, but just in case someone wants to know:

Por fin = finally

De nada = you are welcome

Andale = come on/let's go/hurry up

4) Bonus feature: Strategy/Tactic – what's the difference?

In modern usage, both terms might refer not only to warfare, but to a variety of business practices. Many people consider them to be synonyms, but that is not true at all, even though they belong to the same continuum and are therefore closely connected.

In order not to bore you out of your mind, the nutshell explanation goes like this: In the strategy phase of a plan, you essentially decide what your goals are. In the tactical phase, you decide what actions you will take to reach those goals. Or put differently (and very simplified): strategy = overall goal; tactic = action(s) to reach that goal.

5) And last but not least: lyrics quote (since this is the beginning of a new part). I changed this one in the very last minute, because the one I originally planned just seemed a tad too cliché:

_Should it hurt to love you?  
Should I feel like I do?  
Should I lock the last open door?  
My ghosts are gaining on me..._

This is taken from "All That I'm Living For" by Evanescence (the acoustic version, please!), hands-down the best match to this part of the story when it comes to lyrics.

However... the quote I finally chose is another close-to-perfect match (to several characters in this story, but especially to one), and I'm really fond of the song and its message (not referring to the political background here, btw). Therefore, it's Dixie Chicks' "Not Ready To Make Nice" instead...

* * *

**V. Haunting**

**~°oOo°~**

**_Forgive, sounds good  
Forget, I'm not sure I could  
They say time heals everything  
But I'm still waiting…_**

**~°oOo°~**

'_Strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory. Tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat. - Sun Tzu'_

This inspirational line had been hanging at the wall right next to the big computer screen for as long as he could remember. Some things never changed, and some things were just utterly predictable. Today, he had known from the get-go that this was no ordinary strategy lesson, no matter how hard they obviously tried to make it look like one. Well, 'lesson' was the wrong word anyway. It was more a 'strategy debate club' than anything resembling a class. Why they still stuck with the term was anybody's guess. Well, some of the attendants were newly promoted Firsts, and they still had a few things to learn; unlike him, an established member of the unit. Due to his experience, he had seen straight away that the scenario they were supposed to work on today resembled a familiar setting in Wutai down to the rocks and patches on grass on the ground. He knew what this meant. The highest level of command expected an escalation of the situation soon, and was already trying to come up with a plan of attack.

These days, a battle plan was no longer carefully drawn on a piece of paper, or represented by different chess-piece-like figures on a map. No, Shinra had turned to a state-of-the-art computer program for such things long ago. It reminded him of another saying:_ '__Progress__ is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.__'_

Most of his comrades didn't even lift their eyes from the smaller computer screens in front of them and the simulations they were working on. He didn't mind. Less glances to dodge. While he still pretended to concentrate – just in case - his mind was busy with tactics of a very different kind. Deep down, he waged another war, not the one Shinra paid him to fight, but something much more personal. He had set up his strategy long ago, in the way a wise and experienced commander would, and he was not going to change it now. It definitely took more than a few minor difficulties to dishearten him. However, he had to admit that his current tactic might be in need of some adaptation.

His eyes drifted slowly over the room, casual, as if he was trying to get some inspiration for his task. He knew precisely what – or better, who – he was looking for, yet his gaze did not settle on its goal immediately, like a bird of prey drifting past its victim first before eventually closing in to attack. When he was certain that no one was taking notice, he finally chanced a glimpse at the SOLDIER working right next to him. Even now he was still careful, watching his comrade only from the corner of his eye, while pretending to read another quote on the wall.

'_Thus, though we have heard of stupid haste in war, cleverness has never been seen associated with long delays. In war, then, let your great object be victory, not lengthy campaigns.' _

_How oddly fitting._ A thin smile appeared on his lips.

Unlike him, the other SOLDIER seemed completely focused on the task at hand. The constantly changing light from the computer screen created tiny sparks of light in his eyes, making them look greener than they actually were; and strands of his hair glistened like spun copper in the dim light when he cocked his head slightly. To complete the picture-perfect impression, his left index finger was resting lightly on his lips. All in all, this intense concentration had something almost touching. Or even sensual.

When his mind warned him that he was staring too intensely, it was too late already. The signs were subtle, yet unmistakable. Something in the other SOLDIER's features tensed, like a rabbit that suddenly becomes aware of a strange sound or smell, an indication of looming danger.

Within the split of a second, bright blue eyes turned into his direction, alarmed and alert. And within the same second, he lowered his head in a slow, seemingly casual movement. Their eyes never even met, but he could feel the glance resting on him like an accidental touch. Not heavy, but noticeable. After a short moment, the feeling faded, indicating that he was no longer being watched. He didn't raise his head to check though. That would have been a beginner's mistake, and he was no beginner.

Instead, he kept his eyes fixed on the screen in front of him, while he savoured the thought for a moment, compared it to other possible options like a jeweller trying to find the perfect gem stone for a precious necklace.

_Not yet. This is my last card, and I'll only play it when everything else fails…_

**~°oOo°~**

"So this is the current situation. However, the problem is..."

As much as Angeal tried to concentrate on his friend's words, his thoughts were drifting mercilessly. His concentration, normally solid and condensed like a piece of rock, now equalled grains of sand, impossible to hold on to, simply running through your fingers. Speaking of which...

_The memory was so vivid that he could almost feel the slender fingers entwining lightly with his own. The way they kept shifting, never entirely motionless, spoke volumes about their owner's state of mind. Little movements took the form of gentle caresses, yet they were an obvious cover for sudden nervousness. _

"_Hey... I never said 'here and now', did I?" He closed his hand slightly, careful and without pressure, as if he was trying to pick up a small, injured animal. _

_Genesis showed a tiny smile, unsteady like the flame of a candle. A courtesy smile. And then, suddenly, he voiced an unexpected question:__ "Do you still remember your first?"_

_When he recovered from the initial shock, Angeal returned: "As a matter of fact, I do."_

"_I bet he was an amazing person."_

"_Why that?"_

_Genesis lowered his eyes. "Because you would never be with someone who… wasn't." _

_The slight insecurity seeping through these words was strangely touching. Angeal tightened his grip around Genesis' hand. "Exactly. This is the reason why I'm with you."_

_This time, the smile was a tad more stable than the previous one._

"_And as for my 'first' being amazing... well, you can judge that for yourself. You knew him. Dean Marquez."_

_Genesis looked up at him again. "Oh."_

Would that be 'Oh, damned', 'Oh, really?' or 'Oh sweet Gaia, how could you?' Or something completely else?

_He had always admired Genesis' ability to convey a whole world of meanings in a single syllable. This time, however, the meaning was hidden and cryptic, as if his beloved had spoken in strange metaphors. _

"Angeal?"

A wave of guilt instantly coursed through him. This was a friend talking, not a random stranger, so how could he just drift off in his thoughts as if nothing else mattered? Even worse, if he knew the topic of the conversation was rather serious, and said friend might be in need of advice?

"Well, I would say it depends..." The words had made their way over his lips before he had found even a moment to think, and Angeal almost instantly regretted them. True, it was not like him to be that easy distracted, but it was even less like him to try and cover up such a lapse by feeble attempts to pretend it had not happened. He knew he was a bad liar, inexperienced in the game of successful deceit, and Sephiroth was not exactly a person to fall for cheap excuses.

"Spare me. I can clearly tell you were not listening to a word I just said." Indeed, Sephiroth was more than just mildly annoyed. If he hated one thing, it was having to repeat himself over and over because someone was not paying attention. That this someone turned out to be the one person he considered his friend, maybe even his best friend, was even more insulting. However, it was not like this had ever happened before, so it was worrying at the same time. _Sudden, unexpected changes in an established pattern usually predict a major disturbance lying underneath. Therefore, even tiny details are worthy of closer examination. _A rule that was easy to follow if it was about war and strategy, but much harder when it came to people.

"You are right," Angeal finally admitted, "I was somehow carried away. I'm sorry about that, and I promise it won't happen again." He showed a small apologetic smile, before changing back to the original topic: "From what I gathered, there are a lot of rumours flying around, as usual. Nothing was stolen in this break-in attempt, so some people even claim it was a joke, most likely the Turks trying to mess with the MIC, while others downright deny anything happened at all."

Sephiroth's mood didn't lighten, but at least he seemed no longer annoyed. "Well, the MIC has been stumbling around in the dark for the last five days, but there is proof that neither of these theories is right. It definitely happened, and it definitely wasn't a bad joke."

"And what does this have to do with you?"

_Looks like I have to repeat everything I just pointed out... _"Nothing, I hope. Yet the MIC apparently sees a connection to me."

"And what would that be? That you started your career in the regular armed forces, too? So did everyone else, big deal. They could just as well make a connection to Genesis or me, for that matter."

Sephiroth looked at him for a moment, and Angeal could not really read that glance. It was heavy, as if something bothered the SOLDIER, but at the same time calm, showing not a trace of discomposure. "The Fairmont Campaign." He added not a single word of explanation, as if everything he just said was reason enough.

"The Fairmont Campaign? But..." Angeal struggled for a second, realizing he had chosen to disagree just for the sake reassuring his friend, without really thinking about what exactly he wanted to say in return. "...why?"

"The information the intruder was trying to access was about an infantryman who had been under my command back then." As usual, Sephiroth answered questions brief and down to the point.

"But so were we about a hundred others."

"140, to be precise." And with just a trace of gravity, he added: "80 of them survived that day."

"It could have been less. Think of other those other..."

There was no need to interrupt; Angeal stopped the sentences on his own before he could finish it. Sephiroth had only lifted his head slightly, but the unspoken _That's exactly what I'm thinking of_ was as clear as if he had stated it. For a moment, the room was plunged into absolute silence.

"It was still a disaster."

_And 'disaster' is putting it lightly._ Angeal did not see himself as an overly religious or superstitious person, but he remembered the instant need to fall down on his knees and thank every deity known to man that he and Genesis – SOLDIERs Third Class back then - had been nowhere near that catastrophe when it happened. Despite all its power and resources, Shinra was still far from winning this war, and Wutai had a similarly impressive list of decisive victories. _This has been one of them, but as far as I heard, they are not exactly proud of it... _

_It didn't even sound real, more like the plot to a very bad movie. On an innocent, sunny day in early summer, a leading commander of the Shinra Army had ordered an air strike on a military facility. Not an unusual measure in the ongoing war, but this time, something went gravely wrong. The commander later claimed the MIC had provided the wrong coordinates, while the head of the MIC countered that either the soldier putting in the coordinates had been incapable, or the commander himself. One kept blaming the other, and a later investigation bore no satisfying results. _Due to human error._ Another row of cold, rational words that could not express the amount of pain hidden behind them. _

_On that warm, perfect day, Shinra bombs had hit their wrong target with deadly precision: a small village named Dong Tien. To say the results had been devastating was putting it lightly yet again. All of the victims were civilians, most of them women and children. A war crime in the eyes of the enraged population of Wutai, who soon doubted it had been a mistake in the first place. Both the Turks and the MIC had instantly predicted an act of revenge; they had just disagreed on when, where and how. _

_Yes, it sounded like the perfect set-up for dramatic tale of vengeance. Only this wasn't a book, or a movie. This was real life. The dark, cruel side of it. _

Angeal hadn't expected Sephiroth to dwell on those unfortunate events, but to his surprise, he continued: "As I was told a few days ago, there exists not entirely flawless career. Every single one has at least a minor dark spot." _And whether I like it or not, this might be mine._ "And I can't even claim that I didn't see it coming. Because I saw it clearly. From the first moment on. As soon as Fairmont revealed his 'great plan', I knew that we were heading for disaster. I mean, this fool was basically asking for it. It was the kind of strategy I would have expected from a Cadet in the Army during their first assignment. He called it 'daring' and 'straightforward', and all I could think of was 'imprudent' and 'disastrous'."

_The units were placed right next to each other like pearls on a string. It might have worked in a different setting, but in their current situation, it could turn out to be a fatal flaw. Just like a string of pearls, the line-up could easily be torn apart by the enemy, and with no back-up worth mentioning, the separated units would get crushed like fragile pearls under the mighty heel of Wutai's army._

_Even though this weakness was blatant and obvious, no one dared to point it out. Sephiroth did not even know why he finally spoke up. Commander Fairmont was not known for listening to advice in general, especially not when it came from a person he outranked by far. But this plan was so flawed at its very core that he just had to raise his voice: "Excuse me, sir, but I have one comment to make. Spreading our troops out like that is going to weaken them considerably. And if Wutai's troops manage to break through and reformate in our back, they can easily split up the units and attack them one after the other. Especially those at the far ends are in high danger of being cut off completely. And if that happens, we..."_

"_Then we won't let that happen, as simple as that."_

_Sephiroth's eyes darted around, looking for support from any of the senior officers, but everyone seemed to avoid his gaze. _Cowards, all of them.

_Then suddenly, a calm and very clear voice interfered: "I have to agree with what the young lieutenant just said. This is not going to work out. Wutai will easily foresee that line-up, it one of the most common ones in the book, and if they manage to separate our units from each other, they can easily surround and crush them. It's their territory; they know how to use it to their advantage."_

"Major Kendrick was the only one who shared my opinion back then. Or at least the only one who dared to admit it openly. However, Fairmont did not even bother with a proper reply. He just seemed to ignore our protest completely. At least this is what I thought until I saw the definite battle order the next day."

_Sephiroth frowned. Not that it really bothered him; he was almost used to being treated as inferior and inexperienced due to his rank by now. In fact, a position somewhere in the middle or – even worse – with the back-up units had upset him even more; yet he couldn't suppress a subtle feeling of dread when he looked at his position. The far left. Second to last unit. Followed only by..._

"_You shouldn't have spoken up yesterday. Now you are stuck with heavy frontline duty."_

Talking of the devil, obviously_. "Just like you," Sephiroth pointed out calmly. _

_Kendrick gave him the confident smile of an experienced senior officer. "That's right, just like me."_

_Despite not feeling like it, Sephiroth chose to return that smile. "Well, at least that means being stuck with someone who knows what he's doing. I prefer that to watching from the back with those other idiots."_

_He had expected an amused laugh, yet Kendrick remained surprisingly serious. "Anyway, be careful out there. After the unfortunate events at Dong Tien, Wutai is raging. The population demands revenge, and the army is more than happy to deliver it. No matter if we lose or win, this battle is going to get messy."_

"And unfortunately, this was an understatement."

Angeal remained silent. There was nothing he could have said, as the word 'understatement' was just another way of putting it lightly...

_It hadn't looked like a complete disaster in the beginning. True, it was odd that the large army Wutai had sent into this battle had apparently decided to take their time with a counterattack, but then again, who knew what kind of strategy they followed. Maybe they had decided that they didn't want an open battle, not that day, and had just sent a few units to cover their retreat. Or maybe..._

_And then suddenly, all hell broke loose. _

_No one had foreseen that sudden change of tactics, not even Sephiroth himself. Within seconds, everything went haywire. Around him people were running, falling, screaming. And dying, obviously. He needed a change of plan, and he needed it right now, or they were lost. _Damn, I can't think like this. But I need to. I _have to_.

Don't ever expect everything around you to stand still, just because you need to think. The enemy will move forward, the battle will rage on. No one and nothing will wait patiently until you evaluated all the options and made a decision. With every minute that passes, the situation changes. If you don't make up your mind fast enough, you might never be able to do so. Maybe even never again.

_And in the middle of this raging chaos, Sephiroth knew without the shadow of a doubt that he only had two options: one was trying to move forward, unite his unit with Kendrick's and try to fight their way back to the Shinra forces together. The other was to withdraw, right now, and make it back to the main part of the army on his own. The chances for succeeding were good, since they were not completely cut off yet, and it was the direction his soldiers moved in anyway under the pressure of the Wutaian forces. But besides a chance to escape, it also meant leaving Kendrick behind. And Sephiroth was not even trying to tell himself that his comrade might stand a chance in that case. _

_Morally, it was a dilemma. Strategically, it was a clear choice. _Always settle for the option that promises the most successful outcome.

_And so Sephiroth gave his orders._

"I don't have to tell you anything about the result. The pictures were all over the place, leaked out even though both the Turks and the MIC did their best to avoid it. Wutai got their revenge, but at the end of the day, I doubt they were proud of it."

Angeal nodded gravely. He still recalled Genesis' face, pale as death, when the news had spread and the gruesome details were revealed. He hadn't felt much better himself, to be honest. It was one of those days where he questioned his decision to join the Shinra Army.

_You cannot call a SOLDIER a murderer, in the same way you can't call a sword a murderer either. Why blame a tool for fulfilling the mere purpose of its existence? True, you could always blame the creator of said tool, but wasn't it public demand that lead to the creation in the first place? _

"I assume that this Infantryman was one of the few soldiers in my troops that were cut off along with Kendrick's unit. Not that I can tell for sure, because I literally saw them for the first time this day and didn't even know their names. However, the fact that he has a KIA entry at least means he could still be identified. Others weren't quite as lucky..." Sephiroth paused, as if he felt the need to wipe these pictures off his mind. Wutai had not taken a single prisoner this day, and Shinra had not lost that many soldiers in a single battle since the early days of the war.

"It's not your fault, you know," Angeal instantly returned in a calm, almost soothing tone.

Sephiroth looked at him with a mixture of slight confusion and cold determination. "Of course it isn't. I know that."

**~°oOo°~**

Finally. The class was over. It was not that Alexander Griffin disliked strategy. Quite the opposite, actually. But today, minutes had turned into hours far too easily, and his work had been far from efficient or brilliant. Too many other things on his mind to focus on battle plans.

While getting up, he tried to stretch in a not-too-obvious way. Damn, it really felt like he had just taken a nap, one of those short, very unsatisfying ones that leave you feeling even more exhausted. Looking around, he realized that most of his fellow SOLDIERs didn't seem to share this lack of enthusiasm. Most of them just happily and speedily picked up their files, papers and booklets – if anyone had told him that higher positions in the military required that much paper work, he would have considered the position of a secretary instead – and left the room, or got at least ready to do so.

Alex cast one last glance back to the computer screen, just to make sure that his attempt at a battle plan had been transmitted properly – _for _evaluation_, of course... damn, is anyone seriously believing this?_ - and the system was shutting down as required. Normally, he was that concerned with sticking to the rules, he just hated the thought of anyone messing with his data. _Anyone other than those _officials_ who are messing with it anyway..._

Right next to him, Genesis Rhapsodos was getting ready to leave as well. His movements had something hurried and erratic, just the fracture of a trace, but a strong contrast to his usual effortless grace. Though it had been more obvious a few weeks ago, Alex had never addressed this change, he had just taken notice. Rumour had it that Rhapsodos had suffered some sort of accident during the exams for First Class, which seemed a plausible explanation. However, if Alex had learned something during all those years in the Shinra Army, it was that 'plausible' not necessarily equalled 'correct'.

Just in this second, Genesis turned around a bit too sudden, and a single sheet of paper escaped the folder he was holding. Alex knew that he could have easily caught it before it even touched the floor, thanks to the reflexes that came with being a SOLDIER, but why make such an effort for virtually nothing?

_He had a reputation to keep up, after all. There was this nice little story about the time when he had been stationed in a Shinra-controlled fort in Wutai. The alarm had been set off, and everyone else was running around nervously, Alex had remained seated, feet put casually on the desk, watching the chaos around him with some sort of calm amusement. After a very nervous comrade shouted at him, Alex slowly put his feet back on the ground and stated: 'Well, it's is a break-in, and we are in the control centre. This means the intruders will come here anyway, on their own. What's the point in running after them?'_

So instead, he waited until the paper had settled on the grey tiles with an almost unperceivable rustling sound. For just a second, it felt like a déjà-vue. He took a deep breath, fought down the odd feeling and finally made a step forward to bend down and reach for the fallen object.

"Is that yours?" Polite, nonchalant. He slowly raised the hand holding the sheet, risking a peek at it. Nothing too exciting, just a bunch of lines and numbers. Besides, it was crumbled and didn't look like something important, more like an old memo. _Maybe there has not even been a point in picking it up..._

Raising his glance from the piece of paper, he realized that Genesis stood there like rooted to the spot, his eyes slightly widened, fixed on him in the way a rabbit might eye a snake. _Odd..._ He decided to raise a white flag. Showing a bright smile, he suggested: "Well, if you don't need it anymore, I could..."

"Give that back!"

The three words hit him with all the force of an unexpected slap in the face, and all the iciness of a sudden blizzard. Before he even had time to react, Genesis had taken the paper back so violently that it would have been ripped in half if Alex had held on to it any tighter. But this was not what made him stop dead in his tracks. Alex had seen quite a lot of unexpected violence, and taken his fair share of undeserved abuse ever since he had joined the Shinra military. What made this situation so weird was the expression in Genesis' eyes. It was something fluid and drifting, a deep panic that already bordered temporary insanity. Alex had seen it before, but on the battlefield, when people became suddenly aware that their lives were on the line, never in such an ordinary situation._ If they look like this, people are likely to overreact._ _In a way that equals chasing a mouse with a hand grenade_. _In other words: countermeasures are required. Immediately._

"Are you ok?" Decidedly, Alex tried to reach out for Genesis, but when his hand barely touched his arm, the other withdrew it immediately.

"Don't touch me!"

Still, the effort alone obviously showed some sort of effect. As if he had just been woken up from some sort of dream, the almost feverish aggression in Genesis' eyes shifted into ordinary cold annoyance.

_Success. At least partly._ Alex would have left it at that; but unfortunately, their little clash had not gone unnoticed.

"Why don't you two sweethearts get a room, instead of making out in public?"

_Phil Harvey. Of course. Trust him to find something compromising in any situation... _

"If you can't see that there's absolutely no making out involved, it's high time you got some glasses," Genesis instantly returned in an obvious 'don't mess with me, I'm not in the mood'-tone, and added in a lower, yet very audible voice: "Gosh, if that's his Mako-improved perception, he must have been virtually blind before."

At first, it seemed the confrontation was over for both of them. Harvey turned away, and Genesis put the sheet of paper back into his folder.

However, Harvey suddenly decided that he preferred to pay back in kind. As if he was mainly talking to one of his comrades, he stated clearly: "You know, it's the same with dogs. The smaller they are, the louder they bark. Annoying."

It was obviously meant as an insult, and therefore Genesis could not let it slip that easily. "I heard that," he returned, seemingly calm but with a noticeable acidic undertone.

On the spur of the moment, Alex decided to join in: "Oh, and by the way, I heard it, too."

Harvey looked from Alex to Genesis and back, first with a trace of surprise, then with barely hidden disgust. "Damn, you two make such a cute couple."

Alex stoically returned his glance without the slightest sign of annoyance. He knew that would most likely irritate Harvey the most.

Genesis, however, wasn't quite as calm. Therefore, it was only logical that Harvey chose him for his next attack. "Don't you agree, sweetheart?"

"Don't 'sweetheart' me, idiot," Genesis hissed back.

"Why so upset? Because I'm the only one who does?" He threw a triumphant glance in Alex' direction. "You should really treat your lovers a bit nicer... even if they are below your usual standard. Am I right to assume he makes up for it in different ways?" And with a sly smile, he added: "We all know how fond you are of numbers... especially those below 70."

Alex' fondness of mathematical problems and equations was an open secret in the unit. Yet this was obviously not what Harvey intended to hint on. _Still..._ _a 69 joke? Honestly? That is recruits-in-the-infantry level..._

The choir of loud, insinuating laughter that instantly followed the statement didn't make the situation any better.

Genesis sighed, obviously trying hard to stay calm. "What a very grown up conversation, Harvey."

"It is, isn't it? Strictly mature content."

Most of the other SOLDIERs around started chuckling again. _They are very easily amused, as usual..._

Genesis narrowed his eyes slightly. "Forgive me for not laughing, but I don't consider one-dimensional puns proper entertainment…"

"Wow, impressive choice of words. By the way, Rhapsodos, what's your personal number again? Something with 68, am I right?" And without waiting for an answer, he added: "Which implied that you never got as far as 69…"

"Ok, since you obviously don't get it any other way, let me translate it into the only language you understand: Do me a favour, Harvey, and _just shut the fuck up._"

Genesis swearing that bluntly was a very rare event. Normally, his words were thrown like knives, hitting the opponent with a certain lightness and grace, but also extremely painful. Whenever he was using the verbal equivalent of a sledgehammer, it was a clear sign that his opponent had pushed him too far.

Yet Harvey didn't want to give up yet: "Oh, that's exactly the point. Sounds like..."

But before he could finish the sentence, Genesis interrupted him: "You know, if sex is all you can think of 24/7, you have a serious problem. For the love of Gaia, either see a psychiatrist, or go get yourself laid." And with a disdainful glance at their observers, he added: "Or do you need an audience for that, too?"

The older SOLDIER had obviously not expected that. He struggled for words, and finally managed a weak: "You..."

And with a cold smirk, Genesis returned: "Oh, you wish. But in case you still haven't gotten the message, it very simple: No. Not now, not ever." Then he turned around and left Harvey standing.

The older SOLDIER looked thunderstruck, avoiding the glances of those surrounding him.

Alex decided to use the chance to deliver one final blow. "You know, Phil, if I was you, I'd reconsider my methods." With an insinuating wink in Harvey's direction, he hurried after Genesis.

"Looks like we won," he announced cheerfully as soon as he caught up.

"_We_? As far as I remember, you were not exactly helpful," Genesis pointed out in a less playful tone.

"Oh, I just wanted to give you a chance to get even. Our little lunchtime argument two weeks ago, remember?" And in the same, nonchalant small-talk tone, he added: "But tell me, isn't it odd to get that worked up over a piece of paper?"

"Mind your own business, will you?"

And with a suddenly very serious expression, Alex returned: "That's exactly what I'm doing."

**~°oOo°~**

"Por fin! I'm so out of here."

Angeal could not help but nod in honest agreement. It had been a hopelessly boring afternoon, spent somewhere downtown Midgar, in front of an unimpressive building that looked like most others around here. Guarding the Turks guarding one of Shinra's high-ranking executives, because the latter seemed to suffer from even more paranoia than usual lately. During the last hours, Angeal and his partner had exchanged only a handful of words. Neither of them really cared much for small talk, and Angeal would not have known what else to talk about. Except… but no, he was not really in the mood for that.

Obviously delighted that their shift had just ended, David Garcia sported a broad smile. "And do you know the best part? One of the drivers owes me a favour. Fancy a ride back the headquarters?"

"That would be great. Thanks, Garcia."

"De nada. And I told you already, it's David. You are one of Dean's friends, after all."

There is was after all. _The_ topic. _The_ name. Again. No, not again. It had always been there, somewhere, in the background. As if it was haunting him..._ No, 'haunting' is definitely the wrong word... _

"Wait here for a second, I'll be right back."

Angeal waited until Garcia had disappeared around the corner, and then leaned against the wall. Maybe it was wrong to fight those thoughts. Maybe he should try to remember, instead of trying to forget. After all, he could not avoid that topic forever and ever. _Especially not with Genesis. _Angeal was still unsure of how much his current boyfriend – _yes, the word felt still odd_ – knew about his first one. The official answer was 'nothing', yet Genesis' reaction recently as well as his own conviction told him otherwise.

_The most important thing in a relationship is honesty. That, and being able to talk to each other. About everything. But how can I possibly start talking about... this? At the very beginning? With a classical 'how we met' story? _

If the old saying was true, and people indeed _fell_ in love, the closest available description was that they had been crashing into it. A controlled crash for the most part, but a crash nevertheless. And it had literally started at first sight...

_While most of the other candidates still gazed at the SOLDIERs with wide eyes, not realizing that they were only a step away from becoming part of Shinra's elite force themselves, the established members of the unit pretended to pay little or no attention to their future comrades. It was an unspoken 'don't even dare to think you are important enough to get noticed'. _

_Angeal was torn between silent admiration and slight annoyance himself, when his eyes were suddenly drawn to one specific SOLDIER. As he would later learn, it was by far no coincident. The person he noticed instantly had the ability to stand out in every crowd, not by impressive or unusual looks, but by the way he acted. Every little gesture marked him as a natural leader, and no one could really avoid seeing that. Just a second ago, he had said something to his comrade right next to him – David Garcia - who had instantly burst into laughter. With a very satisfied smile, the SOLDIER turned his head – and their glances met. _

_A SOLDIER's eyes were something else by default, yet Dean's had an unusual colour even for SOLDIER standards: a very light shade of greyish blue, so light that it seemed almost colourless seen from a certain angle. _

_They did not exchange anything else that day, not a word, not a gesture, just this one glance. And neither on the next day, nor the second-to-next. More than a week passed without... anything really. _

_The first step happened unexpected – at least from Angeal's side – after an ordinary training lesson. Well, not really ordinary. Angeal had been surprised that his new Mako-improved abilities were already developed enough to allow him to take on a Second Class SOLDIER. In sword fighting. He had not won, but it had been a close call. Smiling to himself, he was completely lost in thoughts when someone suddenly addressed him. _

"_Not bad. Not bad at all."_

_He looked up at the older SOLDIER in surprise. Truth be told, he had not even heard him approaching. _

"_However... you could do better." A brief smile. "I could give you a few pointers, if you want."_

_For a moment, Angeal was too thunderstruck to react, so all he managed was an eager nod._

_The smile broadened. He held out his hand: "Dean Marquez. Well, actually, it's __Damián, but no one calls me that.__"_

_And finally, his ability to speak returned: "Angeal Hewley." _

_So it had started, innocently enough. Only training lessons, nothing else. Angeal's skills improved soon, and so did their relationship in general... he was flattered by the fact that an older SOLDIER showed interest in him, even if it was obviously just about mentoring. Or wasn't it? There was this odd feeling every time they met, as if they were carefully surrounding each other, checking each other's every move even outside of sword practice. _

_That one day, they had been practicing as usual. For some reason though, Angeal found it particularly hard to concentrate, and so Dean was pointing out a particular movement for the fourth time already. _

"_Not like this. You always stop midway, without using the full force of the blow. Let me show you..."_

_And before Angeal could even react, Dean had stepped up to him and taken hold of his arm. Standing right behind his mentee, he had slowly demonstrated the movement. But it was not like Angeal was taking in any of it. _Close. Too close...

"_See? It's that easy..."_

_As if drawn by some invisible force field, Angeal turned his head to look at him. For a moment, Dean just calmly returned the glance, but then... then the carefully kept distance was washed away like a wall of sand by a flood wave. _

_When they finally broke the kiss, it was like waking up from a trance. Reality hit hard, and sudden. For a moment, they just looked at each other, unable to put their confusion into words. The situation was nothing short of awkward. Any other person might have run out of the room, but neither Dean nor Angeal were of the dramatic kind._

_Still, they hadn't seen each other for a few days after that – days in which Angeal had tried to tell himself that this meant nothing, that the kiss meant nothing, and that they were totally not avoiding each other. Then, to his surprise, Dean had waited for him right after one of his obligatory lessons. While Angeal was still trying to make up his mind what he could possibly say, Dean simply stated: "Let me buy you a drink."_

_After entering the small bar in sector five, they had spent their first moments sitting there in an almost unbearable silence. It was late afternoon, and the premises were virtually deserted. Then suddenly, Dean asked a question Angeal had not expected at all: "What would you say if I told you that I wanted to ask you for a date right from the start, but I didn't have the guts to do so?"_

"_I wouldn't believe it," Angeal returned. _

"_And if I swore it was true?"_

"_I guess I would feel flattered," he paused. "So are you saying you offered me those training lessons only because you were afraid to ask me out?" It sounded unreal, like a strange dream. _

_Dean rarely avoided answering a question, but he obviously decided to skip this one. "You know me by now. I always stick to the rules. They don't want you to date a fellow member of SOLDIER, so I never even considered that option. So when I suddenly felt drawn to you, I first tried to ignore those feelings, which didn't work, as we have seen recently. Of course we could both pretend that nothing happened and continue as usual, but for some reason... I don't want that. Looks like you are the first and the only person that made me seriously reconsider my own rules."_

"_I take that as a compliment," Angeal returned, calm as usual, despite the fact that his heart was beating twice as fast by now._

"_Well, that's what you should." Dean took another sip of his drink, before he announced firmly: "Playing around is not like me either. Do it right, of don't do it all." He paused briefly. "So if I remember correctly, you said you never had a serious relationship before?"_

Had they ever spoken about that? But even if not, what was the use in denying the obvious?_ "That's true."_

"_In this case: Would you like to have one?"_

"Ready to go?"

Angeal had not even realized that Garcia had returned, until the other SOLDIER stood right before him. He nodded briefly, and Garcia ignored his silence with a cheerful "Andale!"

He opened the car door with the perfect gesture of a professional chauffeur, and Angeal climbed into the back seat. Garcia took the front seat right next to their driver, obviously a native from the Costa del Sol, too. The two soon started chatting in their own language, and even though Angeal understood a few words and phrases, he could not be bothered to pay attention. Instead, he leaned back and looked out of the window, where the metropolis passed, the almost uniform buildings blurring into one solid gray mass.

_Not exactly what one would call 'highly romantic'. Looking back, I can't help but think it might have been a rational decision to begin with. You can't fight the desires, so accept them. Make them less inappropriate. Which in no way meant 'make them official'. Oh hell no, far from that. As proven by the fact that not even Dean's closest friends had any idea what was going on. Again, it was the rational thing to do. And if there was something this relationship had from the beginning on, it was plenty of rationality. _

_Does that make me sound bitter? They say that hindsight makes you smarter, but maybe that's just what you are trying to tell yourself in order to feel better. However... I'm not bitter at all. There is nothing about it I truly regret. Back then, I was 16, and I had met my first true love. It seemed like the best thing on the planet. Forget 'seemed'. It was. _

Still, he had never told Genesis. As far as he could remember, that had been the first secret they had not shared, at least from his side. Often he had wondered about himself, tried to nail down what it was that kept him from confiding in his best friend. _After all, a first love is a good thing, isn't it?_ Well, maybe something deep inside of him had been afraid it wasn't. Not from Genesis' perspective. He had always been strangely protective of Angeal, of the bond they shared. Nothing and no one was supposed to come between them. How would he react when he found out that now, someone had technically done exactly that?

It shouldn't have been easy to keep such a massive secret, but in reality, it turned out surprisingly simple. Maybe Genesis was too occupied with his own problems at that time. And it was not like they used to spend every waking moment together. That had never been the case. In addition, Angeal always told Genesis when he was going to meet Dean, often even told him what they were going to do – just without mentioning a few significant details. He kept telling himself that it was not lying. And he always felt as if Genesis could see right through him anyway. If he did though, he never pointed it out. So Angeal kept waiting. _The moment Genesis asks, I'm going to tell him._ But for some reason, Genesis never asked. And Angeal had no idea why...

**~°oOo°~**

The liquid running over his face was warm. Sickeningly warm. Almost like...

With an angry movement, Genesis broke that thought_. It's just water. You turned the wrong tap by coincident, so it's warm instead of cold. What's the damn problem? _He reached out for the towel, ignoring the treacherous metallic taste in his mouth.

For a moment, he buried his face in the soft fabric, inhaling the clean, sweet scent of freshly washed cotton. It was only afternoon and still he felt tired, downright exhausted. Slowly, he lowered the towel and... dropped it instantly.

_No. No, that can't be. _

His heart was racing, felt as if it was about to explode at any minute, yet he forced himself to bend down and pick up the towel. Holding it at arm's length, he examined it carefully. _It is gone..._ Some part of his mind insisted he should be relieved, while another pointed out remorselessly _Of course it is gone. It was never there in the first place._

Yet he had seen it clearly. Just a second ago, there had been a blood stain on the white fabric. It had been so bright, so real . _Maybe it was just the light..._ And from the corner of his mind, a well-known voice returned icily: _Yeah, sure. Keep telling yourself that._

Genesis sighed in defeat, and put down the towel next to the sink. _First nightmares and now hallucinations? What is that? Some sort of war trauma? Impossible, I never had problems of that kind. Why should that have changed all of a sudden? And last but not least, weren't you expected to see large amounts of blood then?_

Without being asked, the voice joined in again: _Whatever this is, just get over it already. You are so close to reaching everything you ever wanted... don't ruin that now, will you? _

He cast a last glance into the mirror, before he reached out for the light switch. _Maybe it's nothing but a late reaction to my recent 'infirmary holiday'._ After all, he hated hospitals; and apart from the battle field, this was the only place where he had been faced with blood recently. _And what makes it worse is the helplessness. On a battlefield, you can at least fight back... _

Returning to the main room of his apartment, he walked over to the wall covered in notes. On his desk right next to it, there was a small pile of paper, topped by a crumbled, worn piece that featured rows of numbers and lines and circles, the very lines that had been constantly on his mind for the last few days. Yesterday night, he had decided to remove it from the collage on his wall, because it was just not helping to see this manifestation of his endlessly circling thoughts. _If only I could banish them from my mind that easily... Why in Gaia's name am I so convinced there is a meaning behind it all? It was just a dream... _For some reason though, the paper had not ended up in the trash as intended – strange, because he could distinctly remember crumbling it in his hand and throwing it into the waste paper basket under his desk before trying to go back to sleep. _Did I take it out again? When? Why? _He looked at it with a small sigh. Seeing the sheet of paper in Alex' hand had almost been like seeing a ghost. _I should have burned it... _

Part of him wanted to laugh – _as if this was a solution!_ – while another part pointed out with great seriousness that this might be a very suitable thing to do.

And then there was this other voice in the back of his head commenting in an acidic tone: _Oh sure, go ahead... given your recent incompetence, you'll most likely singe your fingers and end up in the infirmary again. _

_Infirmary. Again._ His mind stumbled over those words like a person trying to run through brushwood. _Repetition._ Hastily, he lifted the crumbled paper, trying to smooth it out with his hands. _Parallel. 9 – 16 – 18. Of course... _

It was a riddle indeed, but not a mathematical one. Those numbers were not parts of an equation, they represented something else. _Years in my life. Years that have a parallel, because the same thing happened... with 9, I had this serious fever, with 16 this odd reaction to Mako – _

_Odd is a nice way of putting it, _the cold voice spoke up again.

_-and recently, I had this accident. It all makes sense now._

He realized that he had held his breath, and released it with a sound that came close to a sigh. His left hand slowly closed around the note, crumbling it once again. In the very same moment, he felt a sharp pain running from the palm of his hand through his arm and all the way up to his shoulder.

_But it's all right. Now that I solved the riddle, now that I know it's nothing to worry about, everything is going to be ok... _

Yet there was this disturbing, low voice in the back of his head insisting _Are you sure you really solved it?_ _Think again. Maybe you missed something. Maybe there was something else. Why don't you try a bit harder to remember?_

**~°oOo°~**

"You wanted to see me, sir?"

Sephiroth looked up from the file he was studying. The blonde SOLDIER stood daringly close to his desk, yet not close to be blatantly impolite. If he remembered correctly, Griffin had stood in exactly the same spot during their last conversation. His glance was calm and open, yet Sephiroth was unsure whether it was just polite interest or eager expectation. If it was the latter, he would have to crush it.

He decided to come straight to the point. "You might be aware of the fact that I am in no way obliged to inform you about any ongoing investigations."

"Of course, sir."

"Yet I appreciate the effort you made in this... matter we discussed a few days ago. Therefore, I decided to ignore the protocol for once." Sephiroth registered the slight tension, fingers that twitched, but did not turn into a fist. "I would like to inform you that I have decided not to investigate any further."

The tension became more obvious for just a heartbeat, and then vanished all together. Nothing in the SOLDIER's glance changed in the slightest though, his expression was still nonchalant, calm like the even surface of a lake on a hot summer day.

Sephiroth had to admit to himself that he had expected some sort of reaction, and was now uncertain how to take the complete lack of it. He turned back to his file, but could not concentrate on the content. The whole situation was highly unsatisfying. Even though the other had not asked for it, he felt the need to explain himself: "I don't have much time as it is. So why should I waste it with work the MIC gets paid for?" It was supposed to be a rhetorical question, yet to his surprise, he got a reply to it.

"Because it would be in your own interest not to rely on unreliable personnel in a matter that might concern you."

_Was there a hint of reproach? Or even of concern? Concern about me, of all people? Who does he think he is?_ Sephiroth raised his eyes at once, a cold gleaming indicating that the other SOLDIER had just overstepped a line.

As if he was aware of that, Griffin lowered his glance in the very same moment. "Forgive me; I am not entitled to force my opinion on you in such a blatant way. I sincerely apologize."

_Does he really mean that?_ Griffin's downcast eyes could indeed indicate repentance and submission, but it was hard to tell.

"Accepted. For once. You should choose your words more wisely next time," Sephiroth returned curtly.

"Of course, sir." Yet he remained standing. Again.

"Your services are no longer needed, SOLDIER."

Griffin's eyes met his once more. They were cold and opaque now, absolutely unreadable. Sephiroth halfway expected him to voice some sort of protest, or to try and continue their conversation, but instead, the SOLDIER saluted briefly and then turned towards the door. Every step he took was carefully measured, swift yet not hasty. This was not a flight, it was a tactical retreat.

Sephiroth continued to stare at the closed door for a moment as if he was able to see right through it, trying to evaluate what to make out of this. He came to the conclusion that it did not deserve his immediate attention. With the possible military crisis to consider, there were more threatening problems at hand than one SOLDIER's too obvious interest in classified information. Just when he had turned back to his file – the latest field report from the troops currently stationed in Wutai – a sound informed him that he had received a message. With slight annoyance, he turned to the computer to check his inbox. When he tried to open the message, another screen popped up, asking him for his identification and clearance code. He knew immediately what this was about, and his annoyance vanished in an instant.

After he entered the requested data, another screen informed him that he had exactly 3 minutes to read the information, that he could not print it and was not allowed to share it with anyone. After he confirmed, a green progress bar appeared for a few seconds, and then the screen went dark.

"_Just for the sake of it, let me make a prediction: the code you'll find when looking into that matter starts with 04 303."_

Faint green letters appeared. _Taylor, Levery. Negative internal records: 2 _Two lines of numbers followed, but it was the second code that caught his attention immediately. _04 303 22 1._

Sephiroth stared at the numbers until the timer ran out and the screen went black again.

**~°oOo°~**

After he closed the door behind him, the expression on Alexander Griffin's face changed drastically. The polite smile he had kept up a minute longer just in case he would run into anyone literally melted away after he had noticed the empty hallway. It was replaced first by serious frown, and then by narrowed eyes and an expression of intense concentration. _Damn. I was so close… _

His phone interrupted those thought. The frown deepened when he saw that there was no number shown on the display. He waited another second, checking that the hallway was still empty, before he moved into a corner and answered the call.

"_Looks like your usual luck has left you."_

"Who is this?" Alex countered coldly.

"_Believe me, my name adds nothing to that conversation, so you don't need to know."_

"For me personally, it adds a lot to every conversation to know who I'm dealing with…" Still casual, unimpressed.

"_Ok, let's just say we have a mutual friend who told me you were after a certain piece of information. By sheer coincidence, I can provide this information, but only in exchange for something I can use for my own incomplete puzzle."_

Alex settled for a bitter laugh. "Tell me something I don't already know. However, since we are now talking in person anyway, I'd prefer a few more details regarding your 'incomplete puzzle'."

"_Sadly enough, this is not about personal preferences."_

"Then why are you calling me at all?"

"_I wanted to remind you of the fact that your current pace is unusually slow. Much too slow, to be precise. Ever considered to try… speeding things up a bit?"_

"What the hell are you talking about?" A trace of impatience started to seep through Alex' words. He hated being played, hated it more than anything else.

"_Maybe a slightly more _physical_ approach would help. I heard you were pretty good at that back in those days…"_

Even though Alex couldn't believe what he was hearing, his voice was steady as ever, giving away none of the infuriating anger he felt. "Oh, does that mean we have met before?"

"_Oh no, I never had the 'pleasure'." _Biting, taunting, yet with an obvious element of amusement. The caller, whoever he was, surely enjoyed this.

"Well, your loss, not mine." Without another word, Alex hung up. Most likely this was what the person on the other end had least expected. A faint smile appeared on his lips. Combined with cold sparkle of his eyes, one could not help but label it scary. _Enjoy your triumph while you can… it won't last long, I'm afraid. _

In this very moment, Alexander Griffin made a decision.

_'He will conquer who has learnt the artifice of deviation. Such is the art of manoeuvring. Therefore,_ _let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt.'_


End file.
